It was pride month, and the usual festivities weren’t going to be happening. Instead three of my favorite drag queens and I were putting together a protest for the Black Lives Matter movement. I had never done anything like it before and I returned home feeling both exuberant and exhausted.
I took my mask off when I walked into my apartment as we were still dealing with the pandemic. I felt raw and untethered, our conversations about internalized racism and what it meant to be an ally right now, loosened some part of me I was unaware of. I poured myself a stiff drink and sat on the couch, letting the day and, my mind settle as I thought about what I needed and what to do next.
What I really wanted wasn’t exactly available. I wanted someone to hold me, to touch me, to listen as I spoke about everything I was feeling. A blow job wouldn’t hurt either. With everything going on, it felt like bad practice to ask someone to come over right now.
I finished my drink and took a shower, letting the hot sting of the water pour over my shoulders as I lathered up and thought about dinner. I had a regular take-out routine and was deciding between Thai and pizza when I stepped out of the shower and heard my phone chime.
It was Greg, one of my best friends, sharing a funny cat video and asking what I was up to. I replied telling him about the protest planning, and that I was still sorting out my feelings before returning the question.
“I’m ok. Kinda tired of just being with myself ya know? It’s cool you’re doing the protest.”
The desire to reply with an invitation to come over and fuck popped up like my cock was currently doing. Greg and I had fucked years ago, one drunken night, and while I wanted to add sex to our friendship, he wasn’t on board, and never specified why despite his occasional flirting with me. He was bi and currently sleeping with a woman he worked with, but it wasn’t going well. A part of me was still waiting for and hoping he would notice me, see me differently, and want me.
Instead I told him I was happy to be involved with the protest despite pride being cancelled. He agreed and then much to my surprise told me he missed me and wanted to know if I could hang out on Saturday.
I was the one who usually said this to him, and he would brush me off with a silly or sarcastic comment. I was telling the truth though. I did miss him, and I wanted him in a way I wasn’t sure I could have which probably made all the mixed signals and back and forth with him even more compelling. I certainly loved a challenge.
My cock was still hard as I wrote him back, agreeing to Saturday. I reminded myself that I had to have zero expectations and not even think about sex, or ask him about it.
I remembered a few months back, we were talking about hooking up again and Greg said he wanted to, and I nearly exploded feeling we were both finally in the same place emotionally. So he spent the night with me a week later and didn’t make a move, so I did. His response was lack luster. I pulled him to me, kissing him, my cock hard and pushing against his thigh. I felt my way down his bare torso, my mind and body bouncing around between desire and curiosity as to why he was just laying there and fear that he didn’t really want it.
But he wasn’t telling me no. He eventually pulled me on top of him and held me tightly, but his kissing wasn’t as responsive. I kissed my way down to his hips finding his cock soft. Again, this made me feel like he wasn’t into it, but sometimes cocks didn’t get hard, and there wasn’t anything wrong with that, or meant the person wasn’t enjoying it, so I gathered him into my mouth and rubbed the underside of him with my tongue.
I then felt him stiffen, pushing my mouth open wider. I felt his hand slip through my hair as I sped up, head bobbing up and down as I took his balls into my hand and pulled a little. As much as I wanted him inside of me, I didn’t want to stop too soon, nor did I want him to come before fucking me either. I was caught up in worrying about it as I sucked him. I was also afraid to ask to be fucked. He was receiving the pleasure I was offering, but I still wasn’t clear on whether or not he was fully into it.
He came, his salty liquid coating my tongue. When he was done, I swallowed and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand.
“I wasn’t sure what you were going for there.” he said as I put my head on his chest.
“I thought you were going to tell me when you were close.” I replied, because that’s what most people with penises do, or so I thought.
“I tried to pull you up.” he said.
“I didn’t get the hint.” I looked up, and moved to kiss him.
He returned my kiss, but I definitely felt that he was not interested in continuing.
“Do you want to go to sleep?” I asked.
“Yeah, I probably should.”
And that was it. He later told me he was having feelings about the girl he had been fucking, when I asked him what had happened that night, feeling that maybe I had a different expectation than he did.
I backed off. A couple of weeks later he texted saying he was in my neighborhood running errands and wanted to know if I wanted to join him. I did and met him at the grocery store. He told me about how lonely he was, how hard it had been being by himself with everything going on. Things with the girl were not going well. I listened, and then mentioned I would love to spend time with him.
“I could go home with you and take a Lyft home tomorrow if you want.” I offered.
“No thanks. I have some things I need to do at home this afternoon.”
I felt crushed. He said he wanted to spend time with me, wanted to fuck, and said he was lonely, but kept dropping the ball when I asked. I decided in that moment that I would stop asking.
So I felt confused and curious, standing naked in my living room after my shower, holding my phone and seeing his “I’ve missed you” words on the screen. I replied telling him that Saturday would be great.
“I’ll bring over some wine. Would it be ok if I spent the night?” he asked.
What in the actual fuck was going on? Could I handle him spending the night without getting all turned on by his presence? And wine? I thought for a moment, remembering the way he turned me down on our grocery run. Yes, I could do this because I had decided I was not coming on to him.
I replied with “Yeah, sounds good.”
“How’s your training coming along? Last time I saw you, you were looking hot. I mean, you’ve always been hot, but wow.”
I set my phone down and walked into my bedroom to put clothes on. I had no idea what was happening, or where this was coming from. I was doing more at home workouts since the gyms were closed, and was posting my results on Instagram, where he followed me, but never commented.
After putting on a t-shirt and shorts, I picked up my phone and ordered Thai food, deciding to have it delivered instead of running out to get it. I replied to Greg’s text with “It’s going well, and thanks.”
“I’d love to see some more pics. Maybe without your clothes” he replied.
I couldn’t help but smile now, my resolve wearing thin. I was getting what I wanted, and from him. I would get to see him in three days, he was being flirty and when I did see him, I would have some space to talk about my protest feelings. He was such a good listener.
I went to the bathroom and took off my shirt. I hooked my thumb into my shorts, pulling the waistband down to just above my cock to tease him. I snapped a couple of pictures and pressed send.
“How about you let me see your cock?” he said.
My breath caught in my chest. I had sent all kinds of dick pics to people I was dating or fucking, but this was something different.
“You first.” I replied.
Seconds later, there it was, his fat cock, hard and leaning ever so slightly to the left, on display through my screen. My own cock was straining against my shorts as I thought about putting him in my mouth, getting him all wet before re-positioning and guiding him into my ass.
“Your turn.” he texted back.
I pulled my shorts off, cock bobbing up and down as I turned on the camera. Again, I snapped a few shots and sent my favorite.
“I can’t wait to feel you in my mouth.” he responded.
“After I suck you first.” I said.
My phone rang with the Thai delivery. I pulled my shorts back up, yanked on my shirt, and went down stairs to pick it up, my phone still chiming with Greg’s texts.
Back in my living room, he had sent more pics of his cock, his chest, and a sexy, artfully done image of himself laying in bed, grinning like a Cheshire cat. I opened my Pad Thai dinner, transferred it to a giant bowl, and dove in while staring at his pictures.
I told him how badly I wanted him inside of me. He told me how excited he was to bury his face in my ass.
“In fact,” he texted, “I want you naked, on the bed, face down in the pillows with your ass up so I can get started as soon as I get there.”
I agreed to that, telling him I’d leave my apartment door unlocked, laughing and texting, “Is it Saturday yet?”
“I know right. How about I just come over tomorrow? I can’t wait to see you.” he replied.
“Fuck yes. And Saturday too.” I replied, shoveling another forkful of Pad Thai into my mouth.
“I can be there by ten in the morning. Is that too early?” he wrote back.
“That’s perfect.” I glanced around at my place, taking mental stock of what needed to be cleaned and taken care of.
“Don’t forget to assume your position before I get there. I’ll text you when I’m close.” he replied.
I spent the rest of the night scrubbing every surface in my home. I took the trash out, opened all the windows, vacuumed, and decided to leave laundry for the next day. I fell into bed still buzzing with giddy energy. I stroked my cock thinking of Greg, imagining what it would be like to have him here, between my knees, his tongue in my ass. I moved my hand faster as I thought of him easing his cock into me, his hands gripping my hips for a bit, but then moving to my cock, lightly stroking it from base to top, finding my pre-cum at the tip and rubbing it over the underside of my head.
The pressure I imagined feeling from him inside of me combined with the image of all of it made me come, saturating my hand and stomach. I exhaled, and smiled to myself thinking about how much fun all of this was going to be. I cleaned myself up, then returned to bed, pulling the sheets up to my neck and drifted off to sleep.
The next morning, I went out and got bagels and orange juice. I washed the sheets and towels and made sure I had condoms. I took an extra-long shower and got my body all prepared. By ten I was so ready. I paced around my living room, making sure my phone was on ring so I would be sure to catch his text.
An hour went by. I sat on the couch with a book but could hardly concentrate. I didn’t know if I should text him, or would that look needy or desperate. He said he was coming. I should just trust that, I told myself.
At the top of the next hour, I was getting extra antsy. I needed to go for a walk and get some fresh air, so I decided to send him a flirty text along the lines of our conversation the night before.
“Hey! Where are ya? This ass isn’t going to eat itself!” I said with a laughing emoji.
“How do you know? Have you tried? My brother called and needs some help with some things so I have to do that.” he replied.
My jaw fell open, my heart jumped, the air left my lungs. “Um, ok. When were you going to let me know?” I exhaled and pressed “send.” I wondered had I not texted, would I still be sitting on my couch?
“I overslept. Sorry. Wasn’t really on my mind He just called. I guess we’ll probably have to do Saturday.”
I placed my phone on the counter, still in disbelief. Something snapped apart in me. There wouldn’t be a Saturday. I couldn’t open myself back up to whatever had happened with him last night.
Angry, hot tears stung my eyes, as I walked to the door, shoved my feet into my running shoes, snatched my keys and went out into the bright, hot day.
<3
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Source: reddit.com/r/eroticliterature/comments/i8dy3v/almost_friends_with_benefits_mm