Lady Jennifer paused to give Sandra a chance to answer. Her shocked expression from what her near-fate is, seemed to be all that she could deliver right now.
"Do you think I would do it because I am the gender equivalent of an 'Uncle Tom?'" She paused again, but still nothing. "Do you think I would do it just to sell out my sisters to acquire some special favors from men?" She waited again, but now it now seemed futile to her.
"Let's try a different tack. Why do women nag their husbands?
This seemed to be something Sandra could respond to. "To get them to do something they want… Mistress Jennifer."
"Really?" she replied. "I never nag my husband, but I often get exactly what I want. …and a hell of a lot more often than a woman who nags her husband does.
"Let's try this question. What would you say about the self-esteem of a woman who believes she needs to nag her husband over the self-esteem of someone like me?"
"I believe, Mistress Jennifer, that a woman who nags has low self-esteem," Sandra replied.
"Very good. Many people think it's the opposite. Women with low self-esteem either show it, and are doormats, or hide it, and are nags. There are no exceptions. Now the question to ask is, did they have low self-esteem and then they started nagging, or did the nagging bring about the low self-esteem? I would argue for the latter.
"Nagging and low self-esteem is a vicious cycle that is very difficult to break. A woman who nags is someone that is declaring she has no intrinsic value to her husband, so it reinforces a belief in low self-esteem. She does not believe her value to him is high enough to be rewarded with what she believes she deserves. So the next question is why do I have a high self-esteem?"
"I'm not sure exactly, Mistress Jennifer," Sandra said.
"Let's look at this from two different perspectives. First, who would you say takes care of their homes better, renters or owners?"
"Owners of course, Mistress Jennifer."
"Exactly. Everyone is more likely to take care of the things they own and value. So the first step of the process to get a man to treat you the way you want to be treated is to first get him to believe he owns you. Yet the example that Muslims give shows that ownership alone is not enough. Men must also value you, and judging by all of the honor killings committed by Muslims it's clear they do not value their women. Keep in mind that no Muslim man has ever been killed to protect the honor of a woman.
"This leads to the second perspective, and that is how businesses are ran. If you want to stay in business, do you tell your customers what they should value? Of course not! To be of value to your customers you must provide what they consider to be of value, not what you think. This is the key mistake women make. They know they want their husbands to value them, but they want to dictate what it is their men should value.
"This is probably one of the toughest things for you to grasp. The only way for your husband to value you, is by letting him decide what it is he values. It can't be done any other way. If what he values is not what you want him to value, too bad. All of the nagging, and crying, and bargaining in the world will never change his mind. Reasoning with him might work, but you need to respect him first, and none of those other behaviors have anything to do with respect.
"Coming back around, when you nag your husband, you are trying to use negative reinforcement to get him to act the way you want. Sometimes this works, which reinforces your foolish belief that this is something you should pursue. Yet you inherently know your husband is not doing what you want because he wants to do it, and this eats away at you. You even start to believe that this is what you need to do to protect or defend your self-esteem, so that is why you nag even more.
"Another good example of this are welfare recipients. They inherently know they are receiving money that was taken by force from someone else, so they develop an entitlement mentality to defend themselves. They must believe they are entitled to what they receive in order to maintain their self-esteem, but this entitlement mentality works against them ever getting off of welfare. After all, if they are entitled to welfare, why should they get off of it?
"Women who nag develop the same entitlement attitude. They believe they are entitled to nag because they believe their husbands deserve it. The crazy thing is, the more they nag, the more they believe their husbands deserve it. And if they deserve it, why should they stop?
"Liberals are always talking about how important it is that we should build peoples self-esteem, yet never actually consider that sometimes a little shame would be far more constructive for a person's self-esteem in the long run. You need to consider this when you start your relationship with your husband. You may find it shameful to submit to him, but it will be better for you in the long run if you do.
"Another thing to consider is that the meager gains you will receive from nagging your husband will be offset very negatively by a mindset that he will develop. All men who are nagged will always start thinking in terms of 'What can I get away with' or 'What can I do that won't get me into trouble.' This would be a horrible thing for you. Just about every man starts off his marriage wanting to be loyal and faithful to you, but it's these kinds of attitudes that eventually result in him straying, if not physically, which we of course consider to be trivial, then at least spiritually, which we consider to be a mortal wound to your marriage. No matter how much he loves you, a woman who nags can never be pleased, and he will eventually realize this.
"Probably the most devastating thing to you that he will develop, is a mindset that he does not need to seek your opinion, because if you had one on something, he knows you will give it to him. I never, and I repeat never offer my opinion to my husband unless he asks for it. This forces him to actually consider me, because he knows he can never assume anything about me. This gets him thinking of me, because I have allowed him to find what it is about me that he values on his own, and most importantly, he knows I will never react negatively if he chooses not to follow my opinion.
"Would Jacob have kicked Ally out without consulting me? Probably not. I know he really does value my opinion. But even if he did, so what? I'm focused on winning the long-term war, and not any short-term battles.
"A man is a very simple creature. Once he owns you, and values you, you will have him eager to please you because he will be focused on you. You girls truly have no idea the power you will have as the submissive. I have my husband eating out of my hand on the things that are important to me because I don't worry about whether I'll be consulted on things like whether Ally will be kicked out or not.
"So when I show up at your house to whip you for nagging your husband it will be to shame you for resorting to it. Most importantly I'll be doing it for you, and not for him. I'll be doing it so that you can begin to restore your self-esteem, and not because I'm trying to please men."
Lady Jennifer paused to look around the table. "This topic is a bit advanced for your development. I don't really expect you all to fully grasp what I have covered, just file it away to use as you develop later on."
Marcia was barely aware of this entire conversation. From the moment her mother mentioned another man had taken her, her thoughts were elsewhere. She was deep in reevaluating the events of the past two days. What parts of the conversation she was hearing only deepened her concern.
From the moment she went over Lady Jennifer's lap yesterday afternoon until now, everything seemed surreal. 'What is going on here?' she thought. 'And what kind of woman have I become? This is not what I was raised to be. I look at my mother, and I don't see the woman I thought I knew. Is joining this kingdom really the right choice for me?'
And it wasn't just the sex that was bothering her. It was also the religion. While some of what she had learned made sense, her father raised her to be profoundly pro-life. 'How could he raise me to be uncompromising on my principles, yet now expect me to be pro-choice?'
Linda could perceive that something was indeed wrong with her daughter, and asked, "Are you OK, Marcia?"
"I don't know mom," she replied. "I really don't."
"Talk to me, honey. What's the matter?" She asked this as she grasped her hand on the table.
"I guess all of this is more of a change than I can handle. You didn't raise me to be submissive to men, and my father didn't raise me to be pro-choice on abortion. It's tough for me to handle that my life has been shaped by a lot of deceptions. It leaves me wondering what else is going to turn out to be a lie. I really need to talk to dad about the religious conflicts he appears to have instilled in me."
Source: reddit.com/r/eroticliterature/comments/2s4206/next_generation_christian_kingdom_ch07_marcias