She told me once that she thought I was too obsessed with beauty to ever truly fall in love. I wanted to tell her that I loved her then, but I could not bring myself to do it. I don’t know why.
Was I afraid that she would love me too and that would be the end and I would have no chance to do better, to find a more beautiful girl? Perhaps. But that feels wrong to me.
Was I afraid that she would not love me back? No. I think she did love me, and besides, I didn’t often care what girls thought about me as long as I could get what I wanted.
Was I afraid that I had actually fallen in love and that I could never go back to living the way that I had lived before? I think that may have been it.
Love changes you. I believe that it has changed me, I don’t know if for the better. I don’t see things the way that I used to. When I meet people, I always feel like something is missing. I can’t appreciate the simple visual pleasure of a beautiful girl like I used to. All I can think about is her.