A Tale of No One – Chapter 3
DISCOVERY
Alix spent all of Wednesday wrangling with her emotions. At first the shame fed the depression and then the depression deadened everything, which made it easier to get dressed and go to work. The eyes of her co-workers were tough to feel on her, after all everyone had by now heard how she stayed late with the client, even if they didn’t know the rest. Whatever they assumed happened last night was probably worse than the truth. She had submitted to a stranger who in turn spanked her until orgasm, but this was somehow less humiliating than being a slut who slept with a brutish looking man because he was rich.
But just as the depression was enveiling her, she remembered Robert’s admission that he had come to long for his depression, and that it was like a warm blanket that wrapped him up and absolved him of responsibility. This pushed it away, like a admonished child. Whenever it fled, the excitement she felt the night before would make a brief appearance, like a photo flash, to remind her it was still there. But so too would the shame return along with the loathing of her own needs, now with a healthy dose of confusion. Something in her responded to giving up everything to him. The surrender, the pain, the punishment, it was as if giving that to someone else she no longer had to do it herself. I give you control. She thought.