Dirty talk and dirty sex with a comedian in her office parking lot [MF]

***Like I’ve said in previous posts. I figured it would be fun to go back to my promiscuous (man-whore) days and recall some of the stories from back then. I’m generally considered a good-looking guy (6’3”, dark hair, blue eyes, swimmers build, workout regularly), so that enabled me to have quite a fun sex life. These stories are 100% true and not embellished in any way. I think that a straight honest story even if not as exciting at times is a bigger turn on, so that is what I will continue to try to give.***

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It was a random Wednesday night and I was restless. I had a burst of mid-week energy that made me crave socialization. I texted multiple friends to see if anyone was up for grabbing a drink, but was unsuccessful in luring anyone out. I sat on my couch shaking my leg like an anxious weirdo before I finally said screw it and decided to hit up a bar on my own to get my fix of social energy.

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I headed to an area of the city with multiple bar options. I wandered into one I had been to a few times before. The bar had a nice ambiance with dim lighting and old school punk and hip hop played at a reasonable volume. The bar wrapped around the interior in the shape of a horseshoe. I took a seat on a stool at the bar opposite the open-ended portion. The bartender remembered me from when I had been in with some friends a couple of weeks earlier. We exchanged some small talk before I ordered and he brought me a beer. I quickly made it to my second beer to knock my restless edge off. I eased into my seat a bit more and dropped my shoulders as I began to relax.

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A couple had been sitting beside me for a few minutes. I was listening into their conversation a bit and watching an older guy across the room clumsily try to flirt with a young waitress. Those and other little peeks into other people’s worlds continued for the next half hour or so until I noticed a pa and mic being set up in a corner of the room. Apparently Wednesday nights were comedy open mic nights. To be completely honest I was little annoyed. I had really wanted to sink into the ambiance and zone out for a while longer until I felt like leaving. I heard the screech of feedback as they setup and tested things out. I decided to give it a shot and fight through a couple of people at least.

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The first guy was well past middle age and had never done standup before. It seemed like he had just stolen a bunch of jokes from joke books and changed some minor details to make them his own. I give him credit for putting himself out there, but it just didn’t seem like he put much effort into it. I had ordered another beer a few minutes before and was starting to feel that itch of wanting to finish it and just close my tab out. I kept an eye on the bartender in my peripheral as I watched the next comedian come up to the mic. Her name was Rebecca. She strolled up to the mic a little slump shouldered with her head gazing toward the ground. She looked a little like a young Fiona Apple. She exhaled into the mic and launched into some off-beat stories about her life sprinkled with one-liners and funny twists. I could tell she had been in front of a mic before. My desire to leave was dwindling. I held off on tabbing out.

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I watched as she slinked away from the mic and sat down at a table alone. Another person came up and he started into his few minutes. I wondered if she had come in alone. I thought about going to compliment her on her set, but didn’t want to bother her. I was resigned to staying in my seat and moving on from the thought. After another 15 minutes or so a few more people joined her at her table. I ended up in a conversation about music with a man and a woman who sat down beside me at the bar. The guy kept telling me I needed to come smoke and listen to King Crimson with him. Not a bad idea, but I wasn’t really in the mood for that kind of adventure. I noticed more people clamoring around Rebecca’s table. A few minutes later she and all of the people at her table headed over to the bar to stake claim to an area just on the other side of the man and woman I was talking to.

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The night was beginning to turn into a longer excursion than I had anticipated, but I was rolling with it. The man and woman beside me were pretty drunk and chatty, so it was inevitable they would end up talking with Rebecca’s group. They did. Things got pretty loud and raucous. A lot of loud talking and laughs amongst us all. The man and woman tabbed out and left after a while, but I held strong. I had exchanged glances with Rebecca a few times, but no direct conversation. After the man and woman left Rebecca and a friend of hers took their seats beside me. The laughs and talking amongst the group continued. I had continued to stay roped into the conversation even though I was the only outsider. After about ten minutes of sitting beside me angled away from me a bit to face toward the conversation she turned to me and bluntly said “what’s your deal?” She said it with an abrupt slightly rude tone. It was similar to the way she delivered a lot of her material on stage, so I tried not to take it the wrong way. I was sure she was just fucking with me a bit. I fired back with something. I don’t recall what I said, but I tried to be witty. I probably wasn’t. She rolled her eyes and took a comedically large swig of her beer all in one motion. She made me feel like a dipshit, but I could only laugh. She was very funny.

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She turned and ignored me for the next ten minutes. A few of her friends left and around that time she turned and started talking to me again. I assumed she had gotten her thrill of fucking with me and was done with me. She started to ask me genuine questions, but they were still delivered with that “I hate you and I’m so over speaking to you tone.” Instead of trying to match her at her own game I just played the straight man and tried to be nice and have a normal conversation with her. It was working. She was slowly dropping her act and just talking to me. We talked for another half hour and were both pretty drunk. Her friends said they were leaving and asked if she was leaving too. She said she was going to stay a bit longer. She turned to the bartender and ordered us both shots, which is not something I typically do and definitely don’t do after I’ve been drinking all night. Before I could stop her there were two shots in front of us. I said I was going to pass. I offered it to the bartender, but before he could even respond she grabbed both shots and pounded them. I shook my head and laughed.

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I said I was going to head out. I asked her for her number. She quickly said no and gave a quick bye with a wave of her hand. I shrugged me shoulders and just assumed she was fucking with me the whole night. It was impossible to read her. I said bye and started to walk away. She grabbed my arm and told me to wait. She pulled me toward her and whispered that she wanted me to come back to her place and winked at me. I absolutely wanted to. I had grown more and more attracted to her as the night went on. Physically she was average height, thin with big green eyes and brown hair. It was hard to tell much about her curves, because her clothing was a little drapey, but she gave off the vibe of having a yoga body. The two things that really drew me in though were her big green eyes and personality that kept me off-kilter. As much as I wanted to go back to her place and do vile things to her it was clear she was starting to show signs of being very drunk. The two shots she had just taken really put her over the top. She was beginning to slur pretty heavily and was having a hard time standing once she stood up. I told her I would walk her home, but that we should hangout again another night. That’s when she informed me that she had driven to the bar. I told her there was no way in hell she was driving home. I went through the typical back and forth with the drunk person who is convinced they are fine to drive. She started getting very angry at me and told me I was a little bitch for not letting her leave. I thought it was funny that she called me a little bitch, but I felt very awkward about the situation because in reality I didn’t know this person well at all.

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I finally managed to get her keys from her and calmed her down. A cab happened to be driving by at that very moment. I waved him down and we both jumped in. After a few minutes of interrogation I got her to tell me her address. She lived about ten minutes away. She calmed down a lot during the ride and by the time we got there I practically had to carry her to her door. She unlocked it and turned to me to flip me off. I wrote my number down on a piece of paper and left it on her coffee table and told her to let me know if she has a problem finding her car or remembering anything.

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I figured I would never hear from her again. Two days later I got a text from her thanking me for what I did and profusely apologizing for the whole ordeal that night. She tried explaining that she had just had a terrible day that day and that she had a somewhat recent break up and just overdid it. I was no one to judge. I have had my fair share of nights I drank more than I should have and made bad decisions. I accepted her apology and told her I was glad she was okay and left it at that. Another couple of days went by when I received another text from her. She asked me something about that night and it turned into us texting a lot back and forth. We texted regularly for a few days. She made me laugh a lot and I think I did the same for her. It soon turned into some flirting and dirty talk. We talked about meeting up again. She kept saying she wanted to make up for that night. The sexual tension was very high at this point. Her job put a big cramp in any plans we tried to make. She worked really strange hours in the middle of the night at this office doing data entry. I worked during the day and her sleeping hours were all wacky, because of her work hours so it was this constant mismatch.

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About a week and a half went by of failed plan making and escalating sexting and dirty talk. We were full on sending nude pics and videos to each other at this point. I had already jerked off to her bent over shoving a dildo in her pussy. We were just waiting to be unleashed on each other. One night she was going into work at 1am. We had been texting as she got ready. I was already in bed. The tension got to be too much. She begged me to come up to her office at 3am, which was the earliest she could take a break. I was about to go to sleep for the night and had to be up for work at 7am. I knew it seemed like an idiotic thing to do, but my dick said otherwise. I told her I would be there.

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I set my alarm for 2:30am and fell asleep for a couple of hours. I woke up feeling insanely groggy, but my hormones propelled me out of bed. She had texted me a few minutes before telling me to meet her by her car in the corner of the parking lot. I drove to her office and parked beside her car. She was sitting in the driver’s seat and motioned for me to get in. I got in the passenger side. She said she only had twenty minutes so we had to make it quick. She reached over and unbuckled my belt and pulled my pants and underwear down. My eyes were darting around the parking lot. It was a large parking lot and we were in a fairly dark corner that can’t be seen well from the road, but I was still a little paranoid seeing as I was in unfamiliar surroundings. My cock was raging hard. She leaned across the console and took my cock in her mouth. She focused on the tip swirling her tongue around it. I squirmed, because it was so sensitive. She continued the tone of dirty talk we had been using through text. “oh my god I love your cock” in between slurps as she began drooling down my cock, using her spit as lube to stroke the lower half of my shaft. “I want your big cock inside me. I want you to stretch my pussy.” She had on jeans and began unbuttoning them and pulled them down just past her knees. She was going to try to straddle me, but of course this proved difficult. I think she was trying to keep from taking her shoes and pants all the way off in case someone came up. After quickly realizing straddling me wasn’t going to work she told me to come around to the driver’s side.

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I pulled my pants up temporarily and went to the other side. She opened the driver’s side door and turned off the dome light. She bent over the side of the driver’s seat with her jeans around her knees, her ass and pussy perfectly displayed. She gazed back at me with her giant green eyes and told me to fuck her hard. I crouched slightly and slid easily into her pussy. She was soaking wet. We were hidden from view of the building, but could potentially be seen from a dark side road beyond some trees. She grabbed onto the bottom of the steering wheel with her left hand as she braced and angled herself to allow me to get as deep as possible. She covered her own mouth with her right hand to muffle her moans as I pounded away at her from behind. Her ass cheeks jiggled slightly with every slap of my body against hers. Fucking in the cool night air was thrilling enough, but fucking a beautiful quirky girl in the parking lot of her job made it over the top thrilling. She uncovered her mouth and as she tried to catch her breath blurted out, “you better fuck me as hard as you can motherfucker. We only have 8 minutes.” I reached around and covered her mouth back up this time with my right hand and started pounding her even harder. “Is this hard enough for you slut?” She reached her now free right hand down and rubbed her clit as my cock slammed in and out of her. Shortly after I could hear her mumbling “don’t stop” under my hand. Moments later I felt her teeth clamp down onto my hand, not hard, but enough to leave an imprint. She began shaking and cumming. I felt her pulsate and shiver. She let my hand loose from her mouth. She said “you better cum quick for me.” She didn’t have to tell me. I was moments away. I pulled out of her and immediately shot a heavy stream of cum all over her asshole. I rested my dick on her ass and continued to shoot streams up her lower back. She handed me a napkin from her console and wiped the cum off of her back. She left the cum on her asshole and pussy and just pulled her panties up.

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As we gathered ourselves she gave me a long kiss and said she had to get back in. It was the first time we had kissed. She walked towards the building and swiped her badge to enter, her ass and pussy covered in cum. I staggered toward my car in a bit of a daze. What the fuck had just happened. I just smiled and drove back to my apartment to catch a few more hours of sleep. I woke up to a couple of more dirty texts from her. Things escalated from there. We sort of got addicted to fucking on her breaks. It seemed like we upped the risk and dirty talk each time. One time it’s me cumming in her ass with her bent over the trunk of her car, basically in plain sight. Then, it’s me cumming on her face and her not wiping it off until she gets to the door and swipes her badge. All while I’m telling her how big of a slut she is and she’s telling me how big of a slut she is. You can use your imagination from there. It was wild and fucking hot.

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That is sort of how we functioned for about a month. We fucked her in her office parking lot a few days a week and we saw each other a few times at night when she didn’t work and wasn’t asleep. She actually got laid off from her job (Not because of the sex in the parking lot. As far as we know no one ever knew) and got a job with daytime hours. We started seeing each other regularly like normal people, but it killed the thrilling scenario we had before. We moved on from office parking lot sex to other things you can probably imagine. Dressing rooms, other parking lots, restrooms, balconies, etc. We started legitimately dating for slightly less than a year, but it eventually ended over some stupid shit.

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***Also, if you are a female and live near me (p.s. I moved) you should send me a message. Might be a long shot, but would be cool/interesting to have sex with someone who enjoys my stories and then becomes a story***

Source: reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/ae0h9a/dirty_talk_and_dirty_sex_with_a_comedian_in_her