there i am down in the bar at the train station, when the trans siberian express arrives …. through the smoke and steam i can see u, in ur dark coat and hat, a small suitcase … later, u appear at the far side of the bar, martini in hand, as always, and a faint smile across ur face …. i volunteer .. 'u have them ? ', and ur smile grows, so i have my answer. 'i have a room' … u nod and follow me through the concourse to the lobby of the grand hotel. in my room, u lay the case on the bed. 'difficult job?' i ask. 'not at all' – another smile ' but i did have to seduce a royal fusileer' …. i accept this information, and look with anticipation towards the suitcase, which u open to reveal … the crown jewels ! at last !…. however i find myself looking instead at ur red lips, the way they have a small curl at the end, the shape of ur face, the grace and flow of ur body, revealed sans coat. suddenly, i reach over and close the case, hold ur face in my hands, and kiss u softly … i can smell faint perfume, musty train smells, and your scent … holding the kiss, i begin to unbutton u, and feel ur soft skin under my hands …. i lead u to the shower, wash the railway from ur body, and kiss u dry on the bed, starting with the toes ….
Source: reddit.com/r/Erotica/comments/2an1ev/wrote_this_hope_its_not_crap
I think it would read a lot better with punctuation, formatting, and spell check.
Couldn’t hurt
there’s no lack of success quite like commenting on the form. thank you both tho.