[MFM] Shared my girlfriend with a guy from Tinder [Long]

Alright so this is more of a sort of anonymous journal entry, I feel I have to tell somebody about it. Plus I think some people out there might learn from my experience. Post-writing edit: Yea this came out pretty long. Read it or don’t, it is what it is and I’m not your boss.

All involved are in early-mid 20’s.

Background, tl;dr after the paragraph: I had been dating this girl – let’s call her Rachel. Rachel is rather on the short side, not skinny but you couldn’t call her chubby. She has pale blue eyes and just-past-shoulder length dark blonde hair, and I would objectively call her beautiful. Honestly I don’t know her cup size, but I’d call it a solid B. Her ass though – god damn I could go diving in there without oxygen and die a happy man.
As for myself: skinny but not bony, I work on keeping a toned body. Most of the mass I do have is muscle mass.
Around the 6 or 7 months mark we were talking about how we have such good chemistry in the bed and always try new things, and she mentioned how she’s thought about inviting a third person. I had thought about this before too, and I actually had started to get off on the thought of somebody else fucking her while she goes down on me or variations of the sort (I know what that could mean – besides a touch of healthy curiosity I am straight so take that as it is). Yea it’s a little fucked up but shit we all have some weird fetishes. Why else do we have incognito mode? Anyway I casually agreed, not letting on that I had secretly wanted this, and we also promised to do an FFM afterwards. Maybe I’ll say a few words on that later, but don’t get your hopes up it hasn’t happened yet. Fast forward to around 8 months, I break up with her. I truly did love her at first, and she was the first girl I’ve been with that I’ve ever loved, but I felt that the feeling faded and I respected her too much to just keep up appearances. After a month or so of “grieving,” we started hanging out again (we study together and so see each other a lot) and quickly decided to try a FWB arrangement (really, we had some great sex. It was worth trying to at least keep that up). I know, casual sex with your ex is ill-advised to say the least – I’m still trying to figure this one out honestly but that’s neither here nor there. We eventually had to define it as an “open relationship,” though neither of us had been with or was seeing anyone else.

tl;dr so far: In an open relationship / FWB type of deal with ex gf.

We talked about the threesome idea again and decide to make moves about it. She only has one rule – the other guy can’t fuck her. I was honestly a little disappointed, so i pressed for an explanation and got “I don’t want to get fucked by a stranger.” Fair enough. We make a throwaway fb account and I download Tinder on her phone, technical details, technical details… Its a weird feeling to sign your girl up for a dating service… She want to give me a vote on guys she swipes but I give her the power of selection. Obviously she gets a lot of swipes trying to get some freak on, and so she’s now flirting with guys she’s selected for their good looks and personalities. Within a week she’s chosen someone. We rent an airbnb in our city and have him come to meet us there. We get there a couple hours early, have a drink or two, get nervous together. She’s gone all out, wearing some sexy underwear and had a full cosmetic treatment, waxing everything. As the guy calls to say he’s parking she drops this on me: “I don’t want him to feel like a third wheel. It’s important to me that he feels like an equal partner.” I don’t have much time to get my head around this – we go out to meet him. We’re walking towards the parking spot, and just before we approach it I try to grab her for some quick reassurance that we’re going into this together and everything’s fine, but she squirms from my touch (half playfully) and I get the feeling she’s embarrassed that he might see us. She practically runs the last few steps to meet the guy – let’s call him John. I come up behind. After shaking hands and making introductions and some jokes about how he can put the weapons back in the car, we’re not gonna kidnap and murder you ha ha ha, we head inside. We told him, for simplicity’s sake, that we were a couple and had been dating for about a year now (more or less true). John’s a good looking guy. I can tell Rachel’s happy with her choice. I can also tell that I’ve kept the dominant position. I’m no beta, but it’s a nervous situation. John’s also nervous though and body language tells me he’s deferring to my authority here. We pour drinks and sit down.

Here’s the setup: It’s a tinyass living room (cheap airbnb) with a two person couch facing a TV that we had set up to play some background-volume Tribe. To couch left is a wall with a large window and to couch right the rest of the tiny apartment extends. Just to the right of the TV is a doorway to a bedroom with a large bed, and to the right of that a second bedroom. Now we had agreed beforehand that Rachel would have the job of starting it all up, and that she should start with him alone before I join in. I don’t know why I thought this was the best choreography, probably from porn, but fuck whatever. So John sits on the right side of the couch, Rachel sits next to him, and I’m on a chair perpendicular to them, on John’s side. For far longer than I had planned or felt comfortable with (maybe 20 minutes) we were just talking and “getting to know one another” despite a couple of attempts by me to get him to take his own initiative (“hey feel at home, make yourself comfortable, don’t worry about it…” etc). I really just wanted to get this all started already…. During this whole time Rachel’s very close to him. There’s contact between their legs. Eventually when his attention is turned Rachel looks at me and mouths “should I just start?” My heart is pounding, sheer nerves and excitement. I motion her to go ahead. She puts a hand on his leg. She had her legs folded under her on the couch, how girls sit sometimes. She now half raises herself to her knees and turns to face him, very close. Her hand is on his chest. Her face is inches from his. He puts out a hand and caresses her face and says, “you have such beautiful eyes.” She does. I can’t remember when was the last time I told her that though. I’m getting a queasy feeling just bringing all of this back up now. Her back is to me now. She leans in to him and they kiss. His hand go on her body, she caresses him, and they’re really making out. I stand up, maybe trying to see their faces but her hair’s in the way so I can see. I was asking myself if her eyes are closed. Is she loving this? Are there moments when they pull a centimeter away and look into each-others eyes? They had their curtain drawn, and I can’t know. I don’t know what I planned would happen exactly after, but what was sure is that I was in no condition to jump in. I was flaccid as hell. My heart was about to burst through my chest. This is fine though, because they weren’t exactly looking around wondering where I was. Her hands went over to his jeans, he took her shirt off, then her bra. She took off his shirt – the guy is ripped (we found out earlier he’s an avid rock climber, incidentally one of Rachel’s latest hobbies).
They got up and we went to the closest bedroom. Rachel lays down on her back and he undresses her completely now. At this point his pants are also off. He goes down on her, and he’s going to town. I’m talking he picks her up by the thighs and alternates to her asshole like its his job. I’d never done that to her (later she asked me to start). Shes absolutely gone with pleasure. Her eyes are closed, hands gripping the sheets, the whole deal. And I’m standing just inside the doorway, having gotten as far as taking off my shirt, and watching. I walk around and kiss her, hold her face, play with her tits, but I just cant get into it. My heart is still threatening to attack and my dick maybe got hit by a bus or something on the way to work cause its completely comatose. I cant take this anymore, I walk out of the room, leaving the door open, and into the next bedroom where I do my best to work up an erection. No-go. I’m still violently pumping more blood around my body that I can imagine would ever be necessary, but none of it reaches my dick for some reason. I must have been there for 5 or 10 minutes, periodically peaking in on John and Rachel, half checking what was going on in there – no changes at all as far as I saw – and half hoping it would turn me on… Eventually I step back in, still flaccid, in my briefs. Rachel has finally noticed that I’ve been neglected, and they change positions so that now shes on her hands and knees on the bed, and john lays down with his head against the headboard. He’d been wearing his boxers still but she removes them and put his dick in her mouth. She’s going to town on it, and I’m behind, supposed to get to work. It was an agonizing few minutes – Rachel’s polishing this guy’s admittedly large dick with her tongue, and hes having a great time. It kills me to see his hand go on her head, sometimes guiding it down, sometimes just gently touching or stroking hair. And I’m trying to stuff my ragdoll into her from behind, thinking that it probably just feels uncomfortable to her. The movement and her incredibly wet pussy can’t bring me up to more than half mast, which is still not enough. Finally she sees I need some help (or started to get annoyed), pulls John’s dick out of her mouth and turn around. She stays in doggy but now turns so her ass is to John, who doesn’t miss a beat and eagerly goes to work eating her out from behind, while I lay down in front of her so she can start going down on me. It takes a while, but by trying to ignore the noises from behind (and the view of him from the side) as well as Rachel’s (diminished, maybe for my benefit) moans of pleasure, I eventually get up to full mast.

Interestingly enough, as soon as I was hard it was game fucking on. I kissed her and then turned her around, grabbed her hair, and went to work. She loves it rough, and that’s what I gave her. It suddenly became nothing more than sex. Lots of testosterone, and everybody feeling good. We moved through a few different positions, with John preferring to not go down on her anymore after my dicks torn it up (understandable), but being enthusiastic with his fingers when her pussy was free and sometimes kissing her. Mostly though his job was to get his dick sucked, which Rachel was glad to help him achieve. I’ve gotta say, I’ve had some marathon sessions before but this one didn’t seem to need to end. It was just so easy to not cum. In hindsight, maybe its because I had shut off my emotional attachment to the situation. The sex was great, but that subconscious effort might have helped to keep me from cumming. Not only was it long but I was going really hard. At one point I took a breather, pulled out and threw myself down next to John, who, you guessed it, was currently occupying Rachel’s mouth. I said something like “Man I gotta rest. Come here baby let me get some of that,” and John says “Yea, come on, suck your boyfriends dick a little.” I wanted to punch him, but I let it slide. Eventually (and it was a while), Rachel’s on her back and I’m fucking her missionary, but her top half is turned sideways so she can keep sucking John’s dick, who is lying down next to her on his side, his one hand on her head and the other occasionally reaching for a tit (when mine weren’t there). He starts making those sounds, and since I know he wants to and I know she wouldn’t mind, when he says he’s gonna come I ask Rachel, “Do you want him to cum in your mouth?” She takes it out long enough to ask him, “Do you wanna cum in my mouth?” Well, he came in her mouth, and then walked out to wash himself off, and we had a few moments. Honestly I didn’t really want him to come back and rejoin or something, and it became harder to hold it back, so I allowed myself to cum as well not long after. (Onto her face, after I told her to let his cum dribble out her mouth onto her chin and tits, if it matter to you sick internet fucks. As long as we’re telling a detailed story here… Yes, she had kept it in her mouth for those few minutes. She has a thing against swallowing and I guess didn’t know what to do with it until I told her [ ;) ]).

Now the sex was over, there were no more distractions to keep away the emotions. We go to the bathroom together to do a quick rinse, and hes in the living room or something and cant hear us. How was it, fine, let’s talk about it later, meaning after he leaves, which I hope is soon. I have a lot to tell her about how this all felt to me. I had brought some weed and she asks if i wanna smoke now (we said we would wait till after the sex) and I say “Maybe a little later.” By which I mean after the dude leaves. 1) I don’t want to share my weed with the guy. 2) I don’t want to spend any more time than necessary hosting him. We walk out of the bathroom to find him rolling up a cigarette on the table, and I’m thinking “good, either it’s for the road or we’ll smoke a quick cigarette and he’ll leave. Keep in mind I can’t just kick the guys out. It’s very important at this point that I stay magnanimous, and maintain the upper hand. I can’t appear petty or jealous, not for one second. Dominance has to be maintained. And so I re-erect an emotional shield and keep a confident, cool, and easy face and demeanor. As soon as we walk out of the bathroom and see him rolling, Rachel pipes up, “John you don’t have to smoke that, we’ve got better shit wink wink come on, OP, lets roll up.” She’s excited and happy and carefree, and she wants him to stay. I can’t keep that from her. You also have to remember that I broke up with her and we had an agreement that we could and should see other people. If this was her trying to make a connection I refused to be the one to stop her.
This is where it gets really painful. I can do nothing but generously and happily roll up a spliff and pour more drinks (giving this guy more of my 10 year scotch…..) and pass em around. Now I’m sitting on the couch where John was before, and he’s sitting where i was on the chair. But get this, Rachel doesn’t choose to sit next to me on the couch but rather takes a pillow from the couch and sits on the floor opposite John, facing him so I’m between them. We talk. I find it hard to talk (he compliments my chest hair, I’m thinking maybe he’s fishing for a compliment out of me about his ripped-ass body. Fuck this guy. Later my suspicions are confirmed when he manages to slip in some kind of comment about “yea when you’re as toned and muscular as I am…”). But Rachel keeps the conversation going, asking him question after question and answering his. Now, I’m not forgotten, I’ve taken seriously my job of magnanimous host, but I contribute maybe only 20% of the conversation. I notice something. Her eyes never leave his face. This is what killed me. Even when I spoke, she looked at him. When she told a brief story, addressing the both of us, her eyes never left him. It became so obvious to me. Like I put in a sentence and her eyes are absolutely transfixed on this guys face even as I speak, and its a warm, happy, content stare. This guy. This guy that was just eating out her pussy. That just came inside her god damn fucking mouth. This guy that looked her in the eyes and told her they were so beautiful before she pulled him in to a kiss. And I could do nothing.
He leaves at some point. I hold on a little bit longer, maintaining the facade long enough to make her say how it was for her and how she felt and feels. She says she had a great time, really enjoyed herself, and then I allowed it to happen. I let my shield fall and it was as if somebody flicked a switch in me. I went into shock. I sat on the couch hugging my knees like a bitch and couldn’t move, couldn’t respond, couldn’t do anything but sit and rot on the inside. I didn’t cry, for those of you trying to picture the scene. I could just sit and stare straight ahead. Maybe for 10 minutes. Rachel tried to get me to open up. She tried stroking me and speaking softly but I just couldn’t bring myself to even look her in the eye for a long time.

I don’t know if I should keep going, I’ve been typing for something like a couple of hours I think and this is probably long enough that nobody will read it now. Besides, I don’t know how to tell the rest (which probably isn’t too interesting anyway) without it just being long and boring and sad. We don’t have a proper fight (we rarely do), but I try to explain what I just went through, and she tries to understand. She denies gluing her eyes to him, eventually saying “If I did, maybe it’s just because it was something new and interesting” yea well whatever… I was sure that my feelings for her were gone, but I guess even residual love can be powerful. She never spoke to him again, and he never tried to contact her again (though he has her number); I did casually ask a couple of times. She has absolutely no reason to lie to me about it, and I believe her. Not that it matters really.

This was maybe 4 or 5 months ago. To this day we remain close friends, sometimes with benefits, though lately I’ve been making a conscious effort to stay more platonic. It took me a while to get over the trauma – and it absolutely was emotional trauma – and to be honest I don’t think I’ll ever be completely over it. This was the most complete account I’ve told of it and really only the third time it’s been told, both other times very briefly to a close friends for a general idea of what happened. I think it was good to let it out now.
If anybody read up to here, I thank you for your patience and attention, and apologize for any errors and misspellings. Honestly, not even gonna go back and proofread, it was enough to just write it all.

Most importantly, please heed the moral I’ve taken from all of this: If you’re ever gonna have a threesome, never share a person close to you. Jealousy is ugly. It is one of the most awful emotions a person can feel. Save yourself from it. Even if you think it might be your fetish… Unless, you know, you know better. You do you, random stranger.

Source: reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/620dtv/mfm_shared_my_girlfriend_with_a_guy_from_tinder