Grandma needs love too

I have posted this story before and it was pretty well received and I feel like my new friendos here at GWS would appreciate it. Please give it a read, because this is one of my favourite sexual encounters to regale people with. Thanks for reading.

So I have been single for a few months and was in dire need of a slump buster. There is a dive bar near me which has a target rich environment for chicks that you wouldn’t tell anyone you hooked up with. Being in need, I set the bar pretty low and had decent expectations upon leaving my abode that I would be able to come across a lady that would either weigh-in at cruiser/heavy weight or be ugly as Rosie O’Donnell but without the open scabs.

So I get to the bar and apparently everyone had the same idea that I had. There was more sausage there than a Village People concert and every fat chick had 2-3 dudes hitting on her. It was like all these chicks woke up as 2’s and were 7-8’s when they hit the bar. I am starting to think I should just leave and go home and fap to the new Sears catalog, but decide instead to saddle up at the bar and order a beer. Shortly after the urine that they call beer arrives, this female octogenarian sits next to me and asks me why I look “Pissed off”. I told her how there was a lot of hog in the bar so I was grabbing a drink before I went back home. So we chat for a bit and she’s buying me beer so I say “fuck it” at least I am getting to drink for free. I listen to her yap on as women are wont to do for about an hour and keep checking out the lady population.

The parking lot is emptying and ladies are starting to disappear as guys stuff oversized women into their rides and drive back to their places with the car tilted at 45 degrees and smelling of cheerios and broken dreams. Meanwhile I am talking to a lady who likely voted for FDR. I finally decide after about six free beers and a shot, that I am heading home to get the Vaseline and rubber spatula out for a night of solo action. I get up to go and I am a tad dizzy (since I’m a bitch and don’t drink much) and start my sad walk home. Grandma tells me that she lives close by and it would be nice if I walked her to her door. Being the gentlemen that I am I said “fuck that shit, its cold outside” so she said she would just follow me as long as we were going to same direction….fine whatever. So once again I have to listen to her drone on about the price of Ensure or some shit until I reach my apartment complex.

I mumble something like good night or rest in peace and head up to my place. I get to my door put the keys in and notice this bitch had followed me. I turn to her and I’m like listen I just want to have a fap and go to bed. Apparently that romantic statement was what she was looking for because she grabbed my junk like a death row inmate getting their last supper and said “why don’t I do it for you”. So like all men I make a bad decision, a thousand things go through my mind and the last one was “well at least you’re not doing it yourself”

So we head into my place I sit on my nasty couch and I yank out the purple headed warrior which is 100% limp at this point. Grandma goes after it like a hungry dog on a meaty bone and is giving me some serious grade A head. I’m starting to think I made the right choice here and begin thinking of ways to tell her to get the hell out after I give her an FDA approved dosage of DNApudding. While this is running through my mind apparently grandma was doing some ninja shit because before I know it she got her pants off and is starting to remove her shirt. Ok forget what I said, this was a bad idea and the look of her half naked body is making me go limp.

Granny tells me that she is going to need some attention and that if I liked what I got earlier I would love what her “kitten” had for me. So I’m half limp and the functioning part of my brain is like “ok she did give good head, fuck it lets see what it’s all about”. So she sits down on the couch and saddles her hips up to the edge as I try to furiously stuff my mostly limp self into a condom. The effort was what I imagine a butcher would go through if he had to fill a sausage casing by hand, but I manage to make it work and slowly slide in. It’s surprisingly pleasant, like putting your dick in a glass of warm pudding. I slowly start pumping while questioning my life choices that brought me to this point. I am getting lost in my thoughts when Eleanor Roosevelt whispers something in my ear that will haunt my dreams. If I wanted to be fucked like an old lady I would have fucked an old man.

This should have been the straw that broke the camel’s back and I should have just sucked up the ego hit and kicked her ass out. Instead, I felt the need to defend my manly honor and started pile driving granny’s roast beef box like the undertaker at WrestleMania. At this point I am trying to find my focus so I can get a nut and get it over with but my ability to orgasm is being hindered by the fact that A) I might have broken her hips and B) shes hooting and hollering like she just won the showcase showdown.

As a testament to my depravity I did manage to fire one off while grabbing her breasts that probably suckled kids from the great depression. After that it was a haze of her getting dressed and me thinking (as I passed out) that I hope I didn’t remember what I had done. Which sadly is not the case.

Source: reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/3df6i8/grandma_needs_love_too