First time [FF] apology sex part 1?? Long!

So i got drunk and slept with my friend Zoe’s BF like an asshole, Me and Zoe had actually been quite close before i had done it, We had been friends for six years, shared most things with each other and got on very well, Zoe is BI she told me that about 4 years ago and i supported her through telling her family and stuff.

I don’t even know how or why i did that with her BF i never do things like that when i’m drunk and i didn’t even remember it, After it happened i told her right away she was pissed and she didn’t speak to me for days after it.

I eventually went to her house a few days after i told her to talk about it, She let me into her house and we spoke but she was still pissed at me and i didn’t blame her TBH.
After 20 minutes of shouting, arguing and some tears. We ended up on her bed just talking we were both emotional and i told her “I’m sorry please forgive me i’ll do anything to make it up to you.” She put her hands on my face and pulled me in for a kiss, I was in total shock it was the first time i had kissed a girl and i kept my eyes open as she kissed me and made some protest noises into the kiss, When i felt her tongue start to try push it’s way into my mouth i pushed her away.

I was so taken aback by what she did i kind of stuttered through my response “W-what are y-you doing?” what i got in response was a wry smile and “You.”
I was aware that she liked me we had a talk about it a few years ago and i had let her know in no uncertain terms that i was not like that, It’s not like she wasn’t attractive she is beautiful but the thought of being with another girl always made me feel queasy and scared.

She pulled me back in for another kiss but i raised my hand between our face’s to stop her and after i did moved away from her my legs were now dangling off her bed, She moved beside me and said “Don’t be such a prude come on it’s just sex,” She moved her hand down onto my jeans and started to run it along the inside of my thigh, I spoke in the quietest tone possible “Y-you’re a girl.”

Her hand on my jeans moved up and undid the button on my jeans and started to unzip them as she replied “Pretend i’m a guy then,” She moved her hand onto my stomach and slowly started to slide it down towards my panties, I panicked, grabbed her hand and pulled it away before she said “just go with it,” She kissed my neck.

I moved my hand up to push her away from my neck and she rested her now free hand on my stomach just above the opening in my jeans, After i pushed her away from my neck i said “We can’t do this,” She moved to my ear and whispered “And why not?” she edged her hand down my stomach so that her fingers where inches from my vagina.

I just froze and spoke like a nervous child “I’m n-not g-g-gay,” She moved her other hand up to my neck and started moving her index finger up and down my neck as she replied “Not saying you are but you do want to save this friendship right?” After she said that she moved her hand on my stomach down into my jeans and started to rub me with two of her fingers through my panties.

I shut my eye’s in horror and instead of removing her hand like i should have i just tried to pretend this wasn’t happening like an idiot then she spoke “You slept with my boyfriend,” I told her “I’m sorry,” She replied “Just think of this as making it up to me” as she said this she moved her hand back up onto my stomach and then slide it back in under my panties, I didn’t respond to her i just kept my eye’s shut and hoped i would wake up soon while her fingers “explored.”

We sat in silence for several minutes as she caressed my clit with her two fingers, Much to my alarm i started enjoying it and let out a small moan, After i did i opened my eye’s in shock and turned to her to say something but she spoke first “Someone’s getting into it,” I replied quickly “I’m not,” To which she responded with “Then why is it so slippery down here?” She giggled as i turned my face in the opposite direction in humiliation.

I was so ashamed as she was right i was embarrassingly wet, I couldn’t believe she was having such an affect on me and TBH i still can’t believe it i’ll talk more about afterwards later but i always thought of myself as straight the idea of being with a girl made me feel ill but i we had done next to nothing all she did was rub me for a few minutes and i was already soaked and i’m not sure why, I had only had sex twice in like 9 months (And one of them was the drunken sex with her BF but i don’t even remember it) and i don’t really masturbate and hadn’t done it in like 2 years so i think that might have helped her cause. (Don’t laugh at me for the masturbate thing please everyone i tell finds it funny.)

She found me turning away in embarrassment funny and let out another giggle before saying “You think it feels good now just wait till i Get lost in the deep end,” She made another comment about me being shaved or something but i don’t remember it as i was trying to get the image of her “in the deep end” out of my mind.

We sat for another few minutes with just the sound of my now heavy breathing filling the room as she started to pick up the pace before she had been going at a snails pace, She whispered in my ear “I promise i wont tell anyone no one has to know,” I still couldn’t face her but replied in a soft tone “I can’t,” Her reply “Come on it’ll be fun.”

She removed her hand from my jeans and then moved onto me and straddled my legs, She moved her hand up to my cheek and then did the same with the one that had been inside my jeans, I could feel my juices on my cheek from her hand as she made look up into her eyes, She was very close to my face when she said “Don’t overthink it,” She leaned in for a kiss i was still apprehensive and tried to get away but the only way i could think to not get kissed was to fall backwards.

I was staring up at her still sitting on my legs and smiling at me, She took both my hands and intertwined our fingers then slowly leaned down placing our hands either side of my head and looked into my eyes, We just stared at each other for several minutes, I had the biggest knot in my stomach.

She slowly leaned in more, Pressing her body into me and making our faces only inches apart, She said “So you’ve never been with a girl right?” i was confused and my voice kind of like broke half way through my reply “Never,” She gave my a peck on the chin and replied “Then why are you so sure you wont like it,” She moved down and started kissing my neck sending a shiver down my spin.

I was in sensory overload as her body pressed into me, Her chest pressed into my own and her lips on my neck caused me to shift nervously under her body, I struggled to think of anything to say and just let her kiss my neck in silence for a few minutes, I felt like i had to reply after a while “Cause i only sleep with guys.”

She kissed her way up to my neck and whispered “Exactly you can’t not like something you haven’t tried” then sucked on my earlobe causing me to squirm under her before continuing “Just think of it as experimenting with your sexuality and if you don’t like it you know you’re straight,” She nibbled on my ear for another few seconds.

I felt her teeth scrape against my earlobe as she pulled away from it before she moved her head up and looked me in the eyes and asked “Do you like it gentle or rough?” I was flabbergasted when she said this and replied in shock “What?!” She shifted her legs as i spoke so that one of her legs was now in-between my own and replied “Or maybe a bit of both?” She pulled the leg that was in-between my legs up and moved her body up and down so that the thigh of her jeans rubbed into my crotch making me squirm even more.

I was still struggling to clear my mind and murdered “I have not said that i’m sleeping with you,” She bit her lip then smiled and said “Not yet,” I was still nervously shifting around and tried to move my arms down to my side but couldn’t as she still had her own pinning them down, I moved one of my legs up so that only one was off the bed and i bent the knee of my other and went to place it on the bed, I breathed in sharply through my nose and shook a little as i felt the bottom of my foot make contact with the bottom of the foot of her leg that was rubbing into my crotch. (I wasn’t wearing socks because i couldn’t find any and the shoes i had worn to her house were comfy and she didn’t have any on because…well it’s her house so i guess she didn’t really need them)

My toes where on the bed but the heel of my foot was resting just below the heel of hers, She stopped moving her leg up and down and started to kind of play footsie with me rubbing our feet together and angled her toes so that the tips of them would tickle between my toes and heel, She moved her head to my ear and said “Absolutely no one will know just enjoy it,” She sucked on my ear again and started kissing my neck and started to move her body up and down again very slowly making her leg rub into my crotch, Her toes would scrape from just under my toes all the way up to the edge of my heel and then back down as her leg moved up and down into me, occasionally she would stop moving her leg and wiggled her toes under my foot tickling me even more.
(This might seem strange it does to me but then again lots of things seem strange to me now, I for some reason really liked the way she would play with my foot with her own and i don’t know how to explain why i liked it i’m not even really sure why i liked it, I mean I’ve had guys feet touch mine during sex and stuff but it was just different with her, Her foot was really soft and anytime we would do stuff like kissing or boob play, She would always make sure our feet were touching and rubbing against each others, I keep thinking liking that makes me really weird)

I just lay there in confusion of why i was liking playing footsie with her as she kissed my neck and kept moving her thigh into me, She sucked on my neck and gave me a hickey, I got annoyed at her and said “Don’t do that,” I got a little chuckle from her and no reply as she kept kissing my neck, After a few minutes she stopped kissing my neck and moved her face up to look me eye to eye, I could tell by the look in her eyes and how heavy her breathing was that she was very aroused.

She had been giving me kind of mocking or reassuring smiles every other time we looked at each other but this time all i could see was a look of sheer desire, I cleared my throat nervously as i looked up at her before she spoke “Are you sorry about what you did?” i didn’t really know how to respond so i just nodded yes to which she replied “Then show me,” She leaned in and kissed me, I was once again shocked at her and just stared into her eyes as we kissed and i slowly started to kiss back.

She tried getting her tongue in again so i turned me head away and broke the kiss, I realized after i broke the kiss that our feet were still getting to know each other and so i moved my foot off of hers and placed it on the bed fully, I turned to look at her eyes again as she said “You might like it,” I remember being incredible horny and started moving into the thigh that was still rubbing between my legs as i replied “We should just sit up and talk,” She replied in a mocking whisper to my ear “Wouldn’t you rather sit on my face and scream,” I can still actually feel how red my cheeks burned after she said that and she seemed to like it as she made a comment like “You’re so innocent it’s adorable i love it.”

She leaned even closer so that i could feel her lips brush mine as she spoke “Like i said just pretend i’m a guy,” She kissed me again and i melted into the kiss, She didn’t slip in her tongue for a while this time, She took it really slow we made out for about 10 minutes before she did get her tongue in but by that point i had no fight left, I basically just surrendered myself to her.

I don’t know if i will do a second part to this unless people want me to but i’m not loving the idea of describing myself as another girls plaything, I can remember every excruciating but pleasurable detail but i feel guilty and ashamed about some of them and the fact i enjoyed it.
The pretend she was a boy thing did not work in the slightest it was so clear she was a girl, How soft her skin was, Her smell, The feeling of her chest dragging along my body, Her long hair tickling me, The little noises and moans she would make and the fact she talked to me for most of the sex, The comments she made would range from complementing me and my body, Telling me how good i was doing and some gentle teasing about me moaning to some really degrading stuff like calling me a “Fucking slut” as i went down on her and saying “That’s it take it like the dirty fucking whore you are” as she had a strap-on in a place i wasn’t very happy about.

At the start it was just slow, tender, intimate lovemaking but as we got further in and i let her do what she wanted with me it slowly descended into a rough and dirty fucking to the point that my body was in a little pain the morning after nothing was really that painful apart from one of the places she had the strap-on…

It’s been a like a week since it happened and i haven’t spoken with her since but she has been texting me, I cant face her i’m so embarrassed about it and that i liked it, How can i hate myself for enjoying something?
I still can’t get the feeling of her body out of my mind, Her hands seemed to wander everywhere She would trail the tips of her fingers up and down my spine as we kissed, I can’t clear my mind of her boobs the way they would drag along my body and how she let out little moans as i played with them, The feeling of our legs rubbing against each others, How toned her stomach was, Her mouth everywhere either kissing sucking or biting anything it could and her tongue…god her tongue i can still feel it running up and down my body, Around my nipples, Between my legs…and inside of…me how does someone even get a tongue that far up? i mean really it felt like her tongue was longer than her fingers.

I have never been this lost in my life, I’ve had my first ever wet dream and it was about her yet more shame, I masturbated to a lesbian porn video last night and felt so guilty after it and i keep having thoughts about it/her.

I’ve been reading her texts but not replying some are like dirty texts, she sent like 3 making fun of me and saying i’m not straight and the rest are her saying we need to talk and stuff but the last one she sent today said “I’m off work on Monday if you want to come over on Sunday (Then a winking emoji)” The thought of going fills me with dread, Butterflies, Confusion and as much as i hate to say a little excitement, I hate myself for debating about going i feel like it should be a clear no but much to my shame i can feel myself getting wet thinking about going but at the same time i don’t know if my sexuality could take another night with her, I think i’m going to just ignore her text and go out and maybe try get a good dicking and try to forget about it fully.

It’s kind of funny cause for the first little bit before i just gave into her as she was “playing with me” in my head i kept repeating “Just so we’re still friends, Just let her do it so we can go back to normal,” But i don’t actually feel like we can be normal friends after this it’s just to weird so i think i might have done all of this for no reason which only makes me feel worse.

Sorry for how long this is (Wish i could find a guy with a dick this long) but i just really needed to vent and sorry for my English only been learning it for like 8 months so i’m aware it’s not perfect. (I can speak it perfect but other than that it’s awful) I nearly actually posted this with my main account like an idiot but remembered some of my friends know my name and stuff so i just made a throwaway one.
If you want more details on the actual sex i can post a part 2 or something but TBH i don’t really think anyone would want to suffer through my English again ;P

But on a real does this mean i’m not actually straight? I am very confused and do you think i should try and talk to her about things and try get them back to normal? (inb4 someone tells me to go to hers…please don’t) And on a last have any of you ever had sex you’ve really regretted or that left you confused? Just want to know i’m not alone on that.

Source: reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/60edmo/first_time_ff_apology_sex_part_1_long