[Humorous] Had a pretty weird and NSFW night driving for Uber, recounted it for your enjoyment

Had an interesting night driving again, every night seems like it gets crazier than the last and it has kept that trend for almost 2 months now. It was more interesting for more reasons than just one, but the last one and most out of character for me was being invited up to an apartment (which normally I would decline) at the end of my typical retiring time in the early morning and accepting the offer. It was a third person experience—I was watching from somewhere up and behind everything, think about an RPG video game camera angle, and was surprised by the turn in the dialogue. I followed her up, and while smoking a bowl and drinking a Mikes Hard Lemonade (no that isn’t product placement, and no I don’t have any affiliation with Mikes Hard Lemonadetm) we talked for about 5 minutes about random pointless shit. I noticed she had Seinfeld on (fucking great show) and then I basically threw my face into her chest.
She was curvy and self conscious about it for some reason, maybe some douchebag guys or girls had given her shit. Anyways I was always of the mindset “more cushion for the pushin’” so I tried to put her to ease. After stripping our clothes I proceeded to fuck her brains out (and she mine for that matter) all over her bed and bedsheets her vag had soaked. I made her cum 3 times (her count, maybe she was being nice) before she basically ate my dick and swallowed my bastards RIP.
Anyways she was a sweet girl, god bless her. She rode me and broke me in like a young buckin’ colt to boot. Unfortunately I forgot her name already cause I’m pretty much a douche from earlier myself. She seemed really eager to get my contact information afterwards. I was pretty much halfway out the door and made up some bullshit excuse as to why I couldn’t have her text me, and why I would text her in a bit, which I wasn’t going to do
fortunately I did text her because what happened next was hilarious and has me wondering something. I had left my phone, keys, wallet and 60$ in cash on her bed stand and threw everything on so quickly I thought I left the cash. I went up to her place and went back in, door was open when I had left. She was surprised (obviously) but when I told her that I had left something she starting pacing around frantically looking for it without even knowing what it was yet. I mentioned it was 60$ and she almost had a full on panic attack. Lol.
(FYI I had the money in my other pocket, and my dumbass self hadn’t checked the other side of my pants as if I had no goddamn sense) but here I am in her messy ass room, her still half naked running around flipping over a fuck ton of clothing looking for the money already in my pocket. I am standing there thinking ‘fuck it even if she took the 60$ just get the fuck out of here and don’t look back’ and ‘I just had sex with a prostitute didn’t I? Oh well.’ And then right about……now… I notice, oh nice it is in my other pocket, she is still having an incredible meltdown in front of me all the while. I almost felt like she had pretty much given up hope on me wanting anything to do with her again, she might have been right. Now that she was so visibly hurt at the thought I would accuse her of stealing it, and obviously I know she didn’t, I almost felt bad for a second. She legitimately felt bad. She wanted nothing more than to find that money. She was considerate. I thought ‘know what? I could make her happy. And you know what else? She could probably make me happy too.’ Then, instead, I told her to not worry about it and to text me later when she found it (which she wont lol again).
I wonder if she’ll text me that she found it? That is what im interested in at this juncture. Now I am not deplorable enough to actually accept the money, give me some credit I was raised with morals. I would just forlornly tell her to not worry about it and to keep the money, and proceed to never release her or this night from my headmeat vault to a living soul. What does it mean about me as a person to have treated her this way in less than an hour of knowing her?
I can’t be with her, despite her overwhelming desire to be with me—she wasn’t a bad person in anyway, just not for me. Something awned on me at that moment—a shower thought if you will. What if that is how intelligent women (who I happen to have a thing for, and never seem to get duh right) have to navigate the world? Always shielding off a horde of horny apes just to find the one guy that isn’t a dick on legs? I thought about how porn and PG porn, aka TV, conditions us to be ok with objectification and how it had affected me this very night. My new friend taught me many things about myself funny enough and who knows, maybe a new horizon in my existence. I just can’t stop thinking about how her pussy tasted sour.

TL:DR
Fucked a fat chick, caught feelings (maybe)

Source: reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/4b7ist/humorous_had_a_pretty_weird_and_nsfw_night

1 comment

Comments are closed.