A Long Kinkster Story: How I Developed a Humiliation Fetish [F/M]

I went over Reddit's post character limit, so this story continues in the comments since I don't like breaking stories into parts.

Before I begin, I'd like to point out every single part of this story is 100% true. Consequently, there aren't any fantasy moments amongst the lines of, "She pulled my pants down and laughed hysterically. Then, she invited her friend to have a look. They both held out their pinkies and laughed while I shriveled up." So although this story has an erotica feel to it, there's no climactic over-the-top moments involved. Also, my dick is approximately five inches long – not too small really. But size queens will let you know: if it's not big, it's small.

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Up until the age of twenty-three, I never thought about my penis size. Mainly, I didn't have to. Only a couple women had seen it until that point. Throughout high school, I was the third wheel. I'd watch as my friends picked up beautiful girl after beautiful girl. Perhaps I set my standards too high, but simply put, I wasn't getting laid until my early 20s.

The first girl I slept with was a twenty year old virgin, so she had nothing to compare me to. The next girl was a kinkster who didn't care about my penis – she was too busy strapping on her own cock and having her way with me.

I was twenty-two when I entered my first relationship. It was with a petite girl who had only slept with one guy in her life. Luckily for me, her ex must have been bordering on micropenis territory. I didn't care about penis size at the time anyways, so I never asked for an exact measurement, but she told me I was significantly bigger than him. As it followed, she thought I was big. Since I'm barely five inches completely hard, I'm guessing he was around 3.5".

Regardless, this girl made me extremely confident. She legitimately thought my penis was big. I know some women tell their partner what they want to hear, but she was actually in awe whenever she took my pants off. You know those big dick success stories over on /r/bigdickproblems? That's how I felt… with one girl at least.

After we broke up, I re-entered the dating scene. Things went downhill. Fast.

My next romantic relationship forever crushed any misconceptions I had about my penis size. Going into this relationship, I maintained that I was big despite never measuring myself. In retrospect, all I had to do was press a ruler against my little five incher and check some stats online. I'm below average. To a size queen, I'm basically worthless.

---

Things started innocently enough working at a restaurant. I was training a new girl, who although cute, wasn't my type. She was slightly on the punk side, which is fine, but I usually relate more to the nerdy type. Worth noting however, she was tall and thin, and I was one of the few men who stood taller than her. She found that attractive. I found her perfect ass, charming smile, and athletic body attractive.

Perhaps due to my height, she figured I would have a big penis as well. Furthermore, I'm on the thin side so I don't have the issue some men have, where their fat pad around their crotch makes their penis appear smaller. Unfortunately for me though, my below-average penis looks even smaller on my long frame. A five inch pecker looks smaller on a 6'2" guy than a 5'8" guy.

After a week, she completed her training and invited me out to drinks after work to celebrate. We played pool and after a few beers, we were making out. I didn't think much of it. I wasn't thinking, "Score! I got a girlfriend!". I was more like, "This is what all my co-workers do. Get drunk and have little hook-ups." Plus, I didn't really see the two of us forming anything serious. In fact, I didn't even bother asking for her number.

---

We continued to flirt at work, connecting a little more each time. Since we had gotten our first kiss together out of the way, we were at ease with one another. We simply enjoyed each other with no pressure. She would give me rides home and say goodbye complimented by a short make-out session, but nothing further. I honestly didn't care at the time since I lived with my best friends and was totally fine just hanging out with them for the night.

Over the next few weeks, our feelings grew to the point where we could no longer deny a connection. Simply put, we were always elated when we saw each other. Neither of us could stop smiling when together. We changed our work schedules so our schedules matched. If I got out early while she worked a closing shift, I'd switch with someone and stay late just to be with her. If I was working on her day off, she would pick up a shift just to work with me. We were falling in love.

Our connection grew deeper through daily phone calls. Never a fan of mornings or long phone conversations, my attitudes changed when she called me at 7AM every day before class . We would talk on the phone for about half an hour before heading off with our days. We truly got to know one another before doing anything sexual, which in turn, made our romantic moments together a lot more meaningful, and a lot more sexy. I fantasized about our kisses turning into something more, into me exploring every inch of her perfect body.

Did I mention I no longer cared that she kind of had a punk style? In actuality, I grew to love it. I loved her piercings and tattoos. I held everyone else to the standard she had set, yet no one could come close.

---

We both reached our breaking point on my birthday. It was our first day off together from both school and work. We spent the day at a park near my apartment, soaking in beautiful views on shaded trails high above the city. Neither of us could contain our excitement when we hit a secluded field. We dropped our bags on the ground and decided all limits were off: we were gonna have sex right in the field in broad daylight if we had to.

Using her tongue more than ever, I could tell she was horny. Within moments, she reached down into my shorts. I was elated. This beautiful woman was touching my dick. As stated earlier, I had only been with a couple women until this point, and none of them were on her level. Perhaps I didn't care about our first make-out session by the pool table since I knew she was out of my league i.e. I knew it was too good to be true. Perfect women like her don't go for guys like me.

She retracted her hand immediately after feeling my erection, falling into a panic about our bag's location. We lost sight of them completely while in our little lovemaking session. Turns out, someone had rummaged through them, found nothing, and discarded them some fifty yards away from where we laid together on the grass. Needless to say, the mood was ruined; however, I didn't connect the timing right away. I figured the mood was ruined due to our missing bags, not the size of my hard, little penis.

She distanced herself in the following weeks and I couldn't for the life of me figure out why. We were connecting like never before. Our romance finally reached a new level and now she was shying away. I mean, we were making out and she had her hands down my pants – why would she lose interest all of a sudden? We weren't hanging out and our phone calls were less frequent. She seemed to be going out of her way to work shifts opposite of mine at work.

I vented my frustration to friends. I think they knew the answer, but they had no words of comfort. They told me maybe she needed some distance and that it wasn't my fault at all. I'm pretty sure my girl-friends knew exactly what why she lost interest.

---

Luckily, our connection was too strong for her to ignore. There was no denying out lightning-in-a-bottle chemistry. We were great together. We flirted consistently at work and talked on the phone every day, but she wasn't hanging out with me outside of work. If she wanted to date me, she would obviously have to hang out with me.

At this point, I was strong. I still had plenty of confidence and was blissfully unaware that she found my penis too small. So I too, moved on. She and I could be friends, nothing more. I flirted with other girls at work. Safe to say, she got jealous when she learned of my plans to hang out with one of our female nineteen-year old co-workers.

Out of nowhere, her romantic interest in me was refueled. She couldn't stand seeing me flirt with another woman. Sure, I was ill-endowed in her eyes, but she felt like the rightful owner of me. Me dating a different girl defied her laws. I could see her jealousy, and within moments, she was talking dirty to me, about how she "could of had me at anytime she wanted." Damn it, it was true. And to be honest, I didn't give two shits about the girl I made plans with that night. I can't even remember her name as I type this.

She flirted with me more and more, unintentionally (but completely intentionally) pressing her body against mine while we performed actions like pouring drinks for customers. The feeling of her ass! I still melt when I think of how round, soft, and perfect her ass was. She had this thin, athletic frame from years of ballet, and the only place she put on weight was her ass. Whenever she pressed it near my crotch, all my worries in the world sailed away. I stayed late to close with her, blowing off the girl I made plans with.

I hung out with her two days later and was pleased to find her romantic interest in me had returned. Although I was still playing my cards close, I was legitimately happy whenever I was around her. I couldn't wait to see her naked.

Together in my bedroom for the first time, I stripped off her ballet outfit, leaving only her tights on. I played with her gorgeous, perky breasts in the subdued afternoon sun. She was insecure of their size, but I have no idea why: they were aesthetically perfect on her body. I always took my time admiring her chest, ultimately landing a slow, soft kiss on her pierced nipples. When I got her horny enough, she slid her hand down my pants.

I was in cloud nine as she played with me. The shock was still there: I couldn't believe this Goddess was touching me down there. Unfortunately, her enthusiasm didn't mirror mine. She looked disgusted rather than turned on as she played with me, as if she was attempting to hide a frown.

Then she went on her tirade that haunts me on to this day:

"You would be a good size for anal. My last boyfriend always wanted to do anal with me, but I was like, 'Sorry, but you're too big.'" She wasn't making eye contact with me as she gave this little speech. We always made eye contact when talking to one another. It was part of the reason we loved each other so much.

"He would complain and say that I had done anal with the guy I dated before him, but he didn't understand: that guy was small."

I lost my erection immediately. Did she really just indirectly say my dick was small? Also, did she really just bring up her big dick ex-boyfriend while stroking my penis? I didn't even ask to hear about her ex. Some guys will ask their partners about previous boyfriends since they want to know how they stack up. Some guys willingly want to hear that they're small since it turns them on. For me, I wanted nothing to do with being called small and I certainly didn't want to hear that her ex-boyfriend had a big cock.

The mood again was ruined, but this time I knew why. I had a small penis.

Completely crushed, I tried to act unfazed. I maintained a confident facade, as if it didn't really effect our relationship moving forward. I rolled with the punch and started talking dirty about doing her in the ass. I pressed my crotch against hers and tried to reignite our excitement. I refused to miss this opportunity. If I could just get those tights off she would be down to only her panties! I got her moaning again before she stopped.

"His cock was so big it hurt at times. I knew he had a big cock before we hooked up, but it wasn't always that pleasurable." She continued, clearly still thinking about him while I tried to turn her on. Her soliloquy about her ex's dick continued: "And some times he would force me to go down on him. I really didn't like that. I don't even like giving oral."

Point taken. Don't try to get a blowjob from her (she never went down on me anyways). Was she finished? The mood was completely destroyed now. She obviously had her mind elsewhere. I wanted to believe her. I wanted to believe she felt negatively about big cocks, but I needed reassurance.

"Well, at least I'll never hurt you or gag you with my small penis." It felt weird referring to my penis as small. I had never thought about it that way. I wanted her to say it's not small, but she said, "Don't worry. I like your small penis."

Penis? How come mine is called a penis and his is called a cock? With just a few words, she had made me completely neurotic. Predictably, her interest in me waned again over the coming weeks.

---

The cycle continued over and over: She would lose interest only for our chemistry to reunite us. At first, I didn't care, but within a couple months, I desperately wanted her attention, yet she only gave it to me when she saw fit. At times, she would tell me how I was the perfect husband and father candidate. She could see herself settling down with me and having kids. My heart warmed when she told me these things and before I knew it, I was in love. But with love comes pain, and whenever she withdrew herself from me, my heart ached.

---

I constantly agonized over her penis size comments. Was this the reason why she ignored me for weeks on end? I found myself looking up women's opinions on penis size online and tried to find positive comments about smaller lovers. They were few are far between, but some women claimed some small dick men were better lovers since they tried harder. So I researched everything I could about becoming the best lover possible. I read books about how to pleasure women properly. I wasn't going to let my small penis defeat me. I loved this woman and I was determined to make it work.

Admittedly, my ego was crushed. Although I remained positive, I read a lot of harsh comments about small penis guys as well. Things like, "He was a great guy – great body, personality, financially well off, etc. But his dick was small. I had to end it." Moreover, I also read things like, "I missed my ex's big dick so much I had to go back. Partners after him simply didn't fulfill me. It was if I was being penetrated by a half penis whenever I hooked up with new guys. I kept waiting for them to hit the spots deep inside me, but they were simply incapable. I couldn't even orgasm once, let alone multiple times."

These comments made me paranoid. Could she truly like small penises? She said big dicks were painful, but maybe she too went back to him during the weeks she ignored me.

If we didn't work together, I'm positive she would have ignored me for good and moved on. Since we saw each other consistently at the workplace, I was able to charm her and make her laugh, ultimately winning her graces time and time again. Of course, flirting with other women in front of her drove her nuts. I thought I was playing the jealousy game correctly, but I later learned this would come back to hurt me.

I worried that she was spreading the word about my little package. At this point, I didn't have a Small Penis Humiliation fetish. I really worried about my co-workers and friends finding about it. The first crack in the dam occurred one afternoon when she visited my apartment.

---

I lived with two other guys my age. We worked together the restaurant I've been talking about. When their roommate moved out, they invited me to move in. We bonded well – from playing sports with one another during the day, to playing video games and having drinks at night. Anyways, one of my roommates had a little chihuahua.

One day, my roommate let his chihuahua out of his room when she visited. She loved the dog immediately. She used her "cute" voice and said things like, "Aww look at you! Aren't you a handsome boy." I was glad she liked my roommate's dog, until she rubbed his stomach and exclaimed, "Aww look at you with your small, little penis."

I turned red, pretending that comment didn't occur, hoping my roommate would let it go. Instead, he jokingly replied, "Hey! Don't call my dog's dick small!"

She responded with, "What? I like small penises."

Great. The girl I've been hooking up with just told my roommate that she likes small penises. With my last remnants of manhood, I mustered up the weakest defense possible: "If you like small penises you won't like being with me!"

She went silent and continued petting the dog. She knew my comment was false, defensive, and sad. My roommate picked up on her silence and responded with his own silence. My ill endowment dawned on him. It sticks out as one of the most awkward, embarrassing moments of my life.

---

Strange things started happening at work too. There was this one girl who I had always got along with who I found extremely attractive. She had D cup breasts, a round ass to match, a flat stomach, and a beautiful freckled face always decorated with a smile. We got along, but we were never close, until one day, she seemed thrilled to see me. I could see her brighten up from ten yards away the second I walked through the doors at work. I didn't know what was up, but sure was happy to be getting these signals from her.

"Smalley!"

Smalley? Everyone at work called me Pauley (my name is Paul – I guess Pauley was endearing), but here she was – excited as hell to see me – calling me "Smalley". Her voice was higher pitched than normal, kind of like a teasing voice, similar to the one she used when making comments about the chihuahua's little member.

I got nervous immediately. She walked right up to me and hugged me as if we hadn't seen one another in months, letting me feel her curvy body. As heavenly as it felt, I had to ask why she was calling me that name. "Because you're Smalley!" And with that, she released her grasp and walked away, offering no explanation whatsoever.

This went on for weeks. Every day I would show up at work for her to greet me as "Smalley." I told her to keep it down: I was scared others would overhear her. Plus, she never told me how she came up with the nickname. Pathetically, I came up with a degrading nickname for her, but it didn't work. It wasn't based on any truths about her, it wasn't funny, and it wasn't anywhere near as degrading as a small penis nickname. Plus, she was hot as hell. No one cared about my stupid defensive nickname for her and I dropped it after a couple attempts. Obviously, she kept calling me "Smalley."

---

My confidence was at an all time low. I still hadn't fucked her. In fact, I had only seen her topless, but had never even taken her underwear off. She wouldn't let me. Adding to my lack of sex, it seemed like she spread word of my ill endowment to co-workers. Worth noting, the majority of my co-workers were cute college girls, all of whom fooled around with guys but wanted nothing serious. Now it looked like they all knew of my size. Need proof?

One shift, a girl wasn't getting her work done. She was extremely nice, quiet, and worked hard, but she was still somewhat new to serving. As a result, she made mistakes from time to time. There was no way you could yell at her though – she was seriously the nicest, soft spoken girl you'll ever meet. Also, she was gorgeous. She had long red hair with complimentary freckles and a tall, lean body. She played volleyball at the nearby university.

I must've been stressed from my romance issues, so I took it out on her a little bit. Plus, I trained servers and was a little higher up on the totem pole, so I was supposed to bark orders. It was encouraged. So, I criticized her performance by saying, "Hey. You need to help out. Restock the glasses at the side station."

She ignored my request and responded, "Whatever… Smalley."

Ouch. There was malicious intent behind that. Previously, I wondered if the other girl was simply being playful. She didn't seem to have hurtful intentions when calling me by that name. Maybe I was paranoid of my size and over-analyzing her nickname. All ambiguity was cleared by this girl's comment. It was about penis size, and she knew mine was small. Quiet and sweet, I was absolutely shocked when she attacked me like that.

Shocked and paranoid, the power dynamic turned. I worked at the restaurant much longer than her, trained her, and was supposed to give her orders. Now, I was an embarrassed little boy. Sheepishly, I asked her where she learned that nickname. All she said was, "I can't come up with my own nicknames?"

She was denying it. She learned through word of mouth that I was small. I never requested her to do any tasks at work again. Before the incident, we had been cool with one another, often flirtatious. After, we were like strangers. Maybe her attraction dropped upon finding out about my size. Perhaps she viewed me giving her orders as a byproduct of my little penis (i.e. I am frustrated with my little penis so I'll boss people around at work). Regardless, there was no doubt word was getting around.

I confronted her about it. I asked her to step outside with me later on in the shift and wanted answers: Was she telling other girls about my little guy? She broke eye contact with me, claiming, "I don't talk about things like that to other people." I told her what happened, only for her to give me a reassuring hug and tell me, "I like small penises".

Emasculating as that was, I was still getting affection from her so I rolled with it. I admitted to myself that I had a small penis, but I maintained that I would be the best lover she ever had. I turned up the foreplay at work. I'd approach her from behind and whisper how I wanted to do her in the ass with people nearby. She absolutely loved it. Her neck would arch back as she rubbed her face against mine – her lovely ass against my crotch.

---

Before I knew it, I had her back in my bed. I got her down to her little red boyshorts with black lace trim (her favorite pair of panties, she said). I was ready to eat her out when she stopped me, wanting to talk about our sexual likes and fantasies. I was shy, so she took the lead, going on about some of her previous hook ups.

She told me of one of her ex boyfriends who could make her orgasm several times in a session. She was a squirter and would often leave "puddles" all over the bed from fuck sessions with this guy. I didn't ask about the guy's dick, as many men would do in this situation. Of course, now I love to hear about dick size, but at this time, I really did not want to know. Of course, she went on: "The funny part is, is that he thought he was big, but he was actually quite small."

Two thoughts: 1. Was she mocking him? 2. Yes! A little penis guy gave her multiple orgasms!

Now, I had to know how I measured up. I guessed I was bigger, giving myself a confidence boost. If a guy smaller than me could make her squirt, then all my hang-ups about my penis size was nothing more than paranoia.

Days later, I brought up this ex during one of our phone conversations. I had to know for certain.

"Am I bigger than the guy who made you squirt?"

"I… I really can't remember his size."

Huh? She previously said he thought he was big but was actually quite small. Was she trying being nice to me? Obviously she knew, but didn't want to say it: "Yes, he was small, but you're even smaller.

Back to my bedroom, where she still lay topless with her red panties on, she continued to talk about her sexual likes/dislikes since I had little to add to the conversation. Painfully, she brought up him again. You know, the big dick guy.

"The first time I hooked up with him was at a party. I didn't know him well at the time. Somehow, we got on the conversation of a threesome and followed through with it (me, him and my friend – FFM). I wanted to experiment with women and this was a good opportunity, but I got insanely jealous. When I saw her sucking his dick, something inside me erupted. I had to have him. I started sucking him off with her, but it was more like a competition. I had to be the one who got him off. I did – and he was mine."

So much to process. Initially, it turned me on to hear that she was in a threesome, and in retrospect, she sounds like a total kinkster. Yet, I was amazed to find out she fucked this guy despite hardly knowing him. Did his size cause her to act that way?

---

I vented to my roommates and friends frequently. Yes, I was being a little dramatic at times. But I was attached to her at this point. Despite having my ego destroyed, she still made comments that made me believe in us working out. I took her serious when she talked about one day getting married and having kids with me. I felt she was the love of my life, so of course I was hurt when she neglected me. Sure, I probably had a lack of goals and a void in my life at the time – I should've focused on myself and said screw her the second she started ignoring me – but goddamn, she truly was a femme fatale. The thought of her prancing around my bedroom in her little red panties, wiggling her ass at me as if to say, "It's right here in front of you, but you can't quite have it" drove me absolutely nuts. Sometimes, I'd be downright depressed thinking of her, only for an image of her half-naked body to cross my mind, causing me to orgasm within moments.

But reality eventually set in, and there were times I admitted defeat. In the back of my mind, I knew she didn't want me. Perhaps I was just supposed to add some fun to her life, maybe a little romantic spark, nothing more. Plus, it was so damn obvious: she wasn't having sex with me because of my size. She fucked the big cock guy at the drop of a hat.

What's more, she consistently gave away her preference for big dicks in subtle ways. In one instance, she gave me a handjob and got me extremely hard. Before I forget, I should mention I never came during any of her handjobs. For one, I was always waiting for more: either a blowjob or full sex. This time though, I wasn't going to hold back. I wanted to cum. When I was close to orgasm, she stopped. She wanted to get to work early. She pressed the tip of my cock with her index finger and left me with these words:

"It's actually an almost decent size. Maybe you weren't getting fully hard all the other times we hooked up."

Umm, thanks? Almost decent size? I thought she said she liked small penises? I know I'm being neurotic here, but seriously! If I was almost a decent size, then a decent size to her would be about five and a half or six inches. And that would only be decent. So what would good be? Seven inches? Eight… nine?

---

I was elated when she began hanging out with my mutual friend (my roommate's girlfriend). At first, I thought she was trying to win the approval of my friends before starting something long-term with me. Horror set in when I was informed by my roommate's GF that I shouldn't get too attached to her, that maybe she wasn't serious.

I thought about the day she came over and we heard my roommate and his GF having sex in the room next door. His GF moaned extremely loud. She said to me, "Let's be even louder than they are." Despite my best efforts, I couldn't get anything more than heavy breathing from her. Not a single moan. She made it clear that she wasn't having sex with me. In fact, every time we hooked up on my bed, she laid out the rules: "I'm not taking my underwear off."

Maybe my roommate had a big dick and that's why his GF moaned. Maybe she moaned a lot when fucking her big dick ex. Maybe she was thinking about my roommate while I kissed and worshipped her body.

Desperate to please her, desperate to make her moan, I pulled out every trick I learned from research to try and get her wet. I couldn't be outdone by my roommate, and I definitely couldn't be outdone by her ex.

I kissed every part of her body, even her feet and toes. I talked as dirty as a beta male could. Eventually, I got my mouth on her crotch and thought I struck gold, but she wouldn't take her panties off. I pulled them to the side as much as I could and delivered slow, passionate kisses all around her vulva. I ran my tongue from the bottom to the top of her vagina, ultimately landing a deep kiss on her clitoris.

After fifteen minutes of oral, she squirted all over my face. Happy I made her orgasm, I awaited the next step: full on sex. Instead, she pulled her pants on and claimed she had to go. A tongue was nice, but what she really needed was a big, hard cock – and of course, she knew I couldn't provide that. She stopped our session short before it turned into disappointment.

---

She ignored me again for weeks. Yawn. Shocking, right? We hooked up one final time, with words and images that are still seared into my consciousness.

We were more comfortable with one another this time, since we had taken things up a notch with oral during our previous hook up. Our session became heated quickly. I pressed my crotch deep into her as she pulled me close. She was talking up a storm. Finally, this was it. She was truly excited this time. No looks of boredom while she played with my penis; no reminders that her panties would be staying on.

Her submissive nature was on full display. Wrapping her legs tight around me, she pleaded me to "fuck" her harder (we both had underwear on). These were the last sexual words she ever said to me:

"Fuck me harder, you big, strong man. Fuck me.'

Her breathing intensified. Her moans were actually audible. Then, she dropped it on me:

"Fuck me with your big, hard cock."

We both realized the mistake immediately. We both knew I had a little penis. Now, we both knew she liked big cocks. That's what truly turned her on. I stopped dead in my tracks. She was looking off to the side, as if to say, "Oh God. I did not mean to let that slip."

I thought back to earlier in the week, when I communicated to her one last time about my penis size insecurity. She comforted me, telling me she liked my small penis (always calling it a penis). Looking at the ground, she said, "I don't know why all these girls like big cocks anyway. They're not that great. They just hurt most of the time."

She was lying. She was one of those girls who liked big cocks. Right there, we knew the romance was over. The damage couldn't be undone, no matter how many times she reassured me. She knew this and didn't even bother with the usual, "I like small penises" type of comments.

In silence, I fell onto the bed. She got up and stretched in front of my full length mirror. My God, her body was immaculate. From head to toe, not a single flaw. Years of ballet had hardened her core while giving her a perfectly shaped ass. We were complete opposites. I mean, I was in shape, but I had zero confidence due to my penis. On the other hand, she remained overwhelmingly confident – cocky and narcissistic – admiring herself in the mirror.

As much as I wanted to sulk, I couldn't help but take in the sight before me. Her long black hair flowed down over her perky, pierced nipples, continuing on to her swaying, wide hips. Her black panties contrasted her perfect, pale skin. Riding halfway up her ass, her panties were telling me, "Fuck me like a real man would. Get up in here and fuck me."

Absorbing the sunshine, she pranced in my room, sometimes standing on her tiptoes to make her but stand out even more. Looking in the mirror, she pulled her hair up, exposing her shapely breasts, only to let it fall back down.

I imagined how many times he, her ex, saw this sight. I thought about how this was such a privilege for me: I had never seen such a beautiful woman clad in so little. I thought about how much I loved her and how if my penis was only two to three inches longer, I could behold this sight at any time I wanted. I could finally have the type of girls my friends had in high school. Instead, I thought about how she likely pranced around for him whenever he wanted. Him with his big cock – his big cock that could please her at any moment. His big cock that caused her to suck him off in the presence of another girl. His big cock that likely made her orgasm and moan in ways I never could.

I saw her in front of me and knew this was it. I would make my last stand. I got up and exerted every ounce of Alpha within me. I was going to dominate her so well it wouldn't matter if my penis was small. She looked at me in surprise when I took my briefs off, shocked to see me acting rough.

I bent her over and pulled her panties further up her ass. I pressed my penis against her ass. I began pounding against her, dying to bury myself inside. Again, nothing from her. Not a moan, not a "Please, oh god please fuck me." Nothing. I stopped. She fixed her panties, got dressed, and left without a kiss while checking her cell phone on the way out the door.

---

I hung out with other girls from work, but they didn't do anything for me. Sure, they were attractive, but I simply didn't care for them; I didn't love them. One gorgeous girl from Alaska, who was only 19 with a toned, curvy body and short but feminine haircut, kissed me one night at a house party. When I resisted, she asked me, "Where's this girl you love? If she loved you back, why isn't she here? Move on." I kept denying her advances, which I regret. This girl didn't care that my penis was small, as clearly word had gotten around to her. She liked me and she was really damn cute (did you know a lot of girls from Alaska don't shave anywhere? I thought her natural look was unique and sexy). I could've gotten over her right there, but instead I wallowed in misery and shut out any hope for true love. In all honesty, the chemistry she and I had were unmatchable, but I should've known it wouldn't have worked out. Instead, I held on and made matters worse.

---

My first cuckold fantasy came to me unintentionally days later. I was in the restroom shaving when the anguish of her ignoring me overwhelmed me. Images of her sucking her ex's big, thick cock filled my mind. It killed me, thinking of her getting turned on by a big dick to the point where not only would she suck it, but that she would compete with another girl for his approval (the threesome she told me about).

God, I hated that image! I wanted to die thinking of her fucking that alpha bastard. But there was nothing I could do with my little dick. I suggested wearing extensions or even a strap-on but she declined. She must've been so disappointed with my endowment. The thought of her happiness when seeing her ex's boxer briefs pulled down, the elation when she finally sucked and fucked him sent me to an even darker void, but then, it turned me on.

I shot the most violent eruption of cum in my life, falling deep into depression immediately after. I gave up. I admitted no matter what I did, I would never be able to pleasure her. Worst of all, I got off thinking about her fucking another guy. It was perhaps my life's lowest moment. I maintained I didn't like the thought, but over the coming weeks, I found myself jerking off to her fucking him time and time again, until it became routine. However, I didn't even know SPH or cuckolding were fetishes. Rather, I hated myself for fantasizing about her with another man and kept it repressed. It maddened me to be called "Smalley". It maddened me that I couldn't pleasure her. It depressed me that we weren't together because of my little dick.

---

Although her interest in me had waned in the past, she usually kept in contact with me via phone calls. Essentially, even if she wasn't hanging out with me and showing romantic interest, she still showed interest in being my friend. This time was different: She wasn't even calling me.

Concerned, I spoke to her closest friend about it at a party. This girl had known her for basically her whole life. They grew up in the same town. We talked often, and she usually filled me in on her feelings. Example: "She's so into you. She talks about you nonstop." Words like this uplifted me, but tonight was different.

As it turned out, she was seeing her ex again. In fact, she was fucking him the whole time we were together. On his birthday, she bought him a $400 guitar. On mine, she got me a card from Walgreen's. He was a complete dick who was abusive towards her. I was the nice guy who provided an ear to listen. Two of my girl friends told me he was goofy looking. So in essence, she preferred the goofy looking guy with a big dick. So much for being tall, confident, and good looking! My little penis negated all of those.

It all made sense. She was with him all those times she ignored my texts and phone calls at night. He was the reason she never slept over my apartment. She never really lost interest in me, she was just interested in him the whole time. Simply put, I had my chance to take her from him, but my small penis left her yearning for him. She missed his penis the second she touched mine. Her first tirade about his cock size pretty much told me this: "Hey Smalley. I'm talking about my ex's big cock while giving you a hand job. I can have him back at any time, and you can't satisfy me." She ignored my phone calls for a week. I texted her and asked if she was back with her ex. She simply replied: "Please do not text or call me anymore." It was over.

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Source: reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/3c50oa/a_long_kinkster_story_how_i_developed_a