I have the beginning of a scene right in the middle of a story that I am writing right now. So before this scene things have happened, and even more things will, obviously, happen.
Here comes my question: would you like more from that scene? Does the beginning intrigue you, or is the style offputting? English is not my first language, so I experimented a bit here, and I would love to get some feedback. The story is plotted out to about 25 chapters right now, and will mainly be erotic, mostly BDSM centric. So I thought here could be a good place to get feedback. If people like it I’ll post complete scenes once enough of them are done
Thanks in advance for your feedback
This is straight from my writing app, so there is no formatting done, soooo sorry for that ?
Now: story time!
Are you sure that you want this?” His coarse voice whispered softly into her ear. She closed her eyes. She nodded.
“Okay. Whenever you want this to stop, just say it. Please Kat.” The concern was audible in his voice. She nodded, again. Despite the concern in his voice, his hands were sure, precisely tying knots into stainless steel rings. Pulling straps through buckles. Cool, smooth leather on her wrists, on her ankles.
Then came the pull. Her legs spread apart, unable to close. All of her open, visible. She blushed. A second pull. Her hands fixated against strong wooden poles. Completely helpless. Completely accessible.
Her head was swimming. She shuddered. His hand slowly slid upwards from the just locked ankle cuff, softly caressing over the black nylon of her stockings. The ruffle of fabric as he stood up pulled her out of the pleasuring sensation .
“Kat, I want you to tell me now, do you really want this?” she could hear no more trembling in his voice, just utter, relaxing calmness. Only trust and care.
His fingers played with the lace of her bra, ever so slightly wandering between the soft fabric of the narrow quarter cups, and the shivering flesh of her exposed breast.
She tried to suppress the shiver that ran over her whole body. The softness of his touch was maddening, she wanted more.
She opened her eyes, found his gaze and nodded.
“humiliate me, please”
He didn’t smile, but a spark shot through his eyes just as he turned away.
“with pleasure, my little whore”
Source: reddit.com/r/eroticliterature/comments/fgzbtd/beginning_of_a_story_give_me_feedback_please