Married yoga instructor [MF]

A few years ago, I had a friend named Carol. We had hooked up in the past, but that’s another story (maybe). Anyway, after that happened we stayed friends and we were planning to go out drinking one night when she text messaged me.

[Carol] Hey buttface! Lol

[me] what’s up spaz

[Carol] Hey my friend Patti is having a hard time and wants to come with

(I should note that it’s a pet peeve of mine when people say “come with” and omit the “us”, but I digress, it’s how she talked)

[me] I guess that’s fine the more the merrier

[Carol] hands off tho she’s married and having a hard time

[me] challenge accepted!

[Carol] Fuck you I’m serious!

[me] kidding we still meeting at 8, Gino’s right

[Carol] Be there or be square ya geek.

So at this point, I honestly was not planning on making a move on this girl. Plus, I figured she’d be a typical midwestern soccer mom, i.e. annoying, overweight and can’t hold her drinks.

So I got to the bar, a little dive, typical old-school city joint with a dark wood bar, high back barstools, exposed brick walls covered with 8×10 photos that could use a dusting and beer adverts. It was still pretty empty but was beginning to fill up. Carol was already there, nursing a beer at the bar.

“Hey ya nerd!” She saw me, waving her hand to draw attention to herself. Yeah, she was a drama queen.

She stood up, gave me a quick hug and an exaggerated “Muah!” air kiss. I pulled up the stool next to her, sat down and tried to get the bartender’s attention.

“Where’s your friend?” I asked, not noticing anyone with her.

“She’ll be here in a minute, she just said she’s parking.”

“Well, perfect timing, what does she drink, first round on me.” I could see the bartender heading our way.

“She likes bourbon on the rocks.” Carol made a face.

“What can I get you?” The bartender raised her eyebrows at me.

“Bud light, a double Maker’s Mark on the rocks and one more of whatever she’s having.” I nodded toward Carol.

“If you get her wasted, I’m kicking your ass!” Carol slapped me on the arm.

“I’m just trying to be a gentleman. You get the next round then.” I rolled my eyes at her.

Our drinks came and I sat down at the bar enjoying a nice long pull of cold beer. I was checking out the bartender, she was a pretty fit brunette in her mid thirties I guess when I heard a commotion behind me.

“Heeeyyyyy!” Carol had gotten out of her seat and was greeting a curly haired blonde. I was guessing this was Patti.

“Patti this is Kyle!” Said more like “Kiii Ellll”

I picked up the Maker’s Mark from the bar and handed it to her, trying to feign disinterest, which was hard. She had curly shoulder length blonde hair, big green eyes, a button nose with a smattering of freckles across her pale face and she was fit. Not the pudgy mini-van mom I had anticipated.

“Patti, with an “i”. Nice to meet you.” She took the drink from my hand.

I stepped back from the bar and offered her my seat, noticing that the seat next to hers was empty I pulled it out a bit and sat back down. Patti took the seat I was on, now sitting between Carol and me. I sat down making sure to squarely face the bar and not appear too interested. Patti and Carol engaged in small talk and I kind of passed the time sipping my beer, checking out the cute bartender and checking my phone.

“So Kyle, what do you do?” Patti was looking over at me attempting to get my attention and draw me into the conversation, her drink now more than half empty.

*“Anything you ask.”* was the first response that popped into my head but I felt that might not be the best call.

“I’m in information security.” I turned my head toward her.

“He’s a geek!” Carol added. She loved to bust my balls.

“So you’re an intelligent man?” Patti was smiling at me.

“No, not really, just went to school for it. What about you?”

“I’m a licensed massage therapist. Like an actual massage therapist, I don’t do happy endings! And I’m a yoga instructor.”

“What’s a ‘happy ending’?” I had honestly never heard the term.

“Oh come on!” She laughed, assuming I was pulling her leg.

For someone with a petite body and girlish face, she actually had a quite husky and sultry voice.

“I honestly don’t know what that is. I can guess, but I don’t want to look like an idiot,” I said.

She put her hand on my shoulder and leaned in to whisper in my ear.

“It’s when you jerk a guy off until he cums.” She pulled away, speaking in a normal voice. “Like what happens at the massage parlors down by the titty bars. Happy ending.”

“Gotcha.” I raised my beer and she tapped it with her drink. “Thank you.”

“You really didn’t know what that was?” She smiled at me.

“I don’t go to massage parlors.” I shrugged.

We continued the small talk at the bar, Carol, ever the social butterfly, introduced us to a few other folks and we wound up drinking and socializing for quite some time. At some point Carol introduced us to some kinda loudmouthed douchey guy named Brian, who apparently also knew Patti. The four of us joked around a while, I tried to be pleasant toward the guy but he was obviously hitting on Patti. Since I was explicitly told to not hit on her, and my assistance with it was never requested, I didn’t try to intervene. She did kind of seem to be enjoying the attention but also seemed to be teasing the guy. At one point while we were taking turns playing darts, Patti and I were standing around watching some other people play, I couldn’t resist putting my hand on her ass. It was so firm and tight and felt so nice. She just looked at me and smiled so felt her ass for a good minute or two. I kind of got the feeling that she was enjoying having the attention of a couple of different guys and that it was good for her ego.

“Hey, I’m going to grab another round of drinks, anyone need anything?” I asked not long after I was feeling Patti up and had finished my 4th or 5th beer of the night. (I’m a pretty good sized dude, 4 or 5 beers doesn’t get me drunk … just nicely buzzed.)

Everyone asked for one more and I headed toward the bar just as they were calling Last Call. I managed to get through the crowd to get our drinks on time. I got back to our little table by the dartboards, handed out the drinks and we toasted to the night.

“Hey,” Brian started, “Do you guys want to come over to my place for a nightcap?”

“I have to get home.” Patti said.

“Me too,” Carol and I both agreed.

We finished our drinks and headed out the door as the lights were coming on in the bar.

“I’m in the lot over that way.” Patti pointed in the direction where I had parked my car.

“Yeah I’m parked there too, I’ll walk you to your car.” I offered.

“Here, I’ll walk with you guys too,” piped in Brian, living up to his douchebag persona.

*“Fucking cock blocker.”* I thought as we headed toward our cars.

My car was parked a few spots from hers so I got to mine first. She gave me a hug and I shook Kevin’s hand. I got in but watched them get to her car. She went to give him a hug and he went in for a kiss, but she turned her head and pushed him away.

“See you around, Brian.” I heard her say.

*“Ha ha, ya bastard.”* I thought. “*At least I didn’t get shot down!”*

I went home and got to sleep. The next day, I was messing around, watching football and really wasn’t thinking too much about it when my phone beeped. It was a text from a number I didn’t know.

[Unknown] Hey ya big nerd

[Me] Carol? Did you get a new number?

[Unknown] Ha ha, no it’s Patti, she gave me your number.

[Me] Oh hey what’s up. It was nice meeting you last night, I had fun.

[Patti] Yeah me too, sorry about Brian

[Me] What are you sorry for? And what’s up with that guy?

[Patti] He thinks he’s the shit. He’s been hitting on me for years. Not my type though

[Me] You seemed to enjoy the attention.

[Patti] I was enjoying your attention more.

[Me] Did you like it when I was rubbing on your ass?

[Patti] Yes. I wanted you to walk me to my car.

[Me] I wanted to too, but I don’t get into dick measuring contests, especially not with douchebags like that guy.

[Patti] Ha. I hear you. Maybe you and I should hang out sometime.

[Me] Just us?

[Patti] Yup!

[Me] Uhhh, OK, but, aren’t you married?

[Patti] Yeah. I’m not sure how much longer though.

[Me] Well I’m sorry to hear that. I’m kind of leery about hooking up with married women though.

[Patti] Who said anything about hooking up?

[Me] Sorry guess I assumed too much

[Patti] I’m just messing with you. Can I be honest?

[Me] Sure

[Patti] I really need to get laid, and you’re a cool nice looking guy

[Me] Thanks. I guess you and hubby aren’t fooling around any more?

[Patti] No. But it’s because I don’t want to. He’s gotten weird.

[Me] Uhhh, OK. How so?

[Patti] You have to promise not to tell anyone.

[Me] Who would I tell? Carol? I don’t tell her shit, she has the biggest mouth in town. I don’t know any of your other friends unless you count Brian.

[Patti] You have a point, and no I don’t.

[Me] And don’t tell Carol I said that.

[Patti] Maybe I’ll tell you sometime if we get to know each other better. Let’s just say, I’ve discovered he isn’t my type.

[Me] OK Miss Mysterio, I won’t pry.

[Patti] We have to keep things discrete though. I can’t have his family finding out I’m running around town with other guys.

[Me] So what do you suggest?

[Patti] Hotel room

[Me] So you want me to get a hotel room and have you meet me there?

[Patti] You catch on quick.

[Me] Whatever, fuck you

[Patti] That’s the idea!

[Me] When are you thinking?

[Patti] I could meet tonight, or else maybe next week

[Me] Well you need to tell me this big secret and I’ll get a room tonight

[Patti] I caught him wearing my underwear

[Me] Like your panties

[Patti] Bra and panties

[Me] He fit?

[Patti] He’s maybe half your size

[Me] I guess we’ll find out later tonight. Do you think he’s in the closet?

[Patti] I don’t know but it weirded me out. I can’t have sex with him. We tried a couple times, but I couldn’t do it.

[Me] Wow, well OK then. How long has it been?

[Patti] Like a year. So can we meet tonight?

[Me] Yeah, that’s fine.

[Patti] Awesome. Get a room across town from where I live.

[Me] How about the Extended Stay out by the ball field?

[Patti] Perfect. I can be there like 7:30

[Me] What are you going to tell your husband?

[Patti] That I’m having drinks with a friend. Carol will cover for me.

[Me] Does she know about … his … deal?

[Patti] Yeah.

[Me] And you were worried about telling me?

[Patti] Ha ha. I can’t wait. Text me the room number when you get it.

[Me] OK. See you then.

So OK, I figured if I was going to make this happen, I’d do my best to give her a treat. I decided to go all 9 ½ weeks with the situation. I spent the afternoon picking up “supplies”. I got a blindfold, some strawberries, whipped cream, chocolate sauce and some bananas.

I got to the room and put everything in the fridge then text her the room number. Then wait. I think I kicked off my shoes and watched T.V. She sent me a text when she’s on her way up and a couple minutes later I hear a knock on the door. I answer it and there she is.

“Hey there!” I said with a huge smile on my face.

“Hey.” She stepped in and as soon as the door was closed she grabbed me and we started making out.

I led her over to the bed and turned her around, kissing her neck and feeling her boobs. I pulled her shirt off, undid her bra, grabbed the blindfold and tied it around her head.

“I have something special planned for you.” I tell her as I turn her around and undo her pants.

“Will I like it?” she asked me?

“I hope so!” I pull her pants down, push her back on the bed, take her shoes off and slide her pants the rest of the way off. She was sitting there completely naked on the edge of the bed.

I went to the fridge, pulled everything out and sat them on the dresser. I figured I’d start with a strawberry.

“Open your mouth.” I told her and slid the strawberry past her lips.

“Bite down on it. Tell me what it is.”

“It’s a strawberry.” She said, still half chewing.

I grabbed another strawberry and this time dipped it in the whipped cream, well, Cool Whip.

“Open up, wider this time.” She opened her mouth and I fed her the strawberry with the Cool Whip.

“Mmmm, I like that!” she smacked her lips, grinning widely.

Next I peeled a banana and put some chocolate sauce on it, trying not to let any drip on the floor.

“Keep your mouth open.” I fed her the banana and as she bit down, the chocolate dripped down her chin. She went to wipe it with her hands but I licked it up. We made out for a minute with the banana and chocolate in our mouths.

I figured it was time to move to the next step so I undid my pants, pulled my hard cock out and squeezed a little chocolate sauce on it.

“What’s that?” I asked her as I slid my erection into her mouth.

“That’s your cock, mmm, covered in Hershey’s.”

“Suck it all off.” I told her as she proceeded blowing my dick.

I stepped back and got out of the rest of my clothes, then let her suck my cock until all the sauce was gone.

Then, I figured it was her turn for a little stimulation. I’ve always had a bit of a banana fetish, I love watching ladies use them to play with, so I pulled her to the edge of the bed, picked up another banana and began to work it into her pussy.

“Wow, you’re really tight.” I was using a bit of force to get it inside of her. I was honestly afraid it wouldn’t go in without turning to mush!

“I do a lot of Kegels,” she breathed, “Like a LOT of Kegels!”

I finally got the banana a few inches in, and began to work it in and out of her a little bit, but it actually was starting to go soft where it was inside her.

I just had to see what that was like so I pulled the banana out, sat it down on the dresser and positioned my cock at the mouth of her vagina. I began working it in. Holy fuck it was tight, but also hard, like hard muscle. I pumped it in her a few times before my dick decided it couldn’t take the pain and went limp. Well fuck.

“Is everything OK?” She sat up, still blindfolded.

“Yeah, you’re just really tight!” I was stroking my cock back to an erection.

“I really want to see!” She pulled the blindfold off, sat all the way up, reached out and took a hold of my cock.

“Nice.” She purred as she took me into her mouth, sucking me up and down, licking the shaft and rubbing me across her face.

“Fuck me, I really need it!” She laid back and pulled her feet in the air.

I slid my hard cock inside her super tight pussy, trying to put the pain out of my mind but my cock immediately went soft again. It was like my dick was saying “*Nah, bro, you’ve shoved me in some shady skanks in the past couple years and I’ve soldiered on but I’m drawing the line at this pain.*”

*“Wow. What the fuck is happening?”*, I was thinking. I’ve never experienced any erectile dysfunction, and the woman was a goddess. I mean, body damn near perfect; fit and toned, nice perky gorgeous C cups, tight firm ass, thin waist, pink little pussy nicely trimmed. Really one of the most beautiful bodies on a woman I’ve ever seen in person! Looking at her my cock immediately sprang back to attention.

“*OK, let me try this again*” I thought and began to squeeze my cock in again, but with pretty much the same result, my dick flat out refused. “*Nope*.”

So I decided to go down on her. I started kissing her legs, alternating between left and right, working my down, down to that lovely pink snatch between them. I flicked my tongue across her clit and slid a single finger inside her tight pussy. And it wasn’t just tight, it was hard, more like sticking your finger between Arnold’s biceps and forearm while he was flexing, than a pliable soft vagina. I did manage to squeeze a second finger in, find her rough G-spot and give her the ole scissor-kick technique while I sucked and tongued her clit to orgasm.

“Oh, fuck!” she screamed, grabbing my head and writhing as an orgasmic wave washed over her body.

“Oh, God, that was good but I really need to be fucked!” she was looking up at me pleading.

“Let’s try it doggie!” I did my best to feign enthusiasm as I grabbed her, rolling her over and pushing her up on all fours on the bed. Now, all women look good bent over, I mean, it must be a primal male thing because it really is just like the most gorgeous thing, but she outshined them all. Comparing her to a normal lady was like the difference between an Ansel Adams and actually standing in Yellowstone witnessing the grandeur in person. Seeing this gorgeous sight, I was hard again so I got behind her, took my cock in my right hand, her hip with the left and began to try to work my way inside her. Fuck it was even tighter in this position! Deciding it might be a good idea to opt for Plan B, I positioned my cock at the opening of her asshole and started to push in.

“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!?!?” She shot forward, turning around to glare at me.

“Your pussy’s so tight I thought maybe we’d give that a try.” I was trying to be as innocent about my attempted sodomy as possible.

“That hole’s exit only!” she admonished me.

“OK, that’s cool, let’s try it again.” I put my hands on her hips and pulled her back up into a doggy pose.

Rubbing my head up and down on her slit to lubricate it, I then pushed into her, managing to get my shaft about halfway in then pulling back out and going in for another thrust, pushing past the pain. She was rubbing her clit, and I guess between that, being sensitive from the previous orgasm from my cunniligous and with getting filled with a real cock for a change, she came, or I assume she did. Maybe she just had a contraction, but she moaned and pain shot from my cock to through my body and into my face, causing me to literally see stars. Guys, to get an idea of the feeling imagine taking a vice, setting the jaws about an inch apart, draping a slice of ham across each of them and working your cock about halfway in. Now wrech the vice down a couple of turns as fast as you can.

“Ooof!”, I doubled over, pulling out of her grabbing at my smarting cock.

“WHAT THE FUCK!” She screamed, turning around and sitting up, covering herself with her arms, her eyes boring a hole in me. I was guessing she had had enough.

“I think you bruised by dick!” I said stepping off the bed, trying to calm her down. “Baby your pussy’s so tight. When you clenched down I couldn’t help it.”

“Get the fuck out!” She yelled at me, pointing at the door.

“I paid for this room.” I stood my ground shaking my head.

She bagan getting dressed, fuming at me.

“You’re an asshole!” She yelled at me as she stormed out the door.

I finished getting dressed, cleaned up the things I had brought and left the hotel. By the time I got home Carol had sent me a long angry text, telling me what an asshole I was and that I should never speak to her again. I didn’t care, the fewer drama queens in my life, the better.

Now ladies, I’m not saying you shouldn’t do Kegels, but if you put your finger in your vagina and the top wall of it has a texture that resembles the roof of your mouth, it might be time to back off a bit unless you only plan on hooking up with men who are hung like a roll of Certs.

Source: reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/g1zlq0/married_yoga_instructor_mf