This is one of the stories from my time being single. Granted, There’s sex, but they’re more cautionary tales for those looking for love.
Oh, and its a little long, but, hopefully humorous and entertaining.
‘Twas the Summer of 98’, and I just graduated from Marshall, finally, after 7 short years. My best friend Gene had moved to Columbus the previous year and found the promised land; Jobs for everyone, with more and to spare. Gene, unfortunately, had found a job where the average age was around 48, and he had made few friends. I thought it sounded like the proverbial win-win situation, so I packed up my Saab and moved to Columbus!
Well, he was wrong on the job front. GOOD jobs were in short supply, so I spent a lot of time combing help wanted ads, doing interviews, and being a good little job seeker. The nights and weekends though, were a blast. Every Friday, after he got off work, we’d go out to the Elephant bar, on the north side of Columbus. There were these HUGE fake tusks behind the bar, and Fridays were 80’s night, with great happy hour specials. The bartenders would toss bottles and cups around ala tom cruise in Cocktail, girls were teasing their hair up high, and all the boys had popped collars and pegged jeans!
So, one Friday, we’re there, and we meet some girls. I’m usually friendly, but Gene is even more so, but tonight, they were ignoring him completely, and hanging on every word I said. There were 5 girls, but two were especially cute, and a total contrast. The first we’ll call Angela, was 6’, curvy, long dark raven hair, great smile. Girl #2 was her polar opposite. Short little minx, about 5’2, blonde curly hair, perky demeanor, a bit like a short meg ryan. Well call her Meg. It was a great night! When I quoted EE Cummings, She, Being Brand New, they both put their faces in the hands and just sighed. (EE cummings is their favorite poet, of course). Then, I brought up how hard dating is, and how I felt of all the dating/relationship movies, Chasing Amy was one of the truest to the feelings of jealousy and anguish you get when dating.
They both looked at each other and giggled nervously. “That’s funny you should bring that movie up. Because that’s so us”
“what do you mean?”
“well, we used to date. We still live together, but we’re not a couple. But we were”
(gene and I look at each, blinking)
“get out of here! You’re full of it!”
Angela-“oh, we USED to date, until Miss Thing here decided she wants the 2 car garage, 2.2 kids, white picket fence, and doesn’t think she can have that with a girl, which she’s so wrong…”
Whereupon, they began to bicker. Just like a couple.
*blink, blink*
Then, they look at Gene, and ask”well don’t you have that problem? With your bfs?”
“WHAT? I’M NOT GAY!!!”
Meg-“Darlin’, I have excellent gaydar, and you’re BEEPING! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!”
(I’ve failed to mention, gene was wearing cut off jean shorts up to his ass, tennis shoes, and a Hawaiian shirt, ala Big Gay Al. he says that’s normal clothes for the beach during the 80’s. yeah..not so sure about that)
Gene is now pissed, and wandering the bar, while I’m sitting with these newly discovered herd of lesbians(is it a herd? A pride? School?). I’m still interested, since I know now at least Meg is interested in Meg. And from Angela’s hand on my thigh under the table, I think she is too. : ) so, we continue to chat, and flirt, and dance the night away. At the end of the evening, I walk them both to their car, give them my number, and tell them”Ladies, I’ve had the best night since I’ve been here, and I would LOVE to take you on a date. Now, which one I go out with depends on you. Here’s my number, you guys decide, and the winner gives me a call. “
Turns out Angela was the big winner. I have a total amazon fetish anyway, so I felt lucky. We chat over the phone for a few days, then she invites me to their house. I walk in, sit on the couch, and she hands me photo’s of the Gay Pride Parade. Angela and Meg run a support group for gay/lesbian/transgendered who are coming out to their families. It was surreal, as angela kept mentioning how active they were in the community, and how being gay affects every part of you life, how people perceive you, how you perceive others, etc. Yet, she’s out with me. : ) a good ol’ boy from Logan, WV. The pictures were a surprise; DID YOU KNOW, that in Columbus, girls can walk around topless? If men can, so can women, and they do. Especially during the Gay Pride Parade. Getting to see Angela, Meg, the other 3 girls at our table and their support group, ALL TOPLESS, well, that was the highlight of my week.
So, Angela and I talked, hung out for a few weeks, nothing serious. I always had the feeling she was just waiting on meg to change her mind, but, we were having fun. Until, that night we took things to the next step. Sex.
We came home after dinner, and many glasses of wine. We slipped into her room, and made out for a while, then I started to, well, go down. There. It’s all good. I’m a pleaser. But after doing so for a while(and wondering how am I comparing, performance wise, to Meg. Then realizing how weird it is that I’m even worried about that. And how the hell did I even get in this situation), when she asks me…
“uhm…donny…do you care..to…hmm…use something? “
“sure, you mean, like a vibrator? A toy?”
“yeah, a vibrator. You sure you don’t care? “
“hey, whatever makes you happy. Its all about you babe *wink*”
Whereupon, she reaches over to her bedside table. I’m assuming she’s doing this, as its pitch black and I can’t see shit. I hear the drawer slide open, and she picks something up. I’m still down at the Y, hand stretched up like jesse owens waiting on the baton pass in the 4×400 relay, when, I SWEAR TO GOD, it felt like she handed me a WV State police issued maglite. It had to be AT LEAST a foot long, or bigger. And thick as a beer can.
Did I mention she’s an amazon? What was I thinking?
“sweetie..the turn on switch is at the bottom. Just grab and twist..heheh”
“*gulp* ok…”
And when I turned this on, it vibrated so hard, my hand started to go numb. Columbus Public Works used this thing to break pavement, I’m sure of it.
So, with jackhammer in hand, I went back to work. That’s when she started giving me directions:
“deeper…..”
“Deeper…”
*in a voice like linda blair in Exorcist”DEEPER! GIVE IT TO ME! FUCK ME! FUCK ME”
With numb hand and heavy heart, I gave it all I had. And she went buck wild. She took every bit, and then some. When she started to cum, she wrapped her legs around me, and I thought she broke my neck, it popped so loud. And, she was pulling my head down so hard I think I broke the world record for length of time remaining conscious without oxygen.
After she finished, and we lay together, she didn’t’ even attempt to reciprocate. And honestly, at that point, I didn’t’ care. I’m not a small man by any means, but compared to that thing, John Holmes would be nervous. It would be like trying to do a set after Richard Pryor left the stage. Just no comparison. We never did go out again. She and Meg, of course, got back together. And I had a few more memorable dates of my own. But I’ll definitely never forget her.
Source: reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/fma2sr/mf_my_militant_bisexual_gf_or_how_i_stopped_being