I [F] an affair with my former “coach” [M] that carried on for years…still in platonic contact with him today!

I’m not sure if this is even the right place for this, but it doesn’t seem right for relationships and it doesn’t fit in confessions, so here we are… I’ll give more details if that’s what’s asked. I’m a first time poster here so be gentle… ?
When I was in junior high and high school I had a, for lack of better terms, a coach (not a teacher/not a sports coach – something else without giving everything away). He was talented, smart, funny, handsome, and obviously MUCH more mature than the boys my own age. (Duh, teenage me! He’s 18 years older than you!). We bonded over the 3 years he was my “coach” as he was the only member of the coaching staff who believed in me and really mentored and encouraged me. My parents worked a lot, so he would also drive me home and we would chat and bond over classic rock and music. As far as I know, he could never tell how big of a stupid school girl crush I had on him. He eventually got fed up with the rest of the coaching staff’s BS and abruptly quit, which left me angry, heartbroken and feeling abandoned. I didn’t speak to him for years! That is until I was about 22 (maybe 6-7 years later) when he reached out to me out of the blue and apologized for leaving the way he did and told me how much he had missed me. We agreed to have lunch…then dinner and the next thing I knew we were carrying on what felt like a platonic/teetering on romantic relationship. Then he tells me… he’s still married… ?, but being that I was a rebellious 22 year old, I didn’t give AF and we carried on an affair off and on for the next 5.5 years!
Most nights we would meet and go to dinner and fool around in his car. Even today when he occasionally gets drunk, he’ll remark about how incredible my tongue felt or how good I was at giving head. To this day, I’ve never had anyone touch me with their hands or tongue and satisfy me the way he could.
He was miserable, bless his heart, and so was I! He claimed at the time that he couldn’t divorce his wife because he still had 4 young children at home, which at the time I was skeptical of, but he did divorce her as soon as his youngest turned 18, so maybe he wasn’t a complete lying sack of crap. Anyway, our time together was always so fun and wonderful, the physical stuff was amazing and it seemed to fill a need for the both of us. We always stayed in platonic contact, but were “there” for each other when the other needed. It was a strange unspoken understanding. He and I have stayed in contact even though we haven’t done anything physical in many years. I still occasionally go watch him perform with friends and have even met his new wife. I used to feel a little guilty about the whole thing, but looking back, not so much anymore. I’m not sure that we can/would ever go back to the way we were, but I can’t deny that even after all these years and such a big age difference, I still find him all around incredibly attractive. I even find myself completely turned on when he greets me with a hug and kiss on the cheek on the rare occasion (maybe 2-3 times a year) that we see each other. Hell, I get completely turned on just reminiscing this…
I have only a couple friends that have even the slightest idea about this and it felt SO good to get it all off my chest!

Source: reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/gp1mkk/i_f_an_affair_with_my_former_coach_m_that_carried