I remember graduating from college and feeling nostalgic about leaving my safe space… I was embarking on a new journey, and I was going to miss how easy it was to sleep with sloppy college girls. From that point on, I would be dealing with adults, people who were smarter and would see through the bullshit. In college, I was fishing with dynamite, and now I might actually have to learn how to cast a line. That all changed when I cashed my first six figure commission check. I was introduced to an entirely new genre of pussy, the high class ho. Women who were in their late 20’s early 30’s, armed with fake tits and a lady suite, they worked hard but kept their eye on the prize. I noticed that a lot of them actually came from money, but they were looking for a pawn. A stand in to do the heavy lifting while they focused on yoga and the launch of their online lifestyle brand…. I couldn’t blame them though, if I looked that way, I would have done the same exact thing.
Every year, me and the boys take an annual beach trip. This time we headed south, to the home of picturesque waterfronts, wet t-shirt contests and the $10 lap dance… VIVA LA MEXICO… Most of the squad had been friends since high school and college, and although we had slowed down with old age, we still liked to indulge. We checked into our four bedroom suite, and started to unpack. We had a group discussion, and decided that we would keep it low-key on our first night. The plan was to do dinner and drinks, then head back to the resort and hopefully meet up with one of the groups of girls we had scoped out in the lobby. The plan was quickly derailed at dinner when we slammed round after round of shots. We stumbled out of the restaurant and headed for the closest club… Its funny how the best things come when you least expect them.
It was around midnight, and I was getting sloppy in a hurry. The Xanax that I had taken on the flight was having a lingering effect, and I was only a few drinks away from blacking out. One of the newer guys to the crew, who happened to work with me, signaled me over to the bar. He was chatting up two very attractive blondes, and it appeared that they had just ordered a round of shots. I confidently walked over to them, and introduced myself. During our introduction, I noticed an intriguing accent coming from the girls. I inquired, and found out that they were from South Africa… “Oh nice!” I expelled. “How about that apartheid. Nothing like making a living on the backs of other humans.”… All three of them started at me. The two girls had a look of disgust in their eyes. You would have thought I had just told them that I collect human bodies and keep them in my freezer at home… I forced and awkward laugh, took the shot that was sitting in front of me, and bounced… I was going to try my luck with the group of Asian bachelorettes. They seemed a little more fun…
It was fast approaching 2:00am, and the majority of our group had separated. After striking out with the Asians, a few of the guys went to the strip club, two others went home, and I found myself alone in a shitty club. I headed towards the exit, ready to hail a cab. While I was wandering around, attempting to communicate with the locals, I heard a familiar British sounding accent… The girls from South Africa were still at the club with my buddy, but they had moved to a quieter location on the patio. Apparently, the tables had turned and I was no longer repulsive… I walk over to them, and plop onto the couch… I knew what was going on, my buddy was trying to close and needed me to wing him. I wasn’t particularly excited about the notion of sitting with a girl that hated me but sometimes you gotta take one for the team… My friend reeked of alcohol, and his blood shot eyes and slurred speech actually made me look good. He started rambling on about how one of the Africans ran PR for a group that represented one of our largest clients and she was familiar with our Los Angeles office… I see an opportunity here, knowing that this girl is familiar with our client and the nature of our work, she must know about our recent $200 million disposition. Her eyes light up as I start to brag about how big of a deal I am… CHECK MATE… We sat on the patio for a little longer, before making our way for the exit.
We piled into a shitty van cab, and the hotter of the two girls joined me in the very back row. The girls insisted that we go back to their place, and I sat quietly while they tried to communicate directions to the cab driver. I had no clue where we were going, but I figured as long as I could see the ocean, I would be able to find my way back home… The road was dirt, and the van was shaking as we sped through town. My hand was on her thigh, and with each bump, I positioned myself closer and closer to her. We took a hard right turn, and I went in for the kill… The girl’s black cocktail dress provided easy access, and I slid her underwear to the side with two fingers… I started to rub her gently, as she placed her hand in my crouch and proceeded to massage me. I looked towards the row of seats in front of me, and notice only one silhouette, the other was missing. I lean in and start to kiss her. My free arm is wrapped around her shoulders, and I place my free hand behind her head. I give her a peck on the lips, and slowly guide her head towards her hands. In no time, my pants are unzipped, and I am sticking out of the front of my jeans…
The girl had been doing work for about 5 minutes and in all honesty, she wasn’t really getting the job done… I am not sure if it was the conditions of the roads, the unhealthy amount of alcohol coursing through my veins or the fact that we had Dale Earnhardt Jr. driving the fucking cab, but this girl sucked at sucking… In fear of having my dick bit off, I tugged on her head, motioning for her to stop what she was doing immediately… I started sucking on her neck, lord knows im not going near her mouth after that… I move my hand back into position, and start rubbing the top of her clit. I can hear her breathing intensify and I move my lips to her perfectly sculpted fake tits. She is clutching the back of my head with her hand. Her legs straighten out, as she tenses up, pulling at my hair. She is getting close, and as I start to increase the rhythm, I hear a voice coming from the seat in front of us. My buddy lets out a loud, “Oh fuck.” Apparently, his girl had better mouth skills than mine… The commotion from the front seat brought us back to reality, and it was visible that we were on the grounds of the girls condo… The van screeches to a stop in front of the lobby… I retract my hand, as my girl takes a deep breath. She starts to push my shoulder, and crawls over me in a desperate attempt to exit the van… She is pulling me by my hand as we scurry through the lobby to a private elevator. We had left our friends in the van, and I could see that my girl was waiting anxiously for the elevator doors to open. We step into the elevator and before the doors had closed, her thong was around her ankles. She was using both hands to force my head downwards. I complied and proceeded to bury my face into her freshly shaven anatomy. The handrail flexed, as she placed all over her weight onto it. Her legs are wrapped around my head and she was legitamely humping my face, while screaming with pleasure… I typically have a rule that forbids me from eating a girl out who’s name I don’t know. but sometimes the rules gotta be broken.
The elevator stops on what I assumed to be the top floor. My face is still between her legs, as I start to get up from the ground. I pull her thong off from around her ankles, and she straddles me. At her direction, I carry her all the way to the end of the hallway. She opens the door, and I can see why the girls insisted on coming to their place. I lift her through the doorway and start to head down a hallway, I look to my side and see flowing gray stone marble, leading towards a huge sliding glass door. You could see and hear the pacific. This was one of the nicest condos I had ever stepped foot in… No wonder they got so pissed about the apartheid joke… We get into the bedroom and I throw her onto the bed. She scoots herself against the headboard, and butterfly’s her legs. I am kissing her passionately, and she starts to push my head down again… I was planning on mixing it up, but whatever, she was obviously enjoying herself. Besides, the night was young… I go back to work on her perfect box, flattening my tongue and applying pressure as I move from the bottom, upwards. I stop at the top, and begin to gently suck on her flesh. I glance up, and her body language tells it all. She is biting her lower lip, her eyes are half closed and she is wearing that orgasmic face, a blend of focus and happiness. I start to reach down for my belt buckle, but she grabs my arm and moves my hands to her chest. She is grasping the outside of my hand, in a squeezing motion, determined to keep me in this position for a little longer. After a few seconds, I hear her release a shaky huff, followed by ‘holy shit,’ Her legs relax and straighten out onto the bed. I start to get up and begin to undo my pants… But she stops me… She informs me that the fridge is stocked with Dom, and requests a glass before we continue… I roll my eyes, and waddle out to the kitchen, attempting to hide my excitement…
The other friend is sitting in the kitchen, but my buddy is no where to be found. I ask her where the hell dumb-fuck went, and she tells me that he was running out of fuel, and she sent him home… I think to myself… What a lucky bastard, gets his dick sucked, then falls asleep. Meanwhile, I’m over here working my ass off like a fucking chump… I open the fridge, and my girl wasn’t lying, The thing was fucking filled with fancy looking bottles of booze. Iv never actually had Dom Perignon, so I just grabbed whatever bottle was closet. I have the bottle in hand, and I start to head towards the hallway… The friend stops me and says that she wants a glass as well… GOD DAMNIT… I stop, and turn around… WHERE THE FUCK ARE THE GLASSES… I am in a frenzy, opening every cabinet, in an attempt to find something to pour the contents of this bottle into… The friend starts asking all kinds of questions, and at this point I am super annoyed… CAN YOU JUST TELL ME WHERE THE FUCKING GLASSES ARE… I need to get back to the room to collect my prize that I worked so hard for… I finally find the glasses and dump the shittiest pour ever, it was like 3/4 carbonation… I am about to head back to the room when genius strikes, I stop in my tracks, turn around and ask, “So, do you want to join us?” She doesn’t even bother to respond, she just shots me a look like, you poor stupid fuck… I remind myself that you miss 100% of the shots you never take, and continue on my way.
I walk into the room and my girl has tucked herself in and is sound asleep… WHAT THE FUCK.. I clear my throat loudly… Nothing… I do it again, and she pops her head up and looks at me confused… “Oh, your still here? Do you mind turning the lights off and closing the door behind you.”… WHAT THE FUCK… I walk back to the kitchen and see the other friend still seated at the kitchen table. She is laughing and tells me not to take it personally. Apparently this isn’t the first time this has happened… She also tells me that the girl likes me and that this is part of a test… I am so confused at this point… The friend then invites me and my buddy to dinner tomorrow night. She informs me that they have a private room and it would be a mistake not to show up… I tell her we will be there at 7pm, and asked if she can call me a car to take me home… I was perplexed as I walked down the hall to the elevator, nursing a severe case of blue balls.
Source: reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/6yy9bi/mouth_stuff
Douchebag, meet Karma. Karma, I’m sure you already know Douchebag…
Calling women high class ho’s is not cool bro.