Hey guys, I’m trying to get into writing erotic lit. I’ve been a long time reader of it and typically like reading the brother/sister taboo variety. Anyway I recently had some free time and decided to make my first foray into writing. I was hoping I could submit a clip from the short story I’m working on to get feedback.
Eric’s breathing now sharply elevated, reduced to an audible volley of staccato emissions an almost incredulous realization of the bliss he was about to be enveloped in. His brain prepparing his body for the primal engagment, priming a nueral circuit embedded deeply from the very dawn of man, an ancestral inheritance serving not only the biological need to mate, but to seek pleasure. The proverbial stored human procedure, as autonomous as breathing. Without thinking his body seemed to know what to do as his animalistic brain unleashed a deluge of andrenaline and dopamine. Muscles tensed, heart beginning to beat with authority, beads of sweat forming under his goosebump riddled skin. She pulled his pants firmly and swiftly to the floor with determined command. The dominant enthusiam of a girl on a mission. Nothing was going to stop her from getting what she had so desperately sought after for months, the subject of her endless fantasy’s, eric’s precious, masterful, emboldened cock. The thought of it consumed her, as she would watch him from across the street, sucking dutifully on a cucumber, wishing she was milking his precious nut butter into her mouth with her succulent, tender, plump lips and her loving tongue. Finally the circumstances had aligned and he was all hers to devour, she would show him such heavenly pleasure, bring him to a euphoric paradise of ecstacy and drain his virgin ball sack of every last drop of his thick gooey man juice. She could tell he was brimming with potent love sauce and wanted him to just unload all of it down her welcoming throat. Erics swollen, pulsating meat sword sprung out with a forceful assertion of presence, smacking mariana in the face. Eric felt the air around his cock now out in the open, it was almost brisk even in the balmy evening summer glow of dusk. His determined cum cannon stuck out prominently, pointed directly between mariana’s eyes. She gazed upon it in awe, almost crossed eyed attempting to take it all in and worship it in all of it’s glory. She licked her lips slowly with the ravenous hunger of a lion stalking it’s prey. Eric felt the warm moisture of her breath as she exhaled mere millimeters away from his now throbbing, rock solid fuck rod. He nearly lost his composure as the warm air emanating from her beautiful mouth rolled breifly over his twitching cock before leaving it back in the relative cold of the surrounding air. The contrast made him realize that just beyond those thick, bountiful, spanish lips was the divine wet suck chamber that would momentarily be slurping on his uninitiated cock. Before he could even process the reality of that Mariana pushed him back onto his bed, his eyes wide with surprise and antcipation. He managed to utter an inexplicable “uhh” involuntarily as his body prepared him for the inevitable surge of sensation. Mariana gave his dominant, bulging cock one more look. It stood there, proud and salient, a cock destined to be sucked. She inhaled suddenly and parted her lips. Eric watched helplessly as time slowed down, he watched as his cock disappeared into Mariana, her lips engulfing each inch of his cock with ease, with an almost mechanical efficiency. It felt like an eternity had passed but within the span of an entire second Mariana had reached the base of his cock. It was as though every receptor in his brain and every nerve ending in his cock fired off simultaneously, relaying the flood of intense stimulus like a orchestra of telegraphs dispatching a swarm of frenzied electrical signals. Eric was stunned and before his eyes flashed the vivid memory of his first meeting Mariana. Her parents moving boxes out of the uhaul into their perfect two story colonial home. “Hi, my name is Mariana but you can call me mary if you’d like. What’s your name?”, the softly spoken, pale skinned, quintessential girl next door. The tender innocent look in her eyes which sparkled with a welcoming brightness that made you feel as though you were the only one in the room. An unparalleled beauty that left an indelible impression on erics memory, he considered the immeasurable luck that he had been endowed with, the improbable nature of their meeting and the even more unlikely scenario that was unfolding before him. all of those nights, alone in his room rubbing his cock to the very thought of Mariana, scouring her social media page and squeezing out load after load to the thought of her tight dripping pussy bouncing on his stiff loaded phalus or her gentle succulent mouth sucking him for all he’s got. Just as suddenly as he had plunged into this flashbulb flashback he was ejected back into reality. He still felt as though he was looking through the eyes of someone else, watching the beautiful and uniquely human marvel unraveling in it’s exquisite biological imperative. Eric’s fantasy manifesting itself in realtime. Mariana sucked inwardly with a compelling force, creating a near air tight vacuum around Eric’s undulating shaft. Her glossy lips now lubricated with a viscous saliva-precum blend. The tip of Eric’s cock was deep in the cock loving narrows of Marianas throat, Feeling every esophageal contraction attempt to siphon his precious gift out of his overflowing balls. Her lips wrapped in a form fitting clench around the base of Erics cock. Saliva now leaking from the seams of her mouth creating a frothy ring around Eric’s meat. She began her ascent back up to the tip, All the while tenaciously carving senual patterns with her tongue in an almost tribal dance around Eric’s thick rod. Eric felt his cock withdraw from the clutches of Marianas throat and waves of indescribable titillation and stimulation nearly caused him to convulse and bust his load right there, every muscle in his body relaxed as he allowed his cock to feel the sloppy warm velvety textures of Marianas mouth, the cyclone of wetness stirred by her hard working tongue and the embrace of her cheeks as they encircled and wrapped lovingly aroud erics member. It was a feeling of happiness and oneness with the world around him that can only be described as zen. Nothing else mattered and his worries felt meaningless as they simply melted off of his shoulders. God it felt so good, her mouth really was valhalla, Heaven, true paradise. Eric felt as though he were aloft, a passenger on a cloud, riding through the atmosphere carelessly. It was a wonderous amnesia that allowed his thoughts to flow uninhibited by the stress and burden of life.. everything just felt so right in the world. His cock was sinking and re-emerging in a methodical oscillation, with the tender faint delicate sound of air being sucked in each time Mariana inhaled Erics supreme cock. He felt the repetative frolic of her warm, hot, wet, oral innards surround and caress his love rod, coaxing it with it’s rythmic gyrations. Eric’s calm, peaceful epiphany soon turned to feelings of primal dominance, he was the alpha, he was the one getting his alpha cock sucked so that he may sling his seed into the most desirable mate in the village. Eric stood up, taking care to keep his cock in marianas mouth, he grabbed a handful of Marianas hair as she slowly bobbed her head on his superior cock. A devious grin shot across eric’s face as mariana diverted her eyes with an innocent school girl look that only further provoked Eric’s carnal rage. He pushed her down all the way to the base of his cock until her mouth was agape and his cock was completely lodged in Mariana’s tight little throat once again. He held her there as saliva now poured out of her cock hole. Hey held her there as he felt her tongue writhe and slither in an attempt to handle his absolute godlike girth. He nearly filled mariana’s mouth with his swollen mast, she loved how he silenced her with his dominant manhood, inhibiting her ability to speak, reducing her only to whimpering mumbles and moans. Eric felt the vibrations traverse his entire shaft and he let out a carnal grunt. With that he felt the beast take control of his actions once more, that inner animal which mariana had unlocked in the otherwise mild boy. Without thought he grabbed marianas hair with both hands and began his blitzkreig of thrusts, fucking her pretty little face like a raging steam piston. Marianas eyes clenched close as her throat attempted to assuage the barage of erics drilling cock, saliva and thick precum were now falling in a steady stream from Marianas lips, which were desperately holding onto Erics cock, to the floor. Some flew onto Marianas face from the sheer force of Erics thrusting. He was grunting in a near breathless fashion. Letting out primal exclamations and exhaling in aggressive fervor. Mariana wanted eric to make her throat his personal fuck hole, she wanted him to use her mouth like a his own personal cum receptical. She put her arms around the back of erics leg to assist him in plunging his bulging meat as far as it could possibly go into her throat. There was now a puddle of wetness beneath them as eric continued to use mariana’s mouth like the fuck toy it was. Bubbles of cum and saliva would form across marianas mouth as eric withdrew his cock, only to be pierce a millisecond later as he filled her cock loving mouth again, barely letting Mariana take a breath. Eric, now sweating as every muscle in his body engaged in this furious onslaught felt his cock beginning to succumb to the sloppy, wet, chaos inside marianas mouth. She was now slobbing and bobbing with erics rythmn, eyes closed, in a cock swallowing trance. Her mascara now dripping down her face which was soaked with a combination of tears and saliva. She was now making one long continous moan as she ravenously gobbled erics cock. Eric quickly came out of his trance as he felt what was about to happen. He was suddenly back in that peaceful heavenly fugue state as his senses sharpened and his cock now relayed each contact from marianas lapping, fluttering tongue with a wave of unbearable pleasure. He was paralyzed with the overwhelming sensation and he began to feel the inexorable pressure accumulate in his brimming balls. “Oh god Mariana ahh” he exhaled, she moaned in a satisfied murmur while still consuming his meat. His knees were beginning to buckle as mariana shoved her face repeatedly against erics stomache, forcing his entire cock into her orifice. Eric felt that feeling of wonderous empathy and bliss wash over him as every muscle in his body now relaxed, he threw his head back as the irrepressible sensation inundated him. Then it happening, his cock twitched with the power of an artillery cannon, launching a thick unending stream of hot white nut cream into marianas chasm. Mariana’s lips were wrapped tightly around the base of his shaft as he pumped her throat full of his pent up love sauce. Mariana felt it hit the back of her throat and slowly slide down. Some of it shot the inside of her cheeks and pooled under her tongue. She loved the dense, syrup like, texture of it. She held onto his cock with her beautiful full lips for what felt like an eternity as he unloaded everything, draining his balls into marianas insatiable cock tunnel. Eric shuddered and emitted orgasmic “ahhs” and “oohs” with each spasm. With each burst he felt the muscles in his legs incrementally disengaging, agreeing to support him until he injected the last of his fertile baby batter. Finally, his cock hurled it’s final blast and he fell backwards onto the bed with a thud. He layed there in a euphoric daze as his cock, still half hard, stuck up in the air as if to signify a victory. Mariana remained there on her knees, mouth slightly ajar with strings of saliva and cum rolling out off of her lips and chin. She still had a pool of eric’s man juice flooding her mouth as she panted heavily, attempting to catch her breath. Her hair was disheveled and her face was wet and smeared with mascara. SHe tilted her head backa nd made a loud, pronounced gulping sound as she swallowed erics delicious gift. She savored it as it oozed down her throat like thick honey. “Ahh!” she proclaimed after making a clicking sound to signal an empty mouth, “that was delectable”. She swirled her tongue around her lips in a circle, “I’ve never tasted anything better, I wish you could feed me everyday”. Eric was still laying there, dumbfounded and elated, floating gleefully on cloud nine. He sat up on his elbows when Mariana stood up. “I’ll be gone for a week on vacation with my family” she said, “we should hang out again when I get back”. She winked and a naughty smile creeped across her face “You had better not watch porn or jack off, that’s what my mouth is for”, Erics soft cock twitched to attention. “Besides, I need to be well fed, don’t waste your precious loads on nothing. Those balls better be nice and full so I can drain them again”, she giggled. Eric couldn’t believe his ears and his cock shot back up with excitement. Now stiff as a board once more, Mariana hesitated before leaving Erics room. She took her phone out of her pocket, “My parents are calling, probably want me to get home and pack”. Her eyes shot back to Eric’s reinvigorated cock as she bit her lower lip. She could feel her pussy dripping beneath her sundress. In a second Mariana ran and pounced on Eric, mounting him. She sat ontop of him and put both hands on his chest. She whispered, “this is just a sample of what you’ll get when I get back”. SHe tenously lowered her beautiful pink pussy onto Erics rod. Holy jesus god it was amazing, eric thought he really did pass out for a second. Eric felt Mariana slide down his cock the way he had, just moments prior, slid into her throat. Only this was different, this was pure ecstacy. It squeezed and surrounded erics pulsating fuck stick in it’s hot wet messy glory. Just as quickly as Eric had been given unadulterated paradise, Mariana hopped off and said “NOw you get to wait for that”. Eric’s jaw dropped and he was speechless as she grabbed her bag and headed for Erics bedroom door, her beautiful breasts bounding in a hypnotising cadence. She stopped before leaving and looked at eric, licking her lips and raising her eyebrows, “remember .. I need to be fed”. With that she left, Eric watched from his window as she carelessly skipped back across the street, sundress flowing the wind.
Source: reddit.com/r/eroticliterature/comments/899anu/a_segment_from_my_latest_story_a_classic_the_girl