Ok, first just for some background info, I’ve been with my boyfriend for more than 3 years now and we actually have a very stable and developing relationship that we both feel completely secure in. I don’t even believe in soulmates, but feel like he is my soulmate if that concept existed. I love him more than anything in this world and would never do anything to hurt him (PLEASE keep this in mind). I repeat, I would NEVER do anything to hurt him. So with that said, I also have to mention that part of our development and growth in our relationship has been working on ourselves. Ever since we both went to a meditation retreat last year, we made an agreement to never give up on our self development, and in turn this would lead to not give up on our relationship. It basically relates to the old as time concept of “If you can’t love yourself, how the hell are you going to love anyone else?”. And speaking of love, our idea of love has been transforming ever since that retreat and our daily practice of meditation.
Ok, I don’t want to ramble on too much about this. But to sum it up for the most part, we both have made numerous transformations in how we UNCONDITIONALLY love ourselves, which has done nothing less than GROW our unconditional love for each other.
So on to the details. My boyfriend (we’ll call him Branden) lives in a two-bedroom apartment with one of the rooms being rented out to this guy (we’ll call him Jason). Just for context, he is undeniably attractive, as is my boyfriend, but just in different ways. My boyfriend is what I like to call “dork attractive” lol. And I mean that in the most sincere way….he is extremely attractive, but especially so to me. Jason, on the other hand, is what I would call “primal attractive”. You know, more “body conscious”, into supplements/protein powder….but also very down to earth and just a cool guy. It’s just a different vibe, and honestly he’s not really my “type” if it came down to picking him out of a crowd, you know? But he does excite that “primal” sexual energy within me. I mean I’m more of the “smart attractive” type lol. I don’t know, I’m just more on the introverted/logical scale I guess. I’m NOT saying anything against people who are into developing their body. But while he’s not my “type”, he is definitely HOT.
So while I don’t live at the apartment with them, I am there so often it’s practically my alternate home. All three of us have actually become fairly good friends. And for the longest time I hardly ever saw Jason since our work schedules conflicted often. But eventually once a week or so we all managed to hang out, whether it be just eating dinner together or playing card games and whatnot. And you know how sometimes you meet someone and you just “click” with them. That’s how it was with Jason from the beginning. I never wanted to tell this to Branden because I was afraid of making him jealous, but he knows me so well I’m sure he could tell already.
So fast forward to last week. It was my day off and went over to the apartment (I have a key), and I knew Branden was going to be home in a couple of hours, and Jason was out of town visiting friends supposedly, so I had the place to myself. And you know how sometimes you just get in one of those hungry “moods”? Or let’s just say horny, more specifically? Well instead of loading up porn on the computer, I wanted to try something different. I remembered in a book I read before about channeling your sexual energy into yourself. In other words, “getting off” on yourself as a practice of self love. I thought first I should take a shower as a bit of foreplay for myself. So I’m in the shower and can feel my belly getting warmer and warmer as I’m gently lathering myself in soap in this sexually charged energy. I’m feeling my ass and thighs as I’m imagine how I would feel if I were someone else and feeling this body. I was very hot and horny at this point.
After I step out of the shower and dry myself off, I decided to put my towel back onto the rack and just feel free in my sexual energy as I walk to our bedroom. Before that, however, I wanted to get some water from the kitchen, and as I turn the corner I see Jason just laying out on the couch.
He was just as startled and said “Oh!” and sprang up from the couch not knowing what to do. And to be honest, neither did I/ Meaning, I didn’t know if I should go. I forgot to mention….something I had been working on with myself is to not give in to fear. But more importantly, it was not to ignore my desires.
“Hey” I said in a warm voice that was emanating from my already very warm belly.
He seemed a bit conflicted and sort of froze there, and yet within seconds his temperature began to rise along with mine. I wasn’t sure what to do at that point, but my feet just started walking….towards his room.
The atmosphere became so hot with silence that it felt like my ears were going to pop. I had never seen his room before, but I just saw his bed when I walked in and then sat on the edge of it. After what seemed like a few minutes, but couldn’t have been more than a few seconds, he walked into the room and sat right beside me! My skin was burning at this point. He cupped his beastly hand under the back of my jaw and leaned in for a kiss. Immediately there was this burst of electricity that went through us and everything moved into motion. I practically ripped his shirt out over him and unbuckled his belt. His lips tasted so watery and luscious. I wanted every drip of saliva out of his mouth. He then began sucking my nipples which were hard enough to slice diamonds at this point. I then ripped off his jeans and briefs and my own mouth watered at the sight of that rock hard cock. My pussy was so open and flushed and I couldn’t hold out any longer. I lowered myself onto him and felt his warmth tickle the inside of me. It felt like a spa inside, it was so comforting. As I straddled him my hips were doing a dance of their own moving in and out, back and forth. I didn’t know where he began and I ended, we were just in our own circulation. I was grasping the back of his hair as he was firmly grasping my ass cheeks. I didn’t care what the neighbors said I was moaning so loud. The intensity rose as we went faster and faster as I could feel the friction getting tighter and hotter. It rose. It rose.
And
r e l e a s e……………………
I couldn’t even begin to describe the beauty that came with that orgasm. It was love and lust all intertwined in a vortex of it’s own. We ended it with many reaffirming kisses. And well, I went back to the shower where it all started.
As of now, he and I haven’t slept with each other since (it’s been a week), nor have planned on it again. We both talked about it afterwards and I explained where I was coming from and he totally understood. I’m so fortunate that it’s not awkward at all between us, even when my boyfriend and I hang out with Jason.
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Ok, so remember when I said I would never do anything to hurt my boyfriend, ever? Well I still haven’t told him, as I haven’t found the right time. Here’s the thing though, we are so close with each other and nothing would take us apart. What I want to say though is the reason I’m not feeling guilty about not telling him yet is that I know he would be ok with this. We have had discussions in the past about sharing our relationship (we read this book called More Than Two….which I would highly recommend for anyone interested in expanding the idea of love and relationships) and we both agreed that it would be the most loving thing for us to do is to want the best for each other and want one another to live their dreams WITHOUT conditions, even if those conditions involve sleeping or even falling in love with another person, and me not telling him before hand. We discussed this and agreed how part of the fun is hiding it from the other partner. I know, it probably sounds like I’m making excuses for this to try and justify that what I did was not wrong, but just trust me on this, that I KNOW him so well and I know his heart is open to this. And lastly, let me say that this experience took nothing away from my relationship with my boyfriend. Not one ounce of love or lust left our relationship. Though I do know I need to tell him soon, which I will the next day I have off, as I just want to make sure I deliver it in the most loving way possible and that I’m not exhausted or tired when I say it. Wish me luck!
(By the way I know this is controversial for some people, and this is definitely not for everybody or for all relationships. I don’t recommend anyone just blindly following their instincts, especially if it compromises the feelings of another person. I only did this because we have openly discussed our desires. Everybody has their own way of expressing love and not any form of loving relationship is more “perfect” than another :))
Source: reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/bne38a/following_my_primal_instincts_with_my_bfs
So in a nutshell: your hamster is in overdrie because you cucked your beta boyfriend by getting fucked by his alpha roomate.
It’s called infidelity. Don’t sugarcoat it.
Not bashing you in any way. I thoroughly enjoyed your writing. I was on the boyfriend’s side of something similar years ago. I thought I would be fine with it too, but honestly it still hurts. If I were you, don’t bring it up to him. Somethings are better left unsaid. The outcome of it in my relationship wasn’t the best. We split 6 months after. I did however learn a lot from it and could easily say it made me transition into a more alpha male. There for awhile I was hooking up with women left and right. Married, engaged, boyfriend’s it didn’t stop me from getting it. The whole experience made me trust people less. After seeing how many women were willing to cheat on their significant others so easily made me wary when I wanted to settle down. Once you’ve had a good taste it’ll be hard to stop. Then you’ll back and want that “soulmate” relationship you took 3 years to build and it’ll be gone.
“Having discussions” over an open relationship doesn’t mean it’s an open relationship. You cheated in a monogamous relationship with your boyfriend’s roommate. Quit saying you would *never, ever* hurt him when you clearly consciously did something you know is wrong, evidenced by the fact you still haven’t got the courage to tell the truth.
There is a very, very clear difference between having sex with a third party having agreed to it and having sex with someone, being in a mutually agreed monogamous relationship, because you got horny.
“Don’t want to hurt my boyfriend” openly cheats on him