[MF] I Fucked My Uber Driver Three Weeks Ago

I had to check out of this sub. It was kind of fucking exhausting. However, I fucked my uber driver 3 weeks ago- and that was pretty neat. I know some of you only want the hot fucking action so you can skip down to ************** there to find it.

Alright. Here. We. Go. 

The week before Christmas I was flying back from Berlin, fucking hungover, and jet-lagged and pretty Berlined-out. The guy next to me on the last leg had alternated between falling asleep on me and then wanting to randomly talk about some dumb as fuck tattoo he had. No Jason I don’t care about your super sick tattoo of the chemical structure of MDMA. Weird, right?! I wondered if anyone had ever cared about Jason’s tattoo of MDMA, or the tattoo of the word for ‘peace’ in Sanskrit, because he felt like he “saw the entire universe in an instant” at some temple in dharmsala. I sure as fuck didn’t, but every 40 minutes Jason would lean over and say “Hey man I forgot to tell you about this one.” Fuck you Jason. Fuck you.

The final flight of three had gotten me to my home airport around 11 pm and I had another 40 minute uber ride to my house. I stumbled through the airport, took a hit from my flask (which, pro-tip, rarely get found by TSA), and headed out to the curb to meet my uber. I had glanced at the my drivers profile when we connected. 4.98 stars. Lauren. Oddly cute. 10 minutes into the ride it was pretty clear we had connected, and by the time we agreed that Atmosphere’s best album was “God Loves Ugly” I was like (needle scratch) “Is this really happening?” The light was red and she looked over at me, and laughed, “Tommy” she said, “Don’t judge me, but do you maybe want to smoke with me tonight.”

The light had turned green, but she kept her foot on the brake. I laughed, “My horse (yeah I have a horse) probably misses me a lot.” With one hand she jokingly curled her dark hair around her finger, “I’ll buy you taco bell?” The light turned yellow and back to red. I laughed again, and rubbed the back of my neck. She was fucking adorable. How the fuck did shit like this keep happening?! “As long as we only talk about twin cities hip-hop from the early 00’s- I’m in!” She put her fist out for a bump, nodded her head, laughed and said “SKRT! SKRT! Tommy” and gunned her fucking Versa into the Missoula night.

So here’s the fucking deal. I don’t really go smoke weed with random half Ukrainian, half Columbia uber drivers, who pick me up from the airport on the daily. In fact, I’ve never smoked weed with half Ukrainian, half Columbia uber drivers.

Things had been pretty twisted since I posted on this sub last, and I had spent the last couple of months, when I wasn’t traveling, sitting at home, eating spaghettios out a can and watching ancient aliens, or that fucking knife making competition show- ‘it will kill.” I definitely hadn’t been looking to fuck, and I’m not sure I’ve dealt with the emotional fall out from how bad I fucked up my last relationship. But I felt like Lauren the uber driver was a safe bet to be just a nice smoking partner for the following reasons:

1. She said she was a lesbian. Or at least strongly hinted at when she said, after telling me when she had moved to Missoula from the bay area after breaking up with her girlfriend, “It’s pretty hard to be a lesbian in Missoula.” 

2. I guess 1 is the only reason. I’m not sure what kind of men, lesbians are into. I had always assumed, that they weren’t into men? Like that’s how you get the card. The lesbian card? It’s like a one question interview, by the board. Is there a board? A lesbian certification board? Maybe two questions? Is there a question about the indigo girls? Subarus? 

10 minutes later, with a bag of Taco Bell in hand, I followed her into her little studio apartment. It smelled like patchouli, and perfume, and shampoo, and felt like a thousand little places I’ve been in in New York, or San Francisco, or Portland. Little moments from her life on tables and shelves- a pretty rock, a picture with dreads in high school. A bedspread from Ikea I had thought about buying a couple of years ago. A framed print of a constellation.

I took off my coat, and shoes, and sat on her little loveseat. She took off her coat and shoes, and socks… and then pants. Maybe that’s how hot lesbians smoke weed? She grabbed a baggy, and lighter, and some papers and I began building a joint. I looked at her as I licked and then sealed the paper. She was putting on lipstick. Weird. She was pretty. Like really fucking pretty. She was 26, but looked much younger. Smooth light brown skin, and long naturally curly black hair. She looked like the saucy Latina sidekick in every teen movie. In fact, I’m pulling up her uber profile right now. Yeah she was pretty.  Perfect fucking eyebrows, and eye lashes and a broad mouth with plump pink lips.

I lit the joint, and took a hit, and handed it to her, and she took a hit and exhaled. “What would you have done, if I had just dropped you off tonight?” she said as the smoke sat in the air between us. I took the joint from her. Her naked thigh was touching mine. “I don’t know,” I traced my finger over one of my tattoos, “probably taken a shower, ate some ramen, and jacked off to tentacle erotica.” She laughed, “Now you can go home, take a shower, eat some ramen, and jack off to me.” I took another hit.

Her naked thigh was still touching mine, and it was clear she wasn’t wearing a bra under her baggy tank top. “I’m pretty sure God doesn’t approve of men jacking off to lesbian fantasies,” I laughed as I pushed myself deeper into her couch. The gravitational pull of her shitty furniture had begun to push our bodies closer to together. We talked and smoked and talked and smoked. And things began to feel a little blurry and then she leaned back and looked me dead in the eye. 

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“You can you know.”

I played dumb, “I can what?”

She kept eye contact, and moved herself onto me, straddling me. Her hands on my shoulders. I could feel the warmth of her thighs through my jeans. I moved my hands onto her hips and she settled herself into me. My thumbs slid under the silky lines of her impossibly small thong as my fingers traced the arc of her hips.

“I can what?” I laughed.

She smiled, “Fuck me.”

She began to slowly grind her hips into mine, and I could feel my dick begin to come alive. She kept a slow circular rhythm going.

My hands slid up her back and she leaned forward, running her lips and then tongue up my neck. “Won’t they kick you off the team,” I exhaled as she reached down and pulled my t-shirt over my head. Her warm mouth had now met my ear and she lips pressed against it as she whispered “Just don’t tell coach.”

​

Clothes came off, and she moved to her bed. She was on her hand and knees as I stood in front of her. I rubbed the back of my neck. Holy fuck. She slid her fingers into my boxer briefs and slowly pulled out my dick- the tip was soaked with pre-cum. “Let me suck it,” she said as she glided her mouth over the tip and flicked her tongue a long the base. I tangled my hands into her hair and began to slowly move my hips as her mouth left traces of spit up and down my dick.

​

She pushed her perfect little ass into the air as she slid her mouth off of me. “Call me fucking names,” she demanded, before grabbing my cock and shoving it into the back of her throat. I’m a little hesitant to go all out on women I’ve just met, but felt like that was consent enough to go the fuck for it. I jammed her mouth against the base of my dick and let go of her head. She gagged and choked, but  instead of siding her mouth off of me she grabbed my hips and pushed me deeper into her throat, shaking her back and forth as I could feel her spit start to drip down my balls.

 I grabbed her by the fucking hair and pulled her off of me. She looked up at me laughing, her  open mouth was dripping spit. “You stupid little fucking cunt,” I put it out there to see where we were. She kept smiling- her mouth open wide. On her knees in front of me. “You stupid little slut,” I growled, my face close to hers. “You thought you could pick me up, and bring me to this shitty little apartment, and I’d fuck you?! What kind of fucking slut does that?! Do you think you fucking deserve this dick, you dumb little cunt?” I smiled, trying to hold back a laugh.

​

Her mouth was still wet with spit and she ran both hands over it and then down her throat before slipping them over her firm brown tits. “Daddy,” she whined as she pinched her tiny dark nipples, “please just fuck me.” I stood up straight, and ran my hand through my hair and laughed. “How the fuck are you a lesbian!?” 

​

She moved onto her back and had spread her legs wide. Her pussy was perfectly smooth and looked so fucking soft. Instinctively she began rubbing it, and locked her eyes on me. “Spit on it,” she demanded it. So I spit on it. “Now,” she said as she slid her fingers over her clit, “spit on me.” I crawled between her legs and grabbed her pretty little face with my rough hand, and spit into her open mouth. She laughed. “Again,” she demanded. But my mouth was pretty dry from the weed, so awkwardly I was like “hold on. I need a drink.” She laughed and pointed to a cupboard with her free hand while she kept rubbing her pussy, “glasses are in there.” I filled up the glass and took a drink and brought it over to her as I stroked my dick.

​

 I took another drink and spit it all back in her face. She seemed shocked and then  smiled and grabbed my face, pulling it towards her, “just fuck me,” she demanded. She was moving her hand furiously over her clit now. Like she was fucking go to war with it. I knelt next to her and licked my fingers and slid two of them into her cunt. It was was fucking wet, and tight, and smooth. I slid them as deep as I could before curling them up and began stroking her velvety ridges. I could feel her dripping down my fingers as she lifted her hips off the bed and ground her pussy hard into my hand. 

​

Her breathing began to be shallower. She whispered, almost to herself, “Call me a whore.” I obliged and kept my fingers moving inside her as I pressed my mouth against her ear, and slowly whispered into it. “You’re a goddamn whore. That’s all you are. A fucking little worthless whore.” She was gasping for breath, “don’t stop she whispered,” and I could feel her body begin to tighten. “A stupid little toy. A  little fucking toy for daddy to fuck. Cum for daddy you dumb little bitch.” And with that her body let go. I kept my fingers inside her, pressed deep into her g-spot as she tried to push her hips away from me. Grabbing at the sheets. Her tight little body spasming as the waves of her orgasm hit. She threw her head back into the pillow, and I slowly slid my fingers out of her. “Holy fuck,” she laughed as she gently rubbed her pussy, “just get inside me.”

​

I looked around her little apartment as she reached up and grabbed my dick and slowly started sliding her delicate hand over it.   “I’m going to assume you don’t have a condom?” I  laughed. She kept her hand on my dick, and gave a little shrug, “sorry. lesbian.” I weighed the options. There were two. Fuck her, or don’t fuck her. I fucked her. 

​

I slid myself into her and she let out a little moan as she kept her hand on her clit. She was so fucking tight. Like ridiculously tight. Like I had never been in a pussy that tight before. It was like a fucking midget lived in there and he was grabbing my dick as hard as he could. “Holy fuck,” she moaned as I inched into her, “You’re so fucking big.” I ran my hands over her tits and tried not to cum. I exhaled deeply, “Holy fuck. No. Its your fucking pussy. It’s too fucking small.” She laughed and grabbed my hips and pulled me into her until it felt like I bottomed out. She held me there as she moved her hips up and down me.

​

 She ran her hands up my back as I ran mine under her hips. I brought my face towards her as I slowly moved in and out of her. Her pussy like a god damn vice grip on me. Our mouths met as her thighs, slick with sweat moved up and down my hips. My cock pistoning in and out of her. Her ass was tight in my hands as she moved her mouth to my ear and whispered, “Just cum for me daddy. Just cum for me” over and over again until it felt like I couldn’t hold out for another second. I pulled out a second early as my dick spasmed onto her stomach. And then spasmed again as she grabbed it with her hand and massaged the last bit of cum out of me.

​

 I leaned back and looked at her naked body. She looked fucking perfect as she slowly traced circles around her still hard little nipples. I ran my hands through my hair,”You’re sure you’re a lesbian?” She rolled onto her stomach not seeming to care that I hadn’t wiped the cum off of her, and pushed her ass into the air. Her pussy was still very wet. She wiggle her hips and looked back at me, “I’m very very sure.” She spread her legs a little more. “Just not a very good one?” I laughed as I could feel my dick start to get hard again. She began inching her body back towards the edge of the bed. Back towards me. Keeping her hips in the air. “What do you think?” she asked coyly. I bit my lip and looked up at her ceiling and thought “Holy fuck! I can’t wait to write about this on reddit.”

Source: reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/ady4eh/mf_i_fucked_my_uber_driver_three_weeks_ago