Should I feel bad for getting with my best-friends boyfriend?[MF]

So I created a reddit to get somethings off my chest.

My friend lets say her name is Sarah (S), and I have been friends since 6th grade but got really close the end of our sophomore year of high school. When S would bring me along to hangout with the boy she had been talking to, lets say his name is Bryce (B). B had a friend, lets say his name is Conner (C ) and as you can guess C and I started talking and soon dated. So we all became best-friends and we always hung-out us 4. Well after months C cheated on me with a random and we broke up. I was so upset because C was my first real love and S knew that. One year after C cheated on me, there were rumors circling our friend group that S cheated on B with C, one of B’s bestfriends. Ofcourse S and C denied the allegations and B refused to believe it. So S and B stayed together. After this I was away from the friend group for a few years off doing my own things, but still keeping in touch every now and then. After breaking it off with my boyfriend of a year and a half my party side came back out and I started hanging-out with B and S again. And after we started hangingout S finally got the balls to tell me that she had, had sex with C and I was upset about it but I told her that it did not bother me so she didnt think she had the upper hand. Every chance B,S and I could hangout, we would. So the whole summer we would go swimming and just hangout and drink and have soo much fun and toward the end of the summer we were with a guy I was talking to (a mutual friend of all three of ours) and we were drinking. S had fallen asleep and that left B, the mutual friend, and I hanging-out just hammered. Our mutual friend had gone to the store after a little while so that just left B and I. B had never before this tried anything with me and the thought had crossed my mind multiple times. I would sometimes have fantasies about B but knew he was off limits because of S….until now.

So, (The good part)

B just started kissing me out of no where and at first I was so confused and excited at the same time and then I said “I cannot do this to S” but B kept insisting that it did not matter because S had already fucked both of us over by getting with C. So apparently B knew the whole time that C and S had a thing but why he did not bring it up, beats me. B continued to kiss me and rub my clit and drunk me did not stop even as much a sober me wanted to. B pulled my pants down and started to finger me, after getting me soaked he bent me over the back of his car and slid his hard dick into me oh so gently. After getting a few pumps in, our mutual friend had interrupted us by getting back from the store, we quickly pulled our pants up and acted as if nothing happened. B quickly begged me to stay with him and S that night at his house and ofcourse I said yes. On our way home B was looking at me the whole time through the rear view mirror as he was mouthing “I want you so bad” he was grabbing and rubbing my leg the whole ride and even tried stopping at the woods to fuck me while S stayed in the car by herself. But S woke up and quickly ruined that so, when we got home we all laid down for bed and after a few minutes S was knocked out cold. Drunk me had the spins so bad I could not lay down, and so did B. At this point Im so into him that the thought or smell of him makes me wet. We looked into each others eyes just wishing that we could have our hands all over each other. After we knew she was staying asleep, he motioned to the bathroom door, so I followed. As I walk in he brings me in quick to make-out and rub my clit, I mentioned how noticeable the bathroom would be so we go to a closet. As we get into the closet we continue, I reach down and feel his rock hard cock, I drop to my knees and gave him head for like .2 until he lifted me up and bent me over. He slid in me as he pulled my hair, after a few pumps I heard him say “fuck” under his breath so I turned and looked at him, he said “Im about to cum” *slight pause* “Ive wanted you for so long” and then continues to fuck me. I put his hand over my mouth to control the loud moans and he says “im breaking up with S” and my heart and head just kind like stop and Im shook. I giggle and continue on, *at this point im hammered and I don’t remember the rest of the details*. When we woke up the next day we acted like nothing happened and I didn’t know if he meant anything he said of if he was just drunk. At some point that morning when we were alone I quickly said “You remember last night?” as I was expecting a yeah and laugh, But surprisingly I got a serious look and an “Of course I do”.

After this, he has kissed me completely sober countless of times and we had almost got caught by his mom twice in the same night trying to hook up, he grabs my ass and caress my vagina all the time as we pass each-other and no ones looking. And one night when S was fucked up she let B and I walk to get food and 2 minutes down the road we started making out and he picked me up and wrapped my legs around him. But, I think the thing thats getting to my head the most is when all three of us slept in the same bed one night, S got up in the morning to go to the bathroom and I was the first person B kissed not her, like it just the little things. As Im at college and not around B and S, the last time I saw B (when his mom interrupted) he said “were fucking when we come see you at school” and that just makes me so excited but like sad cause hes with my best-friend like I really do not know how to feel about the whole situation.

P.S.Neither of us want to have a trace of this on our phones, so B and I have never talked about what were planing on doing about us and it sucks:(

Source: reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/9n1hh0/should_i_feel_bad_for_getting_with_my_bestfriends