She came back into the bedroom, wearing his robe. She always wore his robe. Surely, after over 2 years together, you’d think he would let her call it their robe. But there was no fun in that. He always was stubborn, yet just playfully enough to not make it too much of a bother. Her hair left little drips across the floor as she walked, having not tied it up in a towel after her shower. More important things were on her mind this Sunday morning. He was still sleeping when she got back to the bed. Slowly, as to not wake him, she lifted up the sheet to get a better look at him. Always an attractive sleeper, ever since they’d met. She leant down to kiss him, slowly and softly touching her lips against his cock. She’d never woken him up like this before. The thought of him stiffening in her mouth excited her. No stirring from him, even as she started to lick up and down his shaft. How would he respond? She was still new to being the initiator. Her lips met the top of his cock, then, she could feel it. Getting harder, wanting her to go for more. She coyly smiled as she slid him into her mouth, feeling him grow harder and bigger with every caress of her tongue. Distracted, she started rubbing his thighs with her hand, which woke him sooner than she had hoped. He groggily rolled onto his back and put a hand on her head, still unsure if dreaming or not. She felt his hand run down her soft wet hair as he slowly pushed it aside to get a better look of her face. It wasn’t a dream at all, he must now know. His hand ran down the side of her face, as she sucked harder. No words were needed. She could hear him let out a moan as she took him deeper inside her. But, he wasn’t ready to finish so easily. In one fluid motion, he pulled from her arms up to kiss her, their lips fiercely locking as his arms wrapped around her, firmly holding her wet against him. She started to shrug off the shoulder of her robe so she could feel his hands against her bare back. He greedily took the bait, his hands moving to her shoulders as he slid the robe down them, exposing her perky breasts. He kissed down her neck to her collarbones as she ran her hands through his messy hair. She could feel his hard cock pressing up against her, feeling it inching towards her, getting closer and closer to her wetness. He kissed her lower now, down to her breasts, holding one loosely in his hand as he kissed around the nipple of her other. He was taking his time, and it was appreciated. He knew just what to do to tease her until she was practically begging to be fucked. Her nipples started to stiffen as his grip firmed, massaging her boob as his tongue flicked across her now hard nipple. She encouragingly gripped his cock and gently rubbed it up against her lower lips, letting him feel how wet she was getting, as he started to nibble and suck on her nipple, squeezing her breasts hard now. His cock fit so rightly in her hand, as if it were meant to be there at that moment, and he grinded into her to get her to stroke him faster. (work in progress)
Source: reddit.com/r/Erotica/comments/2uxwv9/very_new_to_writing_please_critique_my_first_trial
That formatting… In Reddit, hitting enter twice will break up a paragraph. Looking at your block of text just makes me now want to read it. Try splitting up some of the paragraphs.
I agree with chuk741776 work on the formatting. Other than that it is a good start, I would like to see where this goes.
The formatting has already been mentioned, so I’d just bring your attention to an awkward word choice. Maybe swap out "boob" for breast? Boob sounds a little immature in with the rest of the text.