Aleeza, [F] 20, alone on the front porch

I have been doing a lot of thinking the last few days, sharing lots of thoughts and ideas with new found friends. I still don’t know where I am going with all this, I am just enjoying that journey.

After growing up in Pakistan, two years ago, like many other students, I came to Canada to learn new things. A year ago, I met my first boyfriend. By then, I had already begun to leave the old world behind and embrace the new world I have come to live in. He was a non-practicing Christian. We spent many long evenings together after late classes drinking tea and talking about everything under the sun. It wasn’t long before we were gazing into each other’s eyes, touching, kissing, feeling. He awakened my sexuality.

Though slow and gentle at first, it wasn’t long before I became, as he said, insatiable. It was exhilarating. I was liberated, I was free, We had sex almost every day, intense, passionate, powerful sex. Despite my wild abandon behind closed doors I remained modest and respectable outside. I felt like I was living a double life. A slut inside, chaste outside.

Then, for reasons I do not want to go into, we split up just over a month ago. I felt a void, lost, without direction. The hours I used to spend having sex were now spent aimlessly wandering the Internet. Soon, perhaps predictably. I was watching porn. Then a series of seemingly innocent events led me to where I am today. I have no idea where this journey will lead, but as many have suggested, I am going to push myself to step out of my comfort zone, to explore, to discover who I really am. Writing about it and sharing thoughts and ideas helps me stay focused. I don’t know what the destination is, but I will know when I have found it.

I still have not ordered a sex toy from Amazon but the plan, if I ever get the nerve, is to wait for the delivery on my front porch in something skimpy. Today I decided to do a bit of a test run. Before she left for the cottage, Susan said I was welcome to wear any of her clothes, and I found a short, powder blue robe with a sash belt. Wearing nothing but the robe, I went out to the front porch.

It is quite large, the width of the house, has a roof and large railings all around. At one end there is a small wicker couch and a couple of wicker chairs with cushions. Set back from the street, it is fairly private. Sitting on the couch I could peer over the railing without really being seen from the street.

I imagined being “caught“ on the couch with my robe open by a stranger. My pussy tingled. Untying the belt, I slightly opened my robe to just barely expose my breasts. The fresh air on my hard nipples was cool and exciting as I watched the street to be sure nobody was coming up the walk.

It’s a fairly quiet, residential street but still, every time a car drove by I trembled. Gently squeezing my nipples, I imagined being watched. My pussy clenched. Breathing deeply, I pulled my robe completely open, exposing my whole body. Breathing deeply, I closed my eyes and pictured the delivery man at the top of the stairs at the far end of the porch, watching me.

Should I pretend to be asleep? I laid back and let my knees fall open. What would he do? Would he just stand and watch or approach me? What if I was masturbating? Then what would he do? More importantly, what would I do? I ran a finger up my moist, opening slit. Suddenly startled by a revving engine I bolted upright, instinctively crossing my legs and yanking my robe closed as a motorcycle sped by. I wasn’t even close to being caught but my heart was pounding in my chest. With a sigh, I leaned back to catch my breath.

Letting my robe slide open, I fondled my breasts, pinching my nipples, then slid one hand down my bare tummy. Carefully watching the street, I gently touched my clit, moaning softly as my knees fell open. Pushing one, then two fingers into my wet pussy I arched my back and rolled my hips in time with my fingers. The street was quiet as I fucked myself.

Faster, I increased the rhythm, writhing, grinding my pussy against my hand. My vision blurred and I knew nothing could stop me now. Grunting in time with my bucking hips I began to come. Head back, eyes closed, I felt my orgasm build inside. Pinching my nipple hard, I pushed my fingers deep into my pussy as my orgasm rippled through me. My body froze for an instant before collapsing back on the couch, quivering, relishing the aftershocks. Still panting, I curled up on the couch, covering my naked body with my robe, my mind quietly returning to normal.

My head was spinning, my heart confused. So many changes since I came to Canada. Over a year ago, in my heart, I began to leave behind my religious and cultural upbringing. When I began having sex with my boyfriend, a lifetime of repression seem to slip away and I embraced my freedom, and my sexuality, with passion. I was insatiable.

Every sexual act, every time I took his cock in my mouth, in my pussy, every orgasm, led me further from my past. They were powerful acts of defiance. Now that he is gone, how do I continue my rebellion? I ache to set my mind and body free.

I crave the freedom of sex, but I do not want a boyfriend right now. Is dressing provocatively or exposing myself degrading, as I was always taught, or is it an act of defiance? Will having sex with a stranger set me free? Could I ever really do that?

Two years ago, I would never have believed I am where I am today. Now, I don’t know where I will be in two weeks. For the first time in my life I have the freedom to do what I want, to be who I want. It is exciting. It is thrilling. And it scares me.

Slowly getting to my feet, I walked across the porch to the front door, and stepped inside. Before closing the door behind me, I turned to face outside, my robe open, my naked body momentarily exposed to the street.

Source: reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/hiv5s5/aleeza_f_20_alone_on_the_front_porch