A Haze Of Insecurity [FemalePoV][FF][ENF][Dubious Consent][Masturbation]

I strode away from the Dean’s office, his words still ringing in my mind. Too many fuck-ups, too many skipped classes, too many ‘flagrant displays of disrespect’; one conclusion. I had too much time on my hands.

His ultimatum had been clear. Join one of the university clubs, attend every event for the entire semester, throw myself into something productive. Be a *good* girl. Or get kicked out. Permanently.

Expulsion wasn’t an option, so I pushed my way into the student centre, charged up the stairs to the activities office, barged in and found myself staring at a small man sitting behind a cheap looking desk. A nameplate in front of him read: Jeffrey.

“Name?” he said. His voice was high pitched and nasal. I wondered if something about bureaucracy caused that. Maybe it just helped you get hired. Cause and effect could be so difficult to pin down.

“Elizabeth.”

“And why are you here, Elizabeth?”

“Clubs. I need to join one.”

“My my, I’m afraid we have little left at this late stage. Already weeks into the semester, yes? Everything is full, see?” He indicated a stack of papers with his hand, as if it proved a point.

“Sure,” I said, trying to be patient. “Can you tell me what isn’t full?”

“Let me check,” he said. He began to take pages off the stack, glancing at each before placing them on a different pile, his movements ponderously slow. I tried not to grind my teeth. “Ahh, here we are. Chess. An exquisite hobby. I play myself.”

Chess? Hell no. I had played chess before, in high school. I was a nerd, therefore it was expected of me. I was quite good too, but that didn’t stop me from hating it. The people, the culture, the everything. No. Just no. There was no way I was spending a semester’s worth of free evenings cooped up with… well, with guys like Jeffrey. There had to be something better. I’d do anything.

“No. What else?”

“Chess, and athletics. That’s it. And pardon me saying but you don’t look like you have the body for track. No judgement, I’m sure being a student is *very* tiring. And those cafeteria cupcakes are *so* nice…” He let the words trail off, his mouth forming into a thin smile.

His words weren’t true, so they didn’t effect me at all. I wasn’t like I was that unfit. Sure, I’d… let myself go a bit. But cupcakes, despite being delicious, had nothing to do with it. And maybe this was my chance to pull that back. Yes, that was it, self improvement. A perfectly logical, not at all emotional decision.

“Sign me up for track,” I said. Through teeth I definitely wasn’t grinding together.

“As you wish,” he said. “The next practice is today, in…” he looked the paper then at the clock on the wall, “my my, would you look at that, twelve minutes.”

“But- but athletics is fifteen minutes away at lea-”

“Better run then, hmm?”

I turned around, pushing my way back out the door and taking off into the student centre. A cackle followed me down the corridor and I tried to ignore it, focusing on planting one foot in front of another as quickly as I could.

Eleven and a half minutes later I arrived outside the athletics club, a small building for equipment, showers and changing, with people running laps on the field behind it. I took a deep breath and tried to engage the most passable impression of a human I could manage while actually being a heaving bundle of messy, breathless sweat. I pushed open the door and went inside.

The entranceway was clean, spartan, and devoid of anything interesting to look at, which would have been nice if it didn’t have the side effect of making it impossible to do anything but stare at the absolutely stunning woman standing in the middle of it.

She was tall, blonde, lean and muscular, wearing both the kind of effortless beauty that you couldn’t help but admire and tight athletic gear that seemed designed to show it off. Words swam into my mind, unbidden, placed there by life in a society that shunned people like me. Words like *cheerleader*, or *prom queen*, or *traditionally attractive*. Words that made me feel even worse about myself.

“Hello,” she purred, “And who might you be?”

“E-E-Elizabeth.”

“Are you lost?”

“No, I- I signed up for athletics?”

My voice faltered as I reached the end of the sentence, twitching upwards as if I was asking a question. The goddess raised an eyebrow.

“You don’t say?”

“I-I-If that’s okay? Please?”

I regretted the words before they even left my lips, but not soon enough to stop myself saying them. The corner of her mouth twitched, but other than that she gave no sign of derision. Perfection can afford to be magnanimous, I suppose.

“Of course you can. And your timing is perfect, I was about to head out but I can take you through the induction if you like?”

“S-Sure?”

Her smile deepened, but I recognised it for what it was. On anyone else it might have passed for a look of genuine enjoyment, on her it was predatory. She spun around, not turned, actually spun like some kind of ballerina, and started walking towards a door while waving for me to follow.

“Over here,” she said, “I’m Jessica, by the way.”

“Elizabeth.”

“Yes, you said.”

My cheeks flushed, then Jessica was opening the door in front of me and ushering me into the room. It was a small office, with a single desk, two chairs, and shelves filled with binders of paper and books about athletics. Jessica picked up a clipboard and a pen, sat behind the desk and started asking me questions about myself. Full name, degree, date of birth, etc. I sat in the other chair and started answering them. Phone number. E-mail address. Sexuality. Height. Weight.

“Huh,” said Jessica. “That’s not much different to me.”

“But you have… muscle and stuff. You look amazing.”

“Really? Well then, I don’t suppose I could persuade you out of those clothes? For the induction, of course.”

“W-W-What?”

“This is a full health examination, I’ll need to… check your body fat percentage. Amongst other things. Unless you… don’t want to take off your clothes for me?”

I froze. Take off my clothes? All of them? I’d never done that in front of someone else. My heart began to thump in my chest, so loudly I was sure Jessica could hear it. She tilted her head, that wolfish grin still touching the corners of her mouth. Mocking me.

But what choice did I have? It was this or chess, and a semester of evenings spent sitting in dark rooms putting up with the Jeffreys of the world.

I stood up, removed my cardigan, folded it carefully and placed it on the chair where I’d been sitting. I unzipped my skirt, stepping out of the garment and folding it the same way. My shirt followed, then my tights, the burning in my face becoming hotter with each item added to the pile. Jessica watched the whole thing intently, face never deviating from that icy smile.

“Not the underwear too?” she said, when I hesitated.

I unclasped my bra, freeing my chest. Jessica raised her eyebrows, just for a moment, as if in approval. More mockery. My body reacted to the knowledge, adrenaline surging. As I bent to remove my panties my hands were shaking.

Jessica stood up and told me to hold still. I complied, face still a raging crimson. She picked up an object I didn’t recognise, one that looked like a mixture between a wrench and a slide ruler. It was cold against my skin, and left tiny indents where she used it to pinch me, taking measurements of my buttocks, breasts and thighs. Her hands lingered alongside the touches of metal, as if she was enjoying my discomfort.

“Not bad,” she said.

“R-Really?”

“Oh, you have potential all right. I’d *love* to see you in action. Ready for the last test?”

“Sure.”

“Mmm, wonderful. You’re doing very well.”

“Thanks,” I said, my spirits lifted by the compliment and the fact it was almost over. This hadn’t been too bad after all. I was still naked, and a little embarrassed to be standing next to someone so perfect, but Jessica was smiling and she had told me I was doing well. Maybe she wasn’t so bad either. Track team, here I come.

“Okay,” said Jessica, warmly. “How about you come over here, like this?”

I followed her instructions, standing near the edge of the desk and bending over it, wondering what was to come. Jessica placed a hand on my back, pushing me down until my chest lay against the hard plastic, then started rummaging through a drawer.

“What’s next?” I asked.

“Oh, nothing to worry about. A silly formality. You just stay right there.”

“Okay… what formality?”

“Hmm, lets call it… a cavity search.”

Before I could react Jessica was there, her hands running over my body, holding me down against the desk.

“Unless you don’t want to?” she whispered. “You can walk out any time you want, okay? Put your clothes back on, leave, I’ll never say anything about this to anyone, okay?”

I relaxed a little, sinking back down onto the desk, sorting through my thoughts. I’d come this far. Exercise would do me some good. I did really hate chess. If this stupid rule was what it took to get into the athletics club, I could do it.

“Okay,” I said.

“Sure?”

“Yes.”

“*Good girl*,” said Jessica. I could hear her smile. “I’ll try to make this quick.”

I heard a squirt of liquid and then felt cold between my legs. Jessica slid her fingers over me, coating my sex with lubricant. I had expected her to be clinical, professional, to ensure I was capable of receiving her without intending to arouse. Instead it seemed the opposite, like she was purposefully flaming my passions with her hands, still wearing that evil bitch smile. When she judged I was ready her finger was gentle, pushing against my entrance with just the right amount of force. I felt myself open up to her, aware of the experience but detached from it. She lingered inside, for a moment, and then withdrew. I heaved a huge sigh of relief.

“One down,” she said.

What did that mea- Oh.

“Ready?” she asked.

I nodded. This time she squirted the lube directly onto me, and I shivered as the cold touched my hole. She made a small circle through it with her finger, ensuring the digit was coated and slowly pushing it inside. I tensed up, and she stroked my bum with her right hand, telling me to relax. I did, and her finger worked its way between my cheeks. The sensation was new, like nothing else I’d ever felt, filling in a different way. A heat started to rise inside me, spreading out from between my legs. I felt empty when the finger withdrew.

“All done,” said Jessica.

I turned around, sitting on the edge of the desk and facing her, awkward and aware I was still naked. And worse, that the heat between my legs wasn’t fading. If anything it was growing stronger, shifting unnaturally, my sex itching in a way far beyond my moderate arousal. My breath became ragged, my thoughts confused and I shivered as my body begged to be touched.

“Wha- What did you do?” I asked.

Jessica cocked her head, looking at the lube on the desk. She leaned forward, lay her right hand on my leg and picked up the container.

“Oh, I thought it was natural.” she turned around the bottle slowly, letting me read the words. *Tingle Sensation – Mint*. “Whoops,” she added, with a shrug and without regret.

I tried to ignore the feeling between my legs, to focus on making words.

“Y-You did this on purpose?”

“Who knows?” she said. Then the hand on my leg moved upwards, and my world exploded into pleasure. “The question is,” she continued, “what do you want me to do about it?”

Her fingers began sliding up and down, not even pretending to be clinical. They danced over my nub in expert ministrations, and I let out short gasps in response.

“Tell me if I should stop?” she asked.

Words were beyond me, so I shook my head in response. Her icy smile returned, and fear started to collect in my chest. I still hadn’t figured it out. Why was she doing this? I couldn’t think straight. Was this all just a game to her? A joke? Find the unattractive girl and trick her into being used? She pushed me down onto the desk, climbed on top of me, her fingers still working between my legs.

“Want to know a secret?” she said.

“Mmm?”

Was this it? Had she waited until I was vulnerable? Until I was close? Tainting my first experience, readying her knife to be twisted? Of course. What else would someone like her want with someone like me?

“I lied,” she said. “About the cavity search. And the nudity. I made it all up.”

“Why?” I was almost crying. I couldn’t believe anyone could be so evil. She leaned closer, her face inches from mine, her perfect body on top of my dorky form, her face that of a sculpture, of elegance frozen in time. Then I saw past the ice, to a face that was filled emotion.

“Because you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen,” said the goddess. Then she kissed me.

My mouth opened on instinct and her tongue found mine. Our lips pressed together and she increased the speed of her fingers, pushing one, then another inside me. My mind caught up to my body, understanding the words Jessica had just said, the interpretation adding fuel to the fire. I started to raise my hips to meet her hand, allowing her deeper, gasping into her mouth.

My hands found her breasts and she moaned encouragement, but I was too close to pay them attention. I wrapped my arms around Jessica’s body, hugging her close as I started to cum on her fingers. She broke from my lips, letting me scream my orgasm into the room as she trailed kisses down the side of my neck. I flopped back on the table, spent, and she pushed herself up onto all fours, staring down at me.

She was still clothed, and still perfect, and I was still naked, and me.

I blushed furiously.

“Have fun?” she asked, that smirk returning.

“Um… yeah,” I said.

“Me too.”

“D-Do you really think I’m beautiful?”

“Yeah,” she laughed, “Really I do. It’s in the way you speak. How you hold yourself. Your walk. The words you use, the way you act. You’re plain, maybe. Bit nerdy I guess. But that doesn’t matter. I think you’re adorable.”

I stared at her, trying to find the words to respond.

“What?” she asked.

“You’re very attractive. Like, stunningly attractive.”

“Yeah. People say that. So?”

“I thought you were evil.”

Jessica let out a tremendous laugh, a roar of entertainment that echoed around the office and brought tears to her eyes.

“Seriously?”

“I thought you were bullying me,” I said

“Wait… What? Why didn’t you stop me? You mean you weren’t just playing along? To a cavity search? To… to *mint tingle sensation*??” Her face became more serious as she spoke, realisation dawning. “You thought I was *hazing* you?”

“Yeah… A bit.”

“Oh shit, fuck, I’m sorry, I-”

“No,” I said, cutting her off. “I was enjoying it. I did enjoy it. You made it clear I could leave. I consented. And…” I stumbled, feeling like an idiot and fighting to get my emotions back under control. “Um… I guess it worked out in the end?”

Jessica let out a long sigh of relief, her head falling forward and coming to rest on my chest. She left it there a moment then brought it back up, looking straight into my eyes.

“You know,” she said, “You really shouldn’t judge people by their appearance.” She kissed me again, then started to climb off the desk. “Anyway, guess you’re part of the team now? If you were serious? We should get out on the field. Won’t have chance to chat while running but… do you want to grab a drink after practice? Maybe do something like this again?”

“Yeah,” I said. “I think I’d like that a lot.”

“You want play at inducting me into a club next time? Even the score? Find something you’re good at, make me do *anything* you want for a chance to learn from you?”

The emphasis on that word left no doubt as to Jessica’s intention. The most stunning woman I’d ever seen was offering to let me strip her naked and do whatever I wanted to her. With her. My heart caught in my throat. This goddess, this literal embodiment of transcendence walking among us, wanted me.

“Yes,” I said.

“Awesome,” said Jessica. “Don’t suppose you play chess? I’ve always wanted someone to teach me.”

Then again, maybe nobody’s perfect.

Source: reddit.com/r/eroticliterature/comments/gxg1rg/a_haze_of_insecurity_femalepovffenfdubious

1 comment

  1. Sexy! Very sexy story and nicely told, too! Loved it from that perspective.

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