Cold Feet

I cross my legs,

Nervous,

Excited,

Tired of being complacent,

So proud of myself,

Having stood up to loneliness,

Shame,

There’s no shame in desire,

But is it a mistake?

Probably.

It’s mostly fear,

Fear of stagnation,

Fear of growing old,

Dying,

Having lived a life I couldn’t enjoy,

A life I tell myself I never wanted,

Just because I couldn’t bear it,

Knowing that I never knew how to live,

Though that didn’t stop me from trying,

Was it a mistake?

Probably.

I’m out of place,

All of this is too extravagant for me,

These panties are uncomfortable,

This bra doesn’t suit me,

My lover has cold eyes,

And a stranger’s touch,

I’m terrified of him,

And so infatuated,

Addicted to his nature,

It’s so unlike mine,

I just want him to want me,

Even though there’ll never be an us,

Is he a mistake?

Probably.

It’s funny,

How something so enjoyable,

Could be so disappointing,

Like something is missing,

Something I’ve had before,

Something I’ve left behind,

But my lover is here,

I can forget loneliness,

Even for a night,

A mistake?

Yeah, probably.

Source: reddit.com/r/eroticliterature/comments/byon8h/cold_feet