[Group] Sexual Assault made me love gangbangs (F/21)

Trigger warning: Assault.

Hi everyone,
As some of you may already know, I’m on a therapeutic journey to share and process past abuse, to become more confident and accepting of my sexuality, and to find solidarity and community.

I grew up in an extremely oppressive religious community that was rife with sexual assault and corporal abuse. It was run by predatory men and the abuses were never discussed.

In that light, I’m going to share an experience I had at summer bible camp.

The Bible camp I went to was coed, but the girls and boys cabins were separated across a large lake to discourage any unsuitable interactions. We would be mixed together for the midday meal (breakfast and dinner were gendered and staggered), some activities, and some events. We also had a strict buddy system, so no one was ever allowed to go anywhere without a buddy.

I was in a swim course, and although it wasn’t coed, one day my instructor had a family emergency, so the male swim instructor, Sebastian, subbed in for her. I didn’t like her and at first I was really glad someone else was taking over for the day. Sebastian was tall, slender, and a wiry muscular. He had a mop of dark hair on his head, a square jaw, and a nose that was a little too big for his face. I didn’t notice it much at the time, but Sebastian took a liking to me. In retrospect, I now clearly see that he was finding any excuse to correct my form and touch me. That he gazed at me in my suit with hunger. In my community, all the girls had to wear long sleeve, long skirted dresses, so I just assumed he wasn’t used to seeing girls in a bathing suit, and it made him uncomfortable.

Later that night, my friend Natalie got extremely sick (I think it was food poisoning) and my counselor asked me to accompany her to the nurses station, which was half way between the boys and girls cabins. Once we got there, I noticed Sebastian was there. He was laughing and chatting with the nurse who was about his age. Natalie was throwing up every few minutes, so the nurse said it would be awhile and that she would need to keep her overnight. If Natalie got worse, the nurse would have to take her into town to see a doctor, so she recommended I go home. I didn’t want to leave Natalie, and begged the nurse to let me stay a little while and she agreed. While this was happening, Sebastian got on the phone, and then said goodbye to me and the nurse and told Natalie he hoped she felt better soon.

The nurse phoned my counselor back at the cabin to let them know we got there safety, updated her on Natalie’s status, and told her I was going to stay for awhile and that she would call when I left to go back to the cabins. I sat by Natalie for a couple of hours, holding her hand and telling her stories to cheer her up. My poor friend was so sick.

It was late and had started to get dark out when the nurse said I needed to say goodnight to Natalie and get back to my cabin. Right when she was about to ring my counselor, Natalie had a huge fit of vomiting and the nurse shewed me away, saying she would call after she tended to Natalie, but I’m sure she forgot because my counselors weren’t keeping an eye out for me or worried when I didn’t get back when I should have.

I started to walk back to my cabin. I had never been in the woods after dark by myself, but the moon was out and I could see okay. The lake looked beautiful in the dark, and it was peaceful in the quiet of the forest.

I reckon I was about half way back when I heard something in the woods. At first I was afraid it was an animal. Then I heard laughing and thought it must be campers sneaking out or counselors having a bit of fun. But I was wrong. From behind me, I heard Sebastian call my name. I turned around quick and he said,

“Hey Lexi, wait up!” And started to jog toward me.

I knew I wasn’t supposed to be alone or with any guys, so I kept walking and said,

“Sorry, I cant talk. I’ve got to hurry back. I’m really late. I’ll get in trouble.”

As I turned to walk away at a faster pace, I saw three other guys blocking the path. One was heavy and stout and the other two were broad shouldered and muscular. My eyes got wide and I was terrified. I turned back to Sebastian, who was grinning like a fool with another guy next to him (another heavy fella).

“The nurse forgot to call your counselor, Lexi. Don’t worry. You won’t get in trouble.” Sebastian said. Then he whistled at me, like a catcall, and I ran towards the woods at a full tilt, but before I got more than a few paces, one of the bigger guys grabbed me by the dress. I shouted and pulled back hard, ripping my dress. I thought for sure I could outrun them, but as the fabric gave way, I lost my balance and fell. Just as I stumbled, one of the big guys yanked me hard by the arm and put his big meaty hand over my mouth. It smelled like gasoline and dirt. I thought about biting him, but couldn’t get my mouth open wide enough.

“Don’t make a sound, little mouse.” He whispered. “Or the cats will find you and eat you.” Then he laughed and kicked his leg under the back of my knee, pushing me to the ground on my knees.

Sebastian came over with an evil grin plastered over his face and said, “What did I tell ya, guys! Isn’t she a beaut? I saw her in a bathing suit today and I’m telling ya’, she’s got a smokin’ body.”

Then the smile vanished as he slowly sauntered up to me, licked his lips, and bent down so he was face to face with me. While two of the guys grabbed my arms and one of them kept his hand on my mouth, Sebastian slugged me in the gut, knocking the wind out of me, and said,

“Girl, you should know better than to walk around looking so tempting in that bathing suit. Do you have any idea what a girl like you does to guys like us? When we see those perky tits and tight ass, we can’t control ourselves.”

Then he stood up, unzipped his pants, and pulled out his dick and started stroking it.

“You’re gonna open your mouth like a good girl, and take what’s coming to you.”

Then the guy with his hand over my mouth took his hand away and pulled my head back by my hair. Sebastian grabbed my jaw and squeezed my mouth open and stuck his dick inside.

He said, “Suck nice, Lexi. No teeth or you’ll lose ‘em.” So I started to suck the way Carlos had taught me and Sebastian moaned with pleasure and surprise and said,

“Ohhhh…guys, this little slut has done this before. Haven’t you, Lexi? I knew you were a temptress, but you’re a real whore.”

Then he grabbed the back of my head and started shoving his dick down my throat, holding it there while he pulled back and forth, then pulling it out and shoving it back in again. The two guys not holding me took their dicks out and started to stroke them. One of them stopped and started to unbutton my dress, grabbing my tits hard as he did. He pulled the top of the dress down so my chest was exposed and then he licked and sucked my tits. My body responded to the stimulation and I moaned against my will.

“Did you hear that?” The guy said in a deep voice. “She fucking loves it!” And he laughed and kept sucking.

Sebastian was getting rigid in my mouth. I could tell he was getting close and it was only a matter of time before he was done. I tried to suck harder and get it over with but he pulled out and said,

“I shouldn’t hog all the fun. Who’s next?”

And Sebastian slapped my face with his cock and then switched with one of the guys stroking his cock who promptly shoved his dick in my mouth instead. He tasted different. Tangy.

Sebastian stood to the side watching the guy mouth fuck me while the other guy played with my tits and I writhed.

“Wow, you weren’t kidding. She really wants it! Well, let’s give it to her! Mitch, I wanna ask her a question.” And the guy fucking my mouth, “Mitch”, pulled out.

“Lexi, have you had sex before?” I shook my head hard. He punched me in the gut again. “Don’t lie to me bitch.”

I cried “I really haven’t! I’ve just blown some guys.”

“What do you think guys? Shall we leave her intact? Well, maybe partially intact. Lexi, you ever heard of anal?” and he laughed and the other guys laughed with him. Then he walked around behind me, kicked me in the back so I was flat-faced on the ground, pulled my dress up over my ass, took my panties off, and reached down between my legs.

“Guys, you won’t believe this! she’s wetter than the lake down here! You like it, huh sweetheart. Let’s see if you like this…”

He reached down and rubbed some of the wetness up to my anus, then I felt something pushing into my ass. Despite crying on the ground and being afraid, my body liked it a lot and I automatically pushed back into the pressure.

Sebastian said, “Holy shit, look at this bitch!” And with a moan, he grabbed my hair and pushed his cock in more. It hurt and I felt like I was going to deficate on him, which would have been fine with me!, but it also felt really good, and another uncontrollable moan escaped me. He went slow, finding new sadistic enjoyment my reluctant pleasure. He kept pushing in deeper until finally he was at the hilt. Then he smacked my ass hard and yanked my hair back so I had to sit up. He grabbed my hips with his other hand and moved me onto all fours. Then he started to move in and out, increasing his speed and I couldn’t keep quiet. My body loved the sensation and I started
to moan loudly.

One of the guys standing around jacking off said, “Fuck! This filly is hot!” As he walked up and shoved his cock down my throat.

“Let’s see if we can get her to cum. Sebastian, rub her clit!” said another as he came closer and started to fondle my nipples. Sebastian, who was plowing my ass, reached underneath me and started to stroke my pussy.

It was all too much. My mind was whirling with confusion, fear, anger, and helplessness but my body was in another world. The sensations took over and I came hard, pressing back fast and hard against Sebastian as my body took over. It was the first time anyone had done anything anal with me, and my body loved it.

“Fuck!!!” He moaned. My orgasm was too much for him and he shot a huge load into my ass and said, “Uhhh, you’re a good little slut!” Then he smacked my ass and pulled out.

I could feel Sebastian’s cum inside wanting to come out but before I could take stock of what happened, another cock was roughly shoved in my ass. I don’t know which guy it was but his cock was thicker and it stretched me out. This guys wasn’t slow and gentle at all. He smacked me, grabbed me, pulled my hair so hard my head hurt, and plowed me like a jack hammer. I was still sucking off the guy who put his cock in my mouth, trying to get him to finish so it could be over, when he pulled out and stood to the side to watch.

“Let’s see if she’ll cum again” said Sebastian, who reached under me and grabbed my nipples.

And I did. A huge shaking orgasm overtook me and I collapsed to the ground with the guy still fucking me. He pushed me hard into the dirt and just kept going. Both his hands were on my ass cheeks pressing his full body into me and I thought I might break in two. The next thing I knew, my legs were being spread apart. I couldn’t see well with my face down, but I think two of the sideline guys grabbed my legs. I heard the guy fucking me grunt and felt his dick go rigid. It triggered me and I came again. When I convulsed, so did he, lunging forward with a moan and shooting about wad into my ass.

No sooner did the guy pull out then another cock was thrust in. I thought “at least it will be over soon. I can get through this.” But just as I was starting to feel a bit of resolve, the big guy who just came in my ass walked around front, pulled me up onto my knees, grabbed my face, pried my jaw open, and stuck his limp but still huge disgusting dick in my mouth.

“Clean me off, you dirty bitch!”

His cock tasted like semen and sweat and ass. I started to gag and almost threw up but he yanked my hair and said,

“Don’t you dare! You asked for it. If you puke, I’ll make you eat it, too.” So I kneeled there with one strange guy fucking my ass and another one with his disgusting dick in my mouth. It broke me and I just gave up.

“Don’t just sit there you cunt,” said blowjob guy, “suck it!” So I did, and remnants of his ejaculation seeped out. “Swallow” he said, and I did.

The guys noticed that they broke me, and wanted me to be wild again, so they flipped me over onto my back. One of them started fucking my ass again. I don’t know who. I didn’t care. Then someone started to rub my clit and finger my pussy while another guy licked and rubbed my nipples. Someone else stuck a hard cock in my mouth. I think it was one of the sideline guys since the big guy and Sebastian had already cum. My body betrayed me again and I came. I writhed again and moaned and was transported to this jumbled world of pleasure and trauma.

“Keep going guys. Let’s see if she’ll cum again.” So they did. For the next however many minutes, there was always someone tweaking and sucking my nipples, rubbing my clit, fingering my pussy, and fucking or fingering my ass. I came over and over, affirming that I was a slut and that they had the right to fuck me. I lost count of how many times I came, especially since they never let up. The guys who still hadn’t orgasmed yet rotated between fucking my ass and my mouth. Two more guys eventually came in my butt. One came in my mouth after ass fucking me and made me swallow.

When they finally stopped, they made me squat on the ground and instructed me to push like I was going to the bathroom. My ass was loaded with semen that all squirted out in a gross mess.

“Good girl” said one of them. Then someone said, “Hey Vince, let’s clean her up” and someone picked me up and carried me to the lake. They washed me off with freezing cold water. Not out of any care but because they didn’t want me to look too much of a mess. Then they dressed me back up and threw me out in the lake and dragged me back in.

I was freezing and sore all over. They told me to tell my counselor that I had gotten lost in the dark and tripped and fell in the lake. They warned me that if I ever told anyone what happened that they would say I asked for it, and tell everyone how I came. I was so ashamed. I knew from past abuses that I did this to men, and that my body loved it.

I never went out after dark again, but sadly the abuse didn’t stop there.

I got back to my cabin and told my counselor the story the gang gave me. No one suspected a thing. The next day, I caught a cold and was given permission to stay in the cabin. I was sick for 3 days from walking home soaking wet but it meant I didn’t have to see Sebastian.

The fourth day, I was well enough to go back to the daily activities. Sebastian was still teaching my swim class. He saw me and smile a big warm smile.

“Good to see ya kid!” He said.

Class went on as usual with him finding reasons to touch me without raising suspicion, and afterward he pulled me discretely aside and said I “looked too hot for my own good” in my bathing suit and ordered me to meet him during the girls dinner out behind the cafeteria or he would tell everyone what happened.

At dinner, I excused myself to go to the bathroom, saying I still felt sick, and snuck outside. Sebastian was standing behind the building. He walked me behind a nearby storage shed that was near the woods and, without saying a word to me, he turned me so I was standing facing the shed. Then he put one hand over my mouth and hiked up my dress with the other, spreading my legs with his feet. He fingered me until I came the used my juice as lubricant and ass fucked me. He kept one hand over my mouth almost the whole time and tweaked my nipples so I came again. When he was close, he pushed me down and came in my mouth, making me swallow. He wiped me up with a rag he brought, threatened me to be quiet again, and left. The whole thing lasted less than ten minutes. I went back to the cafeteria and sat down, gently.

Sebastian did this at the girls dinner for the rest of my time at camp. Sometimes he would just have me blow him, but most of the time he fucked me in the ass. He always made me cum first and during, and my body always obliged.

At one point during the abuses, I tried to kiss him, thinking that it was some kind of mutual relationship that I could maybe manipulate, but he just pulled away uninterested and flipped me over so he didn’t have to look at my face.

I’m thankful he never brought any of his friends along again. I’m also thankful that he didn’t return to camp the next year.

This incident, along with other assaults, helped make me hypersexual, and has given me a kink for gangbangs and public encounters. Once in college, I knowingly put myself in a situation with a bunch of drunk guys who took turns banging me without my permission. I wanted it, and helped it happen, but they didn’t know that. It felt amazing and I came so many times.

My past abuse has really fucked up my sex life. I’ve gotten to the point now where I only get into consensual sexual situations and do role play with lots of communication, but when I was younger, before I started sex positive therapy, I took a lot of awful risks. I could have been killed or at the very least contracted an incurable disease. I let complete strangers fuck me and was turned on if it got rough. I would go bars and clubs with a fake ID and find the most misogynistic guy(s) I could and put myself in vulnerable situations with them, hoping they would take advantage – many did. I’ve had more sex outside bars, in bathrooms, public parks, and in stranger’s cars than I can remember.

I’ve been sharing a lot of my past assaults on here, and even though I’ve been in therapy for years processing the trauma, actually writing the stories has helped me realized how amazingly fucked up my community is. I mean, I always knew on some level, and definitely once I got out, but telling them all in one time frame gives it a new weight. There are still so many stories I can tell. It makes me grateful that I’m as okay as I am today…

Disclaimers & Boundaries:
I will not share my real name
I will not share my location
I will not share where I grew up
I will not share the specific denomination of Christianity I belonged to

Please respect these boundaries. They are for my safety.

Source: reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/ivan0t/group_sexual_assault_made_me_love_gangbangs_f21