This is my first post ever on reddit so I apologize if I’m not following all the rules. Also sorry if I'm not as detailed as some of the other stories here, because I never write this kind of stuff. I actually just found this place after the incident cause …well I was googling… But I just need to share this and get some of you guys' opinions…
So here is the story and a little something about me… so you can understand it better…I guess?
My name is Jane. And I'm 18 this year. I’m actually a virgin and…more awkwardly I’ve never been kissed before… :/ My parents are divorced and I live with my Daddy in Canada because my mother wasn't fit to raise a child. My dad is a security guard and he usually works late shifts at a hospital. And recently my daddy's friend (let's call him John in this case…he’s around 35…38 years old I think..i don’t really know…and my dad is 41) was crashing in our basement because his place was flooded. So the incident happened a couple nights ago when my dad was working the night shift, and I was home alone cause I heard John tell my dad that he was gonna be home late that night. I don’t really know what time it happened cause I was asleep in my room when I was awaken cause I felt something get on my bed and on top of me. (I realize this sounds really fake. But I swear it’s all true :/) I opened my eyes and I just saw a dim glowing silhouette of a person cause it was dark right…so I didn’t even know who the hell it was. I thought someone had broken in. Obviously I screamed like crazy but then I felt his rough hands over my mouth and he leaned down beside my ear telling me to shut up and calm down. Then I felt him kissing my cheeks and then my lips…like my first kiss is with a 35 year old man…its fucked up… but I knew it was him cause I felt his beard against my face at that moment. I was freaking out..feeling anxious… scared as shit…didn’t know what to do. I just laid there, I couldn’t even scream anymore. I tried to tell him to stop but he would just cover my mouth again and told me to shut up. I thought he would just want some making out then he’d leave me alone but then I felt his hands sliding down my panties…(I sleep with a tank top and panties so.. yeah) and he just started touching me down there. I yelped when he did…cause no one’s ever touched me…(besides myself) but he just kissed me when i did I guess to shut me up.. I was really freaking out now. I tried to grab his hands and stop him but he just shook it off. He works construction so he’s fucking strong as shit too. I didn’t know what to do. Then he started spreading my legs, and he slid his fingers inside me. I yelped out louder and he covered my mouth again. I started to struggle but he just held me down. I couldn’t move at all. At one point…I actually just started moaning cause it started to feel good and I was wet but at the same time I felt disgusting…I wanted him to stop. And he did, but that’s cause he lifted my tank top up and he started sucking on my breasts. I was moaning more. I really liked it when he bit my nipples. I couldn’t help it. Then he just started doing both at the same time, sucking on my breasts and fingering me. And I just laid there moaning. I felt him get up and I heard him take his belt off so I knew he was taking his pants off. I started to freak out again, I’m a virgin and I know from friends that it’s gonna hurt so I was scared. I still couldn’t see shit but he got ontop of me again and he took my panties off. I felt is dick rub against my pussy. I screamed again and he covered my mouth. I tried to tell him no but I couldn’t. I tried to get his hands off my mouth but I couldn’t. I was just trapped. I honestly can’t remember clearly what happened next but he shoved it into me and I just felt pain. So I struggled and I screamed again but he held me tight and after a bit I heard him say oh my god jane, you’re a virgin. I didn’t even respond…I just laid there whimpering in pain. It didn’t stop him either. He kept going. He fucked me and it got harder and harder. I don’t know why but I just started liking it again. It felt good. I was moaning again in pleasure. And I felt like cumming. I felt his lips on my body from time to time and he just kissed me in places while he fucked me and I just got even wetter. I closed my eyes and I wrapped my legs around him without even noticing. And I wrapped him tighter and tighter as I was closer to cumming…and when I did. I just screamed out…I didn’t care anymore. It felt really good. He then just got off me and he squeezed my cheeks, he opened my mouth and he cummed inside my mouth. It tasted disgustin honestly.. I spit it out right away. But then I laid there afterwards. I was in shock…and my vagina was in pain…I didn’t even noticed. But he kissed me again…and I kissed back. I actually liked it…I felt disgusting..I felt like I was gonna pass out. He is so much older than me and I just lost my first kiss and my virginity to him…he got off me…finally and as he was getting dressed…he said I’m sorry jane…you’re just really beautiful and I wanted to do this from the first day I saw you.. (I could still hear he wasn’t thinking straight from the alcohol) and he said I hope you won’t tell your dad. I could barely see him but I looked at the direction of his voice and I said.. don’t worry about it… I won’t say anything… but honestly at that moment I really just wanted him to go. I wanted to sleep. But then he walked up beside my bed kissed me again and said I want to do this again…I was anxious as fuck so I just said ok and he left… The next morning I woke up late actually I woke up near noon and when I woke up there was blood on my bedsheet. I was freaking out my dad would see so I threw it out, and replaced it with another set. My dad was still sleeping…but that’s the end of the story…the thing is now…I’m thinking about it, and everytime I get really turned on. And half of me is actually hoping John would do it to me again… but at the same time I don’t know how to face him..I barely see him cause he’s in the basement but when I do and he sees me…I get really nervous…but I really want to fuck him again. Ugh…it’s so hard to think straight.. I’m scared I’m some kind of freak. Tell me if this is wrong or not…if not tell me how I can make him have sex with me again… please…
Source: reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/3fq031/my_dads_friend_forced_me_but_i_end_up_liking_it
Well first off your not broken, that doesn’t really mean anything when it comes to people, and it’s definitely not wrong on your end
You were raped. You said no but he forced you. Even though you liked some of it and came, you were raped. You need to talk to your dad and to the police about it. And you need to not sleep with him again. Also, you may want to seek professional help to deal with this mentally.
Second of all have you never been kissed because you don’t want to or because you ‘just haven’t’
Third if you want to have sex with him you could probably just climb into his bed
Fourth you were for real raped and could get him sent to jail and your dad would probably flip his shit on him but if you go to him you will probably lose a lot of legitimacy
Fifth check out the BDSM subreddit
Just to make things more clear. I’m not gonna report him. Cause…I actually liked it.. At the end, and second of all I feel bad for him. And I just don’t want to make it a big deal I guess…
Sixth don’t let random people on reddit tell you what to do even if it is conventional wisdom
It is all ready a big deal
Shit…should I take this down then? Like I don’t want to get into any trouble. This shit is anonymous right…
Your not the one who is going to be In trouble and this post is not a big deal what happened is
I just reread the post are you under 18?
Ugh no I don’t want anyone to be in trouble…I just wanted to see if I was mentally sick for liking it…
No I am 18.
You should really report it. No one can force you to do anything but in your post you said no. No means no not shut up and keep on going. Liking the sensations you felt is understandable and you shouldn’t feel disgusted about about those feelings.
Did you check out BDSM?
Oh no not yet…why thou? What’s on there? what is BDSM?.
^ second what happened being a big deal
Okay thank you!…but like I said before (I don’t know if you can see all the comments) but I’m not gonna report.
So there are a bunch of people with ‘weird’ sexual interests there. One of them is play rape where one person pretends to rape the other. It’s a safe way of doing what happened to you, so you can enjoy it without it being dangerous
I did see all the comments and you should report it. It sets off your sex life badly by being forced into it. It should have been something that happened on your own terms like with a serious boyfriend or something. Sounds like an impossible thing to do but you can do it. Reddit community is here for support.
There is a wiki page on it so that means it’s normal https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rape_fantasy
Non-Mobile link: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rape_fantasy *** ^HelperBot_™ ^v1.0 ^I ^am ^a ^bot. ^Please ^message ^/u/swim1929 ^with ^any ^feedback ^and/or ^hate. ^Counter: ^5086
Ohh…I’m not really into rape. Like I don’t think I am. And I certainly don’t think I have weird sexual interests…but thanks for the suggestion.
Thanks. I just think it be worst if I report it. And I mean he apologized and I don’t want my dad to find out or really anyone I know to find out..so I guess it’s just my secret…and reddit’s secret.. which sounds really redundant cause it’s like sharing to the whole world..
Sure, everyone’s got something, so you think you’ll do it again?
Sweetheart, this is a rape in every sense of the word. What if it had been a stranger who had broken in and did the same thing? Wouldn’t you report that person? Many women experience orgasms during sexual assaults, it’s a physical response that is separate from what is going on in your mind. Since you are so inexperienced, you have nothing to compare with this experience, but I can assure you you did not have consensual sex. You are convinced you wanted/liked it because recognizing what happened to you is much more difficult. It’s the same reason you feel like you had an orgasm it’s a way of dealing with a traumatic experience. Many rapists take advantage of these responses that you’re having. This guy will exploit these feelings you’re having. What if he has done this before or will do it to someone else? Please at least go to a hospital & get a rape kit, that way if you change your mind, you have physical evidence that it happened. I would also look up counseling services available in your area for victims, which should be totally anonymous (I live in the U.S. But it should be the same in Canada). RAINN is a good website to visit.
Seventh, learn how to format.
If you do not report him he (John) will believe what he did is okay and will go about the world thinking he can do this again. Even if you enjoyed it the next girl in 2 years will be traumatized for the rest of her life because he thinks "she is beautiful" and he believes she will enjoy it as much as you did.The fact is you are a rare case and odds are she will not. This is a very scary topic and rape is not something that should be taken lightly. If you enjoyed it, get a tinder and find someone else that can treat you like that instead of someone who you do not give your permission to.
I second this. Really.
You’re not sick. These feelings are legitimate and are your body and mind’s way of coping with what has happened. This man is sick; he raped you. You did not give him permission and he did not ask for consent. He has taken advantage of his friend’s trust and compassion in giving him a place to stay by taking advantage of you in your home. It is not okay that this has happened. Reporting this is obviously difficult because you don’t want anything to change, however not reporting it allows his behaviour to go unrecognised and allows him to rape again. Look after yourself, lock your door if you can. Talk to someone you trust, a teacher or a counsellor. Look up rape and what it means and how to manage it. Try and see if there is anywhere near you that has a charity or centre that offers help to abused women.
It shouldn’t be just your secret. His apology afterward does not make up for his actions beforehand. You really should take this more seriously, as it has the potential to affect all of your sexual and non-sexual relationships from here-on-in, simply because of the nature of the encounter.
Third. You were totally raped and now part of the statistic 2/3 of all rapes go unreported. This guys a scum bag and should be in jail
FAKE after reading the first 8 lines. I guess everyone already knows this, though.
Yeah to hell with that guy I say report it as a rape because that’s what it is . I had a female friend very recently get drunk at a party she apparently made the first move but she was wasted the guy she slept with was not she wasn’t technically able to give consent and was taken advantage of . That’s a bit more cloudy but it still constitutes rape so she reported it she hasn’t been 100% since your story is much less murky and you need to tell your father so he can kick that guys ass and call the cops .
This is coming from a sex addicts point of view, but your not sick, like how others said your brain could be coping with it by saying it was great, but it’s really not. The other side, you could be subconsciously into being taken advantage of, and just wanted to be dominated all the time, hence someone asked if u heard of bdsm, since you’d probably make an awesome sub. Either way, kinda scary story, but got me thinking as well, I kinda did the same to one girl, but she didn’t turn me in, instead we ended up fuck buddies for a little while. Good luck either way you go.
What?..why would you say that?
This is rape. You need to tell someone. This is going to follow you for a long time and you’ll regret it forever if you do nothing. That man should be in prison. You liking any part of it is irrelevant. It was rape.
YOU will never get into trouble over this. That man should be in prison for this. You should not feel sorry for him. That is fucked.
You need to want him to be in trouble. Otherwise you’re letting a rapist go free. Free to rape anyone he wants at any time.
You were actually raped and you enjoyed it. You have some very big problems and need to seek professional help
Oh I get it, you’re fucking retarded. How do people think this way? It will not be worse if you report it. That’s fucking insane. It will be worse if you let him continue to rape women. The rest of them won’t want it… You’re dooming them all.. It’s in your hands.
Yeah don’t listen to all these idiots. Just a bunch of white knight virgins getting upset about bullshit on the internet. If you want to fuck him again, just wear something slutty and make some flirty eye contact next time you see him. He will get the hint.
Pretty hot story.
If not to save yourself you should do it for the other young women he is or has taken in this way. Rough sex is great, but consent is paramount
I need to add for my own conscience, please see a doctor if not for what happened to you, at least for your health. Not to scare you, but what if he has an STI/STD? Or got you pregnant? Please get treatment, they can give you strong medications to prevent you from getting infected or pregnant if you go within a few days
I forgot to mention in the story that he did use a condom. So I mean that would prevent STDs and pregnancy right? Ugh should have paid attention in those sex Ed classes…I mean I know there’s still a chance.
He’s never done any of this to anyone else. he’s actually a really nice guy. It was just one mistake he made cause he was drunk. I know it sounds crazy cause I’m defending him but it’s true.
You cannot know for sure that he has never done this to anyone else, nor can you know that he wouldn’t do it to anyone else in the future. There is nothing wrong with you for liking the stimulation, but there is something very wrong with having sex with someone against their consent, which is what happened here. Even if you are not 100% certain how you feel about what happened, by staying silent you are inviting him to do it again to someone else.
You need to talk to a doctor. You can tell them what happened & you’ll be looked at for free & they can refer you to a clinic so you can get other services to help you like counseling. condoms can break & expire. It’s against the law for any of these people to call police or anyone else unless you give them permission. They can put you in touch with other people that have experienced what you experienced & give you some other perspectives.
First, let me say that I’m sorry to read that this happened to you. Also, please don’t think that you’re a freak for experiencing physical pleasure during your rape. It’s not uncommon for women to "enjoy" it, even as they feel violated afterwards. This was not your fault. Trust your feelings. You said you felt hurt, scared, anxious, trapped, and even disgusted at the time. You feel nervous when he looks at you. Whatever pleasure you felt at the time, this was still a rape. Consent was not requested or given, even implicitly. Being a virgin, particularly a virgin who’s never been kissed, I would guess that your knowledge of what sex is supposed to be like is pretty limited (that you didn’t know what BDSM was telling). That would mean you don’t have many healthy, consensual sexual encounters to compare this experience to. I cannot stress this enough: THIS IS NOT WHAT SEX IS SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE! He played on your youth and inexperience when he fed you the "oh, you’re so beautiful I just couldn’t control myself" line. He actually could have, but just chose not to. This is a subtle way of flattering your ego (doesn’t everyone want to hear that they’re beautiful/desirable?). This is a standard M.O. for rapists. Don’t misinterpret that, or that he kissed you, as signs that he cared about you. He knew that he was hurting you, that you were scared, and HE DIDN’T STOP. Even if you don’t report this asshole, you should still avoid him. He is toxic individual, and not someone you should be getting your first sexual experiences from. That could seriously skew your perception of "normal" in this department going forwards. Ask some people you trust what their first sexual experiences were like (or search Reddit for first time stories, etc). I know the thought of reporting this guy might seem daunting for a number of reasons, but I would still encourage you to come forward and report. He should not be allowed to get way with what he did to you. Not only that, if he isn’t caught and punished there’s a chance he might do this to someone else. Getting away with rape this time will embolden him to do it again. And if you don’t say anything, he’ll still be there in the basement for however long it is until his house is fixed. Even after that, he’ll probably still come over to your house as your dad’s "friend." If going to the police is too intimidating, tell your dad and let him do it. Just don’t let the asshole get away with it.
Talk to an actual person about this. A councillor or therapist or family doctor, or close family female friend. Someone you feel will keep this confidential but has your best interests at heart. You don’t want to talk to anyone because you are afraid you will get him in trouble. Which means, you know he what he did was wrong. But the fact that you feel okay with what happens, sounds like you don’t have any women friends to get any perspective or information. You need someone to talk to about men in general and what good relationships are like. You can ignore almost everyone that is giving you this advice (which you have stated in different comment) but this will mess you up sexually unless you address it. Ultimately, only you and your future relationships will then pay the price.
Just from the way you wrote the story, it’s clear you didn’t like it. Neither during nor immediately after did you want him around. Avoid this man at all costs and tell your dad so he can help get rid of him. This experience has the potential to really mess you up if you don’t have someone to help you process it.
Bullying a clearly very distressed rape victim into reporting a rape and telling her not reporting it makes her somehow magically responsible for other rapes is a good thing now? You are all for clear consent when it comes to sex, but are simultaneously demanding she reports this (or else). What the actual fuck! What she needs is empathy, not hate. How the fuck is this upvoted?
To answer your question then: Yes, you are mentally sick, for defending a rapist just because you liked it. Since you are 18 now, you may be an adult on paper, but judging from your responses you clearly lack mental maturity yet. Please seek help and talk to someone.
If this is truly your decision, then so be it. And please don’t take the hate and the downvotes you are getting for it personally. People tend do get really freaked out and aggressive about rape and sometimes lose the forest for the trees. As in, instead of caring about improving your well-being after this awful experience they demand you act in the interests of anyone who was ever raped and ever will be, no matter how much that might hurt you. Ridiculous! I do however agree with the sentiment that you should seek out counselling — I believe there are ways of counselling where you can talk about this without having to report him (rape hotlines are the most easily accessible way). Just being able to share this burden with someone could be immensely helpful. Just to have somebody listen to this story and share your pain and hopefully understand why not every raped person is enthusiastic about reporting what happened.
Sounds like you completely misunderstood.
If he’s forced you then there’s a good chance he has or will force others as well. Just because you liked it in the end doesn’t mean it wasn’t rape and others probably wouldn’t like it. You could end the cycle of his abuse now if you report him.