Author: YodasChick-O-Stick

The secretary’s surprise [MF][nc]

Everyone has that one day at their job. That one day where nothing is off the table when it comes to making you mad. It’s nobody’s fault, really. Everyone just contributes without knowing that you’ve got 20 more problems to deal with on top of the tedious task they’ve given you. It is what it is.

Today was my one day.

Usually, I don’t mind staying for overtime at my job. But tonight I was supposed to take my wife and kids bowling and Olive Garden to reward them for getting good report cards. But work had to be done, and I was the one to do it.

Sometimes I wish I hadn’t become an accountant. I was always the math type in school, so I figured a career where I put my skills to work would suit me. And for the most part, it did. But then there’s today. Read more »

I literally make a sandwich and that’s it [M][Str8]

My eyes opened, but everything was still black. I rolled over in bed and checked my phone to see what time it was. 3:15. I had to get up at 7 for school. I tried to go back to bed but my stomach had other ideas. It kicked into gear and started grumbling. There was no going back now.

I got up, put on my robe and went to the kitchen. “Now let’s see, what’s a good 3AM snack?” I thought. I opened the fridge to see what there was. My mind was already set on a delicious BLT sandwich. I grabbed a head of lettuce and a tomato and closed the fucking fridge. I got a knife and cutting board and sliced up the tomato. I tore off a leaf of lettuce.

Then I put both back in the fridge and got out a pack of pre-cooked bacon. Home cooked is way better, but I’m not gonna fry bacon while my parents are asleep. I also got the jar of mayo. I looked in the breadbox for some bread, but couldn’t find any. Read more »

[Mm][celeb] Gordon Ramsay takes me raw

I was only nine years old. I loved Gordon Ramsay so much, I had all the recipes and episodes. I’d pray to Gordon Ramsay every night before I go to bed, thanking for the life I’ve been given. “Gordon Ramsay is love”, I would say, “Gordon Ramsay is life”. My dad hears me and calls me a faggot. I knew he was just jealous for my devotion of Gordon Ramsay. I called him an idiot sandwich. He slaps me and sends me to go to sleep. I’m crying now and my face hurts. I lay in bed and it’s really cold. A warmth is moving towards me. I feel something touch me. It’s Gordon Ramsay. I’m so happy. He whispers in my ear, “Where’s the lamb sauce?”. He grabs me with his powerful chef hands, and puts me on my hands and knees. I spread my ass-cheeks for Gordon Ramsay. He penetrates my butthole. It hurts so much, but I do it for Gordon Ramsay. I can feel my butt tearing as my eyes start to water. I push against his force. I want to please Gordon Ramsay. He roars a mighty roar, as he fills my butt with his love. My dad walks in. Gordon Ramsay looks him straight in the eye, and says, “It’s fucking raw”. Gordon Ramsay leaves through my window. Gordon Ramsay is love. Gordon Ramsay is life.

i invited her over to play bionicles and she took her clothes off wtf [fm]

so i was at school eating lunchables for lunch i fucking love the rubber cheese they put in there anyway chelsea comes over and sits on my lap and im like wtf you spilled my capri sun so she sits next to me and asks what im doing later and i say not much just playing roblox and building bionicles and she says she loves a guy with a creative mind so i start explaining bionicle lore to her i say how the toa washed ashore on mata nui and how they had to defeat the bohrok and everything and shes biting her lip the whole time then lunch ends and she kisses me on the lips in front of the school wtf cooties but i dont mind cause finally someone appreciates bionicles like i do so after school my mom comes to pick me up and says jesus kyle youre 27 years old and in college shouldnt you have a drivers license by now i say fuck you cunt and she drives us home crying fuck that bitch anyway so me and chelsea go into my room and she lies on my bed as i go to get the bionicle canisters i try to open them but theres so much mac and cheese stains that i cant get it open then i remembered shes probably stronger than i am so i go to ask for her help but shes naked in my bed wtf oh god oh fuck i throw her out of my bed and tell her to get out she tries to kiss me but i slap her face and say begone thot shes crying and says shes loved me since we first met and i say i would never date a girl who doesnt play bionicles shes sobbing and i push her out the front door and lock her out and throw her clothes out the window she puts them on and runs home later my mom and dad say theyre proud of me and as a reward i get tendies without using any GBP.