[FM] The true storey how a shy accountant (F30) crunched the numbers, analysed the applications and selected an extraordinary oral lover

Guys have been bugging me for months to post this here. It is a long read and I hope you like all it.

Last year I needed to be licked, so I went onto Random Acts of Muff Dive and wow – was I in for a wide ride!

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

**ORIGINAL POST: Tues 1 May 2018**

[F4M] Shy attractive accountant (30) searching for an extraordinary oral lover #London

Dear lovely men of RAOMD

I am 30, and I need to be licked so bad. I have spent months reading posts to get confidence, inspiration and guidance from other female posters. I am empowering my sexual future with this long wish list.

I have my own place in **London, Clapham**. My sister lives in **San Francisco**, so I am out there few times a year (next trip is June 8-19). My family also has a rarely used holiday home in the **Bournemouth** area, I go down my own every second weekend to escape London. Although, the first few meetings will have to be in a hotel and I cannot host in San Francisco.

I only experienced cunnilingus for the first time four months ago. My first lover (boyfriend/husband) never went down on me or even gave me one orgasm (PIV) and refused to masturbate me. I wasted 14 years of my sexual life because of him and still have emotional scars from his psychological bullying. My second lover was amazing and loved cunnilingus. I experienced orgasm heaven for the first time but we mutually ended it after six weeks. He woke a sleeping monster inside my sexual soul.

I am now looking for my third lover and an enthusiastic man who loves to please. I am now totally obsessed with being licked and in control of my orgasms. I have lots of catching up to do, lots to learn and years of pent up sexual energy that is starting to explode. I just need the right man to help me explore my fantasies. You will be patient and happy to allow me to be in control. If you can fulfil most of my fantasies, listed below, I will be so indebted. I will reciprocate, but just “vanilla”; sex, oral, masturbation etc. You pleasure me first, I will want to spoil you like crazy in my own little way.

People tell me I am very pretty. I guess that is subjective and being a typical insecure girl, things like my damn freckles bug me. I am slim/fit/petite, don’t smoke and I am 5’7”. I have flyaway strawberry blond hair and have piercing blue eyes.

BUT if you want an unnatural smooth waxed “porn star” and no visible labia with big boobs, please stop reading this! If you want a girl who likes deep/stretching anal sex, BDSM, S&M, fisting, toys, dildos, outdoor, public etc., please stop reading this!

BUT if you like the sound of a natural and really shy girl, with small boobs, cute firm bum, has really soft pubic hairs and large meaty pink labia, please continue to read.

During the day, I am a shy bookish accountant, serious and a perfectionist. But remove my glasses and get me naked, I will transform into a kinky playful wet multi orgasmic sex machine and hopefully become your ultimate cunnilingus goddess.

I am really keen to try analingus for the first time too. I think I have become rather obsessed with it, but receiving only. Is that really bad? Such a double standard I know and so ironic based on my past. If this is too selfish or sexist, I am sorry. If this is an issue for you, please stop reading this. If pleasuring me like this repulses you, please stop reading this! If this taboo and unreciprocated act really excites you, please continue to read. I just want to become your ultimate analingus goddess too.

I know I could do internet dating or take someone home from a bar/club. Have sex with him and he would probably climax in 2 minutes and I would get nothing back. Sure, he might lick me. But statistically, the chances of him being an extraordinary oral lover and liking most of my fantasies is so remote. Plus I would probably freak him out with all my demands. I don’t have the time or the energy to just hope I find the right guy.

I am a numbers girl and I know this will be a numbers game. I am going to estimate out of the 70,000 plus subscribers on RAOMD, 60,000 are men and only 5% are regular readers. I may get 3,000 readers in 2 weeks. I will estimate that 1 in 600 will interested in my fantasies AND willing to jump though all my hoops AND be close enough to one of my three locations. Will I get my 5 perfect applications to choose from? Sorry if “applications” sounds too formal, but this is very important to me. There is nothing “random” about this, I need to find you!

For the last few weeks, I was thinking about how to articulate my fantasies. “Vagina” does sounds very clinical. I have never been a fan of the word “pussy”, or “fuck” for that matter. The word “cunt” has too many negative connotations. I decided to stay formal and use “vagina”. Saying things like “Please can you lick my vagina as soon as we get home” does sound rather cute! During the ecstasy of an orgasm, I might moan “Please please never never stop licking my cunt” Used in the right way, it does sound somewhat mischievous. I guess we all have our little eccentricities.

Right, here we go with all my fantasies and in no particular order:

**F1** – I need you to lick me. Please tell me how I smell and taste. If you tell me I smell and taste amazing, it will totally relax me and give me the confidence I need to fully enjoy you pleasuring me. Your attention needs to be a marathon not the 100 meters. Please lick and kiss my secret treasures before you even get to my swollen aching clit. Then be very gentle with me. Please lick me until I moan and scream. Lick me until you make me cry. Lick me until you make me uncontrollably weep. Lick me until I beg you to stop. You have my permission to ignore my last demand, please continue to cherish me and just promise to never stop licking me.

**F2** – I want to ride your face long and hard. Facing front and facing back, on my knees and squatting. All four positions please. Can we achieve four orgasms in one session? In the gym, my favourite exercise is squatting. My legs and buttocks are strong and rock hard. I could probably ride your face in the squat position for ages.

**F3** – Please bury your nose into my soft pubic hairs. Tell me how they smell after a warm summer walk with you. Drink in my womanly honeyed perspiration. I do have large pink succulent labia. I used be embarrassed by them, but now I want them to excite us both. Please suck them and tell me how much they fill your mouth when they are still merged together. Take me in deep please. Using your tongue only, explore me and find your way in and spread my lips open and suck them individually really hard. Please let me swat over you, I want to see how far we both can stretch my lips over your face without too much pain. Sexy discomfort will probably make me very excited. I need every square inch of your face to have contact with my labia as I explore your facial contours with my sensitive lips. I want to give you a full mouth & nose gag and maybe a wet labia blindfold. Allow me to blind you with my womanhood. Is that even possible? Let’s try, it could be interesting.

**F4** – I want us both to strip fully naked, I sit you on a kitchen chair, no touching is allowed and you cannot move a muscle. I shave you, twice, knowing soon that I will completely own and control your ultra-smooth face. Your hard cock will have a stream of precum running down, which I would love to lick off, but won’t. My labia may be dribbling too. I will take you to the bed, get you to lie down and I will stand over you and then slowly lower my wet throbbing vagina into your face. Just relax as I ride your smooth face in all four positions (F2) until I climax and hopefully have multiple orgasms. I also want to see if my vagina alone can make you climax without your cock being touched by you or me.

**F5** – I read the clit has 18 parts. Will you help me to discover each one with time and patience? Use your soft tongue and gentle fingers please. Explore me, but edge me, don’t allow me to climax. I will be so wet once we are done. I will ask you to kiss me really hard. I want to taste and smell what you are experiencing. We have my hot wet tasty vagina in common, so let’s share it please. I finally will need you to make me climax and I also need you to stop and kiss my mouth every five minutes too, I want to continue to taste my juices from your mouth and I want to lick your lovely wet face clean. I also to look deep into your eyes and say thanks for being so wonderful before I send you back down and I beg you to lick my cunt forever! (Was that a positive connotation?)

**F6** – I want to lie face down on a bed while you shower my back with kisses. You continue down and kiss my perfect firm buttocks. When I am wet, dripping and ready, you will add two pillows under my tummy, split my legs wide open 180 degrees. Please lick me and lick me long and hard. I should add, I was really talented at gymnastics as a kid and I am still very flexible.

**F7** – I need you to find and gently masturbate my g-spot, gently finger my arsehole and gently lick my clit ALL the same time. Please make me ejaculate. I have never done that yet, please help me. I will have my feet behind my head and use my calves as my head pillows. I want to watch you work on my exposed body as you drive me into a physical and emotional state of absolute ecstasy. I want to watch my juices surge all over your face or total exhaust myself trying to do so. I just hope you have extreme stamina and your fingers and tongue will never get tired.

**F8** – Please lick my arsehole really hard and get your tongue inside me and into my most secret and forbidden place. I have read some girls can climax from analingus without any clit stimulation. Please help me achieve that. I think that kind of intense, sensitive and psychological orgasm from analingus sounds heavenly. What position is best? Will it take a long time? Am I pushing things too far? I don’t know, I am all new to this. I am just your nervous analingus virgin. I am so curious to find out if this will make me scream, cry or weep, or all three. Like F1, if I beg you to stop, please ignore me. Can a girl even have multiple orgasms from analingus? Can we find out please? This is such a vulnerable and really intimate act, so please know, I am meticulously clean. I will never allow this to happen unless I am 100% comfortable and relaxed. But before we start, do I need a second shower? Soapy shiny arsehole? Or my sweet natural tasting arsehole, 1-12 hours after my normal morning routine and shower? What excites you more? Please be 100% honest. If you are more comfortable with a second shower, please clean and finger my arsehole with your soapy fingers while we shower together. Shower or no shower, please kiss me before we begin. Knowing where your tongue will soon be going, I will be kissing you like mad with anticipation and pure excitement.

**F9** – This is F6, F7 and F8 all merged. Please get me to lie face down on the bed. With two fingers inside me, masturbate my g-spot, gently rub my clit and lick my arsehole ALL at the same time. I want to see if this will make me ejaculate too. Failing that, I am sure the orgasm will still be enormous. Please can you ensure when I ejaculate or climax, you are licking my arsehole as if your life depends on it. I do think this will be so intense and I will never forget it. I just hope you will like it too.

**F10** – I need you to kiss and lick my arsehole after a long day out. I want to watch TV or clear my inbox and totally ignore you while you “make out” with my arsehole. Please do this for at least 30 minutes. You are just thankful for the privilege. I will be thankful too. My vagina will be so jealous for being left out and will be wet and begging to be licked too. Please oblige.

**F11** – I am squatting over you, facing your hard cock. I need to push my arsehole into your nose while you lick my vagina. May I hold your hard cock to help me balance? Once you have exhausted and totally drained me, I will change position to my knees (phase two), but please continue to lick me. I want you to experience the perfect 69 / blow job. I can suck you soft/slow/hard/fast. However you lick me, I will match you. So you set the pace for what you want and like. Rim my arsehole lightly or lightly lick my shattered clit, I will do to the same with my tongue around your cock tip. Push your tongue deep inside my vagina or my arsehole, I will take you deep and hard. I want you to explode into my mouth when you are good and ready. If you want me to me to dig my nails into your scrotum, just ask me. How long will you be able to hold out with me sucking you and you licking me at the same time?

**F12** – I am squatting over you, looking down into your eyes. I need to push my vagina into your nose while you lick my arsehole. Please try and get your tongue inside me. Tell me I own your face and tongue and that I can do anything I wish. Once you have made me climax, I will slide down your face and chest and then I will squat on your cock. Please watch how my large labia hugs your condom as I move up and watch them slowly compress as I lower back down. I will go extra slow until you beg me to go faster. It is now your turn to explode.

**F13** – We are having sex. You are slow and gentle with me. You have already given me a few orgasms already and I am all yours. Half way through, you look deep into my eyes and say “I have to stop. I am so sorry but I have to get my tongue inside your arsehole right now.” I gasp as I feel you withdraw from my vagina and within 5 seconds you have a pillow under my bum, so I am raised up, my feet are behind my head and your tongue is inside my arsehole. You lick me as if the World will end in 5 minutes. You may make me climax yet again and then you come back to me, the sex continues and I can taste myself on your mouth and it drives me crazy. The harder you kiss me, the harder I dig my nails into your back. You never stop kissing me until you climax yourself. You might be scarred, forever.

That is it, for now!

Do I need professional help with this analingus obsession?

Or can you help me?

I drafted this over 5 nights, so I will give you time too. I am going to have a digital detox from Reddit and will try not log on for two weeks. I want the time to improve my odds of finding you. Even though I need to be licked so bad, I need to do this right. I can wait. Can you?

**Here are all the hoops you need to jump through, sorry!**

Please have this in the title: APPLICATION FROM (YOUR LOCATION). Just so I can see them easily, in case I get a flood of comments and PM’s without full applications.

I need your age, occupation and usual physical statistics.

Confirmation you are DDF & clean. These are deal breakers.

Confirmation you don’t smoke. Sorry guys, if you smoke, I cannot kiss you. If I cannot kiss you, you cannot lick me.

You will be 24 to 44, fit, professional, clean cut and have a lovely smooth face. Not deal breakers, I am flexible with these.

Relationship status and history please. Who do you live with? Something about you and why will we be a good fit?

For both our sakes for all my fantasies, please be honest. Please list them all like this: (sorry, I am a stickler when it comes to neat documents / presentations):

**F1**: Yes please / No thanks: Your reasons and comments are optional, but will help me. If Yes, why? I don’t want you to be agreeable, just so you get your release at the end. If my fantasies don’t excite you, please say no!

Although, if F1 is “No thanks”, why are you on RAOMD?

**F2**: Yes please / No thanks: Your reasons and comments are optional, but will help me. If Yes, why? I don’t want you to be agreeable, just so you get your release at the end. If my fantasies don’t excite you, please say no!

**F3**: Yes please / No thanks: Your reasons and comments are optional, but will help me. If Yes, why? I don’t want you to be agreeable, just so you get your release at the end. If my fantasies don’t excite you, please say no!

**F4**: Yes please / No thanks: Your reasons and comments are optional, but will help me. If Yes, why? I don’t want you to be agreeable, just so you get your release at the end. If my fantasies don’t excite you, please say no!

Etc. Etc. Etc. Etc. to **F13**.

If this whole process is a chore, I am not the girl for you.

If you think you will enjoy writing an unhurried and well thought out reply and be rock hard the whole time you are typing it, we could be a good match. I spend 5 nights and 14 hours writing, redrafting and tweaking this. I had to sit half naked on a new towel each night.

If you want, please add more fantasies you think I would like, **F14 to Fxx**. As my oral lover, I have to come first, but sorry to reiterate, I want them to excite you too or this whole thing will never work.

Error ridden and hurried applications, fragmented applications and cock pics will not impress me.

Please take your time, just as if you are licking me!

Planned and articulate applications will impress me.

So surprise me!

Intrigue me!

Help me!

Teach me!

Please adore, respect and cherish me!

Allow me to pamper you. I really want you to think about me in your twilight years as one of the best you ever had, even with my “vanilla reciprocation”

Thanks for reading and I will be start reading all the messages fully on Tuesday 15 May 2018.

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

**UPDATE: Tuesday 15 May 2018:**

I am so embarrassed, as an accountant, I totally underestimated the numbers and the response to my post.

There were **193 messages**, which included:

**78 full applications**! And this was after a quick count and reconciliation; removing duplications and merging ones that spread over a few messages. (I did not know there was a message limit, sorry guys!)

I don’t know what to say!

Lots to read now!

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

**UPDATE: Tuesday 22 May 2018:**

Hi guys

Thanks for your patience. What an experience and so much to read!

The range of the messages (over 200) and the **86 Full Applications** (final count after a few stragglers) were astonishing.

Thanks to everyone for going to all that effort. I was never expecting this response and to be honest, I was flabbergasted. I copied all the applications onto a Word document and it was over 500 pages long!

Many messages just asked to meet, call or chat and ignored my “hoops / application process”, which I totally understand. I was asking a lot!

Out of the 86 Full Applications; some were short, most were average in length and around a third were very detailed!

Some were clear and well formatted. Some had **headings / F1-13** in **bold** which helped me so much, thank you.

79 of the 86 applications said **Yes please** to ALL of my 13 fantasies. I did not predict that. Huge boost to my confidence, thx!

There were many applications that impressed me. Many applications made me smile. Many applications actually made me very wet!

However, one chap’s follow up messages surprised me and totally intrigued me. I followed my instincts, did all my checks and I have arranged to meet him, just for drinks. I am 99.9% sure I am going to “employ” him and let him lick me on our second meeting.

And just to avoid the question, I only want and need one oral lover. Too busy to juggle anyway, even if I wanted too! Sorry!

I will follow up with a separate SUCCESS post, which is how confident I am with this guy.

Thanks so much and take care.

Axxx

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

**SUCCESS: Thursday 7 June 2018:**

Hi

Sorry for the delay. I have been drafting this in my head for 12 nights. Finding the time to write it has been a battle!

With so many applications, I finally selected “my guy”. His application was meticulously planned and his follow up messages totally blew me away. He waited another 6 days before sending his own **F14 to F26**. All his 13 additional fantasies were amazing and I said **“Oh my God, yes please”** to all of them! He also took a calculated risk and sent photos, his personal & work email and mobile number, knowing full well I would be checking him out.

So armed with his details, I did my due diligence. Sad, risk averse accountant, I know, but a girl has to be careful! I checked out the company he worked for and found him on LinkedIn. We had common connections. I sent two discreet messages to two contacts that I trusted and got the feedback I needed. My instincts about him from his application and messages were confirmed. I repaid his leap of faith with a LinkedIn invite. What was the worst that could happen? Extortion? He could send my most intimate secrets to my colleagues. But I could do the same to him, this was totally MAD. So with the comfort of Mutually Assured Destruction, the risk was eliminated!

We met in a quiet hotel bar/lounge. I liked him straight away and we just clicked. Two hours of easy conversation, helped by having lots in common. Prior to the meeting we had both agreed nothing would happen that night, totally took the pressure off. He was attentive, polite and very attractive. We parted with a short but lingering kiss, just enough for me to taste his mouth. The chemistry was electric. The meeting had removed the 0.1% doubt I had.

I was confident to invite him to my place on Saturday afternoon. His reply, “See you at 2pm and can we please start with **F4**, but with a **twist**” I was so enthralled, I pushed, but he said I would have to wait, it was a surprise. Texts and messages flowed for the next few days, building up the sexual tension and excitement.

64 hours was a long time to wait, but it was worth it! I opened my front door and we kissed urgently without saying a thing to each other. I was stripping naked and so was he. I had already prepared for **F4** and lead him to a small chair in the middle of my lounge and I started to shave him. He had already shaved that morning, but the process of doing this totally naked was so sensual. I kept looking into his eyes, his perfect face, his firm body and his hard cock and he was gazing at my excited hard nipples. As I moved around him and straddled his legs, I knew he was looking at my large labia and all I wanted to do was to ride his face so hard. I removed the remaining shaving cream with a damp towel and then dried his very smooth face. I straddled him while he was still sitting on the chair and I allowed my pubic hairs to brush up against his hard cock and we kissed for 10 long tormenting minutes. He smelt so nice and his breath and taste of his mouth was making me melt. I was still expecting to continue with my **F4 fantasy**, but that is when he asked me if we could implement his “twist”. Nothing major, just **Half of F4, already completed, followed by F8 merged with F7**. He said I had been doing all the work and now it was my turn to relax, adding “I cannot not wait anymore, I have lick and kiss your arsehole right now”. I nearly fainted.

He sat me down on the sofa and I leaned right back got my feet either side of my head. He slowly put a condom on and I part freaked out, but he said it was just a precaution not to make a mess over my sofa and carpet. My lounge was so bright and warm, I was totally exposed to him and it was so erotic. He started to kiss and lick my legs and finally got to my arsehole, my mind was racing at a million miles an hour. He kissed and lightly licked all around my arsehole for one minute and stopped! Just to tell me my arsehole and vagina looked and smelt incredible. He remembered! Now my relaxing body was all his to totally devour! The next 20 minutes were a blur. Years of thinking about this taboo act was finally happening. I just could not believe this lovely man and near stranger was licking my arsehole and I was in this crazy unprotected position. It was the mental side that surprised me, I was struggled to process what was actually happening. I was watching him licking me, I could feel his tongue pushing into my virgin arsehole, I was watching him staring at my pubic hairs and labia. It was so intense, but sadly, I could not climax. Maybe I was expecting too much.

But as an act of foreplay, WOW! I finally begged him to suck my labia really hard and a mini orgasm hit me nearly straight away. The next 25 minutes our whole reason for our humble existence was my labia / vagina. He got me onto that level of excitement that I wished could last forever. By the time he got to my clit, my second orgasm hit me like a tidal wave, I had to bite my arm to suppress my screams. Selfishly, I knew I wanted and needed more orgasms and he just knew it too. I felt three fingers starting to explore me as **F8 changed to F7**. The whole time he was kissing, sucking and licking my labia, clit, vaginal opening, arsehole and my sweating body was one with his mouth and smooth face. With two fingers, he found my g-spot and a third finger was inside my arsehole and he was so gentle. As were his kisses and licks on my clit.

Then he surprised me with another curve ball, he stopped licking me. When I opened my eyes he was kissing my mouth. He still had three fingers inside me and now his light kisses on my mouth made me gasp for air. His breath, mingled with my sweet musty juices nearly made me climax again. With his fingers inside my vagina and arsehole, his other hand held my one ankle, which was still next to my head and he then started to plant light kisses all over my perspiring face. It felt like an eternity as he kissed my nose, cheeks, eyes, eye brows and forehead. I felt so vulnerable in this position, but safe and cherished all at the same time. I had had enough of the **F5 interval** and I pushed his head back down to my clit. He quickly brought me back to boiling point, it could have been another two or three orgasms, I will never know, they all seemed to merge together and I was on another level of consciousness. Ejaculation never happened either, but it did not matter. I had found him! My gorgeous extraordinary oral lover. I just loved the fact he got multiple orgasms out of me on our very first try. All told, our first session lasted around 90 minutes, he had already climaxed in his condom at some point and we just curded up together to slowly recover and talked about what had just happened.

Since then, we have been inseparable for nearly every hour we have not been at work. It has been a physical and emotionally passionate 12 days. My **F1 to F13** plus his **F14 to F26** and some of my **unpublished fantasies** have all been explored. Most more than once.

We are still searching for that elusive analingis orgasm and huge ejaculation. If I never achieve it, so be it, maybe I am not built that way. If the female sexual peak is 39, I still have plenty of time. But we are both loving the challenge.

From strangers to lovers and I know it is still early days, but we are both totally besotted with each other! Talk about a whirlwind romance. Now that has surprised me. The sexual and emotional bond we have is unbelievable. When I started this journey, I was just searching for an extraordinary oral lover. I found a lot more. I fly to SF tomorrow, damn, I am going to miss him like crazy! (Yes, I know he will be reading this, but there is nothing here we have not already talked about)

Thanks RAOMD.

Or as I now called it, STASAOMD: Statistically Targeted Applications and Selected Acts Of Muff Dive

Source: reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/aiak2m/fm_the_true_storey_how_a_shy_accountant_f30