Sharing an old (but good) story (Longish, bit of a repost) [MF]

Reposting this because like a dumb-ass, I made this post before this alias had been active for more than 24 hours. Which leads to removal. D’oh.

Onward!

*****

So, after many, MANY years of lurking on my SFW account (including having lost the email/pw for the original account, and making a new one, losing THAT, and so on) I finally decided that maybe I would figure out what would be a good story from my past to share. I had considered sharing one that was relatively mild, but after discovering that my ex from 2006/07 is apparently okay with sharing this story with mutual friends and strangers, I guess starting with this is fine. Go big or go home, right?

Please forgive any vague details in the story – this was nearly 12 years ago, and while I remember the major points, and a lot of the words spoken in the moment, I’m not going to be able to provide a word-for-word recital. But I can give you the meat (hah) of the story, just the same.

So let’s begin.

About six months before I met her (let’s call her “Elle”), I’d broken off from a long-term relationship with another woman who was – for lack of a better term – absolutely terrible for me. I’ll spare you the details, because that’s not important (trust me, Restraining Order levels of terrible), but suffice to say that meeting and getting together with Elle was a complete sea change. She was smart, funny, smelled great (even when she was sweaty and dirty from working out, she just smelled GREAT), could match my humor point for point, and our relationship – even though it ultimately ended in us breaking up – was just really, REALLY good for us both.

And of course (this is always the way it goes, right?) the sex was amazing. I went from a cold, loveless, sexless relationship to an average of twice a day, five days a week, for the six or so months we were together. She hit a lot of my kinks and was happy to oblige when I’d encourage her to do some exhibitionism or get naughty in public. The thrill did it for her, and knowing she was going to take it out on me later was always fun.

So, to get to it, we had a two-person pass for a full weekend together at a hot spring/”romantic couples retreat” in the nearby wine country, and were supposed to drive up that Friday. She called me that morning, asking if I’d be pissed off if she signed the pass over to a friend of hers, who hadn’t gotten to see her boyfriend in months, and couldn’t have him at her place due to bitchy housemates. She suggested that since we were just going to spend the weekend fucking, showering, and fucking again, we could do that just as easily at my place, save us a trip and all the extra money on food and whatnot, so why not let them have it?

Not being an idiot, I said sure.

So she swapped shifts with her friend at the book store, worked all day, came over that Friday night, and we spent the night making out, fucking on the couch (and the bed, and the kitchen counter, etc), you get the picture.

— Fun side note: she had previously laid claim to an old Project A-Ko t-shirt of mine, from when I was a teenager. It covered down to just above her hips, and she’d wear it around the house with no panties, without a care in the world. It was the best thing ever, watching her nipples poke through that old threadbare shirt in the mornings when we’d start fooling around. That Friday night, we’d ordered a pizza, and were busy fucking on the couch when he arrived. She pulled the shirt on, answered the door, her shaved-bare pussy still sopping wet, the entire house smelling like sex, gave the guy the money, took the pizza, and smiled as he left, saying “I appreciate that you tried really hard to ONLY stare at my tits!” Then she closed the door, tossed the pizza box on the couch next to me, doffed the shirt, climbed back onto my erection, and started boffing me while chowing down on a slice. That girl, man. —

So the next day was basically non-stop sex with a break to take a walk to the local diner and get some water and chocolate milk at the corner market, but that’s not what this story is about. This story is about that Sunday and the worst case of Parentus Interruptus I’ve ever encountered, and the resulting week’s worth of frustration, and a final, glorious moment of hilarity. Yeah, okay, I buried the lede.

Sunday morning, she woke up, still horny, woke me up with a hand job, moved on to riding me into the box spring, we both got off, and we went to take a shower. Sex in the shower, of course. We get out, and are supposed to be getting dressed, and she says “I’m not done yet,” grabs me by the penis, drags me to the bed, and we go at it.

She starts to get LOUD. Louder than usual (and she could get loud), to the point where she’s actively grabbing a pillow and biting it (it’s early on a Sunday and I have churchy neighbors at this point), and suddenly we hear the front door get knocked on with my mom’s usual four-knock knock. My mother has a key to the house, because she cat-sits for me, but usually she waits for me to come to the door.

Not today.

Mom walks in to the house. Announces her presence. She’s pretty much two hours early.

Mom starts walking back toward the bedroom, Elle sinks her nails into my shoulder with one hand, SLAMS the door shut with the other, and shouts “We’re not dressed!”

Mom says “I’ll wait!”

Elle stares at me, pouts, and says something like “there’s no way I can come without her hearing us, we may as well stop”

So we stop. I clean up quick, get dressed, and go out to entertain my mom. I point out that she’s TWO FREAKING HOURS EARLY and she says she “completely lost track of time.” It’s, like, 9 or 10 am at this point. Our routine is to go to lunch at noon then hit the farmer’s market on Sundays. It’s a routine, we’ve been doing it every weekend for basically as long as Elle and I have been dating. I don’t blame her for coming over, just for COMPLETELY fucking up the timing.

Elle comes out, wearing one of my t-shirts (not the A-Ko, this one was… fuck… Final Fantasy 7? I don’t recall), that barely covers past her crotch. She’s stomping her feet, pouting basically being a sore loser. She says she doesn’t have any clothes in the bedroom, grabs her bag (bending over to make it very clear she’s only wearing the shirt), gathers up her clothes, goes back to get dressed.

The WHOLE DAY, she’s pouty, irritable, keeps flashing her breasts at me, makes it VERY evident she’s wearing nothing under her skirt, and finally tells me that if she has to spend the day sexually frustrated, I do, too.

She gets called in to work later that day, so we can’t just go home and bang it out. EVERY TIME we try to get together that week, something comes up. I get dirty snapshots on my phone (and this is pre-smartphones, so they’re really crappy photos, but hey…). FINALLY, we get that Friday together. She texts me and says “you’re getting a porn star tonight.”

She shows up at my house in her “Fuck me right now and no one gets hurt” shoes. Ridiculously tight jeans, which for some reason she’d decided to wear over a garter belt and stockings, but I honestly didn’t care because she knew my kinks well. Crazy padded push-up bra that basically tripled her normal size (she was a 32B), shirt so tight I could see her navel piercing.

Lots of makeup, heavy eyes, fake lashes, crimson lips, all that (side note: she loved to do her makeup super duper fancy, but never got a chance to do so, and she said she always felt her most feminine when she could do that, so she was very very happy to show off her skills that night), nails fresh out of the salon. She’d snuck off and gotten a brazilian wax earlier in the week. Made VERY sure I knew about it by whispering it into my ear when she showed up.

Drags me off to the bedroom, tosses me on the bed, does a strip tease for me, then asks me to tie her up and go down on her. So, I do both those things, she ends up begging me to stop and give her something to bite on so she doesn’t freak out the neighbors screaming (yay me!). She proceeds to come, hard, screaming in to the little neck pillow I gave her to bite on. At this point she’s got her thighs clamped onto my head and is lifting her entire body up off the bed as she comes. My face and my sheets are SOAKED, and while she was never a squirter, there’s ample proof I did something right. Again, yay me.

Eventually she comes back down to earth, looks at me, panting, and says “you are going to fuck me RIGHT NOW”. So of course, I do, and she’s being very vocal, and talking dirtier than she ever has (like, she would normally talk dirty with things like “oh, yeah, I love your cock” or “oh fuck that feels good, fuck me like that some more”, but that night she was full out gonzo porno script, I swear. I’m pretty sure that at least once she told me to fuck a baby into her and followed it up with something like “fuck me so hard your cock comes out my throat” or something), and I start to get close and tell her as much.

She locks her eyes on me and says “don’t you fucking dare.” I bite it back and keep going. She’s biting on my arms or her own legs (legs up to her shoulders was one of her favorites, more than once we actually got her knees behind her shoulders, which wasn’t frequent, but made her come every time, guaranteed) to keep from screaming, and I get close again. And she again tells me NO, you do NOT.

So FINALLY, I can’t stop and I tell her as much. She can barely talk at this point: her eyes are rolling back in her head, she’s basically panting, she’s got teeth marks on her arms, has bitten holes in her stockings, and she’s bitten her lip so hard she’s drawn blood, her face and chest are flushed redder than her lipstick, but she still looks at me and manages to croak “like a porn star, all over my tits, all over my tits baby, yeah,” and so on, over and over. “All over my tits and in my mouth like the dirty fucking slut I am.”

I promised you hilarity, so here’s the hilarity:

Just as I pull out, and I’m about to maneuver up to her chest, I just explode. Barely even out of her and BOOM. Three sharp bursts. The first one sails STRAIGHT PAST HER HEAD. Hits the wall splat. The second one shoots straight up the center of her chest and splashes all over her chest. The third lands RIGHT IN HER EYE.

She goes from oooh-aaah-yeahh to OH MY GOD.

And in that instant everything goes from “this is so sexy” to “this is goddamned hilarious”

I collapse onto the bed, she’s gotten all of her senses back and is positively cackling. She mutters something about how lucky it is she’s wearing false eyelashes. “I have little plastic shields!”

We spent probably an hour just laughing like idiots, until we got too cold from all our sweat drying off. I untied, got some leftover pizza and a couple of bottles of water, and came back to bed, whereupon she tried to get up and walk to the bathroom to check herself in the mirror (“I want to see what I look like covered in your come for once”) and promptly falls over like a newborn fawn, because her legs don’t work right.

And because the universe has no chill, the next morning, just as I was finishing giving her a really, really good rubdown and was about to slide into her, my mom knocked on the door early. AGAIN.

Source: reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/8qywdn/sharing_an_old_but_good_story_longish_bit_of_a