She texted him. "Tonight. 9.30 pm. The Ritz". As she reclined on her chair, sipping a warm, deliciously rich coffee, she felt shivers of pleasure down her spine…
The phone vibrated. He was busy at work, and glanced at his phone. A message from her! He read it. He felt his organ growing under his well ironed trousers, and his ears turning a shade of scarlet at the thought of what she must have planned for him…
The day progressed, and so did their eagerness to meet. No sooner did the clock strike 9, did he switch off his laptop. He raced down the stairs, not waiting for the lift to arrive. He revved up the gear on his BMW, and drove at a speed he wouldn't usually drive at. But then, it wasn't going to be a usual night…
She was waiting in the lobby, elegantly perched upon a high backed chair, her legs crossed. A fitted black skirt, skimming her knees, sheer black stockings, a deep grey shirt, the buttons straining across her bosom, and deep red lips. Just how he liked them.
He was looking dapper as well, a well tailored suit, with a tie she had gifted him. She gave him the "once over", pausing for a second more and sighing with pleasure when she saw it.. He was walking up to her, not looking anywhere else. She started blushing, and her cheeks were flushed when he reached.
Just as he was about to speak, she put a finger on his lips, and merely said "sshhhh".. He couldn't hold himself back, and just as she got up from her seat, he felt her behind with his hand. She reprimanded him through gestures, but didn't tell him that she was already feeling a little wet down there…
They walked up to the reception. The manager gave them a look of recognition, and placed a key on the counter. "Your keys, M'am. Hope you have a wonderful stay at the Ritz." The elevator was luckily empty, and they stepped inside. As soon as the steel doors shut, she undid the top two buttons of her shirt, loosened his tie and pressed close to his body. She breathed in his smell – a mix of his sweat, aftershave, and the musk scented perfume.. She gave his ear a gentle nibble, and a tantalizing lick. He felt his crotch straining against his trousers, and he drew a deep breath. Damn. She was bloody intoxicating. He leaned over to plant a kiss on her lips, but she moved back, and undid her hair.It came cascading down, a bunch of waves and curls, jet black and just below the shoulder. He could smell her shampoo, and moved forward to caress her mane.
Just then, the lift opened to the 14th floor. They walked down to the end of the aisle, at the room in the corner. It was an elegant room, done up in shades of beige and brown. She opened the door, and put up a "Do not disturb" sign on doorknob. She walked in first, and he waited behind, just to watch her glorious behind as she walked. She turned around, caught him staring, and gave a smile.
She didn't go to the bedroom, but walked towards the balcony. It was a starry, moonless night, and the balcony had a luxurious bed and a quilt laid upon it. There was no need to talk tonight. She took him by the collar and gave him a hard, passionate kiss, which was reciprocated with equal ferocity. then she took him to the bed, and laid him down. Slowly, but surely, she began undressing.. First her spectacles, then the shirt, revealing a lace corset underneath..Then slowly, he heard the sound of the zipper off her skirt, which slipped down to the ground, revealing a red thong.. He wanted her to turn around, he wanted to touch her, he wanted to do her.. but he knew she was in control today.
Like a feline creature, she slowly climbed on to the bed, her cleavage showing. She started undressing him, and he saw her hands were shaking with pleasure. He smiled. His shirt came off, revealing a slightly tanned torso. She gave him a kiss again, and without warning, went to his neck, slowly sucking and biting it. He was clasping her arms now, and she went down to his chest… She knew his zones, and she knew what drove him crazy. She took his brown nipple in her mouth and slowly sucked on it.. his pulse was racing now, and he tried to remove her corset. She obliged him, and the corset dropped down to reveal a red lace peek through bra. She was now his lady in red.
He slipped down the straps of her bra, and cupped his hands around her half moon breasts. Gently, he pushed down her bra, and took her nipple in his fingers, rubbed it until it became hard and pointed, and lowered her down on his body. He felt her breasts against his chest, and felt even more constricted down below.
She slowly slid down, and unzipped his pants. He was wearing tight briefs, that did little to hide the massive boner he had. The very sight of his penis made her go crazy, and she slowly went down and kissed it.. He gave a low moan. she decided that the briefs were no longer required, and removed them. She undid the hook of her bra, and lowered her breasts onto his penis. The moans became louder, and she became wilder. Suddenly she took his organ into her mouth, taking it deep inside, her tongue circling the tip. His eyes were shut and he was writhing with pleasure.. She continued alternating between breast and mouth, breast and mouth, again and again, a little more wild than the last round, and then she stopped.
She came up again, rubbed her thong encased vagina against his hard, erect penis for a while.. It was a delicious sensation. She paused, took him by the arms, and asked him to get up.. She got down on all fours, her tight ass glowing in the dim light.. He admired it for a while, and crouched close to her.. It was his turn to take control. He gave her a spank, and entered her.. His penis thrusting against her rhythmically, and her moans turning him on even more.
As the night progressed, the thong was discarded and they made passionate love in the night breeze. When they were done, he looked at her – messy hair, smudged lipstick, and a satisfied smile. He gently kissed her on the forehead, and said "Happy anniversary love". She gave him a short kiss, and murmured "The very same to you darling", and they both slept a deep sleep.
A few thoughts: 1. Make sure you aren’t over-describing your scene. This reads too much like a simple play-by-play. Let the reader use their own imagination to fill in those finer (read: superfluous) details however they want to. 2. You won’t be able to avoid descriptions all of the time (nor should you try to), but make sure they are appropriate when you do employ them. What are half-moon breasts? Did her ass literally glow, or did the lighting only make it look that way? Did he give her a spank, or did he just spank her? 3. Don’t be afraid of using "naughty" words. This is just my opinion, but using "classier" words like ‘organ’, ‘boner’, and ‘vagina’ only take away from the heat that the scene is supposed to convey.
This is great feedback! This was my first stab at erotica, so I daresay I have a lot to learn. Thanks.
I’m going to disagree with everything you said. This is awesome.