oops i fucked a gross one

Yet again another story from college. They can't all be winners.

Kristin was…..not that attractive. The type of hookup that you keep to yourself. I had a class with her at college and we got to talking sitting next to each other. It was a 'sign yourself in' attendance policy so we exchanged phone numbers in case one of us ever wanted to skip class the other could sign them in. That and i wanted to fuck her for some reason. She had my weakness-giant tits. These things were huge. Outside of that she was genuinely just not that attractive. She was a brunette a little on the taller side for a female and maybe about 165 170 lbs. The only other thing she had working for her were these toned calves. I don't know why they turned me on…but they did…whatever.

It was a week night and surprise surprise I was horny. Probably about 10 o clock. I was looking at internet porn jerking off when Kristin texted me out of the blue asking what I was up to. I don't remember exactly how the conversation went but probably something to the effect of 'horny. you. me. sex'. She was obliging.

She told me she was out but was on her way back and would stop at my house on the way. Great. I knew I had to keep jerking off. If i stopped or came I was going to back out and not fuck this amazonian cum bucket. Must. keep. jerking. I had heard rumors that she was kind of a freak and I wanted to see what this little piggy had to offer.

10:15 she's not there yet. keep jerking. 10:30 no sign. keep jerking. 10:45 my dick's starting to hurt. keep jerking. 11:00 my dick looks like a red mike and ike. keep jerking.

I had been texting her for eta updates this whole time and she just kept telling me she was almost there. FINALLY over an hour later she shows up. Two of my roommates are home in their bedrooms with their doors closed but they'll hear somebody come through the front door for sure. I tell her to come through the back door quietly. I'm pretty sure she knows at this point my feelings towards her. The shameful ones. She decides to get all 'proud female' on me and says no and comes in loudly through the front door stomping her shrek feet up the stairs. Whatever come in here.

At this point my head is swimming. My dick is chaffed and my dick head is so swollen it looks like darth vaders helmet. We get to fooling around and she starts fucking critiquing me! She rates my kissing a 6/10. Bitch…first of all….go fuck yourself. Second of all…whatever you still look like jaba the huts daughter.

She finally unveils them. What I've been waiting for. The melons. They're pretty awesome. Weirdly firm. Like super firm. They almost didn't feel real. I digress. We go back and forth about me putting on a condom…finally an argument that I win. I am too horny and do not care about this girl enough for foreplay. I start putting my dick in and this girl is dryer than pre cooked oatmeal. I feel like I'm fucking sand paper. It actually hurts. She starts talking dirty-I like that. I get maybe 3 pumps in and it's like a dam opens up-her pussy just floods and at the same time she says to me "Yea you gonna fuck me and cum all over these big tits?" Those two things combined with the fact that I've been edging for the last hour and a half mean that this sex is ending. I literally slid in and out of her maybe five times.

I pull my dick out and try to think of something to justify why I'm cumming immediately. All I can think to say is "here comes the first one!" As if I'm some sort of sexual addonis from 1972 that will be able to just slide right back in her and keep fucking -_- I unload a comical amount of semen on to this girls body. Her body was new orleans and I was hurricane katrina. The levees had failed and her jumbo cans were getting target practice. Now usually in like ten fifteen minutes I'll be able to go for a second round. Then I'm spent afterwards and I don't want to be touched or looked at for 24 hours. But I have just unloaded all of my semen onto her and my dick looks like it just want a round with ronda rousey. There is no way he is coming back to life tonight.

Reality comes crashing in hard. I don't even fucking know this girl. I just fucked her. She is in my bed. She is not leaving. I have to see her in class tomorrow. She looks like miss piggy with autism. My roommates know about this. Fuck.

She stays for like a half hour or so-I'm exhausted. I think at one point even she tried giving me head to bring my dick back to life. So here this fat girl is sucking my limp dick on a tuesday night. She finally gives up and I can only imagine what she told her friends. That she fucked this guy who lasted a literal ten seconds. I'm sure they still have a laugh about it to this day at their fat bitches anonymous meetings. Whatever.

She finally left and we never really talked again afterwards. A true love story.

Source: reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/3lgay4/oops_i_fucked_a_gross_one

75 comments

  1. Buddy, you sound like a kinda guy I’d definitely have a beer with. Got a good laugh from this, we’ve all been there. Squirrel’s gotta get his nut one way or another!

  3. OP is a God DAMNED poet. "my dick looks like it just want a round with ronda rousey." Golden.

  4. I was not expecting the comical reality of this one. Well done OP. We’ve all been there. The worst for me was when she didn’t leave, next morning I tell her I need to leave to eat breakfast and all I could think to say to this damn rhino was that I was going to McDonald’s, I’ll drop you off at home.

  6. God, you sound like an asshole. I mean, fuck. And it was a shitty story to boot. I’m usually the person downvoting the "OP is a bad person" comments because the point of this subreddit is to share hot sexual stories, not to moralize. But this wasn’t a sexual story. This is a story about making fun of a tall, large woman. Fuck right off.

  8. "Her body was new orleans and I was hurricane katrina. The levees had failed and her jumbo cans were getting target practice." Best part!!!

  10. OP can have whatever opinion he wants of a person. Being tall or fat isn’t an opinion, it’s a fact. Whether or not OP likes that is up to him. Personally, I’ve been with a member of the Hutt family a time or two, and those are always fun stories to tell over a few beers with friends that have been in the same situation.

  12. At the same time, in what universe is 170 lbs for a tall girl fat? OP either has impossibly high standards, or has no idea how to gauge weight.

  13. [^(**Mouseover** to view the metric conversion for this comment)](#170 lbs = 77.1 kg "170 lbs = 77.1 kg Post feedback in /r/ToMetric")

  15. Someone needs to gild this trainwreck ASAP. Gild it like yer sprayin’ liquid gold outta yer dick and yer testes are fort knox. Somewhere, Mickey Spillane is smiling.

  18. Hands down, best story I have read ever! I have been there before bud… It’s like a Moped… Fun to ride around by yourself, but you really don’t want your friends to see you!

  20. You are a horrible human being. I hope your dick falls off. I hope you didn’t breed yet. Don’t. Ever.

  21. I’m serious /u/odetowoe What makes these people that support OP uneducated. I’m not joking. I really want to know what makes you think they’re uneducated.

  23. "Tall" and "fat" are relative terms, and without specification (taller than what?) are the very definition of opinions, not facts. As /u/peNpaLthrownaway points out, 170 lbs for a tall woman (with toned calves and large breasts, even) is not exactly huge. OP can have whatever opinion he wants, and I can tell him that his opinion is shitty. I’m amazed that this story is at the top of this subreddit.

  24. [^(**Mouseover** to view the metric conversion for this comment)](#170 lbs = 77.1 kg "170 lbs = 77.1 kg Post feedback in /r/ToMetric")

  25. I’m not. I found this story very entertaining. The only advice I would give OP, is never underestimate the ability that fatties have. They can fuck man! They’re a lot like ugly girls. They’re so present…. so grateful.

  27. Easily my favorite post on this sub. Well done sir, you gotta slay a few dragons before you find your princess

  28. WTF does that even mean? Guys who have sex with fat girls suddenly become sexist scumbags like OP?

  29. Holy shit this is fantastic. Every man can relate to this story because we’ve all had that hook up that we regretted as soon as we busted a nut. Thanks for bringing a dose of reality to this subreddit and reminding us that not all hook ups and one night stands are perfect.

  30. Or we have just all been there and had sex with a women with very little sexual chemistry. This is a top post

  33. So hang on. OP spend his night jerking off while waiting for someone with a life to come over for sex. Then he cums prematurely in a few seconds, like a 15-year-old virgin… And he’s insulting her? Child, you need to recognize which of you was the pathetic loser in this situation. It wasn’t her.

  34. 5-10 and 135 isn’t an impossible standard, 170 is fat. Try running 5 miles 3x a week at 5:30 am, no reason why you cant do that. Its cool, kids aren’t up, you have to leave for work at 8. Proper diet and you will be in shape in no time. Or is that "impossible"?

  35. fat doesn’t mean huge, it means fat. 170 is fat, spare tire, cottage cheese… its fat. 155 is about max on a fit girl who is 5-10 and that is a fairly large amount of muscle. If you like a girl with weight that is your preference but don’t call it what it isn’t. Guys with a gut = fat just like girls. Not a gravitational singularity but fat all the same. I work really hard to be fit, I don’t get to eat what I want, I have to wake up earlier than i would like to work out… In general my life is uncomfortable. For that I reap benefits.

  38. Sooooo you fucked a girl you think is disgusting WITHOUT a condom? Ha ha, ha ha ha. You’re less than her, but props for making one night stands more realistic.

  40. You’re absolutely right. Having fat on your body is just a fact. It’s not a shaming of one’s personality or quality of character; it’s a simple fact. It’s like saying that dude has brown hair, green eyes, and is fat. You’re simply describing their physical traits.

  42. Kinda sad you need to talk shit about this girl on the internet to make yourself feel better about your quick nut.

  43. So she’s an ugly fat girl that’s wayyy beneath your league yet she had you waiting on her while you jerked off alone and when she arrived she said you were a shit kisser, she didn’t get wet, and you came quickly. But yes, she’s the loser here.

  44. Jesus fucking christ lighten up guys. It’s a fucking story. What are the chances that she’s gonna see this and feel really fucking bad about it. I guess what I’m trying to say is that . . . OPs an asshole but a fucking hilarious one.

  46. Hahaha, it is so funny that this woman means so little to you! She is fat and ugly and if it wasn’t for her big tits, she wouldnt even be considered a human being! It would have been even funnier if you had just bashed her head in and dumped her in the garbage! Hahaha right? She is just a worthless pig and that is perfectly acceptable and you deserve gold for your stellar character! Keep up the good work OP.

  47. nope. I was messing around with the idea of 2 sausage mc muffins, well done, no cheese no butter for breakfast every morning and seeing what effect it will have on my workouts. Was still negative. A month into that breakfast diet I nearly passed out at the gym and wasn’t putting up the same weight. Ha I went from about +8 to now -2, I guess the sjws are here

  48. You’re quite the douchebag. I’m sure you’re already aware and wear it like a badge of honor.

  49. Dude shut the fuck up and stop belittling people just cause they don’t live the way you do or their "fat". I guarantee your not a "bigsexyman" your probably a FAT fuck that’s sitting on the Internet all day putting people down cause your not happy with yourself or your embarrassed cause your mother is beyond obese that probably can’t even walk. Now for the last time shut the fuck up and stop judging people fucking cunt.

  50. It’s so adorable when kids discover Tucker Max and try to write a Tucker Max story from their imagination

  51. Your whole comment is quite ironic, considering that you end with the statement to stop judging people.

  52. I’m 5’10" and 170, wearing a size 6 pant. Not fat by any standards. I run 3-4 times a week and participate in 5-7 half marathons a year. I eat a healthy and sensible diet. I’m 170 because I lift like a mofo. I understand I’m not the norm, but don’t throw around that 170 at 5’10" is fat when it possibly isn’t. 200 at 5’10" could mean that someone is probably overweight.

  57. Ah, another magnum pig fuck story. These never cease to be entertaining when someone is willing to fuck a cow eyed, cloven hooved barnyard bovine.

  60. Found the fatty!! Always the fat women, like you, being hypersensitive. Lol I can see your lack of success in drugging unwilling men and taking them home has affected you mentally and emotionally. Maybe you can catfish someone else and try to convince them your fit and hot.

  63. Lol WOW! This is great-best comment by far was ‘i hope you don’t have kids. i hope your dick falls off. don’t breed ever.’ Ashame it was deleted that was great. Thanks yall for reading through this and for the people who have had hookups they regretted and related cheers to yall. To the ones so defensive of a girl who via the convincing of two text messages went to a guys house she barely knew and dropped trou immediately-power to ya! The story was supposed to be self deprecating while also takin a few shots at the other guilty party involved. Regardless this is great-gonna have to post some more sometime. And to a couple of yall damn don’t take life so seriously-especially stupid stories on the internet!

  64. Post a body pic and we’ll decide. 95% of the girls ive see that go on about ‘I lift!’ are fat slobs that use the fact they deadlift once a week as an excuse to carry 30 extra pounds

  66. Don’t take it too personally everyone, not everyone appreciates every person they have sex with, nor are they obliged to… He made an impulsive choice and slept with someone he wasn’t really attracted to, I’m sure there are plenty of women who have done the same. She can’t see this story, he isn’t hurting her by sharing it.

  68. He also posts to cuckold and smalldickproblems, so it’s safe to assume his life is amusing and pathetic all wrapped up in 1.

  72. [^(**Mouseover** to view the metric conversion for this comment)](#5’10" = 1.77 m "5’10" = 1.77 m Post feedback in /r/ToMetric")

  73. Is this a joke? She has a double chin ffs. Not to mention the huge arms and the gut. Lifting weights does not make a girl ‘fit’ when is 25%+ bodyfat.

  74. This is the last time I’m going to defend myself. Those flabby arms you described were because I used to be 310+lbs and then lost 160. That is loose skin. I’ve already removed 12 lbs of loose from my abdomen region and am saving up for my arms. I don’t know what picture you see a gut in, but whatever. You will look for anything to prove your point. And a 170lb girl can’t do 10 pull ups if she is 25% body fat.

  75. [^(**Mouseover** to view the metric conversion for this comment)](#12 lbs = 5.4 kg "12 lbs = 5.4 kg Post feedback in /r/ToMetric")

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