I’ve started a new short story and would appreciate a little feedback on the very beginning part. I haven’t written in quite a while but suddenly felt motivated to do so today. I will say that I’m not crazy about the character names but I can go back and change them later. Just…can someone tell me if this is a decent start in the right direction?
Thank you!
‘Just go out there’, she thought to herself. Here she was finally on a vacation, away from all the chaos back home, and she was too nervous to step out onto the beach. She was afraid to be seen. She spent so long deliberately covering her body and now she was standing in a bathing suit that showed way more of her figure than she was prepared to reveal. The suit hugged tightly around her waist and hips, accentuating the curvature of her bottom. She needed to learn to let go and enjoy her time there but with so many around her, was that even possible?
With one more deep breath, she put her right foot out first and began walking onto the sand. Even the sand was beautiful! She couldn’t believe how white and pure it was. The tiny crystals on the straps of her sandals sparkled in the sun with each step she took. Closer and closer to the water. She stopped about ten feet from the waves, put her towel down on the sand, and made herself comfortable. She had a sheer white coverup over her blue bathing suit so it didn’t really cover up anything. She just watched the waves roll in for a while before she had enough courage to slip the sheer tunic off of her.
The warmth of the sun on her skin felt incredible. She was accustomed to heat but this wasn’t the same. Back home it was miserably hot but here…the sun kissed her skin. Every inch that she would allow to be exposed, the sun touched. She stood and slowly walked towards the blue water. It was so clear! She could see her feet straight through it, even the light shimmer on her toes from a recent pedicure. She didn’t want to venture out too far so she stopped when the water was at her hips. Little waves danced around her and the temperature was surprisingly cooler than she expected. This was what she had been waiting for. She felt such calmness and at peace with herself. No stress, no work, just breathing in the sea air.
She knew she couldn’t stay out there long because her porcelain skin was especially sensitive to the sun beating down on her. After a few minutes she made her way back to her towel, put her sheer tunic back on and slipped into her sandals. Heading back to the hotel, she was looking down. Bad habit she wanted to break but today it would come in handy. Just as she reached the shade of the palm trees she felt her body come into contact with another.
“Oh, geez, I’m so sor…”, her voice trailing off as she looked up to see the man she had bumped into. His left hand was at her waist and it immediately sent a shiver through her.
“I’m very sorry, I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going.” he said to her, giving her a gentle yet sexy smile. It took her a moment to snap back to reality.
“No, no, it was my fault.” She straightened her body, causing his hand to leave her and she regretted it quickly afterwards. “My name is Sarah,” she finally found her words and stuck her hand out to shake his. So awkward, she was always so awkward. “I’m just here for a few days on vacation and was admiring the beach.”
He nodded, shook her hand and told her his name was Daniel. That smile never left his handsome face. She was more astounded by him than she was of the beach behind her. He had a soft yet deep and firm voice, one she wouldn’t mind hearing whisper in her ear. His complexion was much darker than hers and she really wanted to touch his arms.To her surprise he asked her if she wanted to grab dinner and a drink. Men never really made advances towards her, she was afraid he was kidding, but this was a different place for her. Here she could let go and live a little. She accepted his offer and they decided to meet at eight o’clock in the hotel lobby. As she walked away from him, she could feel his eyes on her and she couldn’t help but blush. She needed to wash the sand off of her and get ready for what she was hoping to be a fun night with a total stranger.
Source: reddit.com/r/eroticliterature/comments/fws7vd/need_some_feedback_please