I’d really like to find a woman (you don’t have to verify, I’ll take your word for it) who can help me write better from a female character’s perspective. I’ve written [a](https://www.reddit.com/r/eroticliterature/comments/g1ds1z/sarahs_pussy_pays_the_bills/) [few](https://www.reddit.com/r/eroticliterature/comments/g1tlx3/sarahs_pussy_pays_the_bills_part_2_her_pussy_pays/) [things](https://www.reddit.com/r/eroticliterature/comments/g2m0dd/sarahs_pussy_pays_the_bills_part_3_a_first_time/) recently that don’t come off quite right. They come off like what a man thinks a woman might be thinking and feeling.
It would be great to have somebody give me a woman’s thoughts on my writing and maybe some ideas to improve. I’m looking for a longterm thing and I’m open to writing something together if we click.
Source: reddit.com/r/eroticliterature/comments/g325ja/help_me_be_a_better_writer
Id be happy to help
Reading Part I, it seems to head hop a bit. From Sarah’s POV to Pete’s then back. Suggestion is to chose one and stick to it by showing rather than telling.Example line: P*ete walked over to the kitchen and poured himself a glass of water. He stopped, suddenly noticing how little his cute blonde housemate was wearing this morning.*
How I would write it from Sarah’s POV:
*Pete walked to the kitchen and poured himself a glass of water. He leaned on the counter holding the glass, his eyes raked over Sarah’s body. She adjusted the top of her robe to show a little more of her ample cleavage, then stretched her legs, smiling when his eyes followed down.*
or
*Pete walked to the kitchen and poured himself a glass of water. He leaned on the counter, holding the glass, frozen as his eyes fell on Sarah’s form on the sofa. She considered covering up, but the alcohol told her to stay exactly where she was.*
Overall, the story is well done. Just need more practice and reading, don’t underestimate how reading can help improve writing.