**1)**
I always felt bad.
Not depressed, dirty, or scarred in any way…
I felt bad, like ‘biker’ bad. Like I was in control and I wanted to control.
Maybe it’s a mental illness in some way, but it’s the good kind. The kind that has driven me through my life to get what I want… And give when I want to.
I imagined myself fucking almost every man I met.
The problem was that I grew up in a small town. A tight-knit community of people that wouldn’t tolerate a little blonde hottie running around getting their husbands into situations that would need a whole lot of explaining to the stuck-up women with curlers in their hair.
So I pushed it down.
I did well in school, I painted a pretty, innocent picture for everyone who knew me.
Literally. I was a good little artist.
When I finally moved away, it wasn’t in the best circumstance.
I had a boyfriend. He was lame… controlling. Lame and controlling go together like cum and my mouth.
We moved to the big city. Duluth, MN.
I know, it was supposed to be a metropolis that would spread its ass-cheeks wide for me to dig into with my tongue.
In hindsight, without the boyfriend in the picture, it absolutely could have been that.
You know what, it was that. I made it that.
This place had everything I needed and more…
What got me into a better mindset was that my boyfriend worked on the rigs.
He was a tool push.
He made good enough money for us to have a nice condo. He gave me spending money for me while I went to college. He gave me a car, a phone…
He was gone two weeks out of the month.
And when the cat’s away, the mice will play.
And I played hard.