In Honor of the Upcoming Elections: I’d just like to offer up an almost one-year-old story of mine:

I grabbed you by the pussy: only after you gave me permission, though. I’m no Yanker, babes, and I’m no monster; I was gentle with that THANG. I rubbed that kittie up-and-down: also side-to-side, like I’d do the feline one. Your cat won’t scratch or bite a nigga, though. (Hold up, let me back up a bit.) That there va-jay-jay of yours, it does bite. I bet that thang is a hybrid: a mix of Red Snapper, Gator, Alligator Snapping Turtle, Alligator Gar, and Snapple fruit drink: you’re sweet, too. OOMPH, OOMPH, OOMPH, girl: now, I really wanna grab your muff box, anybody looking? Can I just get a quick glimpse of it? I promise I’ll smother your derriere with my nasty face; I promise to manipulate your cunny patch with my evil presence. Afterward, I’ll testify against myself in court; I don’t give a damn. Just let this nigga gobble up your vaginal nectar. Let a brother’s tongue and cheeks run amuck down there: that place that you don’t let too many guys venture to (unless you’re a THOT). Even if you’re a bit promiscuous, don’t drop your head; this is America. It’s home to a cornucopia of folks. Do your THOTTIE thang, girl. Wave your flag; hold that bitch up high. I’ll be right by your side.

If you’re not a THOT, The Land of the Free has a place for you, too, my love. Don’t worry; you’re just discreet and a little reserved. That’s okay with me, dear darling. You only come out at night like those FREAKS in a Whodini song, but I’m proud of you. You can count the number of faces and dicks that have pardoned your Black Sea on one hand. You’ve only sucked a couple of cocks to completion. And, there’s only one baby daddy in the confines of your world; good for you.

Ladies, no matter where you fall in on the freak scale, let’s all grab at pussies (bisexual and lesbian women alike) and eat away at them until our stomachs and hearts are content. Leave enough room for dessert, though: I’m eating ass after I finish munching on your slit.

The entire country has cast their ballots; the numbers are in from about 100 percent of the precincts. Oh shit, I’m crossing my fingers.

I’ve been elected THE KING OF EATING ASS & PUSSY again. And ladies, don’t worry; I’m going to stand by what I said on the campaign trail: that I’ll work on a bill (and get it passed in the House and Senate) that ensures that every guy must eat his woman’s ass and pussy until she orgasms–no matter how long it takes to get that bottom off. If the motherfucker doesn’t, there’ll be ramifications.

“Thank you again for electing me to another term, dear women: my final one!” I say. “And again: let’s make our sex life great again!”

Source: reddit.com/r/eroticliterature/comments/9ujiek/in_honor_of_the_upcoming_elections_id_just_like