[MF] – Experimenting with “cum-on-food” kink

A long time ago, I ran into something new: a “cum on food” fetish, which is where a dude jizzes on regular food items and his partner then eats it as if it were a normal thing to do. I don’t know why, but it struck me as a little silly. I told my wife about it, more jokingly than otherwise. But she (as usual) decided it was more fun to tease me about it by saying that the only reason I mentioned it was because I wanted her to do it for me.

I’m not good with being teased, especially when the person doing the teasing is partially right about it. So I turned it around and told her that the only reason she was making fun of me was that SHE wanted to do it herself.

Then we had one of those “do YOU want to?” … “well I don’t know- do YOU?” … “well if YOU wanted to” … “I suppose it might be fun to try, as a laugh…” moments that couples have. The “ha ha ha, what if we did anal sex, wouldn’t that be hilarious?” sort of thing that ends up with you finding out you’re both into anal but didn’t want to admit it to the other person because you thought they’d think you were a freak.

So we decided to try this kink out, just for fun. Having no idea how to make it work, we figured we would just experiment with a few different things. We gave it two weeks, during which it would be the main sexy-times activity. If it didn’t work out, no harm done. If it did, well that’s one more thing we could do if we were feeling particularly freaky on a cold winter night.

Anyway, sorry for the long preamble. Here are the results:

First of all, we learned that it’s not something you can easily do spontaneously. If for no other reason, you have to have the food item handy. That’s both good and bad. On the positive side, you can build up some anticipation. On the negative side, it’s a little weird to discuss ahead of time. I had a hard time saying things like “I want to cum on a cookie and watch you eat it.” She simply couldn’t *ask* to do it at all. One morning, she came back to bed with a toaster waffle on a plate and tried her best to tell me to go jack off on it, but instead she ended up laughing hysterically. I probably didn’t help by telling her to “leggo my eggo” multiple times.

Second of all, we learned that some foods/techniques/containers/etc. don’t work well as others. Anything temperature-dependent is risky. Aim counts. Geometry is important. If your circular error probable is high, you’ll need a fairly large target. (Also of note: military statistical ballistics is not a very sexy academic subject.)

Third of all, we learned that she’s not a fan of certain taste combinations. My wife has never had an issue with swallowing, and she even tells me she likes the taste. I choose to believe her despite hearing/reading about others who say they don’t like it at all. But apparently anything acidic is not a good candidate for this kink. Best results were obtained with the savory and sweet.

Fourth of all, we learned that any cooking involved is guaranteed to fail spectacularly. We tried using cum as an ingredient in chocolate chip cookies, and omg the stench. Never again.

Here are some things we tried (taste ratings hers, the others mine):

Trial #1 – Cum in white wine: She gave me a blow job and pulled off at the last minute to direct my cum into a glass of white wine.
– Sexy Rating: 10/10. The cum was super visible, which turned out to be really hot (who knew?). Also, she’s definitely a “wine girl,” so this appealed to her. Maybe it was because it was the first thing we tried, she sort of put on a little show of it, sipping the wine slowly and trying to get just a little bit of cum each time (not easy because it tended to clump).
– Ease of use: 8/10. It was hard for her to hold the glass without splashing. We made a bit of a mess on the first attempt and spilled some wine on the couch & had to start over.
– Taste: 9/10. She said it mostly tasted like wine, but chunkier and with an interesting aftertaste (her exact words)
– Variations: Red wine got a thumbs down for taste. White with a soda spritzer got an enthusiastic thumbs up.

Trial #2 – Cum in room temperature (originally hot, but it had cooled off) coffee: Same technique as above.
– Sexy Rating: 5/10. It was sexy to watch her drink the coffee, and she said that she felt “naughty” doing it. But the cold coffee (see below) made it not taste good and it showed on her face. She basically chugged it and made a face.
– Ease of use: 7/10. Despite the earlier practice, it was too easy to spill.
– Taste: 3/10. The BJ had taken long enough for the coffee to go cold. She hates cold coffee, and despite being OK with the taste of cum, she didn’t consider it a “flavor enhancer” in this case.

Trial #3 – Hot coffee in cum: This time, cum went in the coffee cup first, then hot coffee was added.
– Sexy Rating: 10/10. Also very sexy to watch, especially since she made a point of going through a little “coffee prep routine” where she added a little sugar, stirred a little bit, blew on the surface, all to torture me with the anticipation.
– Ease of use: 10/10. Wide coffee cup plus the practice from previous days made this a cinch. Precision strike. No collateral damage to civilians or infrastructure.
– Taste: 10/10 from her, adjudicated down to 3/10 by me. According to her there was absolutely no difference in taste from a normal cup of coffee. On the plus side, she said that she liked this a lot and would do it anytime I wanted. On the minus side, I thought it sort of defeated the purpose. I don’t know if I’m wrong for wanting her to “taste” it, but to me that’s just how it seems like it should work. Seven point deduction from the Russian judge!

Trial #4 – Orange juice in cum: Same technique as #3
– Sexy Rating: 0/10. Wife gagged visibly and stated that cum would never end up on the menu at the mall food court Orange Julius stand.
– Ease of use: 10/10 (same reason as above)
– Taste: 0/10. My wife, who has only spit out cum without swallowing maybe five times in our entire marriage, declared this to be the vilest combination of tastes she had ever experienced. She downed it like a champ but it made her left eye twitch, and she declared that she would never go near it again.

And last but not least…

Trial #5 – Cum on ice cream: Wife surprised me with a bowl of vanilla caramel swirl and asked for some “special topping” (giggling like crazy the whole time)
– Sexy Rating: 10/10. Being asked took it up a notch- a few notches, actually. Plus, she was able to have a little fun with it, getting little bit of cum with each spoonful of ice cream. It might have also been that it was totally unexpected, but I definitely got a kick out of watching her this time. The only negative is that the ice cream got sort of melty during the topping procurement process. Future adventures need to be done with the bowl pre-filled and in the freezer waiting for the final minutes.
– Ease of use: 10/10. Even I, the mad splooger, can hit a bowl!
– Taste: 10/10. She said that the salty and sweet elements went together really well, and this was the only one where it actually tasted *better* than it did without the cum on it.

Trial #6 – Cum on pizza: This one was my idea. Not a good one. Execution is everything, guys. I ordered in a pepperoni pizza and speed-wanked onto a piece before she could get downstairs.
– Sexy Rating: 5/10. She figured it out after one bite. In retrospect, I should have told her. I wasn’t intentionally trying to trick her. I thought it was obvious from looking at it, but she just took the paper place from me and bit in. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to eat it afterwards. She just didn’t think “surprise! there’s cum on your pizza!” was quite as erotic as the pornhub clip that was playing in my ~~brain~~ penis at the time. In the interest of science, she still went through with it, but she was not amused by my shenanigans.
– Taste: 8/10. She said it mostly tasted like I had added mushrooms to the order.

The overall verdict was pretty positive. Over a two-week period, we tried a few variations on the above. Coffee and ice cream were the overall winners, and I got the green-light to ask her to “put on a show” with either of those two whenever I wanted, and special requests for other things would be “on the table,” so to speak.

We haven’t actually done it since then. Two full weeks of experimentation tends to rub a little of the shine off of any new toy, and anyway I didn’t want it to get boring from overuse. You don’t have champagne with every meal, right? Why should this be any different?

That stated, writing this has put the idea in my head again. Tonight when she gets home from work, I’m going to ask her if she wants a glass of wine “and a little extra” with dinner. Or something. I have no idea how to ask her that without sounding like an idiot. “Some splooge with your Gewürztraminer?” just doesn’t have a very sexy ring to it. Thank God I married a woman with a sense of humor.

Anyway, that’s my lab notebook. Make of it what you will.

Source: reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/ix9jpo/mf_experimenting_with_cumonfood_kink