Jake, from State Farm? Nothing good happens on calls at three in the morning…[MF], [Sneaky], [Cougar], [Fanfic]

*Ok, this was beyond indulgence to write. Seeing those ridiculous fucking commercials got me thinking…what was Jake from State Farm really looking for?*

 

The line was silent as Susan weighed whether she was *really* going to go through with it. She called at three in the morning, what else was she going to say?

“What–” she began sheepishly at first. Susan steeled herself and repeated in a lower sultry tone. She was ready for excitement. “What are you wearing, Jake from State Farm?”

She regretted her words as the line clicked. She’d gone too far. Susan was beyond excited and thought about the times she’d bumped into the meaty insurance appraiser in the office. She hated herself for taking the step. She was a married woman.

Susan got up and opened the study door, being careful not to wake her husband on the second floor.

She nearly jumped out of her skin as her phone began buzzing on the hard wooden desk. The Skype call noise was different from the cell ring. It was loud and sounded like a modem from the nineties.

She scrambled to pick up the phone and nearly shot her jaw through the floor as the picture materialized.

“I–” she dragged, trying and failing to hush her girlish giggles, “didn’t know khakis came that big!”

“So are we here to chat or to get busy?” Jake asked, stretching his impossibly-toned arms above his head so his abs pulled even tighter. Susan felt her leg slam into the desk as she leaned forward to try and get a better look. She laughed at her idiocy as she considered the fact that it was a video feed, not real life.

By God, she never thought she could feel jealous of a glass computer desk, but it should have been *her* straddling him.

He was young. She didn’t even want to consider the fact that his username, *clamdestroyer99*, likely referred to his date of birth. *That would make him like, ten, right?* she wondered to herself.

“Oh, shit,” she whispered, doing the math in her head and suddenly feeling **very** old.

“So is that a yes or what, because I feel like this shit’s a bit uneven right now,” Jake muttered impatiently.

He traced a finger along the v-shaped muscular protrusion at the base of his hips. Susan stared at the man who was only slightly hairy. It was just the right amount. He didn’t quite look like a boy, although he was barely old enough to drink at the same bars she’d been frequenting for twenty years.

“I don’t–” she whispered. “Wow, you have–so many goddamn muscles, in places I didn’t even know you could have–”

“Show me your tits,” he demanded.

“Oh,” Susan mumbled, suddenly feeling that same sheepishness she’d had at the start of their conversation. “I don’t have the same, um; I’m not muscular like you. But you’re great. I’m really enjoying this.”

*I’m really enjoying this?* Susan smiled through her mortification. *What the fuck did I just say?*

“Girl, don’t worry about that!” the sandy-haired man replied, chuckling to himself. “You’re thicc as hell. I’d fuckin’ break off a piece of that in a hearbeat.”

“Did you just call me thick?” Susan asked, raising her voice a little bit. “Listen, I was straightforward that my body isn’t what it used to–”

“Jesus Christ!” he exclaimed, laughing openly. His muscles changed as his whole body relaxed. Susan almost dropped the phone as she gnawed the inside of her lower lip so hard that she drew blood. Jake continued. “Fuck, you’re uptight. Sue I’m trying to say you’re fuckin slammable. Now show me your goddamn tits or I’m hanging up. Why the fuck did you call if you didn’t want to cyber? C’mon, you know I’d make you egasm.”

Susan blushed as she sat her phone down on the desk. Jake tried to look for her in the video feed.

“Yo, where’d you go?” he asked. “Did you drop the fuckin’ phone or are you going under your skirt?”

She was most definitely not used to this sort of talk. Susan was good. She barely had a Facebook. It was mostly for funny pictures and keeping in contact with relatives. Now she had a boy at the end of her virtual line who wanted to give her an egasm. She didn’t have to work hard to connect the dots there. It’d been a *very* long time since anyone had worked to give her a -gasm of any kind.

Before she could talk herself out of it, she picked up her phone with her left hand and dragged up her shirt with her right. Her breasts hung a bit lower than they used to. She flicked her nipple a bit so that it wouldn’t be a boring show when she revealed his bounty.

Susan looked away as she pulled her shirt up over her entire right breast, showing a full half of her left.

“Oh fuck those are huge Miss G,” Jake laughed like a hyena who’d just chomped into a wildabeast. “Jesus, I wish I was there to motorboat those motherfuckers.”

She smiled despite his crassness, trying not to think about how he’d just called her miss, and looked back at the screen, tugging her shirt higher and revealing her chest entirely.

As the man stood to get what she thought was a better view, he took a step back from the desk. She was about to see it. She was starving for it. His member was larger than she’d imagined.

“Holy shit,” she smiled at the man’s gargantuan dick.

“Yeah, you like that?” he asked.

She yelped out as he spit into his hand and began vigorously stroking. Susan was *not* ready for that. She threw her shirt back down in a huff as she pressed the end call button. She tried to ignore the flowing wetness between her legs. Susan had just begun to compose herself when she heard footsteps at the study door.

Daniel was in the doorway. She froze. She’d been so incredibly turned on that she’d surely left a mark on the leather seat. If he saw–

“Who was that?” he asked through bleary eyes as he cracked his neck in his oversized long-sleeved Chicago Bears sleep shirt.

“It was Jake–” she answered truthfully for some odd reason. “From State Farm–”

“At three in the morning?” Daniel wondered, yawning widely.

“I was worried about–um–death. You know, with all this goddamn Coronavirus nonsense it got me thinking, so I went and got a life insurance quote from–”

“Yeah,” he replied. “No, I get it. You’re such a good woman, always thinking ahead.”

Susan smiled despite feeling lower than the scum that formed at the bottom of her exterior garbage can as her kind but boring husband doted a compliment on the woman who’d just been staring at another man’s *fucking perfect* cock.

“Yeah, you know me!” she chuckled nervously, still sitting in the chair.

“Well, anyway, I’m gonna head back to bed. Just wanted to be sure you weren’t being raped or murdered down here,” Daniel smiled.

Susan shifted uncomfortably in her seat. He didn’t deserve that treatment, but *she* did deserve an egasm, or orgasm, or any kind of -gasm at all. He had hardly made an effort in their sex life as of late. She craved a little treat. As he retreated slowly from the study, she’d already allowed her right hand to drift down between her legs.

There was no way she’d be able to get to sleep without taking care of it, after all. The desire would just be buzzing around her mind. She leaned back as her husband’s footsteps faded up the stairs. It wouldn’t take her very long at all. She was sure of that much. Jake was crude, and far too young, and everything else he shouldn’t have been.

Why couldn’t she stop thinking about him as she pushed herself over the edge with a stifled moan?

 

Hope you enjoyed it.

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Source: reddit.com/r/eroticliterature/comments/gvtzud/jake_from_state_farm_nothing_good_happens_on