Rachel inched closer to Chloe, who was becoming increasingly anxious. “Um… Hey, Rachel, what are you doing?”
“I’m going to try something,” the woman replied, her voice echoing around the cramped restaurant bathroom. “It’s a bold risk, but I’ll regret it forever if I don’t do it now.”
“Uh, okay.” Chloe furrowed her eyebrows. “…What are you trying?”
“Well, I was- never mind. Close your eyes, okay?”
Chloe’s eyes fluttered shut. “Fine, but if you try to shank me, I have several ways of defending myself.”
Rachel stifled a giggle as she leaned closer. She was close enough to feel the other woman’s breath on her neck. *Here goes,* she thought. Rachel put her lips to Chloe’s, daintly placing her fingertips on the cheek of her recent beloved. Chloe did not move, nor did her lips. Rachel hoped that was a good thing. After a few seconds, she ended the kiss and pulled back a few inches, her right hand remaining on Chloe’s cheek.
Chloe opened her eyes to meet Rachel’s gaze. She said nothing, but her eyes seemed to soften the longer she looked at her. She certainly didn’t take Rachel for a romantic, as the lady had quite an intimidating presence. Chloe knee she should be uncomfortable, but she couldn’t help but feel the opposite. She smiled warmly.
That was all Rachel needed, as she leaned in to kiss her again, this time a bit longer. Rachel placed her left hand on the small of Chloe’s back, holding her secure as she kissed her. Chloe’s lips began to move in time with hers as they continued to kiss each other. Rachel’s right hand traveled from her cheek to her upper back, and Chloe rested her hands timidly on the back of Rachel’s neck. A long moment passed before they needed to catch their breath.
Chloe shuddered involuntarily as Rachel leaned her forehead against hers. She had longed for this kind of warmth. After a brief moment, Rachel tilted her head once more to meet Chloe’s warm mouth, this time softly licking the woman’s bottom lip with her tongue. Chloe did the same. Sighing in content, Rachel held her closer and moved her tongue slickly above Chloe’s, which earned her a little moan.
Chloe shifted a hand to the back of Rachel’s scalp, caressing her subtly while continuing to kiss her with increased amounts of force. Rachel gasped, then chuckled as she grasped the girl harder, moving her arms so she could be as close as possible, kissing her slightly harder. Rachel could feel Chloe breathing a little faster than before, reacting beautifully to every movement she made. She wanted more.
Suddenly, Chloe pulled herself away from Rachel, prying herself away with her arms.
“Hey, what’s wrong? Are you okay?” Rachel was panting heavily, but she managed to get her words across.
“No, no, I’m fine. It’s just, um. You’re at work.”
Rachel took a second to clear her head. “Uh… right. Right, yeah. Well, you have my number, don’t you?”
Chloe grinned. “I do.”
Rachel smirked in return. “Okay. Awesome.”
As the two discreetly left the bathroom, they shot each other glances, the taste of the other woman lingering on their tongues.
They both knew that this day wouldn’t be their last.
~~~~~~~
(Also, I don’t really know what “tags” are supposed to be here, so feel free to yell at me in the comments, haha.)
Source: reddit.com/r/eroticliterature/comments/hgoj9g/my_brief_firstever_attempt_at_erotica_not_the
Great story please continue. Also the tag placement was perfekt.
Well done, I like your fluidity. The only negative thing I noticed were a few spelling errors. You stayed in the past tense, maintained third person omniscient perspective, and it was clear who was doing what when. Definitely keep at it you’ve got something in your pen hand.
This is a fantastic start and I encourage you to continue developing this. Get the stuff that’s wanting to be written out first, and then go back and think about the following: why is Chloe anxious at the opening? How do Rachel and Chloe know each other? What is the nature of their relationship up to this point? Why is Chloe at Rachel’s work? How did they get into the bathroom together? I’m imagining maybe Rachel followed Chloe in, perhaps not immediately, and Chloe is uncertain as to why? I don’t know, and don’t get hung up on it right now. Just put a pin in it and come back to it later. Great intimacy, which is harder than eroticism. The eroticism can build later, and it’s really good to give it somewhere from which to build (a lot of stories just dive on in… this gives the story depth and emotional stakes). Can’t wait to read more!