**Rebecca:**
**False Magic**
Rebecca followed him into the bedroom, her heart beating hard against her ribcage. She had to clench her fists in order to stop them shaking and her legs were heavy as lead as she shuffled across the oak floorboards. The deep amber of sunset was spilling through the gap in the curtains. Dark wood of the furnishings and the light, soft browns of the furs on the bed would have been comforting and luxurious if she had come here of her own free will, and without the man – now her husband – who had brought her here. It reminded her of her parent’s winter chateau in the northlands, where the snow packed high against windows, making the great hearth fires all the more warm and pleasant.
The southlands, by contrast, were warm and sleepy, and she knew Rowan grew oranges and sweet, dark grapes for wine. This is where they wedding had been held, and where he would keep her for the appropriate honeymoon period.
She sat stiffly on the bed, her back to him, straight and tense. Guilt crept up on her. Why did she have to make this difficult? Surely it wouldn’t be so bad? She didn’t hate him. She didn’t *know* him. It was just the sense of being sold and then trapped. She let out a low, heavy sigh that felt as if it came from the very core of her body.
“Rebecca…”
She balled the fabric of her skirts against her knees with her fists. She couldn’t bring herself to respond. Words had abandoned her the moment that her parents had told her about the marriage three weeks ago, and there seemed little point in breaking her silence now. At this stage, she wasn’t sure she could speak even if she wanted to.
“Here… Let’s play a game.”
At this, she turned sharply, her eyes meeting his. Rowan was not unattractive. Older than her by about a decade, but not yet old, he had silvery white hair which he had bound behind him and cold, bright blue eyes. His face held a soft expression and Rebecca got the impression that he was regarding her like he might regard a frightened animal. It made her feel suddenly foolish.
He beckoned her over to the chest at the foot of the bed and after a moment’s hesitation, she rose and went to him, peering nervously over his shoulder. He drew out a box and laid it on the lid of the chest. Inside were a row of candles, white, black, red, violet, green and gold. She frowned.
“Pick one for me,” he instructed her. His voice was deep and clear, like how she imagined a wolf might speak if it could.
She shot him a suspicious look. Were these some kind of spell components? Did he intend to bewitch her?
“No, no,” he said, as if reading her mind; “it’s not magic. It’s just a fun little trick I want to show you. Like a magician. False magic. The only thing special about these candles is that they smell nice.”
Despite everything, this piqued her curiosity. It was so far outside her expectations that she felt herself relaxing. Kneeling down beside him, she took out the black candle and brought it to her nose. It smelt like leather and mahogany. Next the red, which smelt like those dark, summer grapes in the vineyard outside. She handed him this one and he nodded. “Good choice. I like this one too.”
She felt a smile tug at the corners of her lips and stopped herself.
He walked around the bed and set the candle down on the side table. Fetching a matchbox from the drawer, he lit the candle with a snap and hiss and then, holding it carefully, he climbed up onto the bed, crossing his legs and patting the space in front of him with his free hand. “Come, sit with me.”
Utterly disarmed, she did as she was told, crossing her legs under her skirts much like him.
“All right. Now you hold the candle. Don’t worry, it’s thick enough that it won’t drip.”
She took it from him, cradling it in the nest she had made with her legs.
“Are you ready for the trick?”
She nodded.
“All right. Now here’s a fun little challenge for you. I want you to look at the candle.”
She did so, though she was reluctant to take her eyes off him. There was something rather charming about the way he was smiling, watching her with boyish excitement.
“Now, breathe in deep. That’s it, just like that. As far as you can. And when you exhale, I want you to make the candleflame flicker, but not go out. Do you understand?”
She nodded.
“Good. Now in…”
She inhaled, her chest rising.
“… And out.”
She exhaled, carefully and slowly so that the candle sputtered, but remained lit. It took several seconds for her to empty her lungs.
“Again. Only this time, take the air into the bottom of your lungs so that your stomach expands, not your chest. Do you understand?”
She nodded a third time.
“In…”
She breathed in, feeling her belly rise this time. The candle flame was bright, and she found that by looking at it, the edges of her vision dimmed.
“… And out.”
She breathed out, once again careful to do so slowly so that the flame would not go out. She felt her eyes grow hooded. For the first time since she had woken up that morning, she felt the tension from her shoulders give a little.
“That’s it. Keep that up for me. You’re doing well. It’s quite easy, isn’t it? You just need to breathe in and out, slow and steady…” His voice had become low, his own breathing mimicking hers. It was pleasant, like the purring of a large cat. “It smells nice, doesn’t it? It’s all right. Take a moment to notice that it smells nice, that the bed is soft beneath you, that it’s warm and comfortable in here. You’ve been on your feet all day, trussed up in that wedding gown, with all that pressure and all those people watching. Let that go now. It’s just you and me here. And that only thing you need to do is watch that flame and breathe…”
His voice was so soft now. Soon, she didn’t have to think about the breathing. She felt her body sink a little as her shoulders dropped and her posture slackened. She hadn’t even realised how tense she had been until he had told her.
“It feels good to relax, doesn’t it? That’s it… You’re doing so well. Imagine for me that every time you exhale, you let go a little bit more of that tension. Yes, I see your fingers grow loose. Don’t worry, you won’t drop the candle. It’s safe in your hands. Just like you’re safe here. It’s okay if you’re feeling drowsy now. You’ve had a long day. And it feels good to breathe. It feels good to let it all go. All you have to do is breathe…”
There was utter silence in the room, with only the sound of his voice, which had become distant and ambient as her mind unravelled. Her focus seemed to slip. She was still looking at the candle flame, but it had become detached from its source, simply a light that alternated between a flickering, star-like twinkle and a steady column of golden yellow.
He continued to talk and she felt herself becoming more and more used to his voice. This was the first time he had spoken so much in front of her, and the first time he had focused his attention on her so acutely. She could feel him watching her as she watched the candle, but instead of feeling anxious, she felt a shiver of catharsis. People had been watching her all day. She had been performing all day. And now, here, over the light of the candle as he spoke only to her; she felt *seen*.
“It’s good to see you relax like this,” he continued. “You look beautiful when you’re not anxious. This is exactly what I wanted to see. When you’re here, with me, you don’t have to do anything. You don’t have to be anything… You can just be. Isn’t that nice…?”
*Yes…* She found herself thinking. *It’s so nice…*
“In…”
She inhaled.
“…And sleep.”
She didn’t remember when he had moved but he was suddenly close to her, one hand guiding her head down so that her chin touched her chest, and the other taking the candle from her limp fingers. Her eyes fell closed. Part of her wondered vaguely why she was letting him do this, why it had been so easy… A word and a touch and she felt loose, floating. The sensation was so pleasant, so inviting, and as she felt all the strength leave her body, there was no panic in her, no fear. It seemed that she had been so ready to abandon the events of the last few weeks that all he had had to do was open a door and she had fled through it.
“There… there, that’s it. Do you see how easy that was?”
He didn’t seem to need an answer, so she let him bear her down until her head was nestled in the down pillow.
“All right… All right, now I can talk to you. Now you’re all loose and suggestible, and that’s a good thing. It feels good to let down those walls. You’ve been walking around as if in full plate armour. That must have been so heavy… Let’s set that aside now. It feels good to be rid of it. See how light and relieved you are now.”
She was. She let out a breath and it was as if a dead weight had been removed from her shoulders. Finally, as easy as breathing, she let herself smile; the first smile in weeks.
“Oh… Oh sweetheart. You’re so beautiful without that armour. And it’s not just that. You’ve been mute for weeks and weeks. You know, that’s all right. Keeping your silence has felt good. You’ve been feeling so powerless that withholding your thoughts and words has been empowering. I understand… I know.”
She let his words wash over her, her mind catching on the frayed edges of them. A bubble of gratitude swelled inside her and she felt no urge to deny or ignore him. In fact, she was very happy to follow him down this path.
“Just because you haven’t said anything, that doesn’t mean you haven’t been thinking. I bet your mind has been going and going and going. All those thoughts and frustrations and fears gone unsaid. Because you couldn’t say them. Because you have to be the good girl, the obedient daughter, the willing wife. Compliance, obedience, submissiveness, this was your mask. Now that we’ve taken that off, why don’t we give a name to those thoughts? That part of you that’s been fuming and raving inside, we’re going to give her a name. She’s still you, but she’s far more outspoken. She doesn’t care what anyone else things. She’s going to speak her mind whether or not anyone else approves. She’s rude and honest and fiery. We’re going to call her Becky. I like Becky. I think you like Becky too.”
Rebecca’s smile broadened, and she felt her face shift, growing a little crooked, a little sardonic. It was as if she were standing opposite this invented doppelganger and Becky was giving her that hard smirk that was full of intent. Becky had something to say.
“So, when I bring you back, you’re going to be Becky. I want to hear everything. Becky won’t have any problem telling me all the things that Rebecca’s been holding in. Isn’t that right?”
She let out a soft hum of affirmation. In truth, she felt her skin bristle with excitement. Oh, it was going to be so *satisfying* to finally say it all.
“All right. I’m going to count back from five. On one, we’re going to bring you out of the trance and let Becky loose. Five… Four…”
She already felt herself coming down, her mind settling into a more conventional form. It was akin to staying in the bath as the water drained away, her body becoming heavier, more solid.
“…Two… And one; we’re wide awake and feeling confident and ready to talk.”
Becky opened her eyes.
___
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