Facebook. [M]ountain [F]ucking. And A Sex Tape.

SYNOPSIS: A bitter battle was raging between my ex and me, and the girl from work was caught in the crossfire… I may have been in the dog house, but somehow I managed to engage in spontaneous intercourse while hiking… My ex gets payback with an inappropriate picture, but two can play at that game…

PART FIVE – The Final Installment.

I would typically never volunteer to go hiking after dark. I am terrified of rattlesnakes, and the mountain is a breeding ground for those fuckers. However, I was currently in the dog house with girl from work and I needed a safe, non-threatening activity. I had spent most of the day explaining myself and after hours of conversation, I had convinced girl from work to hang out with me… There was one condition, absolutely no sex… You see, my ex-girlfriend had decided to write a nice posting on my Facebook wall, informing the entire world that she had an article of my clothing in her possession, and she wanted to return it… My ex-girlfriend is a real asshole… The post was malicious, intended to drive a wedge between me and the girl from work. It was not an ideal situation, but it wasn’t catastrophic. The ex-girlfriend had been in town for well over two months, and there were plenty of instances where she could have obtained a t-shirt from me… SORRY SWEETY… You’re going to have to do better than that… Unbeknownst to me this was just the tip of the iceberg… By the end of this story, my ex-girlfriend will have completely destroyed me.

The girl from work and I were driving through darkness, she had finally forgiven me and we were joking around as we pulled off to the side of the road. The parking lot gate, leading to miles of pristine hiking trails, was closed. I hoped the fence and pushed the heavy steel gate open. The parking lot was empty and I took up four spaces like a dick. To be honest with you, sex was the last thing on my mind. I was just excited to hang out with this girl. Besides, I had bigger things to worry about, like losing a fucking leg to a snake bite. We wandered through the dark night, the familiar trails illuminated by the light coming from my headlamp. I look at the beauty standing next to me. She was bursting out of her yoga pants, her back dimples pronounced and her dark skin contrasted against her neon sports bra. We headed towards a secluded summit… We would be at the peak in less than an hour…

I was sprinting up the mountain, determined to assert my physical dominance… Also, I had heard that snakes were scared of heights… We get to the top, and absorb the breathtaking views. The bright lights of the city seemed to extend into eternity. I turned my headlamp off, we didn’t need it, the moon and the lights below were enough… It was a beautiful summer night and I was doing something I loved with someone I love… This was it. This was the definition happiness… I lit the joint my roommate had rolled for us, while the faint roar of a 747 could be heard in the distance. The rock formation that we were sitting on was flat and barely fit the both of us… We started to discuss our future together. She would teach part time and take care of the kids, while I worked on building skyscrapers in the city we loved. We would spend the summers in Italy and Christmas in Aspen. I would design our dream home, more than willing to sacrifice everything to give this girl the life she deserves.

She took a long, final drag of the half smoked joint, ashed it into a water bottle and mounted me. She pressed her lips to mine and exhaled… I suddenly felt lightheaded, intoxicated by her scent and the lingering THC. She started to move back and forth slowly, she could feel all of me through her yoga pants. Her legs are wrapped around me, as I stand up and slide my gym shorts around my ankles. She hooks her arms around my neck, and I use both hands to yank at her yoga pants. The fabric bunched up as I pulled it down and over her ass… I sat back on the rock, as she placed a hand on my shoulder for support. Still using my shoulder, she lifted herself up, and used her free hand to grab onto me. She eases me into her, and shifts her weight for comfort… She is staring directly at me, gazing into my soul… Both of my hands were placed firmly on the rock beneath me, my arms flexed as I propped myself off of the surface. I was thrusting gently, and with each hit, she released a quiet quiver. After a few minutes, I increased my speed. Her moans echoed through the canyons, as her thick hair fell from her messy ponytail…

I started to slow my role, focusing everything on not blowing my load… My reduction in speed was met by her. She starts to bounce up and down on me, as she whips her head back. I grab at her sports bra, pulling it down as far as I can, exposing about half of her nipple. I bit at her, filling my mouth with fabric and flesh. I can taste the polyester from her Nike DriFit… She bites at my ear, as she digs her nails into my back… FUCKKKKKKK… She can tell from my face that she has total control over me. My thrusting motions have subsided completely; I desperately want to hold onto this moment… I was trying to imagine a rattlesnake biting me, or a pack of coyotes ripping us limb from limb, anything to keep this from ending… A smile creeps across her face, as she plants her shoes on both sides of me, using the edge of the rock as leverage. She starts to hammer me, her ass clapping against my bare thighs… I can’t hold it any longer. I finally release the tension, as she moans loudly. I exhale deeply, and bury my face into her chest. I am breathing heavily, almost in unison with her. I clutch her back with both hands as she runs her fingers gently through my hair. She kisses the top of my head and leaves her lips parched there for what feels like an eternity… Our eyes lock and I never want to lose sight of her… We eventually start down the mountain hand in hand. I didn’t want this night to end, and as I drove to her house to drop her off, the windows were down and everything in life seemed to make sense. I would go to bed happy, completely unaware of the shit storm that I would awake too.

I awoke to the sound of loud voices coming from the living room. I look at the clock, holy shit it was almost noon, I slept for like 11 hours… I initiate my morning ritual, and as I log into Facebook, I see that I have 23 notifications… WHAT THE FUCK… After a few clicks, I see the source of the commotion… A picture of me sprawled out in my bed; you can tell that I am naked, with only a small piece of sheet covering my bare ass… WHAT THE FUCK… The caption reads, “My Hero. Thank you for saving me the other night.” I am sick to my stomach… A flood of emotions rush through me like a wave, as I realize that my ex had been plotting this all along. I knew exactly what she was referencing … The 2 for 1 night… But that picture wasn’t from that night… She took that picture of me when I was passed out after the night at the club… WHAT THE FUCK… It all starts to make sense to me, I was in complete disbelief. I couldn’t believe that she had orchestrated this entire thing. That’s why she came over to my house for a second time. She needed an excuse to fuck me, so that she could share this story with her friends and initiate my inevitable demise. She couldn’t possible admit to the things she had done at the club. Public fellatio and anal sex isn’t something you share with your girlfriends, but hooking up with your ex after he saved you from a group of creepy guys is… That’s something she could work with, and she needed her friends to ensure that everyone and their mom saw this picture of me on Facebook.

I jump from my bed and rush down the hall, I needed the help of my friends. The more minds the better, and I needed to get this photo off of the internet. I walk into the living room and see four or five guys, all of whom are huddled around a laptop computer… They are hackling like a pack of hyenas, having an absolute field day at my expense. As soon as I come into view, they fucking erupt… They think this is hilarious. One of the guys is practically crying he is laughing so hard, as he rattles of the comments to the group… FUCK YOU GUYS… I let them settle down a bit, before I pull up a chair and join them. I plead with them… WE NEED TO GET THIS OFF THE INTERNET…

Roommate number three has an idea, and in between bong rips, he starts to stand. With smoke billowing out of his mouth he proclaims:

Roommate 3: “The tape dude, you gotta show us the sex tape…”

Me: SERIOUSLY?? NOT NOW BRO.

“Dude, I’m serious, you gotta show us the tape bro. you gotta send her a message, show her that you’re not fucking around. Come out swinging dude. Fight fire with fire.”

YOU HAVE MY ATTENTION.

“Yeah bro, are you kidding me? She will freak the fuck out if she found out that we were watching her get plowed. She will literally do anything to preserve her good girl image.”

COUNTINUE.

“Dude yeah. Fucking hammer her, man. Get her to take down the picture. You extort her. Make her recant the whole thing. Trust me bro, this will work.”

WOW… REMIND ME TO NEVER CROSS YOU…

The room explodes into a chant: “GET THE TAPE. GET THE TAPE. GET THE TAPE.”

YOU ARE RIGHT BRO. WE GOTTA GET THE TAPE… Only problem was, the tape no longer existed… About six months prior to this, I got super stoned, had a panic attack and destroyed all evidence of that night… A night fueled by tequila and a Viagra the size of a horse pill… My ex had this great idea that before she went back East for school, she would leave me with a memento. Something intimate that I could remember her by… And believe me, I would remember this night… We got real nasty… When everything was said and done, the film was almost 60 minutes in length. I was channeling my inner Ron Jeremy, mixed with the cinematic precious of a Spielberg. I could have won an Oscar for that video… We pulled out all of the stops, starting with a bottle of lube and a vibrator, we moved to mouth stuff, then back to some handstuff. We eventually moved to the desk where I pounded her from behind. As we lay back onto my bed, she took the camera from me, capturing my thrusts from her vantage point. Finally, the big finish… I REALLY WISHED I HAD KEPT THAT TAPE… However, it was for the best, both of our faces were clearly visible throughout the ordeal. My paranoia was not unwarranted, as my roommate had inquired about the video daily. I knew that at some point, it would end up in the wrong hands. It was better if I disposed of it… I had uploaded the hardcopy version to my old desktop computer, and I went as far as wiping the entire driver that it was saved to… I burned the actual tape… I wanted to ensure that no one ever saw it, and no one ever would… Trust me… I have spent countless nights trying to recover those images…

The good thing about such sensitive material is that even the thought of that information getting leaked is paralyzing. I knew that all I needed to do was tell me ex we were watching it, and she would believe me… Not to mention, I really didn’t want to show my friends the video. I am a terrible human being, but even I have my limits. I hated my ex, but I couldn’t bring myself to that level of exploitation… I pulled out my phone, dialed my ex, and put her on speaker… It went straight to voicemail, but that was fine. I informed her that we were having a little viewing party, the shutters we closed and we had a nice bag of popcorn. We were going to watch the video in its entirety, and critique my every move… The boys could be heard egging me on in the background… Within seconds of leaving the message, I received a text from my ex… The picture had been removed… VICTORY… I had won… We started to draft a long list of demands, the first of which would be a public apology and a complete remission of any wrong doing on my behalf. The list was growing in size, when I got a text message from the person that I should have been focusing on… I had gotten lost in my own self rage, which at this point has fully consumed me. The girl from work hadn’t even crossed my mind…

The tone of her message wasn’t one filled with anger and hate. It was sad, the words of a girl who had just been crushed. She begged me to leave her alone, to get out of her life. She called me a sociopath, and alluded to the fact that I only care about myself and no one else… FUCK… I wish she would have yelled at me… She went on to say that it was her fault, she knew better than to get involved with someone like me… She finished with something that I will never forget… The final text read, “I just wish you wouldn’t have cum inside me. That was really inconsiderate.”

FUCK… Her harsh words took the air out of the atmosphere, and I was completely devastated. That was it… The ex won… I was defeated… I had no one to blame but myself… I had always been confident, that I could out think, out work, out lie, out cheat, anyone. I had always done what I needed to do to ensure that my personal agenda was being progressed. No one ever called me on my shit, and if they did, I would belittle them into submission… Not this time, the words of a 21 year old girl, two years my junior, rocked me to my core. I couldn’t lie my way out of this, it was the truth. I was a total fucking asshole… I had been coaxed and tempted by my ex, but at the end of the day I was the one who couldn’t keep his dick in his pants… I threw my phone and retreated to my room in self-pity… I hear my roommate shout after me:

“Wait…. Did you really destroy the tape?”

Source: reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/6yb50d/facebook_mountain_fucking_and_a_sex_tape