I lost my virginity to Nick when I was eighteen and for months I wondered what all the fuss was about.
He was my first proper boyfriend, the first one I’d brought home to meet my parents, and that first time in my empty home, with my parents out with my brother and sister, we had painful and awkward sex. It had been something he’d been pressuring me for months, and as time had passed I had gotten increasingly excited about the experience I was about to share. Friends had spoken of sex as this wonderful moment of bliss, of connection with the person you loved.
Instead I just remembered wondering whether that was it.
Reading stories online had told me that it was something that would get better, that lovers learned each others bodies as time went on. But while we kept doing things together, each time I didn’t ever feel myself get close to orgasm, and that awkwardness never seemed to pass even as time stretched on.
Sometimes I wondered whether it was me. One time, after a session where Nick had finished in just a few minutes so I was left feeling unfulfilled once more, I had spent time looking in the bathroom mirror. My red hair cascading past the pale skin of my shoulders and down to my perky handful of breasts. A constellation of freckles spread across my cheeks, blushed red from the limited exertion of coupling with my boyfriend.
I had spent minutes there, looking at myself and wondering whether I was the problem, whether I should be the one making more of an effort. Wondering whether anyone else was out there thinking the same about themselves, or whether it was just me that was broken.
If Nick was aware of my self doubt then he didn’t show it. After every session he would act as if he’d taken me to nirvana and back, had spoken with such confidence during sex that I was sure that I should have felt something close to what he was describing. But even when he went down on me he would spend a few minutes fumbling his tongue around where he thought my clit was before I would drag him back up my body to kiss me. Because almost anything was better than him performing oral.
This went on for a few months, our time in college coming to an end and our future at university together rapidly approaching. We’d both, in the midst of young love and naivety, picked and taken offers from the same university about an hour north of our hometown. It was far away enough that we could spread our wings, but close enough that if anything went wrong that our parents wouldn’t be too far away.
While how I felt about Nick felt eternal, I did also feel a little unrest growing within me. Going to the same university suddenly felt stifling, and I worried that with us both living in each others pockets we wouldn’t make new friends, and would just live in a little bubble together. I shared these fears with Nick but he just dismissed them as if they were nothing. However, the city we were moving to had two universities, and without telling another soul I made enquiries about enrolling there rather than the one I knew my boyfriend was going to.
It didn’t change much as the summer started to wind down. We made plans to spend more time with loved ones, and with such plans to leave came parties with our respective families and friends. Two weeks before I was due to move into halls, I had a relatively small affair with my parents, siblings and Nick where we ordered in pizza and played a few board games. I had everyone I loved with me, and it was just the kind of night I loved at the time.
Nick’s was a little different.
With his friendship group splitting apart and moving to different parts of the country, it was one last chance for him to spend time with the three of them before it became harder to see one another. I couldn’t begrudge that, even if I was mostly ignored by him and almost everyone else.
Thankfully his older brother kept me company. Ryan was four years older than Nick and was a personal trainer at a local gym. He wasn’t a big man, but there was definitely a tightness to his clothes that made my eyes linger longer than necessary. It wasn’t like Nick wasn’t in good shape, but the few years gap gave Ryan a more masculine look – simply, he looked like a man, while his younger sibling was still in that awkward period between boyhood and manhood.
Because he was a bit older, with a little more money to spend on good clothes and nice things, I found it easy to spend time with him when I was around their family home. It was incredibly shallow, but at the time he was like no other man I knew – older than my peer group, but younger than adults I worked with, or knew through my own parents. It gave him a quality I could quietly admire that I couldn’t get anywhere else.
This would sometimes lead to some light flirting from him, and I would respond awkwardly with a smile. There had been one time when we’d all sat on the sofa together watching a film, with me sat between the two brothers, and he repeatedly brushed his leg with either his foot or his hand. Too many times for a simple coincidence. I thought nothing of it, justifying it in my head as something pretty harmless. Still, I didn’t mention it to Nick.
Then the night came where everything happened. I can close my eyes and recall it all like it’s all happening again.
It was approaching midnight during the party and Nick and his boys were involved in some kind of fighting tournament on the PlayStation, each huddled around the tv and hollering at what was transpiring. Occasionally I would watch from the small window in the kitchen that overlooked the living room in between cleaning up the mess of the party with Ryan.
“Is he winning?” I hear Ryan ask behind me after I’d clearly watched too long. I turn to look at his easy smile and return it with one of my own. “I think so. Its winner stays on, and he’s not really stopped playing yet. Not that I understand these things.”
Ryan chuckles softly and steps behind me, placing the tea-towel on his broad shoulder. He watches his younger brother yell as another friend fails to beat him, and then steps away from me to continue drying crockery.
“Do you not fancy a game?” I ask him, and he just laughs and shakes his head. “Kinda grew out of that shit when I was his age. Prefer seeing friends now, have a few drinks with them y’know?”
I don’t really know, not at this stage of my life, but I nod and smile anyway just as a loud shout comes from the living room and I turn to watch as a friend of Nick’s gives his him a rude hand gesture after losing another bout to my boyfriend.
“Bit shit he isn’t spending more time with you.” Ryan says, voice suddenly close behind me.
I pause for a moment, steadying my breath after the surprise of his sudden proximity. “He’ll see me plenty at uni. Not so much the lads. Better he spends time with them now.”
“You’re a good girlfriend, you know that?” Ryan breathes, body pressed close to me now.
It’s too close, really. I should have stepped away right then and told him quietly that he was being inappropriate. Not doing so probably changed me, because that evening probably had more of an effect on my life than any other night that I can think of.
Instead I let him continue to press against me. And that seemed to spur Ryan on further.
I feel his hand on my leg, on the cusp of my short plaid skirt so I can feel fingertips against my smooth skin. Just the touch makes my breath catch in my throat, a sound that feels so loud when it cannot even be above a whisper.
It’s so wrong. And I don’t even stop him as he slips a hand to my inner thigh and slowly upwards.
We’re both looking forward, eyes staring at the tv and the crowd of boys around it. I shift to look at Nick’s parents, both talking animatedly with some family friends on the sofa. Not one person is paying attention to me and Ryan stood against on another.
No one can see that is hand is now cupping my pussy through my panties.
My legs go weak but it doesn’t matter because Ryan is pinning me against the counter. My breath comes out in a low, shuddering gasp and I have to bite my lip as I feel two fingers press and slide along my wet lips, soaking my panties.
After months of wondering what the fuss is about with any kind of sex, in less than a minute Ryan had got me more worked up than Nick ever had.
I want more, regardless of how wrong and dangerous it is. My hips push back slightly, trying to instigate Ryan to do something else, something more. He responds by pulling the elastic of the cotton aside and running a finger along the slit of my pussy.
How I don’t moan out is anyone’s guess. I still don’t know now. It was the most powerful experience of my young life, to feel something so wrong feel so, so right.
His finger is about to push into my sex when Nick suddenly turns around and whoops in delight at what he’s just done and what I haven’t even noticed. Ryan quietly and slowly removes his hand from under my skirt and steps back as if nothing had happened, while I’m sure my face must be flushed, or my eyes carry some kind of obvious guilt in them.
If it is then Nick doesn’t even notice it.
I can’t look at Ryan for the remainder of the night as the memory of his curious hand lingers. It seemed like something from a dream, and even now it’s something I can’t quite believe happened. But it did, because it was the spark that ignited what happened later that night.
Nick had drank quite a bit with his friends, so that when he went to bed with me he was asleep almost immediately. It was something I was thankful for, because the thought of him trying anything on with me while he’s so drunk makes me feel a little ill. Which in turn made me feel a little bad, because he was my boyfriend and I loved him dearly.
Sleep wouldn’t come for me. All I could think about was Ryan, his bold ways and the way he’d made me feel in little more than a few minutes. Was it him? Or was it the situation? Was there only one way to find out?
When I get out of bed as quietly as I can, I tell myself that all I want to do is to speak with him. That’s all. Wearing a loose shirt and pajama bottoms, I glance once back at Nick who is still heavily sleeping, then step out of the bedroom door and down the soft-carpeted landing towards Ryan’s room.
I don’t knock, though I do cringe when the knob creeks as I turn it. Stepping silently into the dark room, I close the door as quietly as I can behind me and then press myself back against, heart pounding as I wonder what the fuck I’m doing.
“Hello?” comes a voice from the darkness.
I swallow hard and then my voice comes out as barely a peep.
“Hi,”
Another silence and I hear the bed rustle slightly. “Polly?”
More heartbeats pound against my chest before I reply. “Yeah. It’s me.”
The sheets shuffle a little more and then I hear the creek of the floorboards as he gets out of bed. “What are you doing in here Pol?” he asks, the confident smile clear in his voice as he moves towards me.
“I… thought we could talk.” I reply, licking my lips. “About… About earlier.”
“And it couldn’t wait until morning?” he drawled quietly, standing before me now so I can see his smile and the glint in his eye. His hand presses against the door beside my head, trapping me.
“It can wait.” I quietly shriek, not sure whether I want to run from him or kiss him. Then Ryan dips his head to my slender neck and I gasp at how his mouth feels against it.
“No,” he breathes. “It can’t.”
I tilt my head to expose more of my neck to him as his hands move to my waist and pull me into his naked body. I’m surprised with how hard his cock is, pressed against my midriff now. With a firm grip, he starts to pull me away from the door and towards his bed.
My hands go to his shoulders in a feeble attempt to push away. But my legs continue to shuffle with him as he kisses along my jawline, and instead I grip to his bare arms and twist my head to meet his lips.
A soft moan escapes from our kiss as I give in to Ryan. He stops walking us back to his bed for a moment and puts his hands on my hips, and I respond by wrapping my arms around his shoulders as our lips part slowly for one another. His tongue slides into my mouth to tease around my own and then he starts to move us back towards his bed once more.
At this point I’m utterly under his spell and don’t fight at all as he removes my top and then pulls down my bottoms, which I step out of dutifully when they pool around my bare feet. I’m not really thinking at all anymore, instead happily lost in how he is making me feel.
With a little press on my shoulders, he pushes me onto the bed and lays me down, his hands running up and down my naked body in a reverence that his brother has never really given. For the very first time in my life I feel sexy. Ryan doesn’t join me in bed though, instead kneeling between my legs off the bed with his head hovering over my sex.
I start to breath quicker, knowing what is about to happen and wondering whether this could be any worse than Nick. I quickly discover there was no need to fret.
He starts by kissing the inside of my milky white thighs and then around the pink lips of my pussy. The teasing and tormenting he’s doing makes me squirm on his bed, fists balled up as I grip the sheets, painfully waiting for his mouth touch my most private of parts.
His tongue dragging along my moist lips is the most erotic thing I’d experienced, and I immediately have to cover my mouth to stop myself from moaning out. None of it is for show, none of it is pretend – as he uses his tongue I feel myself truly realise that it wasn’t me that was doing it all wrong – it was Nick.
My back arches and I have to reach for his pillow when he parts my lips with his hand and wraps his mouth around my clit. I moan into the soft cushion that smells faintly of his aftershave as he flicks my nub with the tip of his tongue and then sucks on it twice in quick succession.
When he goes back to do that a third time, two fingers are lodged firmly in my tight pussy and I can’t hold back the noise any longer. I practically scream into the pillow as for the very first time I climax because of something someone else has done. I shudder in his grasp and writhe on the bed as multiple waves of ecstasy submerge me and take me into a bliss I have never known.
I could have lain there for the rest of the night, oblivious to the world around me. But after seconds or minutes, I feel the weight of another on top of me and the pillow covering my eyes is removed and I see Ryan hovering above me. His eyes aren’t on mine though – instead he’s looking down between our bodies. I soon realise why when I feel the thick head of his manhood press against my wet lips before he slowly pushes his length into me.
It’s awkward at first – I hadn’t been quite on the bed properly when he mounted me and filled my pussy with his cock. So it takes some shuffling until we’re both comfortable on his bed, and I feel his cock slip out of me briefly. When he fills me again we’re both on the bed and the difference is immediately noticeable.
For a few strokes it’s awkward and I wonder whether I’ve made a huge mistake allowing this to happen after all, regardless of what Ryan has already done to me. But it’s just a few strokes – on the third he hits his stride and he does something I couldn’t honestly describe at that time that makes my back arch and my hands grasp his hard, muscular body.
We’d not spoken since the moment his lips had touched my neck. Personally I’d worried that saying anything might make the realisation of what I was doing stop it all. And as Ryan pumped his hard, thick cock into me I knew that I needed this. I needed to know and see what good sex could be.
In the silence of the house, with my boyfriend deep in slumber down the hallway, the only noise is the slight creek of the bed and quick, shallow breathing from the two of us. Ryan’s hands guide my legs around his waist and cause slight whimpers to escape my lips as the delights of this new angle became apparent to me. He silences them with a passionate kiss, and this time I respond with the same passion.
His hands slide up my body and grasp and knead my tits, though not with the slight pain that would come when Nick did it. His thumbs drag across my hard nipples as he does and I let out the smallest of moans, and he shushes me loudly.
As he starts to fuck me harder, I wrap my arms around his body and feel how the powerful muscles move under his skin. My head presses up against his pectorals and I moan against his skin, the sound of his animalistic grunts in my ear as we both approach orgasm.
“Pill?” he asks in a hiss, breaking our silent agreement not to speak, and I nod against his chest.
When I cum again, my fingers dig into his shoulder blades and I gasp out silently beneath him. My first thought is that I have finally found the delights of penetrative orgasm, that I’m not broken at all. The second thought is how fucking good it feels to have Ryan’s cum pulsing into me.
He grunts loudly, or what feels like loudly, into my ear and continues to thrust hard into me as he fills my tight cunt. My hand goes to his ass and I hold him him there without really thinking why, but now I know I wanted to feel every last drop of him spill into me before the dreamlike experience ended.
When he’s done we lay panting softly together for a time, his lips kissing my freckled shoulder and my hands running slowly up and down his back. Eventually he leans up and pulls his slick manhood from my used pussy. I lay there looking up at him for a moment and then his mouth pulls into a slight smile.
“Wondered when you’d finally make it to my bed.” he whispers.
“You… don’t feel bad?” I ask, annoyed that’s the first thing I say after all that’s just happened.
“Not really. This isn’t gonna last between you and Nick. These relationships never do. Would have been a shame to miss out on fucking you before you break up.”
I frown at quite how cold he is, and I’m torn between defending how I feel about his brother, and how pitiful that argument would be considering I’m lying naked on Ryan’s bed with his cum seeping out of sex.
“I should go back to bed.” I mutter, feeling suddenly emotional. Ryan just smiles and watches as I pull on my bedclothes and head back to Nick’s room. He doesn’t say anything else, and I don’t have anything to say to him.
Nick is still asleep when I get back to bed after a quick visit to the bathroom, but he stirs when I get back into the sheets, arms wrapping around me from behind, a soft noise of contentment coming from him as I lay there frigid with guilt. And also something else. It’s a seed of something, sprouting from the earth. A discovery I’d found behind a hidden door, waiting to be explored further.
Despite everything, I smile and then close my eyes, relishing just how good sex could be.
I just needed to find the right person.
Source: reddit.com/r/eroticliterature/comments/aj5he1/the_sexual_awakening_of_polly_pinnick_pt_1_fm