[F]Jehovahs witnesses (I’ll probably go to hell for this lol)

I think we have all been victims lol of these witnesses going around door to door in there bikes preaching to you , now I’m totally ok with that everyone has different religions and beliefs and that’s perfectly fine but these people don’t respect when you tell them your in a hurry . One afternoon I was on my way out the door super late to work ,I’m talking almost an hour late , as I’m walking out 2 gentleman stop me and start asking me questions about religion , I respectfully tell them I’m running late and I have to go and they just ignore me and keep talking and asking questions.

I start playing it along answering a couple questions. But they keep going and going no stop . Again I tell them I have to go I’m super late , again they ignore me . I stop them I apologize and tell them I’m in a rush . So they then ask me what’s a good time to come to my door and talk more I just wanted to leave. So i I told them some time and for the next two three weeks they ware there everyday at the same time knocking on my door . I would open i thought they would get the idea but no they kept coming back .

I was getting ready to step out and bam there they ware same time knocking on the door , angry but knowing that I wasn’t wearing a shirt I had just put my bra on I walk to the door in jeans and just bra on and opened the door . Omg the looks on their faces . Told them I was getting ready I had to leave soon hoping they would just walk away finally but no they started preaching both stuttering and glancing at my chest from time to time . In my mind I was like these people don’t take no for an answer in any
way.

So I decided to mess with them a little . When I saw one glance at my chest I told him why was he staring at my tits you should be staring at your bible he ain’t know what to say he was red as a tomato. His buddy kept trying to continue with his preaching sermon whatever it’s called and once I caught him staring I asked him if he wanted to touch the he said it wasn’t right I said it’s okay nothing will happen and he nodded yes and I went off on them . So you come to my door preaching the word of god talking about sins etc but first chance you get your going to grab someone’s breast . I got them so nervous they just walked away and never came back . To my door at least i see them in my complex but usually they just turn around or act like they didn’t see me .

Source: reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/eopapd/fjehovahs_witnesses_ill_probably_go_to_hell_for

39 comments

  3. I would have dropped the Bible and took you up on that offer up. lmao honestly they don’t even come around my neighborhood.

  7. The guys on their bikes are the mormons with their white shirts and black neck tie. The jehovah witnesses walk around with their umbrellas and wear long dresses.
    I once had them come by and took out my pet python out and wrapped him around my shoulder and neck petting him, the women ran like they saw the devil in me.

  12. Haha that’s awesome! My wife and I were trying to make a dinner date when the Mormon’s came by. It was her idea but she said “should I take my panties off and show them young men what a real pussy looks like under my skirt”? I said ” Fuck ya. So she did she- she was sitting across from them and crossed her legs just like Sharon Stone did. Haha perfectly trimmed dark black landing strip. Those young men went beat red in the face. ? They definitely put that in the Spank Bank. They have come back over each with another missionary but she hasn’t shown the Bush again “yet”

  13. Ha, you just brought back a memory… I (m) was at a (f) friend’s house just hanging out, one afternoon We were talking when I saw her glance out the window, and grumble something like “not this shit again”. Without another word, she stood up, stripped off her sundress and panties and walked to the door. She opened it on the first knock. There were 2 JW’s standing in shock at the naked woman in the door. They stammered an apology and beat feet down the drive. She closed the door, laughed and said something like, “they won’t be back”. She then grabbed her clothes and got dressed in the other room. When she came back she acted as nothing had happened. I was as shocked as the JW’s, She and I were friends, but not FWB’s. I said something like ‘ you scared the poor bastards,” and she just shrugged and said, “too bad.” I still can’t help but smile when I think of it. In case your wondering…, no, we never hooked up.

  15. That is hilarious. The only thing you could have done better would have been to take off your bra and lecture them about looking.

  16. If they know you have a religion (lie or not). They will go away. They prey on non beleivers

  17. I worked 12 hour night shifts at a job and the Jehovah’s witnesses came through our neighborhood from their kingdom hall about a mile away.

    They’d be there ringing the doorbell incessantly every single day. I’m a very deep sleeper, as in I’ve slept through smoke alarms, and these bastards still woke me up daily.

    I started answering the door nicely and asking them not to come back.

    Then it became threatening legal action/restraining orders.

    Then answering the door with a pistol in my hand and being very mean about it.

    One day I had a realization. I sleep buck naked. I’m 6’2″ and 300+. I’m not attractive. And yet here I was putting on a robe to answer the door.

    That day I went to the door in my birthday suit, threw it wide open, and asked if they were here for the gang bang.

    They never came back. I beat the JWs…

  19. Awe, I was hoping you ended up doing it with them. Still a good story lmao. Can’t resist temptation

  22. I can say, with complete certainty, nobody is going to hell for fucking jehovah’s witnesses (literally or figuratively). Those culty cunts are ruining lives daily.

  23. I opened the door for them once. I was about to head to my Armed Security job so I was in full uniform with a holstered handgun on my side and an AR15 in my left hand.

    I’m pretty sure one of them nearly wet himself.

  26. Any time I saw them coming to my door I would play looks black metal music. If they were ballsy enough to come to the door I’d invite them in not turning down the music and proceed to drink heavily or chain smoke. Whatever I could do to make them uncomfortable enough to leave and not come back.

  27. Had the same thing kind of happen to me old I am a male and I didnt ask if they wanted to touch it lol but I was only in boxers. Lots of blushing and the guy they were with eventually said good day I think he was getting mad at there reactions to me being just half naked with a bit of a half chub… quarter chub let’s say

  29. Hysterical! You are my new best friend. I’ll send a prayer just in case it can help.

  32. The jw s came to my house and ask to come in and chat with me. I told them I was a Christian nudist. I also told them to leave their clothes at the door, they left. I haven’t seen one since.

  33. I told them they were 2 hrs early, the orgy didn’t start until 7 , but they were welcome to come in an wait, haven’t seen them since

  37. Can confirm that this works. Done a quite similar thing. Not sure if they were from Jehovas or another ish similar congregation. But 10 years ago when in college I had these two elderly women who used to knock on our doors in [m]y apartment complex. First time I opened up I talked them for a bit, and politely declined their pamphlets since I’m more of an old Norse kind of belief (if any). And shure enough they would come back time and again to knock and ask the same questions, and get the same results.
    Uintil one day they came early and woke me up after a night of drinking, and me sleeping in my birthday-suit walked to the door. Looked through the peep hole and saw the same old ladies as pr usual. I just thought duck it and opened the door and greeted them with a big smile and sporting a morning wood. The faces of horror was priceless. And they never knocked at my door after that

  38. I remember having to do the door-to-door outreach thing for my church when I was little. It was probably the most painful day of my life. A TON of walking, sweating, and repeating basically the same thing to people who clearly showed they had better things to do than to listen to us.

    This big-ass church was the only one in the area, so they definitely knew about it

  39. On bikes, probably mormons. Probably why they blushed too. Jw’s are grown ass adults. Titties wont make them blush.

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