The Lactation Diaries [F] [FM]

I’d always found lactation sexy. What the female body can do is really amazing! I have quite a collection of lactation porn, and when my boyfriend let me know that he wanted to try it, I really committed. (Read that story here: [https://www.reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/9c0hnv/fluid_fm/](https://www.reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/9c0hnv/fluid_fm/)). I thought it might be fun to collect a few of my stories from that time and post them here. I’ve been dreaming of doing it again, of starting the time-intensive process of getting my body to produce milk, of sharing it with my lovers. I love everything about it except the amount of time that it takes. Hopefully some of you will enjoy it, and for those of you who want to experience it for yourselves, I hope that happens one day. It really is amazing …

***

Surprise!

I’ve gone down the rabbit-hole this week. The more I think about lactating, the hotter I find it. I’ve been reading and researching, and it’s not for the faint of heart. Some women who do it are on a really consistent schedule. I don’t know if I can commit to waking up every two hours at night to pump.

I *can* commit to one … or maybe two.

Jonah asked if he could stop by for a quickie yesterday. Of course! Duh!

And I was worked into quite a state by the time he got here. All of this has raised powerful emotions in me. This week has been almost unprecedented in its intensity. Jonah told me the other day that he loved me so much that it hurt (in a good way). And I know what he meant, because I am very much there.

Something about this is a little scary. It’s more than having a new experience. And if I didn’t trust Jonah so much I couldn’t go as deep as we’re going to go. Even with the trust, though, I’m vulnerable in a completely new way. I’ll need his support and something that feels like his protection. These emotions are primal.

I was waiting for him in bed yesterday, naked and impatient. Hearing him come slowly up my stairs … seeing the look in his eyes when he found me waiting for him. The desire that burned there … and a hint of something like vulnerability. And I felt the same way. **Needing him**. So wet. When he was naked in my arms, a dam burst, and I told him how that I couldn’t wait to feed him. That I couldn’t wait to nurture him. That I couldn’t wait to suckle him. The words poured out of me and he was hard instantly.

And our eyes were locked when he slid slowly into me … and it was volcanic. Everything is a blur. Just this outpouring of lust. He pinned me down and fucked me, hard. He kissed me passionately. I came so hard, but it wasn’t even about coming. It was about feeling him inside me, feeling his need, feeling his hunger for me. Sending him over the edge.

Afterwards, he was shaking.

It’s early at this stage, but I think that even thinking about inducing lactation is taking me to a deeply submissive place. Who knows how that will change over the next few weeks or months? Right now, I have no control over what I’m feeling. Nothing has ever taken me to this particular state. Not flogging, not even breath control, which I so love. Not even knife play.

I knew that I was turned on by it, but this morning, when I woke up and took a hot bath, soaking my breasts in hot water. I started massaging my breasts using this specific technique that I read about — and I did it several times yesterday, too. After two kneads, I was stunned to see thin white fluid coming out of my nipple. It wasn’t milk. It was probably some other kind of normal discharge that happens when you stimulate the breasts like that. I tasted it, and it tasted a little bit sweet and a little bit salty. I continued, and more drops came.

What a mix of emotions! Surprise, elation (even though it wasn’t milk), a very deep sexual response, wonder …

and something like sadness.

All of a sudden, tears were in my eyes. Tears that I can’t entirely explain even now. What made me sad? The fact that Jonah wasn’t there to witness it? The fact that I’ve never had a child, and that I’ve never experienced this before? None of the reasons ring quite true to me. I don’t care if it wasn’t actually milk, for some reason, it was a little overwhelming. All I wanted was to be in Jonah’s arms and to cry it out. So, I finished the massage ( getting a good 20 or more drops between both nipples), and I took a picture of one of the drops on my nipples and sent it to him.

[https://i.imgur.com/UuHQihB.jpg](https://i.imgur.com/UuHQihB.jpg)

Image: A blurry pic of my breast in extreme close up, showing my nipple with a drop of some sort of liquid clinging to it.

I got all kinds of assurances of support. Of love. Of devotion. And it helped. But this is ripping something open in me that is more powerful than I ever expected. I am going to need him in a new way. I met a few women on Fetlife who are doing this on their own. More power to them, but I don’t think I’d want to try. Thank god for the support of the women there who are doing this, too. It’s surprisingly intense.

I couldn’t wait to get off work to try it again.

Sure enough, more drops.

I started herbal lactation support today. And other things to help in the process are on order. This is a far from certain thing, but I want to try it, at least for a little while. I want to hold Jonah in my arms and feed him from my body. I want to be tied up and have him drink from me and then fist me.

***

Huh. And just like that, I have a full-blown fetish!

I’m more than a bit surprised by it!

God!

Last night was a good night with Jonah. We hung out with his partner and shot the shit at a local watering hole. She’s a righteous babe, and I could tell that he enjoyed having both of us there. In fact, once we started talking, he barely got a word in.

Then, back to J’s. Weed, music, snuggles. Sighs. Giggles.

Then, I explained how to suckle me. It’ll take us a bit to figure out the very best ways to do it. We’ll try to sneak in extra suckling sessions here and there, many of which won’t involve sex … unless we just can’t help ourselves.

It was so beautiful. So hot. It was like a dream.

My nipples have always been sensitive. I can come just from nipple play, and Jonah is *very* good at it. I redirected a bit of the sexual energy that I felt just from being naked with him knowing that he was going to take me into his mouth and suckle me. I did it for a few reasons. I wanted to relax, first of all. I wanted to take in the sensations of the experience. I wanted to feel J’s response as I gave myself over to him completely, except for murmuring instructions or approbation. I breathed long, slow breaths. Relaxing. Dilating. My heart filling with love for him. Gathering my energy to my breasts, to my nipples, concentrating my awareness there until both of them were hard and felt like they were shooting sparks.

I felt his cock grow hard and hot, hot as fire, as it rested against my leg. That made me feel powerful, his vulnerability so touching as he worshipped my breasts. His hand found its way to my pussy and just played there so sweetly and lightly, using extra lube even though I was so, so wet. It was gorgeous. Excruciating. I kept breathing, slowly and deeply, but every now and then a little sigh or moan of pleasure would break my calm. I wanted to delay the build, to enjoy him, to draw it out. My hands in his hair, petting his face, stroking his eyebrows as he suckled me harder. His fingers were torturing me. He lightly rubbed his slightly curved hand with his middle finger over my clit and up and down my clit and inner and out labia.

I felt the orgasm building and building and building.

He switched breasts and straddled me, sliding his hard cock flat against my pussy, my inner lips and my clit. He was teasing me so beautifully. My bones turned to liquid, and I started to whimper slightly. When I came, it was like meteors streaking across the night sky. I flooded and said, “My sweet baby,” in a slow sigh, and he moaned and slid into me, and I flooded again. I imagined filling his mouth and throat with my milk, and I flooded again.

He thrust so slowly into me, really giving me time to feel him, to love him, to crave more. I love so being fucked like that — the slow build. It’s as if my pussy starts to undulate with pleasure, the friction drawn out and beautiful and quietly intense. He flicked at a nipple with his tongue, just the tiniest nibble with his teeth, and I flooded again.

We stayed like that, just enjoying each other, zoning out on pleasure, and I flooded and flooded and flooded until I was dry and had to stop for water. Eventually, he fell asleep at my breast, which filled me with great tenderness and an inner giggle. I got up and blew out the candles, and when he startled awake, I held him, and I told him I loved him, and I sighed and fell asleep in his arms.

I had to wake up early for work, but I set the clock for earlier than I had to. I invited him to suckle me again, and he did, and it was beautiful. My breasts felt so full and heavy … and he was inside me again, and it felt like heaven. He was SOOOO hard.

When I did massage today, I got a small stream of milky fluid … and I’ve been in a haze of desire ever since.

​

***

I am *obsessed*.

I can’t stop thinking about it, because I’m touching and massaging my breasts every couple of hours, with the intention of producing a drinkable amount of milk from them. This trying is fun! In only a few days, the novelty hasn’t worn off. Now that I understand how pleasurable it is to massage and stimulate my breasts, I don’t worry that compliance will be a problem. The feeling(s)/chemical(s) hitting me every time I’ve done this in the last three days?

Unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. And I know A LOT about what my body is capable of feeling.

I’ve heard mothers talk about a “deep calm” that comes over them when nursing. Of course, I can’t say what they are feeling or experiencing and how that might differ. All I know is that I’m *high as hell* for an hour or more afterwards. It’s a strange and wonderful feeling. It doesn’t happen as soon as I start the motion of expressing. But it hits after a few passes, and it’s a floaty, expansive feeling.

I think I’ll likely get a bit more used to it. Maybe so much so that I can access the feeling at other times without having my breasts touched. I’ve learned to do that with many other emotions throughout my long years as a devoted explorer of feelings. For now, I’ll call it THAT feeling.

I felt it for the first time with Jonah yesterday. We snuck in a quick session. I had to force myself not to speed when I was driving to his house. We didn’t have much time as he had to work, and I had a long list of things to do as well. I was wet the entire way there. He gave so much attention to my breasts when he still had clothes on. I was able to relax just a little bit and let THAT feeling hit. As before, I felt his cock stiffen immediately, hot against my leg even through his clothes. All of a sudden, I couldn’t hold back. I started grinding against his cock, moaning in time to my grinding. His mouth at my breast felt so amazing. I kissed his head and ran my hands through his hair and felt like I would die if he didn’t fuck me.

Right then.

Of course, he obliged. He took off his clothes and climbed back into bed and pulled me down to him. His cock was like fire. And he went back to my breasts. I came and came and came. I couldn’t stop. Hard. Squeezing him like I was trying to milk him.

After a while, he wanted him on top of him. From this vantage point, I could show him what my breasts were doing. I squeezed out a big drop …

… and he lost his damn mind.

I ended up flipped on my back, and I felt the bliss of absolute surrender. It happens sometimes … like an overload of energy, working it’s way from my root through my heart and out of my head. I explode with energy, and then I’m very, very still, utterly pliant, in blissgasm. He never fails to feel it … and it sends him. For long moments of time, sometimes for an entire session, I am too blissed out to move. When that happens, my body is only for him, and if the positions were reversed, I would imagine that I’d feel incredibly powerful to have done that to someone.

I think it’s one of the things he most loves about fucking me … judging by his response.

It’s going to be a LONG time before this gets old for me. If it results is more time and closeness with J, then that’s a real bonus! Actually, it’s kind of the point. Sure, I want to know what it feels like to produce milk. I’ve never had children, so this is my chance to know. It’s really about sharing this with him, though. Bonding. Letting myself be fully ridiculous in my desire. Showing him how much I need him, want him, and trust him.

This morning, I started using a TENS unit (Transcutaneous electrical nerve stimulation) to try to stimulate the breast. I’ll do that sometimes, sometimes I’ll just do manual stimulation, and I haven’t decided on getting a pump. I’m reading reviews carefully. I want one that’s relatively quiet and less painful while still being effective.

The TENS unit is something I’ve used in the past for back pain. I just used it on my breasts for the first time, and they’re still tingling!

​

***

When Jonah is at my breast, time stops. I am at a constant, low, rumbling boil these days. All the time. The liquid coming from my breasts is sweeter, and there is ever so slightly more of it. Inducing lactation is a time consuming process, but as I happen to have the time right now, I’m going for it! I love the little naughty thrill I get from popping over to his place in the afternoon for suckling and sex. I love how hard he gets. I love being so hyper-aware of my breasts all the time. I love how I start to get antsy if I don’t get suckled regularly. I love the little chemical hit I get when being suckled or from stimulating my own breasts. I love how this experience is bringing us closer.

I am in a state of constant anticipation.

***

The obsession continues.

I received my breast pump today, purchased from a lactation consultant on Fetlife. It was a great deal … and if I get tired of this at some point, I can pass it onto someone else. It took me a few weeks to get used to the idea of using a pump. I still prefer mouth on or hands on stimulation, but since I can’t see Jonah 5 times a day (damn!) I decided to give this a try.

Once I figured it out, it actually wasn’t bad. In fact, it was rather pleasant. I noticed a nice zip of energy straight to my pussy from having both of my nipples stimulated rhythmically and simultaneously. If only I could use the pump hands free, I’d be able to get myself off at the same time. Maybe with some practice, some weed, and some focused breathing I could get there just from the suction. My breasts are really sore right now because I’m on my period, but I can’t stop playing with them.

I’m reminded of when I had my nipples pierced. Times a million.

My skin is soft and supple because of all the oil and lotion I’m rubbing into my breasts. I think that my areolæ are getting a bit darker. Hubby thinks so, too.

I’m getting little streams of milk. After only 2 weeks, I hadn’t expected to be this far along in the process. It’s actually milk, it tastes sweet, and I get drops of it when I hand express. If I’m in a warm bath or use a warm compress, the amount of fluid is significantly more, if still small. I showed Jonah when we were in the shower this morning. Even though we’d just made love, we wanted more. Sadly, I had to dash to work.

It’s funny to me — I always enjoyed dry nursing, though to be honest I think that just having my nipples played with excited me more. Now though? I fantasize about suckling. I dream about it. I dream about everything to do with this process. Never with a baby, mind you. I dream about touching my breasts. I dream about being suckled. I dream about pumping. I dream about squirting milk.

And I can’t wait to see Jonah’s face the first time I am able to squirt milk into his mouth.

​

… to be continued …

Source: reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/9c4ypr/the_lactation_diaries_f_fm