**It’s a chilling Saturday Evening**. At least that is what Angela thought as she walked to her nearest Comic Store to buy a present for her son’s 19h birthday that was yesterday. Inside the shop there’s the Nerd who runs the store who could have thought what would come to him.
>!Frame goes forward in time. Shows the nerd pounding Angela from behind as she moans loudly, He has her hair on a tight grip as he thrusts!<
**Frame back on the present day.** “Hey there! I’m looking to buy a comic for my son’s birthday. He told me to look for an Elite one” *The nerd nods* “Hey, of course. I’ll be your assistant for the day. Well there are many elite comics we brought the newest Spider-Man issue” *Angela nods back* “Yeah, I’ll just have a look around and see, even though I think that’s what I’m looking for” *Nerd playfully nods back* “Alright, if you need anything please tell me”
*Oh fuck. Look at her she’s hot. Come on David you shouldn’t be talking about your customers that way. It’s fucked up. but look at her though wearing a tight tank-top that covers a lot of her cleavage and is that some yoga leggings? God….Alright be calm David.*
He finishes some estimates for the store on his computer as he re-arranges some comics in the correct order, as he mutters. “Did she find what she’s looking for?” he then walks around the shop and sees Angela bending over to grab a comic he can’t help but trail those eyes around that ass with anticipation like he’s solving a riddle and one mistake could ruin “*Fuck”* he mutters again.
Angela turns back, as he quickly takes his eyes away “I think I found what I’m looking for.” *She hands him the comic as he inspects it* “Oh, excellent choice. It’s a long comic though believe it or not it takes it’s time but the pay-off in the end is so worth it especially when….” *He then stops as he notices her staring right in his eyes probably confused* “Oh my bad, you were getting bored there for a second figured I’d stop” *They both have a laugh* “No it’s fine really, it shows that you care about these comics” *Angela replies as he nods awkwardly*
*”*Alright. Follow me Miss”
**End of Part 1 (Experimental)**
I’m not a writer or anything so this might probably suck. I have some years of Roleplaying experience where I’m able to understand how the other character might interact in those types of stories. Not going for anything new and creative. However please give me criticism what do you think I should change. Did you like the Frame part, liked/hated the dialogue. please tell me. Thought I’d give Reddit a try. (Also I’m a Female)
Source: reddit.com/r/eroticliterature/comments/hvpque/the_comic_store_nerd_and_the_milf_part_1_out_of_4
It got me interested. You had an interesting way to describe her appearance, the dialogue was quite alright(nothing really special, nothing bad). What I didn’t like was the frame thing in the future and past. Just let the tension build up naturally and that will be even more worth it. My point here is that you shouldn’t try to treat writing as a movie. Otherwise it seems to have a lot of potential, please continue and good luck!
This is a decent start bud. I hope to see the next one, does r/eroticliterature have an update bot equivalent?