Since my last post, I’ve gotten a few PMs and questions about my philosophy about how to be dominant. So much so that I’ve repeated this story privately a few times and I think I might as well share it here. Now to some of the super pros out there, this might all seem very amateur, so if you have criticisms, then please I'm all ears.
The story in question relates to the first time that I actually felt like I successfully dominated my ex. This was at the onset of our relationship, where we were both still discovering our limits. At this point I knew she had a submissive nature, and the inner dom in me was rising, so I started planning our first real, sub dom night.
One of the things I chose to do is to not use any toys, straps, equipment, chains or whatever. I believe if I can’t dominate her just as I am just with my words and my actions, I don’t deserve to. Toys and accessories, in my opinion, should not be aids but enhancements. One needs to earn the right to use them, not use them as a crutch. If you can’t control her without such things, eventually, you’ll misuse them and lose your control. (this might all be bullshit but it makes sense to me in my head).
My first thing was I started early, I’m talking two or three month in advance. I started taking things out of her control little bit by little bit. It was simple at first, waking earlier than her, making breakfast for her, picking the movies we watched at night, ordering food for her, driving her to work, picking her up. The less she had to do, the less control she had the better. Then I started giving her commands, very innocent suggestions that tell her what to do: honey you should wear the blue dress today, come walk closer to me, wait right here for me, don`t go anywhere, get dressed right now, etc. Seems innocent enough and for the first two days she was kind of confused and might question me, which I usually replied with “trust me dear” or something similar.
The whole point was to take control out of her day to day, and build that trust in me. It was subtle, but eventually, she didn’t question me when I said, something ridiculous. Once I asked her to “open the cupboard” and she’ll do it, and I’ll just say “close it” and she does, without question. It took a few weeks but once I got there, the effects were profound.
So with that all setup, the next step was to start controlling her in our intimacy. This meant I stopped being a considerate lover. Our sex life went from us mutually initiating it to only me initiating it. Every time she asked to do stuff I would say no. I would kiss her but only when I wanted, if she asked to kiss me or moved to kiss me, I would deflect, shift to my cheek, do something else, take a phone call etc. Mind you I never stopped being affectionate, I simply stopped responding to her requests. During sex, I always lead the pace, and I was always vocal about everything I wanted, and never asked for permission, I just said I want this and I wouldn’t take no for an answer. Every time she asked me to do something to her, I didn’t just do it, I made her beg, and then I’d tell her yes or no. It was hard for me, but it bugged the shit out of her. The balance of showing consistent affection, but never enough that satisfies her, and never responding to her advances, was super hard to keep up, but I did my best. She tried talking about it, and just the same, I just said ‘trust me”. Luckily she did. Of course, through all of this, I made sure to show how disapproved I am, whenever she didn’t listen, or failed me, and I would hold back on anything she wanted, a hug, a kiss, whatever. I made it clear if I wasn’t pleased, she would be neglected. But if I was pleased, I would always say the same two words: Good girl.
So all this build up over two months, and finally I felt I was ready. She was not questioning anything I asked anymore, and in bed, she would listen to everything I asked her to do, almost without question. I knew I needed to solidify my dominance.
So one Friday evening, after I picked her up from work and I had a present for her in the back seat. I had picked out a red slutty dress. “we’re going out for dinner. I bought you a new dress, go change”. I was in my casual clothes, shirt and jeans, but she was now dressed fuck. It was a brilliant red/burgundy dress, sleeveless, with a plunging neckline that exposed her chest, almost down to her bellybutton. It showed off her now quite tone abs (oh I also started telling her to work out more, and controlled her diet. She went down a dress size now at about 100lbs, and started getting definition in her abs. A nice little perk), and hugged her ass nicely. The skirt came just an inch above her knees, and was just loose enough to lift as she walked, showing off glimpses of her inner thigh. this is as close as I can find for a picture. The actual brand I can’t find any more
“Where are we going?” She asked after seeing the dress.
“Italian” I replied.
After she rummaged a bit “Honey, are you sure about this?”
“Just trust me.” I replied firmly. Again, she didn’t question me
So I took her to one of my favorite restaurant, a small casual Italian bistro, real mom and pop kind of place. Being dressed so provocatively, she started getting shy and a bit bashful among the tables of families and kids and casual diners, so I took her by the hand and lead her. She would shyly try to cover herself up, but I paid no mind. She was mine, and I was to dress her however I liked.
“Why did you bring me here? Wearing this?”
“Because I want it. Trust me” And she nods, and blushes harder.
Again, I ordered for the table, the wine she would drink, though she wasn’t paying attention, rather overwhelmed by the people at the restaurant. Even the waitress sneaked a peek at her over her shoulders. She tried to cover up a bit, holding the menu to her chest, keeping a hand on the hem of her dress. I watched her squirm. She was blushing quite hard, and overly aware of all the eyes on her.
“It’s really embarrassing. Everyone’s staring at me. I feel so naked” She complained.
“Don’t worry about them. Just focus on me.” And so she would look at me. “I want to see you in that dress.”
“But there are kids here”
“Trust me.”
Again she didn’t question me, it’s like a switch now. She let her arms down, and leaned back away from the table a bit. She had to close her eye as she leaned back. I could see and feel the eyes of almost every person in the room take a look. She was a shoulder shake away from having a wardrobe malfunction.
“smile” I said, and so she did, a brilliant, captivating smile, now staring at me, so radiant. But I could see the embarrassment. The flushed cheeks, the trembling shoulders, her breathing was getting a bit more labored, her legs squeezed tightly against each other. But she didn’t rebel, she just stared at me, trusting me.
I leaned forward, smiling at her. “You look beautiful.” I said, and she blushed harder, if that was even possible. I was seated beside her at the round table, and was turned to face her, scooched in close so our legs were touching. There was no table cloth, so her legs were exposed, but I didn’t care, I slid a hand to her knees and reached under to tickle the soft skin underneath with the tips of my fingers. Even admits the loud noises of the diners, I could hear her let out a small, breathy squeak.
She let out a labored “please, not now. There’re people.”
And I just said “stop” and she bit her lip. I ran my fingertips along the underside of her thigh and back down, grazing along, reaching the base of her skirt, and just sliding past before coming down again. Her legs jerked and trembled, but I could feel her skin get hotter and hotter. Once or twice my knuckle grazed the soft fabric of her panties, and I could feel the wet sticky juices leaking through. It was all the affirmation that I needed.
I let her go and leaned back, she looked at me with lidded eyes, slightly breathy. And I just said “smile.” And she smiled
The pasta came, and she saw that it was only one dish. She looked up at me confused, but I just leaned back in my chair and smiled. She looked down and started to eat, but I stopped her “No Sarah. You’ve had enough today, that’s for me.” And she looked at me wide eyed finally understanding what she was to do.
And so she, like the good girl I had trained her to be, fed me my dinner.
I think it is one of the most erotic things in life to have a beautiful woman feed you dinner. It was quite a sight, and I don’t think some of the others in the restaurant could hardly believe what was going on. Hell the whole experience was super surreal for me as well. I remember my heart beating probably harder than hers was, and it was all I could do to stay calm and keep up the façade. This blonde bombshell of a girl, feeding pasta to a average bloke like me. I felt like the biggest, baddest, alpha stud in the whole room.
She was in a trance. She told me afterwards that all she could think about in that moment was to show not just me, but the whole restaurant, that she was a good girl, that she wouldn’t disappoint me.
I then told her to give me a sip of wine. And she brought the glass to me but I said “no, do it for me.” She didn’t catch on right away, but then figured it out. So she took a sip of wine, leaned in and kissed me. I took the chance to slip her some tongue too, as well as caress her exposed legs. She sat back down breathless. I just smiled and said, “good girl.” And she smiled at me, again that beautiful radiant smile
What could have been a half hour meal took instead almost an hour and a half. I knew by the time the main course was done, that I needed to get her back home for dessert. So I paid, and escorted her out of the restaurant.
We were not five steps out the front door before I reached down the back of her dress, and slipped a finger between her legs, rubbing her now drenched panties. She gave a small squeak, her whole body shuddered, and she doubled over, clinging on to me. I knew that face, she had just cum, hard.
She was panting, and I leaned down and lifted her face up to meet mine.
“Bad girl” I whispered quietly to her. Her eyes went wide. “Did I say you could cum?”
“But but but” she shuddered, but I shushed her, and leaned in to whisper in her ear.
“Bad girls have to be taught a lesson”
This is just part 1 of the evening. I move onto some of the heavier stuff in part 2 so look forward to that. If there are any questions, let me know and I'll do my best to answer
Source: reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/3xt305/mf_trust_me_a_first_step_into_dominance_pt_1
Yeah….gonna need you to finish this. So….I really identify with this a lot, but I’m not sure that I could do some of the things that you are doing. I can be demanding and say what I want, but I don’t have it in me to be mean.
I am an incredibly submissive woman who craves domination, but this isn’t it. This is a slippery slope to an abusive relationship where she loses all her freedom and sense of self. You’ve isolated her from herself basically, she can’t drive anywhere or pick out her own clothes, you even control her food and exercise. If my affections were rebuffed the way you did to her, I would also be psychologically damaged. You’ve trained her like a puppy to do things and she doesn’t even know why. You even put her in an situation where she’s wearing clothes she doesn’t feel comfortable in at a family restaurant. It’s not a surprise to me that this woman is your ex and not a current relationship. A D/s relationship is a choice; although it may seem through outward appearances that all the power in the relationship flows from the Dominant or Master to the sub or slave, this is somewhat misleading. The players in a D/s relationship, no matter which side they are on, are equals to a certain degree. Both sides have power, but in different ways. The Dom may have ultimate authority, but the sub is the one who allows her power to be taken. In my opinion, a sub actively chooses to be submissive to her Dom, he should not have to steal it from her the way you are describing.
Trust me this took a long time before I felt comfortable with myself before I did it. And I want to be clear, I wasn’t trying to be mean here. it might sound mean, but i wasn’t trying to belittle her, i wanted to push her past her bounds of comfort to the point where she could only rely and cling to me, to trust in me. We have a safeword that we set up at the start of our relationship, and she could have pressed the eject button at any time, but I wanted to the submission to be as real in her mind as possible, to the point where she put all of her in me, trusting me to push her, but never betray her trust. It’s a fine line, but if you are clear in your relationship, it can be one you walk together with her
I think this was incredibly well put!!
This is an explanation I am more comfortable with. I understand the value of being outside your comfort level and it is reassuring to know you spoke with her prior and established a safe word. In your story it sounds like something that just happened and she was slowly trained without prior awareness. I still think it’s a fine line, but you sound like you are intelligent and fairly careful.
Thank you. This lifestyle is important to me, so I try to be well informed and coherent.
I’m glad you mention this because I was afraid someone might misinterpret it to feel this way. Firstly, she was never really out of control, we have safewords in place already where she could stop the whole scenario and end it. She knew this and even after this evening, when we talked about it to each other, she admitted that despite how far I pushed it, she felt safe with me because I had proven to her that my word is trustworthy. All the lead up to this was to reinforce that trust. Yes in order to do it to this extent I had to isolate her, but she was not without freedom. She still went to work, went out with friends, had a social life. I was careful not to take away her autonomy, but I wanted her to know instinctively to listen to my commands. Of course we had a discussion that we were going to embark on something like this and I had to test the waters of how much she was comfortable long before i tried going this far. there was a lot of constant conversation, but most of all of me trusting her that she knew everything I was doing was not betraying the trust she had put in me. Yes I pushed her past her limits, but I knew she wanted someone to give her that push. Yes I made her uncomfortable, and embarrassed, but she trusted me not to jeopardize her safety. And again, at any time, she could have put the whole thing to a stop. Yes, we did break up, but i broke up with her because I knew she had reached her limit as to how far she wanted to take things and I wanted to explore more. So I broke up with her on good terms. Lastly, and big thing for me, was that after all of this evening, we would talk about her experience through the whole thing. And ultimately she knew exactly what I was doing the whole time. The subtle way I tried to do things to make her succumb deeper and deeper into me was a huge release for her, especially because she is so headstrong and independent. The total lack of control, of absolute submission was a huge turn on. Even pushing her past her boundries (and later on I would take it even further, but that’s another story) was something she knew she needed my help to do. This was just the first big step for me when I felt totally in control, and that’s why I said at the beginning, I wanted to share this first experience where I truly felt like a Dom, not just playing into a fantasy. I hope that sort of addresses the concern that this was going towards an abusive relationship, I knew that was a tight line to walk so I’m glad I could explain my view
Thank you for taking the time to truly explain, in detail, your relationship. Like her, I am strong and independently successful, so I also get off on having to relinquish power and control, it’s freeing. Considering how careful you were and how you had in depth conversations regarding her submission and had established deep trust, I see this in a much more positive light. I apologize for jumping to conclusions.
Haha, i purposely wrote it to like that actually so that it would feel as immersive as I had tried to make to for her. And I think that for a fantasy to play out as realistically as possible, there has to be a trust between the partners where even if there’s no explicit discussion about what is about to happen, we know that we’re not going to betray each other in anyway. All through the night, I had finger on her limits and I knew when she was approaching that limit (as you may read in part 2), where I was going to ease back or push harder. And that’s all part of the experience I feel. It is a fine line, which reaffirms my belief that this kind of relationship needs to be earned by both sides, not played into with toys or an environment designed to play a facade. If you can’t earn your partners trust with just words, then you don’t deserve to do it to her/him
No apologies necessary. I did write this event to be just a bit unhinging on purpose. But I totally appreciate your input into this, I had thought to add these disclaimers to reaffirm my position, but thought against it since it took away from the immersion that I tried to give her, and I was hitting my word cap haha. I was actually hoping someone else to bring up your point, so I can reply to it so thank you for that
You, I like you. You’ve completely changed my initial opinion of you and this story. Everything you’ve said in the comments about this type of relationship, I completely agree with. Also, I get why you wrote the story a bit sensational like you did.
Thank you! I’m glad you took the time to read my replies and reply in kind. Most people wouldn’t bother ha-ha. I hope you will read part 2 when I write it