About an hour after waking, the family drifted down to the kitchens where Grandma Hester was laying out the plates for breakfast. Fester arrived and slide his bulk into a chair behind the long oaken table. “Morning,” Hester said in her raspy voice, as she dropped a plate in front of him and slathered a spoonful noxious gray sludge onto it. It wriggled slowly. “Mm, morning.” Fester muttered tiredly as he began to shovel forkfuls into his mouth. She was pouring him a cup of thick, oily tea, billowing steam when Morticia arrived, now dressed in her tight black dress and carrying a squirming three year old in her arms.
“Ooooh!” Hester said, tossing her cooking pot casually aside and walking over to her daughter, “how’s my big boy this morning?” She began to tickle his nose with her nubby finger. Pubert smiled back at her. He was dressed in a miniature pinstripe, suite his fine black hair was slicked back, and a tiny, pencil thin mustache curled over his cheeks still plush with baby fat.
“Mmm the little beast wet his bed again last night.” Morticia said fondly.
“Hehe, is that right? Did the little monster wet his bed?” Hester asked, pinching his cheeks.
Pubert giggled. “Yea, gramma. Gotta rash.”
“Hmm, that’s right dear one,” Morticia said stroking his hair as he set him in his high chair at the table, “a nice little rash on your bottom, isn’t that lovely?”
She sat down beside him. “Mama, have you seen Gomez this morning? He dashed out of the room in state right after I woke up.” She asked, breaking off a piece of stale, tough bread, and resting her head on her hand. Hester shook her head.
“He hasn’t been down here.” She said ladling out heaping servings of muck onto there plates.
”He was in the study with Thing last I saw him.” Fester said, Merrily making faces and waving at Pubert. Morticia raised her eyebrow quizzically, wondering all this could mean and casually glanced down at her son. The boy was carefully starting to spoon food into his mouth.
“Pubert, play with it before you eat it.” She corrected him softly.
“Kay mudder.” The toddler said, happily dropping the spoon to the table and sticking his pudgy fingers into the ooze on his plate and began to playfully hurl fistfuls of it across the table at Fester. Fester made show of dodging it, laughing as he did.
As this was gong on, Wednesday and Pugsley were headed down stairs, her in a drab, button down black dress with a stiff white collar and tidy black pants, him in a black and white striped T-shirt and dark short pants. On the top step Wednesday shoved her hand deep into his back. He gasped, whirled his hands to steady himself and failed. He tumbled forward head over heels as Wednesday walked primly behind him watching him all the way down. When he sprawled onto the floor, she walked over him, making sure to rub her heel into the back of his head as she did.
Pugsley rose slowly and dusted himself off, rubbing his already sore off, but otherwise no worse for the wear. They eventually got to the table, where Hester had already laid out plates for them. “Hello Children.” Morticia said, dipping a hunk of the bread onto her plate.
“Hello Mother.” They said in unison. Before sitting Wednesday walked over to her Grandmother.
“Here Grandma.” She Held out the glass vial full of specimen she had collected earlier. Hester’s eyes gleamed as she held the vial up to the light.
“Splendid! Splendid!” She exclaimed and patted Wednesday on the shoulder. As he was sitting down, Puglsey leaned over into Fester’s hear and placed his hand over her mouth. He whispered something and as he spoke fester began to giggle, casting his eyes over to Wednesday as she sat down on the other side of him.
Morticia gave them a wry smile.
“What are you two whispering about?” She asked coyly. Fester looked at her, shaking his head.
“Oh, nothing.” Fester said, stifling more laughter at looking over at Pugsley mischievously.
“Mmm. So, how was everyone’s evening?“
Fester shrugged and muttered, “It was fine. I stopped breathing twice while I was asleep.”
Pugsley was silent, just smiling cheekily to himself and snickered some more. Hester was sitting down at the far end of the table and beginning to stab at her meal with her fork. “Found a few new recipes I’ll want to try. “
Wednesday swallowed a mouthful of food. “I had sex.”
“Lovely dear,” Morticia said, “Who with?”
Wednesday gave a small shrug, “Does it matter?”
Morticia smiled, pleased by her daughter’s coldness. “And how was he?”
“Hard.”
At that moment Gomez burst into the room, a man shaped ball of energy, beaming broadly, Thing perched on his shoulder. Everyone turned to stare at him as he bounded up to the head of the table. “Everyone! I have an announcement!”
“What is it Father?” Pugsley asked.
“Bad news?” Hester suggested excitedly.
“Darling, tell us.”
“Family! Morticia has me a grand idea!” He fell to his knee and took Tish’s hand into his.
“Cara Mia, in one moth’s time we will celebrate our twentieth wedding anniversary. To Honor the occasion, we’ll be hosting the entire family. A magnificent affair with food, dancing, debasement. And then at the stroke of midnight, we shall renew our dark vows before the entire clan!” He brought her hand up to his lips and kissed it.
“Mmm, that is if you will have me my love.”
“Oh, Mon Cher!” Morticia said delighted, running her hand over his cheek. “To go back to the night we met. The boy…”
“The girl…” Gomez said kissing her hand again.
“The open grave.”
Source: reddit.com/r/eroticliterature/comments/4eh43l/the_addams_family_chronicles_ch_2_a_grand_idea_pt