[FM] This was a defining experience for me.

The point of this is to post the entire transcript of my conversation with my dad from when I was a freshman in college. I was 18 at the time, and reading this now I can’t believe how innocent and annoyingly naive I was.

Anyway, the background is my dad and I were and are very close (but not in a weird incest-y way, before you ask.) My family is from Lebanon, but we moved to the US when I was three. My mom is more conservative, wants me to cover up and the only non-relative male I should ever talk to should be my professors. My dad is the complete opposite, believes sex is healthy and essential. I took after my dad.

My dad is a therapist and has the habit of transcribing our conversations, some therapist tick he can’t help himself from doing. Recently he gave a case-ful of the transcripts from that time to me. It used to annoy me that he would do that, but now I’m glad he did, The vast, vast majority of the transcripts were of non-sexual topics, the below is not indicative of all our conversations. This conversation started when my dad found a shirt of mine thats says “Slut” on it and he wanted to know its origins.

And the other background that’s relevant is I wanted (stupidly I realize now) to join a sorority. I had fucked up something important I was supposed to do as a pledge, and now this bitch had something on me.

​

’S’ is me and “I” is my dad (It’s the first initial of out first names)

S: So I go to the sorority house and she takes me to her room. She throws a t-shirt at me and tells me to wear it. It’s light blue and I unfurl it and see ‘SLUT’ written on it in large, bold letters. So I put it on and —

I: Did you hesitate?

S: No, I was mentally preparing for some crazy task and honestly I was a little relieved. I was guessing she just wanted me to go out and walk around wearing that shirt for a bit. It could have been worse.

I: I see. Go on.

S: So I took off my sweater and bra and put on the t-shirt. She —

I: Was it a good fit?

S: You mean the shirt or the labeling of me as a slut?

I: Both.

S: The shirt was sort of tight. And no, I wasn’t a slut; I had that single boyfriend at the time, remember?

I: You were still with him at the time of this?

S: Yes.

I: Go on.

S: So yeah, she tells me to go out and hang out at the bars and clubs that are on this main street. Then she says, if anyone asks you to prove it, you prove it.

I: Prove it?

S: Yeah. She said if anyone says the exact words ‘prove it’ I have to prove it.

I: Prove what?

S: Thats what I asked her. She said prove you’re not a liar and what it says on your shirt is true.

I: So prove you’re a slut?

S: Yes.

I: How?

S: I asked her that too. She just looked into my eyes for a long time. And then she said slowly, enunciating each word –I remember her exact words– she said, “Take whoever says that to you somewhere private and prove to him you are a slut.”

I: Did you know this girl before this? Did she not like you?

S: I knew her a little. We didn’t really know the seniors too well. I think she just didn’t like me because I was prettier than her. That’s how it always is.

I: Did she say how long you have to be out?

S: Yes, she said untill the bars close. Which is 2:30.

I: Okay. So you went out wearing the shirt?

S: First I asked her if I could do it somewhere else. There would be too many people there that knew me.

I: Did she let you?

S: She told me to get on my knees and ask.

I: Then she let you?

S: Yes, but she told me I have to take the bus. To Durham, the next college town over, about 20 minutes away.

I: Okay.

S: So I get on the bus in my little shorts and the slut shirt. Thankfully it’s not that full. There’s a few college girls and they snicker and whisper and giggle. A few older guys ogle me. But that’s it and I got off at the main street where the clubs and bars are. It’s Friday night so it’s pretty crowded there.

I: So you don’t usually frequent this part of the state?

S: No, I usually stayed near my own campus.

I: I see. Go on.

S: So I walk down this street for a bit. And I get the responses you’d expect. Drunk guys yelling things as I pass by, girls giving me various looks. Most just stare for a bit and forget about me as I pass.

I: What kind of things did people yell?

S: The guys would yell things like “Slut!” or “Come here baby!” or “let’s fuck!” Some girl said, “Wow, classy,” as I walked past her group.

I: Were you self-conscious?

S: Yeah, but honestly it was mostly because I was alone. You usually go to places like this in a group. That’s what set me apart. It’s not like the other girls there were dressed like nuns.

I: I see. And then?

S: I go into a bar, a few guys offer to buy me drinks, they chat me up, nothing disrespectful. I’m thinking I’m gonna get through this assignment easily. Before you know it an hour had passed and I left the bar and went into a club on the next block.

I: Did the guys who chatted you up comment on your shirt?

S: Most didn’t actually. I can tell they noticed it, it’s hard to miss, but they worked hard to maintain eye contact and ignore it. A couple guys asked and I just joked that all my other shirts were in the laundry.

I: Why’d you leave if it was going well?

S: The ratio of guys to girls was getting too high. You get too much attention when that happens.

I: Okay, so you went into the club…

S: I head to the lounge area and this guy starts talking to me. He’s really well dressed with this sort of newsboy hat and we’re chatting for a while and I’m thinking he’s cute.

I: Were you hoping he’d say the magic words?

S: I think I was mostly hoping no one would say those magic words so my assignment would go smoothly. But if someone were to say it, I wouldn’t have minded it being him.

I: Okay, go on.

S; So we’re chatting and flirting for a while, until these two guys spot me from the distance and come over. They’re bigger than the guy I was talking to and rudely crowd him out. Ome of them says, “Nice shirt, slut.” The cute newsboy hat guy tries to say something but one of them grabs his hat and throws it into the crowd. He looked at them and then back at me and meekly walked away.

I: He gave up that easily?

S: Yes, it completely turned me off him how he was cowed so easily. He just left me alone with these guys.

I: Okay, go on.

S: The one doing the talking so far told the other one to leave. “Leave me alone with the slut for a second,” were the bastard’s exact words. I told myself to leave but my feet didn’t move. The place was crowded now and we were pushed together. Everything he said to me he ended with “slut.”

I: Like what?

S: “Having a good night, slut?” “Getting enough attention with that shirt, slut?” I surprised myself that I didnít walk away. It was all so new to me. Usually when guys approached me they were nervous and complimentary. I kept talking to him, but I wasnít really friendly.

I: How long did this last?

S: Just a few minutes. Then he said, ìYou seem like the type of slut that bites her lips when sheís fucked.î And thatís when I walked away and he yelled the magic word after me.

I: What did he say?

S: He said, “Come on, it says right on your chest you’re a slut, so prove it.”

I: So if he had phrased that differently, without using the words “prove it,” you would have kept walking?

S: Yes.

I: So you went back to him…

S: Yes, and I was much more friendly this time. I carressed his face and asked how he would like me to prove it. He told me to say something dirty to him. I drew a blank and hesitated. He laughed and said, “Actions speak louder than words. Come back to my place and prove it.” We looked into each other’s eyes for a long time; he was trying to call my bluff. I finally said, “Ok, let’s go,” and he immediately led me by the hand out the club.

I: So just like that you had decided to sleep with him?

S: Well no, I hadn’t explicity decided that in my head yet. It had just happened so fast and suddenly here I was outside following him. We were walking in silence and suddenly he stopped and pinned me against the wall and kissed me hard. When it ended he said, “You know I’m gonna fuck you, right? You can go back if you want.” He walked ahead of me without looking back and I stood there deciding whether to keep following him or not.

I: What was going through your mind?

S: Lots of calculations were going through my mind. I was thinking that no way would I sleep with I guy I had just met, it was just not something I imagined I would ever do. I was thinking about my boyfriend. I was thinking that this guy didn’t deserve to kiss me like that after being so rude to me. But I was also thinking that I had never failed to complete an assignment in my life. I was thinking that the three other girls wouldn’t make the sorority after all that work becasue of me. I was also thinking that this seemed a little adventurous and exciting and even sexy. He was almost half a block ahead of me now and I was still standing there against the wall. And that’s when I conscciously decided it.

I: To have sex with him?

S: Yes. I walked quickly in my heels and caught up with him, grabbed his arm, and walked alongside him.

I: Were you talking as you walked.

S: No, we just walked. I wasn’t that far to his place. When we reached it he opened the door and I walked in after him. He closed the door behind him and grabbed me from behind. he took a firstful of my hair from the base and pulled untill I was looking up at the ceiling. His other hand is on my breasts over the tshirt. He gives me some dirty talk and starts —

I: Do you remember what he said?

S: I remember exactly what he said.

[Silence]

I: You’re not going to tell me?

S: Um, could you like look down at your papers or something when I tell you? Don’t look at me.

I: Absolutely.

S: He said, “Slut, you have a pretty face. That face is too pretty to face fuck. But since you’re a slut I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna fuck your pretty little mouth, slut.”

I: Jesus. Anything else?

S: He said he’s gonna fuck me with the taste of his cum in my mouth.

I: Anything else?

S: He asked if I knew his name. When I said no he said, “That’s right, you’re about to fuck a guy who’s name you don’t know.”

I: Anything else?

S: He asked if I had a boyfriend. I said yes.

I: What did he say to that?

S: He asked if my boyfriend knew his girl was a slut. I shook my head. He said, “I bet he makes love to you. I’m going to fuck you like a little whore.”

I: Was this turning you on? What was your mind-set?

S: I had already decided I was going through with it, so in a way it had already happened. Does that make sense? I don’t think it does. Sorry. Anyway, yes, it turned me on. At the time it was unexpected how much it turned me on. It caught me by surprise, my arousal. But at the same time, I really hated that it was turning me on.

I: What happened next?

S: He let go of me and told me to go to the door and either leave or lock it and come back.

I: And you went and locked the door?

S: Yes.

I: Did you think about leaving instead?

S: Yes, I stood at the door for a second. But I locked it and went back to him. When I was back facing him again, we looked into each other’s eyes for a few seconds. And then he told me to kiss him. And I did.

I: How was it?

S: I gave him a nice, tender kiss. It was strange kissing him like that after he’d called me a slut like 75 times in the last ten minutes.

I: And then what happened?

S: He told me to take off my top. So I took off the “Slut” shirt and stood there in just my little white shorts. He looked at me for a little and said, “You’re way too hot to be doing this.”

I: That’s nice of him.

S: He grabbed my face and kissed me hard. He was pushing me back as he kissed me, so I ended up with my back against the wall. And then he went for my breasts, grabbed them, kissed them, sucked on them.

I: How did that feel?

S: That always feels good. I remember I let out a moan and then I ran my hands through his hair when he was down at my breasts. Which was again weird, being affectionate toward him.

I: What happened then?

S: He told me to get on my knees and put my hands behind my back.

I; And you did?

S: I hesitated for a second and he said, “Slut get on your knees like a good little whore or leave.” And I got on my knees and put my hands behind my back.

I: And then?

[Silence}

I: Do you want me to not look at you again?

S: Yes, please.

I: No problem.

S: He took off his shirt, unzipped, and took out his cock. I was —

I: What was it like?

S: His cock?

I: Yes.

S: Bigger that I expected. His body wasn’t anything special. He was actually a little overweight. But his cock was a good size.

I: Bigger than your boyfriend’s at the time?

S: Yes. My boyfriend had a better body than him. But as far as cock size, yea this guy’s was both longer and thicker.

I: Okay, go on.

S: I was ready to give him a blowjob, but instead he started rubbing his cock over and around my face. He said something like, “I bet your boyfriend kisses your pretty little face all the time. If he could see you know.” And then he pushed against my lips with his cock and told me to kiss it. So I gave it a peck. Then he said, “Slut, I meant kiss every square inch of my cock.” I was hard to do it with my hands behind my back. I kissed up and down his shaft, around the head. Kissing the underside was tricky; I had to use my face to lift it up first and get in position and then give the kisses.

I; How did that feel?

S: Again I didn’t like how much this being so submissive and tender to him while he was being mean turned me on. I had no experience with it. And feeling his cock against my lips gave me an intense urge to put it to my mouth. When I got to the head agaub I opened and took him in my mouth. I slowly moved in and put more of him in my mouth and a large part of it was in there. I just took a moment to savour him in my mouth.

I: And then you started with the blowjob?

S: Yes. A nice soft blowjob. But then I gave a little moan and he started talking and —

I: What did he say?

S: More of things he’d been saying. He said, “I bet your parents are so proud of you. If they could see you now on your knees in front of me.” He called me a whore and a slut again a few times. He worked himself up saying this stuff and became inpatient with my blowjob I guess. He grabbed my head with both hands and pumped his cock in out of my mouth. Face-fucking, as he called it. Then he alternated by keeping his cock in one place and forcing my head back and forth.

I: Had you ever done that before?

S: No. Not even close. A few times he put his cock all the way in until my nose was touching his stomach and held it there.

I: Were your hands still behind your back during all this?

S: Yes. This lasted a few minutes. And then he pulled out of my mouth, grabbed me by the arm and led me to the bed. He laid me on my back with my head hanging backward off the edge and he stood over me and put his cock in my mouth.

I: That’s a very submissive and vulnerable position to be in. Did you ever think this was going too far?

S: After it was all over I felt guilty and ashamed that I let a guy do that to me. But at the time I was very turned on.

I: Okay. Go on.

S: So he fucked my mouth like that for a while. It was easier for him to go deeper in like that. I could feel his cock actually push open my throat and bend slightly down into it. He would reach down and grab and squeeze my breasts while he was pumping. And then it happened…

I: What?

S: I had an orgasm. It was the first time ever that I had an orgasm with no actual stimulation down there. I could feel myself getting wetter, but it was a surprise when the orgasm actually came.

I: Did he notice you have an orgasm?

S: I’m still not sure. He was distracted. I moaned some with his cock still in my mouth, which might have pushed him over. He stopped fucking my mouth, leaned forward a litle and rested a hand on each of my breasts and I felt a warmth fill my mouth and realized he was coming. I could feel his cock pulse as it filled my mouth with cum. ike, literally filled. He told me to swallow it. So–

I: What were his exact words?

S: He said, “Swallow my cum, slut.”

I: And did you?

S: It was hard to do it in that position, with my head upside down. And he wouldn’t his cock out of my mouth. I swallowed down some of it, most of it ran from the side of my mouth and down my face.

I: And then what?

S: He got on the bed and unbuttoned my shorts and pulled them to my knees.

I: Did he ask permission before he did that?

S: No. That bothered me a little as well. I mean, I would have taken them off if he would have asked me to, but the fact that he granted himself access to my vagina made me doubt if I were still im some control. And I was a little scared to the test to see if it’s consensual or not?

I: I’m not sure what you mean by that. The test?

S: I mean so far everything was consensual. I had decided to go with it. But you can test whether it’s consensual or not by just asking him to stop. And then when he stops, he passes the test and you can tell him to keep going. Whether he stopped or not, I would have eventually gotten fucked the same way, but theres a mental difference. One’s fun, the other can be traumatic. So I didn’t want to do the test. I thought it’s better to not know whether it’s consensual or not than to be sure and have the answer you don’t want.

I: I see. What happened next?

S: He collapsed next to me and told me to masturbate.

I: What were hisó-

S: His exact words? He said, “Touch yourself, slut.” So I started masturbating while he stroked himself next to me trying to get an erection again. He made a few comments about touching myself with his cum on my face. He made a comment about how much he likes “shaved pussies.” He occassionally leaned toward me and sucked on my breasts.

I: Did you give yourself an orgasm?

S: I was right on the verge of it, but he rolled on top of me and pinned both my hands over my head. I had an orgasm as soon he penetrated me, on the first stroke, which I bet made him feel like a god, but it was just good timing. It felt amazing though. The first stroke always feels the best and to have it right when you’re about to have an orgasm…my god. And then he kept fucking me while I was having the orgasm, which kept it going for a bit.

I: So this was classic missionary sex?

S: Yes. As soon as he was inside me he changed for little while, he became tender. While I was having the orgasm and my head was tilted back he softly kissed my neck. And then after the orgasm, while still fucking me, he whispered in my ear that I was the best looking girl heís ever been with. We looked in each other’s eyes for a few seconds and then we kissed passionately.

I: Seems like the tone really changed.

S: Yes. But then it changed again just like that after the kiss. He said he could taste his cum in my mouth. I looked away for a second and he said, “Look me in the eye while I fuck you, slut.” So I looked him in the eye again and he grabbed my throat with one hand; he could almost wrap his whole hand around my neck.

I: That’s another very vulnerable position to be in.

S: It is. I was a little surprised myself that I instinctively stretched my neck to accomodate him. I was surprised with how much it turned me on. I was on the verge of another orgasm after a couple minutes of this. When it came I moaned loudely agaibst my will and my back arched. He took his hand off my neck, turned my head to the side so he could only see my profile and put his hand on the side of my face, the whole lenth and height of it. He pushed down and kept fucking me, one side of my face buried into the mattress. My orgasm was almost subsiding when he pulled out of me, pulled me off the bed and told me to get on my knees. I did so and he stood over my, grabbed my hair to pull me close, and came on my face.

I: How did that feel?

S: Just to be on my knees in front of him was degrading enough, but then having him ejaculate on me, it felt like an unwarranted insult, a mean insult, but at the same time it turned me on. And that confused me.

I: What happened next?

S: He grabbed my arm and pulled me to the bathroom, and stood behind me in front of the mirror. He grabbed my hair and pushed my head forward toward the mirror and said, “Look at yourself, slut.”

Even after everything I’d just done, seeing my body naked in front of a man, a stranger, was startling. My nakedness seemed so much more blatant when I saw my full reflection, with him behind me with a fist-full of my hair. And then I looked at my face and had to force myself not to gasp. It was covered with the semen of this man who I had met not even an hour earlier. I stared at the pool of cum on my right cheek that was covering the blush I had applied so carefully earlier in the evening and felt so…indecent. And dirty. I realized how thoroughly used I had been and it again confused me why that thought sent a shiver of pleasure down my spine.

I: Did he say anything else?

S: No. After a while he moved closer, grabbed my hips, pushed me forward so that my hands were flat against the mirror, and started to fuck me again. And I watched myself get fucked. I don’t know if it’s extreme vanity or self-hatred that everytime I masturbate that’s the image that makes me cum: the image of myself in the mirror, semen covering my face, the guy behind me fucking me so that a hard slapping sound is heard at the peak of every penetration, him reaching around to grab my breasts with both hands for leverage.

I: What were you feeling while watching that?

S: Shame. Guilt. Facination. Intense arousal. Eventually he reached around and covered my mouth with his hand and said, “Don’t moan like that slut, you’re gonna make me come again.” I wasn’t even aware that I was moaning; I was in such a trance staring at the scene in the mirror. I couldn’t even tell you if I had an orgasm or not. Finally, he went in deep, still tightly covering my mouth with one hand, and draped his other hand over my breasts and push me back into him, so my back was against his chest and his mouth was against my ear. I heard his breath turn heavy and felt a warmth filling me and realized he was coming inside me. He held me tight like that for a while and then he kiss my cheek and whispered in my ear, “Now go back to your boyfriend, slut.”

Source: reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/felabt/fm_this_was_a_defining_experience_for_me