I had been dating my girlfriend for a few months. Nic was less experienced than me and enamored by our sexual life. This was the first time she was with a man who gave her the space to explore her sexuality. This excited her and I came to find out she bragged to her friends a lot about our sex life and my size.
One night her phone went off. I saw her screen light up and reached to grab the phone and bring it to her in the kitchen. With her hands still wet from doing the dishes she asked me to read the text to her. I obliged. It was a text from her best friend Sacha. Sacha asked how “Mr. Anana” was doing. I laughed and told her that was an odd name, one I hadn’t heard before. She smirked at me and said that’s because they made the name up. I was confused. She shut off the water, dried her hands and turned to lean against the sink while talking to me. Nic said that the last time her and Sacha were together she was telling her about our sex life. She described our chemistry and connectedness. The night before the conversation with Sacha we fucked on the floor in her living room, where we both came together at the same time. That hadn’t happened to her before. Eventually her conversation with Sacha turned to my size and Sacha was unsatisfied with Nic’s description of me as “hung.” Sacha wanted a visual aid and grabbed a newly-ripe banana on her counter. Nic said Sacha asked her how much smaller was I compared to the banana. She shook her head and laughed saying that she’d need a few more *anas* to approximate the size (a play on the end of the word banana, like “banan*ananan*a”.) I just shook my head and laughed. I went back to the room.
Fast forward a few weeks and we are all together on a weekend away. Nic’s sister, Connie and her best friend, Jackson had joined the three of us. Sacha had always been super chill, but now she was a lot more flirtatious with me. All in good fun, but very noticeable. We were playing Cards Against Humanity late one night. Jackson had gone and it was probably the least funny round of the game. (He was a great guy, but had zero personality. I mean, if you can’t make Cards Against Humanity fun then I don’t know what you can make fun.) After Jackson’s go Nic got up to go to our bedroom and send a few emails. She told us to keep playing without her. When she got up I guess she noticed how uncomfortable Sacha was sitting and told her to come lay on me, that I was “the best pillow.” Sacha came over and rested her head in my lap as we kicked off the next round. I played my black card, “*MTV’s newest show features eight celebrities living with*___.” I got up to get water while everyone laid their answers down. As I was pouring water I heard two giggles behind me and saw Sacha and Connie whispering to each other. Connie’s eyes got wide and I saw her mouth something to Sacha. I sat back down and picked up the turned over cards. I forgot what Jackson’s answer was, but I discarded it immediately. It wasn’t funny. I had two cards remaining to choose from. I laughed at my choices. *MTV’s newest show features eight celebrities living with*… “a big black dick” or “the biggest blackest dick.” As I read them aloud Sacha and Connie both giggled. I started laughing and threw both of their cards down. I picked up Jackson’s and said his was the winner.
Source: reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/bnt3q1/cards_against_my_humanity
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