I had only known you for only a matter of months, but it felt like years. When we met I was wrapped up in my own life, as you were in yours, and I hadn’t the slightest suspicion of what you would become. Hardly had I imagined myself drawn to someone so much older than I, but it happened without effort. Inwardly I prayed often that my youthful thought patterns wouldn’t betray my affection for you.
We met on Reddit of all places. Not as bad as some areas but certainly out of the realm of acceptable as a married woman and a married man. But some things happen so naturally it’s not as if I could have resisted. Pulled toward you like polar ends of a magnet. Individual moves that propelled us forward into a future unknown. I can’t even recall who suggested we meet in person first. Only that my feeble attempts to decline melted in my mouth like cotton candy.
And here I was, sitting on a cold and unforgiving park bench, pretending to be calm but barely able to still my adrenaline fueled trembling. I was terrified and my heart raced to know that you were so near. I checked my phone again and again, trying to force my mind into patient compliance but barely able to contain myself. I had thought of you so often. Considered the way you moved and spoke and existed in the space you were given. I had only yet been able to imagine the kind of beauty that your air must posses- simply because you used it.
I saw you first at a distance, and was thankful. You know me, I prefer to control a situation to the best of my ability. I tried to steady my racing heart as I stood on weak legs and propelled myself forward. Over and over I wondered how I would greet you. An awkward wave? A called greeting? A hug? My cheeks burned as I got closer and then you smiled at me. Why didn’t I think of that? As if by magic your smile melted away the fear that had clutched at my lungs. You were just as lovely as you had always been. We got close enough to touch each other and just as smoothly we reached for each other. Without dialogue you pulled me into your embrace and we existed in the same space together. Your arms around me and my chin on your shoulder. I took great breaths to breathe you into me.
The plan was to have lunch. Just a simple thing. I had three days in your city and we meant to spend every one of them together. What I had assumed to be impossible came together seamlessly. Again I noted how easy it was to be with you. When you released me from the hug we enjoyed standard small talk but it was different. I watched your mouth intently as they formed the words I had come to know as yours. We joked about the same things we had spoken about for weeks. To feel your presence before me overwhelmed my senses. My body was entirely aware of your proximity to me.
We moved forward toward the restaurant you assured me I would love. I nodded and smiled and enjoyed you on the surface but experienced such riotous emotions I struggled deeply. I hardly cared about the food. I wanted to sit beside you and take you in. Study you intently. Become a student to the incredible motions of your body.
We were seated quietly and out of the way. As you had suggested I wore a nice dress, knee length and stormy blue. Nice enough to do whatever you wished but transition into the finer side of life. You wouldn’t know that I had chosen my outfit carefully. The matching lingere were more for myself than anything. To give me confidence when I stood before this man I cared so much about.
You continued to speak and it began to hurt. I felt as if my skin were electrified as we sat side by side. To have you so close but so easily to yourself. I found myself wondering, as we carried on, if you were as tortured as I was. My heart raced a new rhythm to be so near. Your hand so close to mine, didn’t you wish to touch me? How could you so easily resist? I searched your face and you seemed to pick up on my emotions. It was different to have you in person. With a text I could give you my honesty but how could I use my voice, hardly able to form words for the breathlessness I experienced, to tell you I wasn’t hungry? I didn’t want to be here. I wanted you to touch me. Kiss me!
You asked me if I was OK. You could see something was off. I flushed deeply and smiled awkwardly. Fuck. There was no way I could tell you those things I needed. I rested my arm on the table and you placed yours near. Mere inches away. Sheer torture.
The waiter came to our table to take our order and as I would, I was lost in my own thoughts while watching you. To get my attention you briefly grasp my hand and the sensations are so intense I gasp audibly. Good God. Ever so aware of being watching I try to gather my wits about me. You’re smiling, which makes me smile, and again I wish we weren’t here. I just wanted to look at you.
Lunch is painfully slow. I feel as if I’m going crazy and it amazes me that you sit there and we discuss things as we always do. It’s easy to talk with you. It always has been. But in this minute I am desperate to push the table aside and touch you. Insist that you touch me too. I know how much it means to you. Almost as much as it means to me. I need you.
We move back to the park bench you originally found me at. That was all we had planned for my first day. Something small and easy. A simple first meeting in case it didn’t go well, because that’s what we do. We create a plan.
Instead of simply parting we sit there quietly and things feel different. I’m more at ease as I watch our breath push out of our mouths and raise into the sky. The grass is yellowed and the trees are bare. It is cold, and I’m shivering but not because of that. Our silence feels perfect. No expectation of entertainment or need of much else. My body is in sync with your body and I feel you. Your spirit. The way you move, just like I had imagined. When you take my hand it is not briefly but solid. You are strong and the way you take it is confident. I am able to stifle my gasp this time and look at you looking at me. I love the way your hands feel. Rough and worn and used. I love the way they feel on me. I am entirely aware of you. Again I feel that magnetism. There are no words as we are drawn together. A slow yet inevitable move that I had not only wanted all this time but needed. My green eyes close upon approach and I take in every sensation.
The way your breath pushes against my mouth and mixes with my own. The heat that has risen to my blushing face and seems to be coming from you. Your mouth is a surprising blend of soft and then hard as you are gentle and then kiss me strongly. My arms come up and around you as you hold me to you.
My lips part and I dare to taste beautiful you. Once, and then twice.
And I am lost to you surrounding me the way you do. I am so grateful you exist.
For you.
Source: reddit.com/r/eroticliterature/comments/5c5ezj/sweet_sentiments_fm_str8
Nice job. It was not hidden.