As a female writer, I thought I would take the opportunity to share on here the latest entry in my autobiographical “sex journal” that I’m starting on my hotpastdawn subreddit. I joined Reddit over a year ago and found the hotpast subreddit while researching his interest in my sexual history. I’ll continue to post on my own subreddit so I don’t inundate the hotpast one with my current journal entries and other thoughts.
Feel free to read my post history about my past, and if you like the content of the journal entry below I’ll be posting more progress updates on my subreddit. Comments, questions, and discussion about my writing are always welcome!
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If you’re not up to speed on how I came to “seduce” my 18 year-old neighbor, Leslie, you may want to catch up on the story by reading [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/hotpastdawn/comments/gdmcb8/04may2020_taking_of_a_new_lover_an_18year_young/) first.
In hindsight, I’m sure Leslie felt somewhat like a caged animal in my swimming pool on Friday night. She stood with her back against the edge of the pool wall, the water up to her neck, and I pressed myself up against her. I reached deeper into the water, found her hand, and started walking toward the steps of the shallow end with her in tow behind me.
As we exited the pool and emerged from the water, her first instinct was to bring her free arm up to her chest and hide her small breasts. I walked in front of her, my arm reaching behind me while still holding on to her hand, and led her into the dark house and toward my master bedroom.
I turned on the lights in my master bathroom as we entered, released her hand, and went to the shower to start the water so that it could get warm. I looked back at her, and saw that she was still covering her breasts with her arm across her chest, but had also moved her free hand toward her pubic mound to hide her sex.
She was slightly trembling, and she was averting her eyes from mine to avoid eye contact.
I felt a brief sense of guilt. Why was this young woman so apprehensive to be nude in front of another woman? Was she obscuring herself from my sight in an attempt to protect herself or avoid what was about to happen? Was I about to abuse the relationship I had with her as my role as an older, mature woman, whom she was depending on to give her a place to stay isolated from her mother as she worked in the hospital E.R.?
Even though she was nervous and scared, I had my own case of nerves and apprehension. I so wanted to do this, but I also didn’t want to somehow damage her emotionally in the process.
I walked back over to her, lifted her chin with my finger so that she had to look me in the eyes, and said, “You don’t have to be here. You can walk out of this bathroom and we can pretend none of this ever happened. I’ll never mention it again, and I’ll never hold it against you. Nothing will have changed between us.”
She continued to look me in the eyes for a few moments, and responded, “I don’t want to leave. I’m just… nervous.”
I smiled sweetly at her, leaned toward her face, and gave her a simple, soft kiss on her lips. “Every woman is scared her first time, especially when she’s with a man. But I promise you, I want to make your first sexual experience with me as special and as enjoyable as I possibly can.”
“OK,” was all she softly whispered in response.
“Will you trust me when I tell you that I won’t do anything to hurt you, or make you do anything you don’t want to do?”
“Yes, I trust you,” she once again whispered as she maintained eye contact with me. I continued to smile sweetly at her and kept eye contact as my hands moved to remove her arm and hand away from her erogenous areas. I looked down the entire length of her young, feminine body and drank in the image of her naked before me.
“You don’t have to hide your body from me. Ever. You’re absolutely gorgeous,” I reassured her. Water from my pool still glistened on the surface of her pale skin. While I consider myself to have small breasts, hers were smaller than mine. Her areolae and nipples were small, pink puffy candy kisses that adorned them. My own nipples were already hard and elongated like pencil erasers. They betrayed my own sexual arousal from the situation.
As the water in the shower heated and filled my bathroom with steam, I traced my finger along the side of Leslie’s neck, toward the center of her chest and down her sternum. She was generously decorated with freckles that often accompany one with fair skin and red hair. They made her even more adorable in my eyes.
“Can I tell you a secret? I’ve been wondering how far these beautiful freckles of yours go down. I’m glad to finally get to see all of them.” She blushed and rolled her eyes as she averted them from me. “They’re beautiful, Leslie. Every part of you is beautiful, and I’m going to express just how beautiful you are to me with my own body shortly…”
I took her hand once again and led her to the shower. I adjusted the water temperature and we both entered, standing under the warm cascade until we both adjusted to its temperature. I stood behind her, caressed her shoulders with my hands briefly, and reached for my shower gel. Typically I use a loofah or washrag for bathing myself, but I wanted to use just my hands on Leslie’s body.
“Close your eyes and concentrate on the warmth of the steam around you, the sound of the spray of the water, and the sensation of my touch against your skin,” I whispered into her hear. For the next 10-15 minutes I slowly washed and caressed the non-erogenous parts of her body with my soft, lathered hands – her neck, back, arms, and legs. I leaned forward and pressed my breasts against her back, reached around her, and began to lather her lower stomach.
“Lean back against me. Try to melt into me. Keep your eyes closed and enjoy the sensation of my hands on your body,” I reassured her. My hands moved up the front of her body and toward her breasts. I felt her press into me as instructed as I spent a much longer amount of time caressing and massaging them. Her breathing was slow and steady, and I could tell that her eyes were still closed.
“Now I’m going to touch you,” I began whispering my warning, “in places where no one has touched you before. Just concentrate on the pleasure of my touch. Try not to be startled or apprehensive. Just trust me as you have so far.” I wrapped one arm around her just below her breasts, and my other hand glided downward between her legs. I ran my fingers through the soft curls of her pubic hair, and my hand eventually found the folds and petals of her labia. She exhaled and leaned her head back onto my shoulder as I caressed her.
“One more touch, Leslie. It’s a very intimate touch, one that I personally like myself, but it requires even more trust in me on your part. Your first instinct will be to pull back, but concentrate on staying still and experiencing the sensation of the nerves I’m stimulating. Concentrate on feeling pleasure instead of anything else.” I paused, and then asked, “Are you ready?” She nodded yes, her eyes still closed, her head still leaned back against my shoulder, probably wondering what I was referring to.
I lathered my hands with shower gel. I wrapped one arm around her again, and reached down behind her with my free hand and started caressing one of her buttocks. My soapy middle finger started at the top of the crease of her buttocks and started slowly sliding downward. “Relax. Stay still. Breathe. Trust me,” I whispered in her ear as I took her earlobe between my lips and tongue. At the same time, my finger found her anus and I began gently massaging it with slow, firm circles. Her body tensed underneath my arm. I felt the involuntary contractions of her sphincter against my finger, but I continued to caress it lovingly until I felt her body begin to relax against me.
I never attempted to penetrate her back there. My only objective was to give her the experience of that very intimate touch between us.
“Good girl,” I said as she finally relaxed, and slowly removed my finger from its contact with her. I took the shower head from its cradle, rinsed her completely of the soap suds on her body, and then rinsed myself.
“That wasn’t so bad, was it? Did you enjoy it?” I asked as I turned off the water.
“Yes. I, um, enjoyed it a lot, Dawn. Thank you…” I think she was still in a state of shock from the entire situation.
“Good,” I replied as I gave her a gentle kiss on the lips. I opened the shower door, reached for a towel, and began to dry her off. She stood facing me and examined my body as I dried myself off afterward.
She then looked me directly in the eyes. “You’re so beautiful,” she told me as I finished toweling off. Her comment ignited something deep inside me. My apprehension was gone. I dropped the towel I was using in the wet shower where we stood, and took both of her hands with my own. I began backing up and pulling her toward my bedroom as I stared into her eyes. I pulled down the covers of my bed, turned her around and guided her to recline on her back with her head on a pillow.
The anxiety she was feeling was palpable. I crawled onto the bed, straddled her hips with my knees, leaned down toward her face and looked her in the eyes. “Here’s what I want you to do,” I said. She blinked nervously at me and I continued, “Absolutely nothing. The only think you have to do is close your eyes like you did in the shower and concentrate on the feelings and sensations of my hands and mouth on your body.” I began massaging her breasts with one hand, and gently began tweaking her nipples between my fingers. “Tonight is my gift to you. I want you to feel pleasure, and I want you to have a sensual experience you will remember for the rest of your life.”
I leaned forward and began kissing her deeply. Her eyes closed, and for at least an hour I began making love to her body with my hands, fingers, mouth and tongue. I avoided a lot of direct contact with her pussy during this time – I mostly teased it with my fingertips and gently brushed across her clit periodically. It was noticeably erect and begging for attention, and her legs twitched and involuntarily jolted each time I touched it.
Slowly her body transitioned from a state of nervous, stiff rigidity to one of complete relaxation. Her kisses became passionate when our tongues danced against each other, and her hands began exploring my arms, breasts, and back when we would embrace. Her neck and chest gradually blushed bright crimson with sexual arousal. A sheen of sweat covered her body.
She was ready.
I kissed her deeply, and then whispered in her ear, “Leslie, now I’m going to kiss you in the most intimate way you will ever be kissed. I want you to continue to trust me. I want you to trust your body to know what to do, and when it does I want you to just let it happen. Don’t warn me. Don’t feel like you have to pull away. Just let it happen, because I want it to happen.” I looked her directly in the eyes, gave her a final kiss on the mouth, and then began kissing my way down her body.
It truly is amazing how our sexual instinct are hard-wired into our brains. As my head and mouth approached her pelvis while sliding my own body toward the foot of my bed, her knees raised and her legs parted. I didn’t have to instruct her or encourage her to do what she did – she opened herself to me, invitingly, in the most intimate way a woman can expose herself to another human being.
I took my time making love to her pussy with my mouth. I slowly and deliberately learned and memorized every wrinkle and fold of her feminine petals surrounded by the blonde, reddish curls of her pubic hair. I kissed and licked her gently, passionately, deeply – the same way I like to be kissed between my legs. Her taste, her smell, her involuntary movements all compounded my enjoyment of giving her the first sexual experience of her life.
I relished every detail of the moment when she went over the edge and climaxed against my mouth – her loud breaths, her deep moans, her thighs coming together to entrap my head. I felt every contraction in her pelvis with my tongue as her orgasm washed through her. Her sweet, feminine nectar flowed freely from inside her. I looked upward toward her face and saw her watching me as I licked and sucked her clean until she became too sensitive to endure my mouth any longer.
The expression on her face and the look in her eyes just after her orgasm are an indelible image that will be burned into my mind for the rest of my life. The expression was one of surprise, amazement, ecstasy, lust, gratitude, wonder, discovery.
Seeing the look on her face was as much of a gift to me as the orgasm I had just given to her. I had no expectation of sexual reciprocation from her that night, but seeing her expression made me feel like I had received something even more.
I slid back upward to cuddle next to her. I kissed her and she returned the kiss passionately, but tenderly. She rested her head against my neck and shoulder and I wrapped my arms around her.
Then she began to cry.
She cried and sobbed for the longest time. She wrapped one of her legs over and around my body and embraced me with both arms. He hugged me as tightly as she could and cried. I don’t know what manner of emotional baggage she released from inside herself that night, but I did already know that her feelings of insecurity and neglect run deep. Thankfully she now has me as an outlet to release it.
I truly believe that a very strong emotional bond was formed between us at that moment.
I rubbed her back and shoulders and she sobbed. “It’s OK, sweetie,” I reassured, “Let it all out. I’m right here with you. I’ll always be here for you, no matter what. No matter what the consequences might be, no matter what the future holds…” Even as I said those last words, my mind screamed a warning to me.
She eventually fell asleep in my arms, our nude bodies pressed against each other. I stayed awake for a long time processing everything that had just happened, trying to figure out exactly where I wanted this to go, and for how long it could continue.
Source: reddit.com/r/eroticliterature/comments/gfcnlv/the_details_about_sex_with_leslie_that_first